Joke Thread v4

[Crashpunk]

Where did Saddam keep his CDs?
In Iraq.

[Dynamithix]

I don't get that one.

[Crashpunk]

In 'a rack' - in 'iraq.' Its a pun and a shit joke.

[Dynamithix]

I was thinking of that, but then I thought if you meant it as an 'iRag' which would be a terrorist version of an iPod, but then I realized that sounds so ridiculously dumb I just didn't post it.

[Crashpunk]

Well the punchline was about as ridiculously dumb so don't worry about it

[Dixanadu]

Are we allowed to post racist and anti-religious hate-promoting jokes?

Because I know lots.

[Ridg3]

The Longest Joke in The World

Fuck. That.

I might post that joke whenever I have time. It's a pink gorilla as well Dix :P

Also, I have one about the king of the cornflakes. That's a good un.

EDIT: The title changed? I'm sad.

[Dixanadu]

No, not the cornflakes one.

[T-nex]

The Longest Joke in The World

You know, I like how he posts results of personality types depending on if people choose to read it or not, yet doesn't mention the fact that having to read such short lines can be annoying. This page and layout of joke is so un-userfriendly that anyone who reads it must have tremendous patience. Or just not care.
I don't appreciate when people make something intentionally annoying to read <.<

Or maybe it was mentioned but I didn't read it

[Nate]

Or maybe it was mentioned but I didn't read it

There was a whole section of his analysis devoted to the people who missed the part where he talks about having narrow lines. He says that they smell. And find shadow puppets amusing.

[STM]

John has 34 chocolate bars and he eats 28. What does he have now?

Diabetes, John has diabetes.

[E'l Scrabino]

The Longest Joke in The World

WHY DID I READ THAT

I laughed though. Good times.

[skychase2rebirth]

The Longest Joke in The World

If I could talk to the guy who wrote this joke..... I'd say......

Cool story, Bro.

(I read it all too, seriously wtf -_-)

[MeechMunchie]

I didn't. Someone tell me the punchline.

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.

Why did the mushroom go to the party?
Because he was a fun gi.

What's the difference between an elephant and a boiled sweet?
Clearly you've never tried sucking an elephant.

Why is Heath Ledger like a Heath Ledger joke?
Neither of them get old.

What should you do if you swallow your pen?
Use a pencil.
To give yourself a cricothyrotomy.

Two drums and a cymbal fall down a cliff.
*Ba-Dum Tsch*

I can't be arsed to tell the Brick joke. Someone else do the first half.

[Ridg3]

Did you hear about the paper boy in Northern Ireland?
He blew away.

Did you hear about the American shop-lifter?
He was crushed.

[STM]

You know the economy's bad when the IRA have more branches than your local bank!

[Dixanadu]

Hey diddle-diddle
The cat played the fiddle
The cow jumped over the moon
And burnt up on re-entry.

[Crashpunk]

What do you call a man with a Seagull on his head?
Cliff

[moxco]

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
the Holocaust

[Ridg3]

An Irishman and his ever nagging wife were on holiday in Jerusalem when the wife died suddenly.
The undertaker said it will cost £5,000 to ship her home or £50 to bury her here. The husband said ship her home.
The undertaker said, "But, sir, why don't you bury her in the Holy Land and save the money?"
The husband said, "Listen here pal, a long, long time ago a man called Jesus was buried here and 3 days later he rose from the dead: Shes fuckin' goin' home!"

[Mudokon_Master]

So a penguin is driving his car in the desert. All of sudden his car breaks down. Luckily, he's pretty close to gas station. So he waddles behind his car and pushes it to the gas station. He asks the mechanic to take a look and find the problem. Mechanic tells him to come back in 30 minutes. So the penguin is getting hot being in the desert and all, and decides to find something to cool him off. He goes in the convenience store and buys some vanilla ice cream. He eats the ice cream and makes a big mess on his face. Finally he goes back to the mechanic to find out the problem. Mechanic says," Looks like you blew a seal." To which the penguin replies, "No, no. It's just a little ice cream."

[Phylum]

I can't be arsed to tell the Brick joke. Someone else do the first half.

I remember reading that on here once, but after an extensive search I can't find it anywhere. What is it?

[moxco]

An Irishman and his ever nagging wife were on holiday in Jerusalem when the wife died suddenly.
The undertaker said it will cost £5,000 to ship her home or £50 to bury her here. The husband said ship her home.
The undertaker said, "But, sir, why don't you bury her in the Holy Land and save the money?"
The husband said, "Listen here pal, a long, long time ago a man called Jesus was buried here and 3 days later he rose from the dead: Shes fuckin' goin' home!"

Why do so many jokes have a punchline that involves a husband rejoicing his wife's death?

[STM]

Because women have no rights and are best kept locked in the kitchen. A hurpity durpity durp.

[MeechMunchie]

Why do so many jokes have a punchline that involves a husband rejoicing his wife's death?

It's gotten so bad that Irish wives have started swearing vengance on their husbands from beyond the grave, promising that after they die they'll claw their way out of their coffin and up through the earth until they reach the surface, when they will not rest until they've torn the chuckling vocal chords from their widower's throat...

Luckily Irishmen bury their wives face down so they don't have to look at the bruises.

[MA]

i killed a man.

[Crashpunk]

Hur hur.

[STM]

You think he's joking? It was in the news. 'Combine Harvester Harvests Man'.

[Mr.Spandexpants]

Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
He was hit by a bus.

[enchilado]

What’s worse than a bad joke?
A very bad joke.