Evening, cocks and cockettes. I have two jobs. Two. Jobs. It's like a cruise missile fucking a playboy bunny up in here. On fire. And the fire is on fire.

Long story long, I've been hopelessly waiting for a call back from the dingy, shit-encrusted call centre I worked at last year. You know, the one that I started smoking to cope working at and that caused me to get all depressed. But I know I'm not staying for the duration this time and I have my other job to fall back on. Additionally,...