My mum asked me tonight if I had a girlfriend yet. I have no idea whether she was joking, or trying to coax me into saying something explicit to her, or being genuine. I couldn’t answer her; all I could do was look at her with that ‘Oh, come onhellip;’ face… But that could to her have meant ‘Sure, Mum, as if any girl would go out with me’ or ‘Ha, as though I’d tell you!’

There is a good side to the story, albeit a slightly dark one. It means that, should...