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  #1  
02-06-2003, 08:49 AM
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Mad The Apocalypse Draws Near...

Okay. After careful research and a lot of apple juice, we imature little sh*ts have come to realise that the apocalypse is going to be very different to what we think...

Take a look:

THE APOCALYPSE

THE FIRST SIGN
As the apocalypse approaches, the earth shall turn to cheese, and all main lakes, ponds and water sources shall become raging rivers of sausages and shredded paper.

THE SECOND SIGN
All women shall grow thick hairs on their chests and men will awake to find they have no family jewels. Be warned, the children will become hideous alligators with a turkey-vulture like beaks.

THE THIRD SIGN
The last sign before the beginning of the apocalypse. All video game consoles and computers will mysteriously explode. For some reason, the blue ink in your pens will soon become red.

THE BEGINNING OF THE APOCALYPSE
The apocalypse will begin once the pope wears a woman’s dress and says to the world on SBS, “I like gerbils!” About two and a half minute after saying this, specially trained circus monkeys shall ride in upon flying turtles and hurl coconuts and a variety of potatoes at everybody’s head. This will continue for about two years in which around three million people will develop brain damage and die.

THE APOCALYPSE
The earth will begin to melt (being cheese) very slowly under the suns rays until everybody is forced to wade through the landscape. During this time, Michael Jackson and Bill Gates shall rule the world, bringing much technology and gayness to society. The circus monkeys will begin to smash open the heads of their flying turtles and roam the melted land. If they should encounter a human they shall pull on the chest hairs of the women and give the men a nipple cripple. All food will become inedible apart from jelly beans, pickles and spinach.

SATAN COMES
Satan comes to earth wearing a tartan kilt and decides to let all Satan worshipers come with him to hell, which is actually surprisingly comfortable as everybody gets their own arm chair that gives you a sensual massage and a wide screen T.V… those who did not worship Satan shall be given immortality so that they may stay on earth and suffer for all eternity!!


So you see, unless you worship Satan you don't get an arm chair that gives sensual massages. Think I'm wrong? Then tell us your theories. Want to flame me? Go ahead. Like I care. I'm just trying to help you all.

If you don't worship him then I shall laugh at u all when I'm watching the mating ritual of the african-mexican mongoose on my wide screen TV and you're all having your chest hairs pulled and nipples twisted!!
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  #2  
02-06-2003, 12:47 PM
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MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Thats great

Wheres Jacob when we need him for this one ya know?

All I know is Dogs and Cats will live together, the Dead will rise from the grave. And there will be Mass Histera not to mention that everyone stuck on earth will be forced to listen to Polka for eternity! At least the ones who don't worship Satan. Then the scrapping of the chalk boards shall come.

Beware the end is comming. Oh wait a minute I think its already here!
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  #3  
02-06-2003, 06:17 PM
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Was that suppose to be humorus... I have never heard of such insane ranting. The fact that you actually spent time on such a moronic thread befuddles me. Your ideas are so crazy and made up that whoever reads this thread will become tangled in its stupitity. If this is not a cry for help, I don't know what is. Frankly, I'm embarresed for us both.

Last edited by MojoMan220; 02-06-2003 at 10:28 AM..
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  #4  
02-06-2003, 10:01 PM
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I am being sarcastic because your right this is retarded. I was stupid and I wrote in this thread. I also had nothing else to do. But your right this is stupid!
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  #5  
02-07-2003, 01:25 AM
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Haha! Here's my theory on apocolypse,

FIRST SIGN
Whenever someones favorite show is on, they have to go soemwhere, or realize they hve something important to do, preventing them from watching their show.This will happen all around the world for 2 days, and will go back to normal for 2 years....so they think.

SECOND SIGN
Just for one day, everyone will get the flu bug with diarrea. All the toilets will block up, making everyone have to shit outside. Just as everyone thinks they are starting to get over it, the same thign will happen, but they will puke instead. After all this is over, the world will return to normal, for 2 years.

THIRD SIGN
For a whole week, all the school cafiterias will serveonly the crapy food. When everyone tries to pack lunch ebcause thye don't like school lunch, they will realize they have no snacky foods to put ni their lunch, and therefore have to eat the bad school food all week. Everything will turn to normal again for another two years, until it happens....

APOCOLYPSE
All of the three signs will happen at once, then, tv will be destroyed all together, along with snacky food, and toilets. Everyone who owns a dog smaller than a Chow Chow (not including puppies of larger breeds ex:Mastiff puppy) except for bulldogs, and pugs. All of these dogs will mysteriously turn into zombies, and be set on fire forever. The little dogs will go insane with pain, and be even more vicious little ^@*! than usual. These flaming bastards will take over the world, and rule for 2 years. After the two years is up,the flaming little dogs will have turned everythign into firezombies, and the world will go insane. There will be a war between the flaming poodles, and the flaming gerbils, over domination. The gerbils will overthrow the poodles, and send them all to a strange alien tourture chamber, where they go through horrible tourture techniques, but are immortal, so even when they are slowly pulled in half, intestines spilling all over, they will still live. After anothet 2 years of gerbil reign, the last remaining non-flaming zombie animals, a small secret pack of large breed dogs and dog relatives, such as wolves, dingoes, and foxes, will attyack the gerbils, and easily defeat them, as they are not in extreme pain form eternal buring, and are much more powerful and larger than gerbils. The dogs will start a civilization of their own, and the great dog sorcerer, Sukasa, will turn all the flaming animals into flaming fire hydrents. The dogs will piss on them, putting out the fire, and making many needed toilets. Eventually, dogs will evolve to walk on two legs, make an extremly complexe language, not far off from Japanese, and live peacfully with everyone. The dogs will be much more intelligent than we ever would have been, but still not destroy the ecosystem. The world will live in peace, and be renamed Sukasar, after teh great sorcerer who freed the planet of the evil flamign zombie animals. Everything will be a perfect utopia, until the dogs descover a strange new plant like tree growing in tropical areas. They called it the cacao plant, and could make a sweet candy out of the seeds called 'chocolate'. It tasted so good, all the dogs ate forever was chocolate. eventually, they discovered chocolate was poisinous to dogs, and they all died off one by one. The end.

Oddling l:c l
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  #6  
02-07-2003, 03:23 AM
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Jesus Christ!

What is WRONG with you all. FireFrog was only trying to entertain us with his theories of the Apocalypse.

There is stupid, and there is funny. This ain't a stupid thread, as it HAS potential for future responses contributing to this thread.

I think that everyone should stop being so OVER-CRITICAL of everyone else. I've seen it developing for a while now, and even dispensed onto new members, only a few days old.

And, I personally think the Apocalypse will be brought about by ourselves, the human race.

Alcar...
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  #7  
02-07-2003, 07:29 AM
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Originally posted by Alcar
And, I personally think the Apocalypse will be brought about by ourselves, the human race.
I don't care as long as the horsemen ride out and I get Death's autograph.
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  #8  
02-07-2003, 06:54 PM
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I will steal one of Hell's minions, dress it up in frilly clothes and name it Sally Buttsworth!

It's been a fantasy if mine...
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  #9  
02-07-2003, 09:49 PM
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You know, FireFrog, your theories made perfect sense until the gerbil thing came up. Stupid gerbil.

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  #10  
02-08-2003, 02:09 AM
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AHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Yeah, I did waste my time on the apocalypse theory, but that's just me. I'm always writing stupid pointless crap like this... so sue me. Plus, the whole idea was to discuss the apocalypse... not my version.

So yeah.
MojoMan, this wasn't suppose to be humorous, as I don't need to prove that I'm the funniest man in theworld cause I am. I SPEAK THE TRUUUUUTH!!! The apocalypse is real! If you don't believe then the monkey's shall give you nipple cripples... you have been warned...

ParamiteAbe, you know you love this thread, it's just MojoMan put you off...

Oddling... MY THEORY'S BETTA! Actually yours was just wierd... even wierder than mine. Oh, and you got the Cacao plant thingy off of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory! NEVER USE MATERIAL FROM A BOOK LIKE THAT!!! NEEEEEEEEEEVA!

Alcar, I could hug you.... but I wont. Thank you for setting this children straight.

Facsimile, I've already got Death's autograph, along with Tom Hanks, Rob Schneider, Mike Myers, David Duchoveny and that guy from that show about paper clips... so :P

Dipstikk... no comment.

Silversnow, it all makes perfect sense! All of it! But you're right, I didn't know what I was thinking (or drinking) when I added the Gerbil... it was for a 'dramatic effect' I suppose...
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  #11  
02-08-2003, 02:40 AM
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Happy

Thanks FireFrog. Thats just a way of me defending myself in case these types of threads get out of hand.

Well I did a while ago make a thread on what will happen in the end of the world. But that was way back last summer. I do know our sun will burn out in the end. But that won't happen for another 4 billion years. Of coarse when it does happen we will bake in the intense heat of the red giant for it will engulp us all. But I doubt (unless scientist figure out how to make us live for a billion years) we would live to see that day.
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  #12  
02-08-2003, 04:16 PM
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Dipstikk... no comment.
Hehehe...yeeeaaahhh...I gets that alot.
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  #13  
02-08-2003, 10:43 PM
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Originally posted by Alcar
Jesus Christ!

What is WRONG with you all. FireFrog was only trying to entertain us with his theories of the Apocalypse.

There is stupid, and there is funny. This ain't a stupid thread, as it HAS potential for future responses contributing to this thread.

I think that everyone should stop being so OVER-CRITICAL of everyone else. I've seen it developing for a while now, and even dispensed onto new members, only a few days old.

And, I personally think the Apocalypse will be brought about by ourselves, the human race.

Alcar...
I thought it was pretty obvious I was kidding around...
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