Unidentified.

Leto · #1 08-10-2003, 05:47 AM

This is my first attempt at writing a story, so could ya give me feedback and suggestions please? Thank you. Also questions.

Chapter One: The average beginning.

The slig awakes, to yet another day of smacking and shooting. “ Hey there #7, how are you this morning?” #7 smacks his computerized cubicle. “I have feelings you know--!” said the computer as #7 slams the door on it. As he walks to the Sloghut, #12 runs up to him, breathing deeply. “ 7, 7!!!” He screams, as #7 replies “WHAT IS IT?!”. #7 comes to a halt as #12 converses. “You’re being replaced, by #9. Dripik thinks your too dated… Sorry,-” But #12’s face is shortly met by the back #7’s gun. “When did this happen?!” “Shortly after you woke,” said #12, slightly agitated. “What, so now I am #8?” “It appears so..” . They both heard little squeaky footsteps. “It’s Dripik!” said #7. “Shut the hell up!”. The two sligs fell silent, and Dripik stopped in front of them. “I’m sure you’ve been informed about, uh… er,” “The thing?” said #12, again being smacked by #7’s gun. “Yes, #7 you are now #8. If you don’t agree with these terms, visit my office. Good-uh- bye! Yeah, that’s it..” As he walks off #7 raises his middle finger and cusses. “Well look on the bright side of things,” said #12, “You can work with me in mine construction-” Seven (aka #7/8) then interrupted. “Work in the mines? With you? Is there a reason why I should be happy because of this? I’ll really miss my friggin’ helicopter.” . As he walks depressed to the mines, he notices a helicopter slig he had never seen before in his life. He had a twinkle in his eye, if you could call it that, as it looked like the sun and he was outside. He seemed to want to get out of there, desperately, and is gone in a matter of seconds. Seven and #12 entered, and to there shocking surprise, everyone was dead.
Stay tuned for the next pitiful excuse for a chapter, next!

Seargentbig · #2 08-10-2003, 06:27 AM

I have one... two... some words for you.
Paragraphs
Other than that, it is prety good.

just_me · #3 08-10-2003, 11:58 AM

I agree with seargentbig.
Otherwise, its rather good.

T-nex · #4 08-10-2003, 05:14 PM

Good Good!! It may be a little confusing, but keep it up.
I'm tuned.

GrigtheSlig · #5 08-10-2003, 05:21 PM

Pretty good! Seargentbig is right, don't be like Abe16!

Leto · #6 08-11-2003, 04:42 AM

Explanation for the numbered named sligs:
The numbers symbolize the rank they are. For example, #7 was pissed off because #9 took his place, making him #8. #1 is the best, #99999999 is the worst.

Chapter Two: 'Who Knows?'

They both stand there, stunned at what they have seen. Seven noticed that even the mudokons were killed.
Suddenly, there is an explosion behind them both. The entrance hole was caved in by a grenade of sorts.
As they walk through the decaying bodies, something touched #12's shoulder. He jumped with fright and jumped to the floor, his gun dropped and his arms over his head. Seven raised is gun. The thing was crawling on the floor, with big red eyes. "Get away from it! It's evil!" screamed #12, still on the floor. "Go!" said the creature, writhing on the floor like a slug, "Get away from me!!" .
It slithered into the light, and at a closer examination it was a slig with no pants. "Go away!!"said the slig. "Hey," shouted Seven, "We are as trapped as you are!! Just shut the hell up and tell me what's going on!". The slig was still squirming on the floor, screaming, like a worm with a stick lodged in its brain. #12 got up now, looking rather embarrassed. "Tell me or die!" Seven said, coolly. "Kill me! Kill me! KILL ME!!".
Seven looked to #12 and he shrugged.
Three more sligs come crawling up, one with a gun and the other with a baseball bat. "Shut up, #10!" said the slig with the gun, ready to smack him. "What is going on here?" said #12. "Disengage your legs. Both of you!” said the slig with the gun, angrily. "NOW! I MEAN IT!" Said the same slig, because Seven and #12 hesitated. They jumped out, and were both holding their guns tight to there sides. “Come, I will tell you what you need to know, just give us your guns.” said the slig with the baseball batt. They did, both now very annoyed.
Again you must wait for the next cheap piece of monkey hot dog residue, later!

Paragraphs now

!!

Abe16 · #7 08-11-2003, 05:13 AM

Hey I'm only 8!Any way, Godd story keep it up!

Leto · #8 08-11-2003, 05:22 AM

Thanks everyone! Next chapter tomorrow

!

Seargentbig · #9 08-11-2003, 09:58 AM

Good work!

Leto · #10 08-14-2003, 03:45 AM

Chapter Three: The Unknown.

Seven and #12 sat down reluctantly, both having trouble moving without their pants. “We have been trapped down here by this slig… It changes, whenever we kill it!” Screamed one of the nearby sligs. “That is why we don’t have legs. The ‘possessed’ one will attempt to kill us, and even killed our mudokon scrubs!” Said the slig with the gun. “I am No.3. DO not obey me and you shall fall into the vortex that is death. Is this clear?!” said the gunned slig, now known as No.3 . “So, are you telling me this psycho is trying to kill everything-” whispered #12, but was loudly interrupted by No.3 screaming “Did you hear what I said about a minute ago?! Listen to me, OK?!”. With a slight jump, #12 sank to the floor. “Will you help us or will you die?” said No.3, raising his weapon and signaling to the baseball bat slig to do the same. “We have no choice, thanks to you…” “Good..” said the sligs under their breath, squirming away. Seven followed, but #12 didn’t. “What are you waiting for?” Seven shot at #12, sharply. “I don’t want to go-” “You must!” said Seven, through clenched tentacles. #12 slithers to the crowd, as if he does this every day, and left Seven to drown in his own thoughts.

Chapter Four: A New Beginning, A New End.

In an hour!(perhaps (more chapters today 'cause I missed so many days))

Seargentbig · #11 08-14-2003, 09:14 AM

It's a bit complicated, but keep it coming!

Leto · #12 08-19-2003, 04:09 AM

Chapter Four: A new beggining, A new end.

Soon enough Seven and #12 became one of the pack, and gradually fall apart. Seven was the runt, and didn't like anyone, not even #12 anymore. He had stolen Seven's gun and burned it, and on top of that, he destryoed Seven's glasses.

Sorry got to go! Must leave! COme back VERY VEYR soon!

Seargentbig · #13 08-19-2003, 08:14 AM

...
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...
...
... whut?

Leto · #14 08-28-2003, 03:31 AM

I am sorry not writing chapters due to my being away and having writers block.

Expect a chapter in, the next two days or so :P

I wanna keep this alive for more than 5 days!