Ernesto Zapato. Or, since I don't speak Spanish and that would be a bit suspicious, I would probably use the English equivalent, Ernest Shoe. I don't know where I got that. I guess it started when my friend starting calling me Roberto, then made up a Hispanic last name to go with it, Nuñez or something like that, so then I came up with a cool Spanish-y name for him, which was Ernesto Zapato. But I have dibs on it-- NOT HIM.
Or possibly Walter Mitty. Because I love that short story and I love that character.
"Pocketa pocketa pocketa WHEEP!"
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Step right up and shoot pasties off the nipples of a ten-foot bull dyke! Win a cotton candy goat!
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