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03-08-2002, 08:43 AM
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Outlaw Cutter
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: Apr 2001
: no
: 1,193
Rep Power: 24
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Another of those funny lists...
No, I didn't write, it, but I forget where I found it, now... Oh well. Enjoy. 
(Yes, I have been guilty of numerous items on the list...  )
How to annoy people
Annoying people can be both fun and profitable! Well maybe not profitable, and well hey, everyone will think of you as a jerk, but then, perhaps they already do! So give them reason to talk behind your back. Your reputation will precede you!
- Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".
- As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
- Ask people what gender they are.
- Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".
- Ask to "interface" with someone.
- Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".
- At the Laundrette, use one dryer for each of your socks.
- Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
- Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and re-route entire streets.
- Buy large quantities of mint dental floss, just to lick the flavour off.
- Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
- Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.
- Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
- Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
- Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
- Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.
- Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.
- Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains.
- Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".
- Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
- Drum on every available surface.
- Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy".
- Finish the “99 green bottles” song.
- Forget the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".
- Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
- Yell random numbers while someone is counting.
- Honk and wave to strangers.
- Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
- Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
- Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
- Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
- Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-cyrillic-landscape mode.
- Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
- Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
- Leave your car indicator on for fifty miles.
- Lick the filling out of all the cream-biscuits, and place the biscuit parts back in the packet.
- Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
- Light flares on a birthday cake.
- Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing".
- Make appointments for the 31st of September.
- Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
- Mow your lawn with scissors.
- Name your dog "Dog".
- Never break eye contact.
- Never make eye contact.
- ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
- Order a side of onion rings with your filet mignon.
- Pay for your dinner with small change, preferably pennies.
- Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
- Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire copyright warnings.
- Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
- Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
- Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
- Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
- Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
- Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music".
- Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
- Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
- Sculpt your hedges into anatomically suggestive shapes.
- Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
- Set alarms for random times.
- Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
- Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
- Sing along at the opera.
- Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
- Sit in your front garden (or on street corners) pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
- Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
- Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
- Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture".
- Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", and repeat.
- Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
- Wear a LOT of cologne.
- Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".
- Wear your trousers backwards.
- When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
- While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
- Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's road atlases.
- Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
- dont use any punctuation either
- and only type in lowercase.
*looks at the last 2 items, but says nothing...*
(Having flicked through it, I notice for the first time that it's in alphabetical order... *skips* how exciting!)
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