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However, when an event like 9/11 happens and attitudes change so drastically.. wouldn't that make you think twice? Another analogy would be this: Let's say that you decide to show up at a friend's house totally by surprise...But when you get there... you hear him and his wife yelling at each other....you do not leave without leaving a note on his door announcing that you had come by, and suggesting that he'd better get things straight with his wife; all for his best interests.
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You said that their goal was to avert nuclear war. 9/11 brought us closer to that possibility than any event in the last decade.
This race is supposedly concerned enough to make the effort to prevent war. Why, then, would an 'advanced' species miss the single best oportunity to divert nuclear disaster and POSTPONE their first contact?
Carrying on your friend/wife analogy I'll offer this possibility: knowing that their argument might end in violence, I still leave the note and walk away. In the situation you proposed, the motivations to approach the friend are entirely different to those altruistic goals of the aliens. Unless they're just damned lazy, why would these ETs just throw up their arms and leave at the BEST POSSIBLE MOMENT?