Oddworld Forums

Oddworld Forums (http://www.oddworldforums.net/index.php)
-   Off-Topic Discussion (http://www.oddworldforums.net/forumdisplay.php?f=9)
-   -   Joke Thread v4 (http://www.oddworldforums.net/showthread.php?t=20558)

Ridg3 10-28-2011 12:34 PM

Joke Thread v4
 
This forum needs more humor.

As I read through the old joke thread I realized that there was one variation of the women/coffee jokes missing;

I like my women how I like my coffee...

With two E's in her.

STM 10-28-2011 12:38 PM

Can we have anti-jokes?

A Pakistani, A gay and a black man walk into a bar:

everyone remarks on what a wonderfully integrated community the place had

Mudokon_Master 10-28-2011 12:50 PM

What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice Krispies!
-Que drum & cymbal crash-

enchilado 10-28-2011 12:58 PM

Please, no cheap puns. They're not funny. Ever.

Dixanadu 10-28-2011 01:05 PM

I was feeling horny so I rang up a girl I know for a bit of phone sex. As she answered I said, "Tell me you're not wearing any knickers..."
"I actually am not wearing any knickers." she replied.
"Mmm yeah, tell me what you're doing?" I asked.
"Just having a shit."

Disgruntled Intern 10-28-2011 01:23 PM

:

()

I like my women how I like my coffee...


Ground up and in the freezer.

For chemistry folks:

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net...45032939_n.jpg

STM 10-28-2011 02:08 PM

Haha, hydrogen peroxide is funny. =D

DarkHoodness 10-28-2011 02:34 PM

How do you tell the sex of a chromosome?

... You take down it's jeans/genes!

Okay I think I've said that before somewhere. It's funnier pronounced.

T-nex 10-28-2011 10:36 PM

There are 10 kinds of people in this world, those who understand binary and those who don't.


I dunno, I find that joke kinda cute x)

Nate 10-28-2011 11:33 PM


Mudokon_Master 10-28-2011 11:43 PM

My first joke was supposed to be lame by the way.
What did Michael Jackson like about twenty eight year olds?

There's twenty of 'em

StrangerEastwood 10-28-2011 11:59 PM

Two guys walk into a bar.
They were killed on impact and looted by random passerby.
Ha.

enchilado 10-29-2011 12:19 AM

:

My first joke was supposed to be lame by the way.

That doesn't make it any funnier. Why would you tell a lame joke?

StrangerEastwood 10-29-2011 12:22 AM

For a laugh, one would assume. Lameness can be funny for just how lame it is. Although, clearly, you would disagree. lol

Mudokon_Master 10-29-2011 12:36 AM

I don't really know. What Eastwood said. I guess it only has an effect on certain people.

StrangerEastwood 10-29-2011 12:37 AM

In M_M's defense, I was entertained.

Phylum 10-29-2011 12:55 AM

:

()
That doesn't make it any funnier. Why would you tell a lame joke?

What's grey and can't climb trees?
A carpark

Nate 10-29-2011 01:05 AM

What does a mathematician do when he's constipated?
He works it out with a pencil.


BTW, that joke was told to me by an ultra-ultra-orthodox rabbi. Just thought you'd like to know.

StrangerEastwood 10-29-2011 01:06 AM

:

()
What does a mathematician do when he's constipated?
He works it out with a pencil.


BTW, that joke was told to me by an ultra-ultra-orthodox rabbi. Just thought you'd like to know.

...OOOOOOWWWWW.

moxco 10-29-2011 02:50 AM

:

()
Two guys walk into a bar.
They were killed on impact and looted by random passerby.
Ha.

A seal pup walked into a club...

StrangerEastwood 10-29-2011 02:51 AM

was it a baby seal?

Wings of Fire 10-29-2011 03:03 AM

:

()
A seal pup walked into a club...

:

()
was it a baby seal?

I laughed.

Dixanadu 10-29-2011 03:19 AM

:

()
That doesn't make it any funnier. Why would you tell a lame joke?

What's yellow and can't swim?
A bulldozer.

Wings of Fire 10-29-2011 03:20 AM

I thought an anti joke was a really really long one that intentionally built up to an absolutely horrible punchline.

Mudokon_Master 10-29-2011 03:21 AM

:

What's yellow and can't swim?
These jokes are the funniest imo.

Dixanadu 10-29-2011 03:22 AM

Ridg3 told me this very long and stupid one a while ago. It involved some guy being chased by a pink bear.

I did laugh at the end, but instantly wanted to hit him after that.

StrangerEastwood 10-29-2011 03:25 AM

:

()
I laughed.

It's 6 in the morning here, lemme be. lol
Anyone wanna tell an aristocrats joke? That is the mother of build up to terrible punchline jokes. lol

moxco 10-29-2011 04:15 AM

:

()
I thought an anti joke was a really really long one that intentionally built up to an absolutely horrible punchline.

The Longest Joke in The World

STM 10-29-2011 04:31 AM

How long does it take to paint a fence with a baby?

Depends how hard you throw the baby.

Manco 10-29-2011 04:44 AM

Not mine, but I enjoyed this one when I came across it:
:

I've gotten close to Kermit the Frog over the years. I'm his financial adviser. See, Mick Jagger came to me back in the sixties to set up his son's first savings account. I had no idea they were related, let alone father and son, but those two are just about as close as can be. It was heartwarming to see the two of them together, really. The whole time I'm explaining the account options to Mick, he always made sure Kermit had a say. He was barely more than a tadpole at the time, but his dad still made it a point to ask his opinion. It really inspired me with my own kids, I wanted to make sure they always felt respected, just like Kermit Jagger.

But yeah, over the years Kermit's always stayed with my bank, even after he left home and moved halfway across the country. I manage three locations myself now, but Kermit knows he can always stop by and I'll make the time to meet with him. I've given him a few loans over the years. His first car, his first house, even the business loan he needed to rent out that old theatre way back then. He never misses a payment, he's the most fiscally responsible client I have (I'd like to think I had a small part to play in that). I know he's good for anything he asks for, and he's got his father backing him up if it ever came to that, so at this point I don't even ask for collateral. He still brings in some trinket or another just as a show of good faith.

Just the other day, actually, he came by for a loan to get some landscaping done. Putting in a new pond for his kids. He went right up to the new girl we hired last month, Patricia Wack. She's going to go somewhere in this business, mark my words. Real keen eye for figures, a total natural. Kermit always likes to introduce himself to new people, he's always been friendly like that. He goes up, gives her a 'Hi-ho' and his account number, tells her exactly how much money he needs and how it's going to be spent, and hands her some old thing, I think it was a golf trophy. Patty, she just gives him a big smile, gives him the old 'I've got to speak to my manager' line and comes running into my office. First time I'd seen her flustered since she started. Says there's a frog outside who wants a loan, holds up the trophy and asks me what it's supposed to be.

What could I tell her? "It's a knickknack, Patty Wack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."