Proof that Elvis was Jesus in a previous life

One, Two, Middlesboogie · #1 07-07-2002, 08:24 AM

Jesus said: "Love thy neighbor." (Matthew 22:39)
Elvis said: "Don't be cruel." (RCA, 1956)

Jesus is the Lord's shepherd.
Elvis dated Cybill Shepherd.

Jesus was part of the Trinity.
Elvis' first band was a trio.

Jesus walked on water. (Matthew 14:25)
Elvis surfed. (Blue Hawaii, Paramount, 1965)

Jesus' entourage, the Apostles, had 12 members.
Elvis' entourage, the Memphis Mafia, had 12 members.

Jesus was resurrected.
Elvis had the famous 1968 "comeback" TV special.

Jesus said, "If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink." John 7:37)
Elvis said, "Drinks on me!" (Jailhouse Rock, MGM, 1957)

Jesus fasted for 40 days and nights.
Elvis had irregular eating habits. (e.g. 5 banana splits for breakfast)

Jesus is a Capricorn. (December 25)
Elvis is a Capricorn. (January 8 )

Matthew was one of Jesus' many biographers. (The Gospel according to Matthew)
Neil Matthews was one of Elvis' many biographers. (Elvis: A Golden Tribute)

"[Jesus] countenance was like lightning, and his raiment white as snow." (Matthew 28:3)
Elvis wore snow-white jumpsuits with lightening bolts.

Jesus lived in state of grace in a Near Eastern land.
Elvis lived in Graceland in a nearly eastern state.

Mary, an important woman in Jesus' life, had an Immaculate Conception.
Priscilla, an important woman in Elvis' life, went to Immaculate Conception High School.

Jesus was first and foremost the Son of God.
Elvis first recorded with Sun Studios, which today are still considered to be his foremost recordings.

Jesus was the lamb of God.
Elvis had mutton chop sideburns.

Jesus' Father is everywhere.
Elvis' father was a drifter, and moved around quite a bit.

Jesus was a carpenter.
Elvis' favorite high school class was wood shop.

Jesus wore a crown of thorns.
Elvis wore Royal Crown hair styler.

Jesus H. Christ has 12 letters.
Elvis Presley has 12 letters.

No one knows what the "H" in "Jesus H. Christ" stood for.
No one was really sure if Elvis' middle name was "Aron" or "Aaron".

Jesus said: "Man shall not live by bread alone."
Elvis liked his sandwiches with peanut butter and bananas.

It makes you wonder doesn't it...???

***Wil*** · #2 07-07-2002, 08:35 AM

Indeed it does. At first I thought this was going to be one of your wonderfully funny topics, but soon realised this was the sort of thing I'm interested in.

Until now I'd only heard about how some people thought that Elvis was a saviour like Jesus, and I strongly didn't believe that. But I believe in reincarnation, so the idea doesn't ust get thrown off the switchboard in me now. Very intriguing.

ZombieX · #3 07-07-2002, 08:41 AM

:

Jesus lived in state of grace in a Near Eastern land.
Elvis lived in Graceland in a nearly eastern state.

That's enough proof for me!

dark_xinos · #4 07-07-2002, 09:31 AM

Elvis existed, Jesus dident.

Anyways, if he did... al the stories about hime would be a lie, (wich they are any way) and there would be many more things that wouldent be simular.
---------------

!IF! we had a past life, and EVERYONE has one. Aint it strange that the population grows? If only one person can have that same "last life".
----------------
But when we die, bakteria eats uss. And then that bakteria gets spread through the air and someone swallows it. (KANIBAL!).
Then in that case peaple have molekules that once where stuck in a potato in some elses body, and the turend into muscle...

Edit: BANNER UPTADE!!

ZombieX · #5 07-07-2002, 12:52 PM

Elvis existed, Jesus dident.
All the ancient documents the bible is based upon are founded upon nothing. I see.

Anyways, if he did... al the stories about hime would be a lie, (wich they are any way) and there would be many more things that wouldent be simular.
Like when he laid his hands on the boy's chest and revived him? CPR ring a bell? Ever learn ressuscitation? Exaggerated, maybe. Embelished. But a LIE?

!IF! we had a past life, and EVERYONE has one. Aint it strange that the population grows? If only one person can have that same "last life".
Strange how other species' populations fall as well.

But when we die, bakteria eats uss. And then that bakteria gets spread through the air and someone swallows it. (KANIBAL!).
Then in that case peaple have molekules that once where stuck in a potato in some elses body, and the turend into muscle...

Edit: BANNER UPTADE!!
Now you've really lost me.

One, Two, Middlesboogie · #6 07-07-2002, 01:08 PM

:

Originally posted by dark_xinos
But when we die, bakteria eats uss. And then that bakteria gets spread through the air and someone swallows it. (KANIBAL!).
Then in that case peaple have molekules that once where stuck in a potato in some elses body, and the turend into muscle...

Apparently, if you live in the northern hemisphere, chances are that every time you inhale, you take in at least molecule of oxygen that once passed through Socrates' lungs.

Max, it is a silly topic. Why the hell would the supposed saviour of mankind and the son of God (not that I'm religious... I don't believe in God, but I do believe that Jesus existed, and that he was a good and charismatic man, but I don't believe he was divine) be reincarnated as a disgusting fatarse who was horrible to his roadies and ripped off lots of good songs and then gurged the profits on his fat belly?

For the record, I don't believe in reincarnation. I'd like to; it's a nice theory and I want it to be true, but I see no evidence for it.

LuxoJr · #7 07-07-2002, 01:13 PM

Which ancient documents are you talking about? That's not meant to be smarmy, I just want to find out if you're talking of scriptures or supporting historical evidence.

Oh, and dark_xinos - the Christian argument has more going for it as a theory than atheism . You can't say that something doesn't exist just because it can't be proven.

***Wil*** · #8 07-07-2002, 01:46 PM

Oh dear, the topic you meant to be comical actually has a half-decent discussion about religion and the paranormal behind it. I just hope this doesn't develop into one of those online holy wars that frequently littered the Off-Topic (and occassionally General Discussion) Forums long ago.

:

Why the hell would the supposed saviour of mankind and the son of God be reincarnated as a disgusting fatarse who was horrible to his roadies and ripped off lots of good songs and then gurged the profits on his fat belly?

Dunno, but there's a cult based about that idea. And I'd be careful, with a population in excess of a thousand, these Forums might just contain a member of that or any other cult who might not be amused...

Sssshhhh... they're watching...

LuxoJr · #9 07-07-2002, 02:10 PM

I wouldn't worry too much about those kinds of people on a web forum. Webbed fingers kind of make it hard to type.

It's frightening that cults are still so powerful today. Even the Klan are openly active, for crying out loud. If God exists somewhere, it'd be nice if he could smite these people

OLD TESTAMENT STYLE

Danny · #10 07-07-2002, 02:51 PM

Aron is a name? Ick... Aaron is just the only way to spell it that looks right...

***

Oh, don't be silly, Erik, of course Jesus existed. He was a normal man, son of Joseph and Mary, who grew up to be a prominent revolutionary, and was finally executed by the Romans. There are records of his life remaining from Roman times, including (I think) records of his execution. He also seemed to be years ahead of his time in medicine.

Just because there's a lot of bullshit about him in the Bible doesn't mean that there wasn't some truth behind the whole thing...

In fact, I believe that Jesus was basically a nice guy, it's just that his teachings have been used to justify all kinds of atrocities since then. Still, as James said in their song One of the Three, "I guess you're not to blame for what they've done in your name..."

***

Max, I personally believe that Reincarnation is the most likely afterlife theory out there, but it was still obvious that this was intended as a comedy topic...

***Wil*** · #11 07-07-2002, 05:22 PM

Once again I have shown my inability to recognise jokes.

Upsettedly,
Maxaham Muggledarner

dark_xinos · #12 07-07-2002, 06:42 PM

:

Originally posted by ZombieX
Strange how other species' populations fall as well.

I dident mean that Jesus lied, I was just saying the fact that he respawned like Abe, is all a bunch of Gumrott. WHat he said may very well be true. But the bible has to make up all this junk to ceep peaple intrested, And peaple belive it! And thoose I am facing now.

Danny · #13 07-07-2002, 06:49 PM

:

Originally posted by dark_xinos
WHat he said may very well be true. But the bible has to make up all this junk to ceep peaple intrested, And peaple belive it! And thoose I am facing now.

Oh, just read my post... *sighs*

dark_xinos · #14 07-07-2002, 08:07 PM

Hearing something thwice is alwas nice (RIME!). No, it may not be so nice, but it aleast helps stick to your mind better!
(sorry Dan)

abe22 · #15 07-08-2002, 06:11 AM

Of course Jesus is real. He is my 2nd cousin... no really no joke. I have a baby cousin named Jesus, found out about him a couple of days ago...

dark_xinos · #16 07-08-2002, 07:36 AM

That is intresting. My friend has a cussin named Moses.
Hmm... never mind.

Sydney · #17 07-08-2002, 11:39 AM

:

Originally posted by dark_xinos
Elvis existed, Jesus dident.

Please don't say things like that. We have people of all (well, many) religions here at the forums and stating things such as "Jesus didn't exist" would be quite offensive to our Christian population. If you need to express your beliefs, something along the lines of "Elvis existed, I don't think Jesus did," would have been appropriate.

As for the original topic... ha ha.

PinkHaired Mudokon CWR · #18 07-08-2002, 01:29 PM

Elvis was prejudice against blacks and he was drunk!
Jesus was not.

Elvis surfing is proof? Ha! I surf! Does that mean other people who surf were Jesus in their past lives?

I can name some more.

One, Two, Middlesboogie · #19 07-08-2002, 03:27 PM

Pinky, it's a bloody joke. You're not meant to take it seriously.

One, Two, Middlesboogie · #20 07-10-2002, 01:11 PM

Hang about...

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was black:
1. He called everyone "brother"
2. He liked Gospel
3. He couldn't get a fair trial

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Fathers business
2. He lived at home until he was 33
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was God.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with his hands
2. He had wine with every meal
3. He used olive oil

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut his hair
2. He walked around barefoot all the time
3. He started a new religion

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married
2. He was always telling stories
3. He loved green pastures

But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:
1. He had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it
3. Even when he was dead, He had to get up because there was more work for Him to do

I suppose even God enjoys a good laugh.

PinkHaired Mudokon CWR · #21 07-10-2002, 01:52 PM

:

Originally posted by One, Two, Middlesboogie
Pinky, it's a bloody joke. You're not meant to take it seriously.

Well I don't find it funny. Sorry.

Gluk Schmuck · #22 07-10-2002, 04:37 PM

:

Originally posted by PinkHaired Mudokon CWR
Well I don't find it funny. Sorry.

*pats Pinky on the shoulder*

You're not alone in not finding funny things funny. Anna doesn't find Dragon Tails funny. You're both humourless freaks.

PinkHaired Mudokon CWR · #23 07-10-2002, 05:12 PM

:

Originally posted by Gluk Schmuck

*pats Pinky on the shoulder*

You're not alone in not finding funny things funny. Anna doesn't find Dragon Tails funny. You're both humourless freaks.

*cluctches the left fist to punch gluk, unclutches it, puts the hand down and smile*

Yeah your right, If I say something to you or lemme say something that you don't like for me to joke about, you will cry like a sissy freakish baby like last time! Did you have a sense of humor that time? Nope you were a humourless Freak like me and Anna or whatever her name it. Wow Gluk, do girls always make you cry? Have you started potty training yet? No but seriously you just immature and eveything to you is funny except...that thing! *Dun* *Dun* Dun* *tisk* *tisk*

Mwahahahahah!

paramiteabe · #24 07-11-2002, 01:25 PM

I am probally going to get hung for this one or crucified but what you said about Elvis was once Jesus Christ, is to me "not believeable." You really believe Christ was also Elvis Presley? What a vivid imagination you have! Yes those comparasons are very similar in many ways. But you can say that kind of stuff to just about any important figure of the past. It's that easy! Hell you can even say John Lennon was Jesus Christ because he said "the Beatles were more popular than Jesus Christ." Or the fact he had long hair and he showed us How to give Piece a Chance though his music. You can say he was Jesus. It doesent mean he was Christ. You can compare a lot of artist of the 60's and 70's to be like Jesus because of how they expressed them selves in this world. But they werent him. They were just normal people like you and I who just wanted to let the world know how they felt. There is nothing devine about it. Thats all.

The real proof that Christ did exist and that he was God is in your faith or your heart. But knowing that a lot of people here don't have much faith I pretty much doubt you would believe.

One, Two, Middlesboogie · #25 07-11-2002, 01:55 PM

:

Originally posted by paramiteabe
I am probally going to get hung for this one or crucified but what you said about Elvis was once Jesus Christ, is to me "not believeable." You really believe Christ was also Elvis Presley?

NO! It's a f*cking JOKE!

Read the topic, for crying out loud. Of course I don't believe it.

ODDBODD · #26 07-11-2002, 02:12 PM

to paramiteabe

duh stupid

Danny · #27 07-11-2002, 08:17 PM

:

Originally posted by PinkHaired Mudokon CWR

*cluctches the left fist to punch gluk, unclutches it, puts the hand down and smile*

Yeah your right, If I say something to you or lemme say something that you don't like for me to joke about, you will cry like a sissy freakish baby like last time! Did you have a sense of humor that time? Nope you were a humourless Freak like me and Anna or whatever her name it. Wow Gluk, do girls always make you cry? Have you started potty training yet? No but seriously you just immature and eveything to you is funny except...that thing! *Dun* *Dun* Dun* *tisk* *tisk* Mwahahahahah!

LOL... *sings* Pinky's upset...

***Wil*** · #28 07-13-2002, 09:36 AM

At least I'm not alone in not immediately recognising this as a joke...

Then again, my first thought was that it was going to be a funny topic. Maybe I should go with mny gut feelings more often. They seem to get me less caught up in misunderstandings.

ZombieX · #29 07-13-2002, 01:45 PM

:

Originally posted by dark_xinos
I dident mean that Jesus lied, I was just saying the fact that he respawned like Abe, is all a bunch of Gumrott. WHat he said may very well be true. But the bible has to make up all this junk to ceep peaple intrested, And peaple belive it! And thoose I am facing now.

What any of this has to do with the quote you chose I don't know. But there we go...

I dident mean that Jesus lied
I know. I never said you did.

I was just saying the fact that he respawned like Abe, is all a bunch of Gumrott.
I agree. I was introducing an objectiive viewpoint. I'm anal like that.

WHat he said may very well be true.
I'm sure he told the truth and he told lies.... what this has to do with anything I have no idea.

But the bible has to make up all this junk to ceep peaple intrested
As I said, the bible is a compilation of many ancient scriptures. I doubt these scriptures were "lies to keep people interested", but instead they are written after tales have been passed from mouth to mouth many times, exaggerated and embellished a little each time for effect... ever played chinese whispers? Anyway, we've been through all this.
And do you really think there is a conspiracy of bible authors sitting hidden away deciding what to say to "keep people interested"? Who cares? I'm sure many a vicar doesn't.

And peaple belive it!
Oh my God!!!

And thoose I am facing now.
Me? I don't believe everything written in the bible. I do, however believe that if interpreted correctly, it can provide good morals and teachings to carry into life. I believe it should be read with an objective viewpoint and not taken literally. After all, it is an ancient piece of work, and can't handle today's issues such as abortion, cloning, genetic modifying etc.

Cya!

Danny · #30 07-13-2002, 02:41 PM

:

Originally posted by ZombieX
I do, however believe that if interpreted correctly, it can provide good morals and teachings to carry into life. I believe it should be read with an objective viewpoint and not taken literally. After all, it is an ancient piece of work, and can't handle today's issues such as abortion, cloning, genetic modifying etc.

I disagree. I wouldn't trust any of the messages in the bible as far as I could throw it. Not even as far as I could throw a crate of bibles...

There is just too much in there that can be misread and abused. Yes, Jesus was a very nice guy, but the twisted versions of what he said in the Bible have been altered too much by people who want him to have said what they themselves believe, and I doubt that there is a shred of Jesus's original teachings left in that book. Come to think of it, most of it was probably totally made up, since Jesus wasn't a religious man, and so probably didn't say much in the way of teachings...

I'm not very coherent today, sorry. Basically, there's just too much dangerous bullshit in the bible to justify sifting through for good teachings, and it has undoubtably done more harm to the world than good.