A very important message about myself...

Sl'askia · #1 01-08-2002, 09:38 PM

My friends, I need to reveal to you some thing very important. I have not mentioned it before because I had only just realized it. I belive I am going through depression....and it took a while for me to realize it.
You see...as far back as I can remember...I thought I was just someone who was shy and had problems expressing herself. But recently, I started to question myself, wondering why I am the way I am. Why I seem so cold and unemotional. Why I don't feel certain emotions at all.
I was always something of an outcast, shy and prefering to be alone save for a few friends (which weren't that many at all), but looking back to my past...I realized I was more expressive back then through the spoken word. However...something started to change...something I no longer remember happened that caused me to start locking away my true self. I didn't see it as I thought I was just a 'neutral' person. Time passed and it gradually got worse and worse.
When I joined the forums, it kind of lifted some what...as I had found a new means of communicating with others and found new friends, people I could share what I enjoy doing the most with (telling stories, drawing pics). But...that dark self...the depression...recently found a way around it. You might have noticed how I haven't been turning out as many fic chaps and pics lately...well thats part of the reason. I now have little moditifation to do much of anything...my job has suffered too..and thats a bad thing since I am in the military. Plus I had started to shut out and avoid those who I called friends. Trust me...it took a lot to get me to write this post.
I only reconagized it now because someone posted in another board about their about with depression...and discovered striking similarities to what was going on with myself. But I probably wouldn't have given it second thought if an incident on a topic in FC didn't start making wonder about myself before hand. Though that incident was negitive...I am grateful for having it now...as who knows how much longer I would have continued on without questioning why I am the way I am....if I ever did before it was too late.
But now that I know...I want to take steps to help myself. I have made the first step, identifying that I have a problem, that I am suffering from depression. I have already started the process of healing...by telling my co-workers and friends, and soon I will make my family aware of this. I will need all of your help and support to beat this though...as depression is a nasty thing...and one should not fight it alone....

Thoughts, comments, and sharing of similar feelings/experences are welcome...plz do share them.

abe22 · #2 01-08-2002, 09:59 PM

Well I've never been through a deep depression before so I don't know if this will help but maybe you should do stuff that makes you feel happy inside and talk to people you know alot and maybe they will give you answers and cheer you up then you might not be so sad.

Doug · #3 01-08-2002, 10:18 PM

Hang in there, Dragadon (Rachel, isn't it?). I think you've done the right thing telling your family and friends, and certainly you've got a lot of friends here that will support you and with whom you can always get things out in the open. I would say to just keep sharing your feelings if that's helping -- we're certainly here to listen. And if there is anything else we can do to help, let us know.

I went through a pretty serious bout of depression after returning to college after a semester off having changed my major and having to fulfill my science requirements in 2 years, having had only one science course previously. I couldn't function at all, and was close to flunking out until I just finally sat down one day and forced myself to get at my unfinished science projects -- there was so much it was overwhelming. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but it was like getting that big rock rolling -- once it started it got easier and easier. If I hadn't had my mom to share my pain with and to tell me to just do the best that I could, I probably would have flunked out, at very least.

Think about talking to a professional counselor of some kind or another. I have always told myself that I should just suck it up and deal with my down times and anxieties myself, but more and more I think that I could have benefited from talking to someone who knew more about how the mind works than I do.

The bottom line, though, is remember you'll always have friends here willing to help.

Steve · #4 01-08-2002, 10:56 PM

I'd do something for you if I was able to. unfortunatly I can't exactly bring up the spirits of anything.

The Magog On The March · #5 01-08-2002, 11:33 PM

Well, I did have a big long message for this that told of my stupid dealings with depression, but then I look back and forth between what I was writing and what you explained and I realized that it just seemed that my problems were just a little pointless and trivial.. but I guess the only kind of advice is this, like the little poster with the cat hanging by it's claws on a clothesline says, "hang in there!"

Disgruntled Intern · #6 01-09-2002, 12:49 AM

Dragadon....i won't tell you to 'hang in there' as i'm going through very similar problems myself..(i'm also severly depressed) and it's easier said than done.
i hope you seek out proffessional help..i have and it seems to be working..slowly, but still having a good effect.
Just don't let it over whelm you okay?
although i think i have never really 'talked' to you, feel free to drop me a line at captainhowdy@redtailboa.net ...
I'm always around to listen..

Surfacing · #7 01-09-2002, 06:56 AM

I have been in Deep Depression before, it was very hard on my life and everything went to hell, my school grades dropped i began to hate my family members including my parents.This is all because i was living with my uncle at the time, i hated it i wanted to kill myself, sucide was on my mind alot infact every morning i woke up i was thinking about it, This deep depression has scared my personality for ever! The time i finally moved out of my uncle's place though i was happy in the inside my personality was still very much the same and having divorced parents did'nt help me at all. But i have learned to live with myself and i just hope everyone around me does aswell, and for some reason i still hate my parents 4 making me live with my uncle, and i still hate alot of my famiy members, i guess you could say i have gone from deep deprission to just boring old deprission, and i have all this to blame on my god damn parents... Arhh i guess i'm slowly sinking back into deep deprission....

Sydney · #8 01-09-2002, 07:57 AM

It's a good sign that you want to change. Often when depressed, you feel that there's no way out and that somehow you were meant to feel this way. I'm glad you shared this with us, from the looks of it there are other people here who have experienced similar feelings of differing degrees.

I know you'll pull through. There's a lot to be experienced in life if you're in the right mindset. Remember we're all here to listen to whatever you wish to share with us.

Gluk Schmuck · #9 01-09-2002, 12:31 PM

*sympathy*

I had a bit of depression a year-or-so ago but it doesn't seem that bad looking at it from now, but I remember that it was bad. Damn brain!

*more sympathy*

Danny · #10 01-09-2002, 09:22 PM

Like MOTM, I also typed out a long story here, then decided it was too trivial. I am over it now, it wasn't too severe, and there wasn't really anything in it that might help you...

All I can say is that I and the rest of us will always be here for you, and you can rely on us to try our best to make you feel better. You have my promise on that.

Good Luck.

One, Two, Middlesboogie · #11 01-10-2002, 01:27 PM

I really wish I knew what to say. This is such a delicate situation.
I'd like to second what Danny said, though. If there's anything I can do to help you, please don't hesitate to tell me.
Best wishes.

Rex Tirano · #12 01-10-2002, 05:05 PM

All of usere at the forums are here for you at the moment! We all look out for each other...take oddbodd for instence. When he comitted Suicide we got heaps of posts seeing how he was. You are just as liked on the forums! You can get through this! So take a smile, listen to music, go outside more, meet friends, Exersise, Dance and all things like that! Al I can say is you can beat this horrible thing!!! Good luck!

Melvin:squeeking paramite · #13 01-10-2002, 06:05 PM

*sympathy* Drag, this is a very sensitive issue... it is a good thing that you can share it with us.

I hope that you will feel better soon, and that this depression you're going through will soon end. I can't really say too much about this, because I have never gone through such a serious depression...

Also, remember, every one here at the forums respects you. You will always have friends here.

Well, that's all I can really say, other than that you can always come to us, and we will be here for you.

Majic · #14 01-11-2002, 12:31 AM

I dont know, right now im even kind of depresed...... im ussualy only happy when i can help or accomplish things. thats really why im not doing as well in school and usuallyy i dont always want to talk to people. Im actually feeling somewhat better now, a little. I know what it feels like, Im hard on myself then hate me for what I seem like look like or do. I dont share my emotions really, I love things and hate things and I could be described as deceptive i mean i dont really act how i feel all the time. But really just go ahead and talk to people, do happy things. I really like comedy stuff like adam sandler etc..., do things that really you cant ignore. Im really stilll in depression i guess, I took a personality test online and it said i was unstable.... even though i thnk its crap i can thelp but ignore it. I mean just do things you like, things that cheer you up. Try not to just hate who you are, thats what im trying. think of whats good. im kinda jealous of other people, i dont accomplish that many great things, i mean you just got to try harder. Ill talk to you, my aim sn is Majic Man101 but really I know its hard. Dont try to think of what you arent, more like what you have. Just try to do things you used to like, see if it makes you feel better. if you like animals go to the zoo. like thrills go to a theme park. i know its hard but try to ignore it. and im only about 13.

paramiteabe · #15 01-12-2002, 12:39 AM

We are all here for you Dragodon. If you need any comfort just let us know. I went through depression about a year and a half ago and I know what it is like. My Grand father passed away and I lost my first girl friend and things in my life were falling apart. I stoped seeing my friends for a while but I manage to get through it with friends. Now I feel real good about myself and almost certain what I want to do with myself. So you will get through this. Don't worry. I will keep you in my prayers. You have friends here from all over the world that are thinking of you and thats real important. We all care about you. sincerely,
Paramiteabe
TURN THAT FROWN UPSIDE DOWN!

[ January 11, 2002: Message edited by: paramiteabe ]

Lantra · #16 01-12-2002, 06:48 PM

i once went through a really bad depression stage. so i know exactly what u are going through. it is really hard to get past it. a good idea is to try and think of all the posistive things that happened to u during the day. also try and do things with people so u dont get isolated. as well, i know it might sound wierd but exercise really helps alot! so i hope u get past this and behalf of the forums i like to say that we are all here for u.