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  #1  
12-21-2009, 07:47 AM
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Oddworld Bloody Floor's.(The Story of the other Mudokons)

(Hey guys A lot of you probably Don't Remember me But Im making Another Fanfiction. This one about Rupture Farms.)

Chapter 1:Enter Jair(don't ask about the name)

Jair was a simple Mudokon Scrub. He was born in Rupture Farms like most Mudokon Scrubs. Sometimes He wished he could be free and not be a slave. But not everyone gets their wish. Currently Jair was scrubbing a small bloodstain of what used to look like a puddle of blood. It was a deep dark Red. As he scrubbed,Two Sligs About 10 feet away from him were having a conversation. They were saying their usual slig talk,Calling each other a Chump everynow and again. Usually Jair didnt listen to this Chatter. But something made him listen this time. He listened as the tentical like parts on the sligs mouth bounced up and down. "Yeah Well,Boss told me that were going to have to keep a sharp eye out now." The first slig simply stated. "Why's that? He being a iverprotective Chump again?" Jair rolled his eyes as the two slig's laughed loudly. "No. Apparently that Mudokon Abe has escaped and is helping other of those sacks of crap escape!" Jair was shocked at the remark the sligs just called his species. "WHAT!?" Jair shouted out. Then he grabbed his mouth and felt stupid. One of the slig's slowly turned his head the Jair and Said with a evil laugh. "What?!" The slig started walking towards Jair,the gun in his hands. For sure he thought he was going to Die. Then right as he thought that,The slig hit him as hard as he could on Jair's Back. Jair wanted to Scream but he didnt. Instead,He simply coughed up some blood. "Get back to work." The slig said and returned to his position with the other Slig. And Jair did exactly as he was told.

(So what do you guys Think?..)
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  #2  
12-22-2009, 07:09 AM
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sounds great to me.
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  #3  
12-22-2009, 07:10 AM
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It's thoroughly average. I look forward to the next chapter, but right now it's nothing particularly special. You might want to space out your text a little.

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  #4  
12-22-2009, 07:51 AM
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Yeah sorry. Was a little drowsy from headache medicene when i typed that. I also just realized i type medacine wrong.
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  #5  
12-22-2009, 08:44 AM
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Yeah sorry. Was a little drowsy from headache medicene when i typed that. I also just realized i type medacine wrong.

medi i i i i c i i i i i i ne.


.... let's see how the story continues ^^
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  #6  
12-22-2009, 09:19 AM
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XD kay ill put it up in a few.
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  #7  
01-06-2010, 06:17 AM
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sounds good, are you going to continue this in litle paragrpahs or in chunks?
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Oh yeah, fair point. Maybe he was just tortured until he lost consciousness.

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