The Joke Thread -

Statikk HDM · #91 07-04-2006, 08:39 PM

You know, I read the last one as lesbian and it still works, Slig Cake, amazing! This is a joke thread, not a clean joke thread, and many of the other jokes were very crude. Anybody who gets this upset over some silly "lebo" jokes but laughs at jokes about cruxifiction or dead babies seriously needs to get way the **** over themselves.

E'l Scrabino · #92 07-04-2006, 11:19 PM

Uh huh...

Worlds hardest riddle:
Poor people have it.
Rich people need it.
It's more evil than the Devil.
It's more powerful than God.
And it has a better sence of humour than me. (E'l Scrabino)

Answer:
Nothing.
Poor people have nothing.
Rich people need nothing.
Nothing is more evil than the Devil.
Nothing is more powerful than God.
And of course, Nothing has a better sence of humour than me. (E'l Scrabino

)

Slig_Cake · #93 07-06-2006, 09:46 PM

:

You know, I read the last one as lesbian and it still works, Scrab Cake, amazing! This is a joke thread, not a clean joke thread, and many of the other jokes were very crude. Anybody who gets this upset over some silly "lebo" jokes but laughs at jokes about cruxifiction or dead babies seriously needs to get way the **** over themselves.

Agreed, as I said. People have double standards.

To Used: I wasn't upset about your signature at all. I was just pointing out that if you had written out the same thing about Japanese, or Africans you'd be seen as a racist.
However I think that saying Australians or Serbians not being a specific race is an ignorant comment. It would be like me saying Americans or even British people arn't a race. Every race migrated from somewhere and I think we've built our own identity over these past 200 years.

To Super Munch: My background is Irish from about 5-6 generations ago. But I'm not offended by any of the jokes. Even jokes about Australians being idiots I laugh at, because most of them tend to be true. This is why one of my favourite shows is The Simpsons. It's made by Americans who can actually laugh at themselves and their lifestyle. Any wonder why George Bush dosn't find it funny? Oh wait that's because he's a retard, not because he dosn't like the bad stereotype the program portrays - sorry.

To El'Scrabino - the answer to your riddle was actually Me

.

Anyway enough of this rant, have some more jokes.

An Australian, Frenchman and Englishman were all at the heavenly gates waiting to be let in. St. Peter approached the Frenchman and said 'How many times have you been unfaithful to your wife?'

The Frenchman replied 'Please forgive me, I have cheated on her 10 times.' And he broke down crying. St. Peter looked at him long and hard and said 'Do not worry my son, I will let you in, but you can only drive a peugeot.

After the Frenchman entered the Englishman approached St. Peter - his lip quivering. St. Peter asked him the same question and the Englishman broke up crying. 'Please, forgive my sins, I have been unfaithful 20 times'. But St. Peter let him pass, however he could only drive an old voltzwagen.

St. Peter looked up to see where the Australian had gone, he saw him sitting on a cloud curled up inconsolable. 'My son!' St. Peter cried, 'Do not worry, for God forgives all those who sin. You will be rewarded like the others.'

The Australian looked up at him and sobbed 'I've never cheated on her in my life!' Then he broke up in tears again. St. Peter stared at him puzzled. 'So why are you so upset?' He asked.

The Australian sobbed 'I just saw my wife here a moment ago, she was wearing roller skates'.

Daxter King · #94 07-06-2006, 09:57 PM

Why did God invent beer?

So the Irish wouldn't take over the world.

used:) · #95 07-06-2006, 10:00 PM

:

To Used: I wasn't upset about your signature at all. I was just pointing out that if you had written out the same thing about Japanese, or Africans you'd be seen as a racist.
However I think that saying Australians or Serbians not being a specific race is an ignorant comment. It would be like me saying Americans or even British people arn't a race. Every race migrated from somewhere and I think we've built our own identity over these past 200 years.

Well then let them think I'm racist. I could give two shits if someone hundreds of miles away thought I was racist, especially on a forum. My online persona differs in a lot of ways form my real one, so please don't take me to be someone based on some of the things I post. There is a mess to clean up, however, so I apologize if I offended you in some way, even though I tried to balance out my statement in my siggy, the statement could have been considered offensive and I apologize.

About the race thing, well, I prefer to think of them as cultures rather than races. That's pretty much the overall state humans are in these days.

OANST · #96 07-07-2006, 12:39 PM

:

Uh huh...

Worlds hardest riddle:
Poor people have it.
Rich people need it.
It's more evil than the Devil.
It's more powerful than God.
And it has a better sence of humour than me. (E'l Scrabino)

Answer:
Nothing.
Poor people have nothing.
Rich people need nothing.
Nothing is more evil than the Devil.
Nothing is more powerful than God.
And of course, Nothing has a better sence of humour than me. (E'l Scrabino

)

Do you really think that's a hard riddle? That's one of the easiest riddles in existence. I'll give you a hard riddle.

What walks on four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon, and three legs in the evening?

and just for fun.....
What's silver, red all over, and runs into walls?

A baby with forks in its eyes.

Daxter King · #97 07-07-2006, 01:32 PM

OANST, the answer to the first riddle is a human. You crawl on four legs when you are a baby, walk on 2 legs when you are an adult, and need a cane to help your 2 legs while you are old.

Mutual Friend · #98 07-07-2006, 02:06 PM

Do people really age that fast from morning through to evening?!

used:) · #99 07-07-2006, 03:00 PM

Protegarians do.

Leto · #**100** 07-07-2006, 04:55 PM

:

My background is Irish from about 5-6 generations ago. But I'm not offended by any of the jokes. Even jokes about Australians being idiots I laugh at, because most of them tend to be true. This is why one of my favourite shows is The Simpsons. It's made by Americans who can actually laugh at themselves and their lifestyle. Any wonder why George Bush dosn't find it funny? Oh wait that's because he's a retard, not because he dosn't like the bad stereotype the program portrays - sorry.

You seem to be inherentley offended by Irish jokes.

:

You know I feel that a really unfair stereotype is having Irish people as the stupid ones in every joke.

Perhaps not offended so much as badgered by the stereotype, but only so because you are of Irish descent. But if people can't laugh at themselves it is silly. Laughing at other people is another matter.

OANST · #**101** 07-07-2006, 06:01 PM

:

OANST, the answer to the first riddle is a human. You crawl on four legs when you are a baby, walk on 2 legs when you are an adult, and need a cane to help your 2 legs while you are old.

Yes, yes. That is the answer. Almost all good riddles use metaphors of some kind.

Mutual Friend · #**102** 07-07-2006, 07:26 PM

:

You seem to be inherentley offended by Irish jokes. Perhaps not offended so much as badgered by the stereotype, but only so because you are of Irish descent. But if people can't laugh at themselves it is silly. Laughing at other people is another matter.

Plus the Irish are innately stupid and drunkards.

used:) · #**103** 07-07-2006, 08:01 PM

Go drink some tea.

Mutual Friend · #**104** 07-07-2006, 08:25 PM

Did you know that a cup of tea has more caffine in it than a cup of coffee? Not proper coffee of course, the pulped up, mixed with bird shit granulated stuff.

Or that may be untrue and my memory is lying to me.

Statikk HDM · #**105** 07-07-2006, 11:41 PM

Yeah, green tea is nuts. Anyhow, enough bickering, bring the funny? Since everybody hates racist jokes, some racist jokes!
What do you call gambling with a pistol?
Polish Roulette.
What do you call a white guy surrounded by hundreds of minorities?
A warden.
Whats the biggest dilemma faced by Jews?
Free pork.

Leto · #**106** 07-08-2006, 03:26 AM

At least you're trying to insult as many people as possible. I have no problem with that. In fact, I encourage it.

Patrick Vykkers · #**107** 07-08-2006, 03:42 AM

That last one isn't really racist or anti semitic

Mega-mud! · #**108** 07-08-2006, 04:30 AM

most of these are bad and racist!! (i dont like that)

used:) · #**109** 07-08-2006, 04:42 AM

:

Yeah, green tea is nuts. Anyhow, enough bickering, bring the funny? Since everybody hates racist jokes, some racist jokes!
What do you call gambling with a pistol?
Polish Roulette.
What do you call a white guy surrounded by hundreds of minorities?
A warden.
Whats the biggest dilemma faced by Jews?
Free pork.

You are from Minnesota. Either that or you're Mexican. (No, I am not racist, I was just trying to cover what Statikk left out, I found that humorous. In case any of you want to deem me 'offensive,' please feel free to make fun of white people all you want. I'll even do it for you. How many white people does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, he'll just go hire some minorities to do it.)

Daxter King · #**110** 07-08-2006, 08:08 AM

A bunch of White people running down a Hill- An Avalanche
A bunch of Black people running down a hill-Land Slide
A bunch of Mexicans running down a hill- Jail Break

Statikk HDM · #**111** 07-08-2006, 10:56 AM

I really shouldn't talk about race like this. I've got a black guy on my family tree and he's been hanging there for years.
Whats the difference between my snow tires and my slaves?
My snow tires don't sing when I chain them.
What's the most ironic racial mix?
Hispanic and Asian. You get a car thief that can't get out of the parking lot.
Edit: Minnesota for 7, Wisconsin for 11. If you didn't catch that in other threads you really are perceptive. Did I type nasally? Was it the Viking fetus? Or a combo of that an other things, Jahderay?

OANST · #**112** 07-08-2006, 01:08 PM

Okay...... I'm gonna tell a joke that might piss people off. But just remember that it's only a joke.

How do you fit 1,000,000 Jews into a car?

2 in the front. 3 in the back. 999,995 in the ashtray.

used:) · #**113** 07-08-2006, 01:43 PM

That is by far the most potentially offensive joke I have ever seen.

Statikk HDM · #**114** 07-08-2006, 02:39 PM

OANST, an oldie but a goodie.
Here are some jokes about the U.S. President. Most of them are captioned pictures and quotes.

Statikk HDM · #**115** 07-08-2006, 02:47 PM

Here are some cool links that condense movies down into 1 minute or 15 minute sound bites. Warning, vulgar language.
My favorite part is:
ACHILLES: **** him, he ain’t my king. I'm goin' back to the Doublemints. Later, assholes.

AGAMEMNON: I hate that guy... so very, very much.

http://community.livejournal.com/m15m/1487.html

Mutual Friend · #**116** 07-08-2006, 04:34 PM

Ah, Holocaust jokes. I've heard worse than that.

Personally, such provocative humour doesn't do much for me anymore.

Boom boom!

Statikk HDM · #**117** 07-08-2006, 04:39 PM

Then what does, you shit-faced cockmaster?

Mutual Friend · #**118** 07-08-2006, 05:01 PM

Dunno. People falling over and shit.

Statikk HDM · #**119** 07-08-2006, 05:38 PM

What, you mean slapstick stuff like Laurel and Hardy, the Marx Brothers, THe Three Stooges, I love Lucy, that sort of thing?

Mutual Friend · #**120** 07-08-2006, 05:40 PM

No... those people are crap. I mean like someone stocking bottles of gin and whisky on racks behind a bar only to fall down the open hole into the cellar when they step back.

Boom boom!