Kerk...................the Slurg

[Kaimana]

"As a young Slurg I watched my life as it walked passed me.....Slig guards almost shot me.........Mudokons almost trampled me.....Paramites almost ate me...."

*baby Slurgs gasp*

" So you see children..I looked death in the face and said BOOO!!!!!!!!"

*baby Slurgs cry*

" Now now dont cry, let Kerk tell you a story....well it was long ago...2 years ago if I recall correctly....I remember it as if it were yesterday"


It was a gloomy day in Mudomo temples, and i was searching for scum on the floor as usual. All of a sudden a Mudokon runs past me.
"Hey buddy im eating here." I squeeked
"Wow i didnt know Slurgs could talk." The Mud said puzzled
"Well of course we can blue boy!! After all you guys are just to tall to hear our squeeky voice"

The Mudokon looked around...he seemed to be running from something..Sure enough it was a pack of Fleeches. I looked at him..he looked at me...and he ran away.
"What no apology buddy!!! your lucky i can only move a good foot per 15 seconds!!!!"

I went back to eating scum from the ground, as i watched the fleeches chase after that poor blue Mud. Eventually they got him... A bunch of birds came out of him and he fell from the sky again....That was odd...almost as if he cant die

"So you see children never eat scum from the grounds of Mudomo it can get you high and make you see Mudokons with blue skin and un able to die.....Thats just foolish fiction

*baby slurgs are sleeping and dont really care what Kerk says*

"Ah youth they love me"

*Kerk continues to talk to himself oblivious that no one is listening*

"So as i was saying "






Ladies and gents that Fan Fic you just read was absolutely created out of bordum...it was not meant to be the best in FC so please just enjoy this writing of nonsense...And respond if you must..Have a good day

-Kai

[MunchOnThis]

LOL I love this!!! It's funny man, keep it up Kai!!!

~JV

[oddling]

I see where you're coming from about the bordom Kai, I wrote Pina Colada Rising, right after um... I was too bored to remember what I did, but I was pretty bored. They say you are most creative when you are bored, so it turned out to be a pretty good fan fic. This is the second time I've seen this been proven. Keep it up Kai, it's funny as hell! *puts on sun glasses, grabs beach chair, gets Lemonade and popcorn, and sits down and watches the rest of this strange demented fan fic*

Oddling l:c l

[Al the Vykker]

This is what I like, a good story by a person who hasnt written a Fan Fic before, cant wait for more Kai!

[Kaimana]

*Kerk crawls back and forth*
*babies wake up*

Children...let me tell you a story about love..
*babies fall right back to sleep*

OK heres one..now pay attention


I had just come out of Mudomo to take a look around....when there it was...the most beautiful Slurg i had ever seen...She had everthing..twisted eyes...slimy skin....Ah everything a Slurg could ask for...I crawled up to here...it took a few minutes as we were ten feet apart

"Hi my names *BURP!!!* Kerk heehee"
"Hi im *FART!!!* Smerk heh heh

Ah it was love at first site....Me and her crawled over to watch the sunset together...then some weird ...weirdos arrived and was talking about some Mudokon named Abe and how hes as good as a mudokon pop..and that they need a new job

"I love the sunset Kerk....Kerk...i have something to tell you...I think your the most slimy slurg i have ever seen"
"I think your the.....What THE!!! "

All of a sudden that maniac blue skined freak of a Mud comes running our way..being chased once again by fleeches..I began to crawl out of the way..seeing how that freak was coming straight for US!!!!

"Smerk hurry up move out of the WAY "

I looked back at her with one eye and thats when it happened.

"NOOO SMERK!!!!!!!"

" AHHHH Help Kerk!!"

*SQUEEK*

"NOOO "

She died kids..All because of a crazed Mud..So next time you see a blue Mudokon dont hesitate to move...It was a sad day for me.

*Babies are not listening..instead they are sleeping *

ah youth....


once again this is another edittion of the nonsense of Kerk..I hope you enjoyed it

[Al the Vykker]

NO! Death comes and goes just like that it shows you, you really have to appreciate people or creatures for when you get the chance. Anyways good chapter once again Kai.

[MunchOnThis]

Another grrrrrrrreat chapter Kai!! Keep it up!!!

~JV

[Kaimana]

* Kerk puts the baby slurgs in the slim blankets and told them a bedtime story*

"Well children...night is a time when all the creepy crawlies from oddworld come out"

*Baby slurg Jake* "kweepy kwalies "

"Yes Jake, it all happened one night when I ventured off to the desert"


I dont believed i had crawled this far to look for that crazed mudokon that squished Smerk...but I was going to get him if it took me a year. I stoped by a rock. Oh who am I kiding hes at least 20 miles away by now... okay maybe 10 but thats still allot for me!!!Then guess what happened I looked up and there I saw it...

*babies gasp*

It was acting all weird....It was...it was...TWISTED!!!

*babies bite eye stalks*

And it looked at me...with its big eyes...STARING AT ME!!!

*babies start to cry*

And then all of a sudden...IT FELL ON THE GROUND!!!!!..it was hideous....I looked at it one more time as I crawled on top its green head My odd....it was a drunkened Mudokon...I watch as a bottle rolled out of his hand..It said something like soulstorm brew...I crawled to it and took a sip
BLAH!! it was horrid!! what do they have in that stuff Mudokon bones!!...My odd it was bad..

*babies stare at Kerk*

The Mud was out cold....I threw some slim on him and crawled back home..as I muttered a curse to that fowl arch nemesis blue boy...

Though I never caught him...That night sure tought me something...dont drink soulstorm brew if your in the desert take my advice.

*babies hide some soulstorm brew they were saving *

Well good night children.....Ah youth

*Kerk leaves the children to sleep*

*babies whip out there soulstorms and start gullping down *once again another odd story told by Kerk I hope you enjoyed

[Al the Vykker]

I really love this story, its funny,really well written, and has an interesting story and plot line, Keep up the good work Kai!

[oddling]

Damn thats funny! Keep it up Kai! You're doing a killer job!

Oddling l:c l

[Kesiah]

heheheheheh
'Ah youth' indeed!
I love this story, it's really interesting to hear some of Abe's adventures from the view point of someone who most players stood on alot!!

[Kaimana]

*babies wake up from their sleep...Grandpa Kerk is reading the daily deception...He notices the children and crawl to them*

Ah, children you are up...

*babies look at him and crawl out of the den*

Where are you going...you cant walk out there children...you never know when a drunkend Mud could walk by.

*babie Jake: I want to gwo expwoer

Explore....no no children back inside...Now that your up and alert let grandpa Kerk tell you of his explorations

*babies fall right back to sleep*

OK here it goes....



I was determined to fine that bastich blue mud if it took me a decade!!...I crawled across the desert and into a place called Necrum mines...And there i saw him...That blue freak and a bunch of green ones with him.

"He you ...you FREAK!!!" I yelled

"did you guys here something?"


"Squeek, Squeek squeek...SQUEEK!!!"

"Nah I didnt hear anything Abe lets move on in" said another mud

He was only about 15 feet away from me as I squinted my eyes at him and stuck my tongue out at him....He climbed up a wodden wall and I followed.

"Ya think we should go"

"Sure thing Abe"

The Mud pushed that blue creep over the edge...he fell down and I crawled after him...I met up with him and there we were face to foot.

" You listen to be you blue freak of oddture you steped on my LOVE!!!"

"Wha? did you just talk?"

"Damn right i did...Now put um up"

I put on my ninja suit and was prepared to do battle.

" WEEHAA...EEYAAA!!...WATTAAA!!"

"Thats odd I never knew Glukkons put clothes on the slurgs here" Abe scratched his head

"What was that!! Why I ought to'

I was ready to give him the one to slime punch then he moved his foot. Right before I was going for one more a flying slig came out of no where and threw a bomb at us. I crawled to safety and the blue freak jumped off the ledge...To afraid to face me. The slig hit a rock ledge and chiped the propelers as I watched him fall down to oblivion.

"Thats right...Im to strong for you!!"

I was pleased with myself and my victory over that blue freak..I was just about ready to crawl home when I saw the weirdest thing on the ground...It made a tick tick sound and had colors....I went over to crawl on it and....

*BOOM!!!!*

I flew about three miles away from the blast and landed right back at necrum through a shoot. I crawled back home paralyzed.



So children dont ever...ever touch the TICKY COLOR THINGY!!!!

*babies snor*

Ah youth....

*Kerk goes back to reading the daily deception*
Hmm whats this...Abe Wanted...Who is this guy...Looks
familiar


Ladies and gents that was another story by Kerk i hope you enjoyed.."Ah youth"

[Oddsville]

Hehe, I just noticed this topic and Im already hooked, great job Kai. I love these mini storys (especially the second one! roflmao!) *Sigh* ok, *wipes tears from eyes* I think you should make a whole mini seires on this Kai, you could call it "Grandpa Kerks Story time" and the slogan could be "ah Youth".

[Al the Vykker]

Anothere Great story Kai, *Applause please* thank you good job Kai again, keep it up.

[Stripe]

I kinda feel sorry for the baby slurgs always being put to sleep. *G*
Whatcha gonna do?
Now that Kerk (in his own mind) took on Abe and won, AND beat a flying slig at the same time, (go Kerk!) will he 'one up' himself in future stories? (you know what grandparents are like with their "war stories". *G*

Kerk] Let me tell you how I took down a Scrab!

baby slurgs all at the same time] Yea, right!

Sorry, its late for me, it was just a thought, Great chapters Kai!

[Kaimana]

Kerk is under going some slight changes so the newest tales will be out sometime later..possibly tomorrow or so. Sorry for the delay

-Kai