I've seen a lot of movies lately so if you don't want to read all of this good for you, you lovely petunia. But read it all anyway because it's probably 3 AM.
Firstly, Les Miserables. I love Les Miserables, I saw the musical when I was 12 or 13 and it really spoke to me. It told me that I need to grow up to be a swarthy disgusting Inn owner.
I saw the movie twice, once before Django and John Dies and once after. My opinion about it changed somewhat when I decided I liked Eponine's story and wasn't just bored because it was a love story. Hugh Jackman was an excellent Jean Valjean and his song and dance background totally made his casting a wise choice. I do not cry at movies, but I cried when he made his promise to Fantine and at the end. Although none of his performances really topped the opening number of Look Down, but we'll get to the opening in a bit. Easily just as good as Hathaway. Even better given the number of songs he sang. Anne Hathaway as Fantine was incredible, like I said I cried bitch tears at her and Jackman's performances, although 'I Dreamed a Dream' was probably the best individual performance in the entire film, her acting rheld the character together just as well. I hope they get married and have little operatic babies.
Sacha Baron cohen was very funny. Not a breakout performance at all, he simply filled the bitterly silly role of Thenardier to a T and brought a fairly vicious energy to the character. He's a greasy hairball and a coward but he's absolutely sinister. Helena Bonham Carter reprised her role as 'Crazy bitch who is mean to kids' and did an excellent job of it. Once again her performance wasn't particularly above the bar (especially compared to Jackman, Hathaway and Colm Wilkinson) but she entertained and gods willing that's all I'll ever ask of the Thenardiers.
Russel Crowe and Amanda Seyfried were the weakest of the lot for entirely different reasons. Crower is no singer but had a very nice way of blending some spoken word and shoutsinging into a domineering antagonist, bulling his way through some numbers with sheer acting force and ultimately winning me over. I like Russel Crowe as Javert. It was good casting. Maybe if they do a full adaption of Hugo's novel he should be recycled for it, but again, he's no singer. Seyfried played the adult Cosette, paradoxical to the actress who played young Cosette who did an excellent job Seyfried just kind of flounced around and cooed the occasional song into Marius's face. She played the role of 'Beautiful Girl' very well though. I give Amanda Seyfried in 19th century ladyclothes two thumbs way up. And also my dick.
Now that I'm done spooging over the performances, we'll talk about the film itself. It was kind of shit. Not particularly. Not even 'bad'. But so much of the movie was just closeups on the acto'rs faces for minutes at a time. It makes sense given they recorded live, but the most energetic song is a 90 second ditty by Gavroche (ALSO AN EXCELLENT PERFORMANCE!!!) where he rambles around Paris harassing rich people and giving us the roughest idea of a layout. Thus we return to Look Down. Look Down is one of my favourite songs from Les Mis. It sets the tone perfectly and the opening shot of Jackman and his other prison slaves hauling a shipwreck in is positively epic in scope. It set the mood for a cinematic musical that fell completely flat when you are spending a good 2 and a half hours staring into Russel Crowes soulless eyes.
If you like Les Miserables (and have seen the musical), see this and form an opinion yourself. If you haven't seen the musical, skip this and see it the next chance you get.
John Dies At The End
Ohhhh boy. Six years of waiting, six years of slobbering over every teaser, news slice and scrap of a screenshot I've been given, but was it worth it? Well yeah, I fucking love John Dies At The End. Are you a stupid moron or something? They change the sequence and pacing of the book to accommodate the run time, but they packed so much from the novel into it I feel that it's 2 hours worth of every penny. This is not for you if you're not into horror, but if you ARE into horror and some unique humor slam this masterpiece into your eyeballs ASAP. The one thing I missed, the one thing cut from the novel that really should have been kept in was the Cockroach man. I hope the DVD has my damn cockroach man or I'll be pissed. Still a riot and totally worth doing drugs beforehand.
Django Unchained
It was 45 minutes too long and thus I don't remember jack shit about other than Jamie Foxx's taint, Christoph Waltz stealing the fucking show, and the entire thing being worth it for the final scene. I'm tempted to say this is the one you should see out of any of these, but I'd rather you pay to support John Dies since Django will do well no matter what. Spike Lee can suck out my farts, Django Unchained rules the fucking school.
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I see you jockin' me.
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girl so I was fairly cheerful anyway.
