Which makes perfect sense, because that’s where he lives. It’s also where I’ve lived for the majority of the time since Christmas. I failed my first year of university by ballsing up a sixth of my modules, and my only option was to take those modules again as an external student. That means I didn’t pay tuition fees or go to any lectures/tutorials, but it also meant I wasn’t entitled to any funding, even though I was stuck his a housing contract up in Sheffield.

Well, I...