SLIG'S WEIRD!

[MA]

THIS IS UNOFFICIAL, just an RP spoof magazine, if you like.

This is a magazine printed in Oddworld called 'SLIG'S WEIRD!' that is mostly targetted at the slig population, but some glukkons do read it for information on the latest happenings and to stay 'with the times'. Mudokons read it also, the ones that have come across moolah to buy it with, or steal it.

Its basically a spoof Oddworld magazine that i have created which you can contribute to it in the form of adverts for your 'business', complaints, suggestions, etc. Wanna sell that old slig rifle gathering dust in the corner of your bunker? Need staff for a new factory your attempting to set up? Are you a gluk down on his moolah but need a good second hand suit? Advertise it all here!

SLIG'S WEIRD! is the cheapest magazine in the market, therefore the most popular.

SLIG'S WEIRD! will post one or two articles every other day.

Different things you can contact us about include;
Questions
Information
Jokes
Complaints
Advice
Interveiw ideas
Interveiw information
Personal adverts you wish to have published
Adverts regarding your business
Articles
Birthday wishes
Anything else...

If you wish to contact SLIG'S WEIRD! just PM mollucks assistant, and he will post your question, information, joke, complaint, advice, interveiw, advert or/and anything else in SLIG'S WEIRD! You will be credited for this contribution unless you wish to remain anonymous.

Your contribution will be refined in the form of correcting spelling and making the information easier on the eye with seperate paragraphs, but the information itself will NOT be changed in any way.

(This is just a bit of fun, so if you dont want anyone to see your contribution to this 'magazine' until the next update is posted, PM it to me, and i will post it in the next update. Or you can just post your idea's here in this thread, but they will be in public veiw so it wont be a surprise the next time SLIG'S WEIRD is updated).

Issue: 1

MINCERS!

Gone are the days when Rupture Farms and other meat empires would buy specialised mincers to mince the different animals they captured. Nowadays they just chuck anything made of meat into an all round mincer. But here is a reminder of those bygone days.

Paramite mincer:

Paramite mincers consist of serrated blades on the outer rim of the machine, on the edge of the funnel. Inside is a spinning propeller that has 4 curved blades and 4 straight blades. This is what a slig who works at Rupture Farms had to say about what they do with them, seeing as they are no longer in use;

"They get mudokons that they want an answer out of, you know, and dangle them over it. They let 'em sweat it out for a bit, and once they tell 'em, or the gluk gets bored, they drop 'em in it."

REPORTER: "Isnt that a bit harsh?"

"Wha'? Of course not! They're muds! Anyway, the mincer is only designed to mince paramites which are smaller than muds, so its extra painful for the mudokon."

REPORTER: "What would the damage be, exactly?"

"Well, i've never really hung around to watch, the screams are a bit...you know...horrific. But i spose it would just shred and rip apart the mud instead of chop it up. Like i said, muds are a lot bigger than paramites."

REPORTER: "Okay, thankyou."

Scrab mincer:

The scrab mincer is a vicious piece of machinery. The main spinning blade is a similar shape to a three-headed anchor. It is very sharp. Under this is a large circular blade with shards of metal welded around the edge of it. The blades have been ergonomically designed to mince a scrabs tough hide efficiently.

Meech mincer:

Due to the fact that meech's are now extict, this is the most common way to interrogate a mudokon, or slig, for that matter. it is a puzzling contraption. It has long, narrow knives that line across the actual hole in the funnel of the mincer, their use i have not been able to discover. And below this is a small spinning disc with small, sharp notches lining the edge. When our reporter asked a passing slig security guard what the process was for this particular mincer, he replied;

"How the hell am i sposed to know? Are you meant to be here?"

REPORTER: "Yeah, i'm a reporter for SLIG'S WEIRD!"

"Well dont get distractin' the muds, Molluck wont let you in again if he finds out."

-----

In relation to this article;
We have a very reliable source at Rupture Farms, i will not print his name for his own safety, but the source has provided us with official documents from Rupture Farms archives, all about mincing incidents. Of course, we didnt want to keep it to ourselves, so we thought we'd print part of the document for our readers. We had a tough time convincing Chronicler Spenixson about printing this, as its officially illegal, if they find the source...
Enjoy!

INCIDENT 23: MUDOKON
WORK PERIOD: 7 YEARS
NAME: CULLY
INCIDENT DESCRIPTION: FELL INTO MEECH MINCER DURING STRUGGLE WITH SLIG GUARDS. TRYING TO TAKE GUN AWAY. UNOFFICIAL.

INCIDENT 24: MUDOKON
WORK PERIOD: 3 YEARS
NAME: FOLL
INCIDENT DESCRIPTION: FED INTO PARAMITE MINCER AS PUNISHMENT AFTER KILLING A SLIG GUARD. OFFICIAL.

INCIDENT 25: MUDOKON
WORK PERIOD: 5 YEARS
NAME: SOLLUTH
INCIDENT DESCRIPTION: FELL IN PARAMITE MINCER WHILST CLEANING. UNOFFICIAL.

INCIDENT 26: MUDOKON
WORK PERIOD: 2 MONTHS
NAME: JOLE
INCIDENT DESCRIPTION: KILLED WHEN THE SCRAB MINCER BECAME ACTIVE, DUE TO HIS LACK OF MACHINERY KNOWLEDGE. UNOFFICIAL.

INCIDENT 27: SLIG
WORK PERIOD: 12 YEARS
NAME: RUX
INCIDENT DESCRIPTION: PUSHED INTO PARAMITE MINCER BY RENEGADE MUDOKONS. UNOFFICIAL.

INCIDENT 28: MUDOKON
WORK PERIOD: 17 YEARS
NAME: HOY
INCIDENT DESCRIPTION: FED INTO PARAMITE MINCER AS PUNISHMENT AFTER REPETITIVE STEALING OF OFFICIAL DOCUMENTS. OFFICIAL.

INCIDENT 29: SLOG
WORK PERIOD: 1 YEAR
NAME: RUM
INCIDENT DESCRIPTION: MISJUDGED DISTANCE WHILST JUMPING OVER MEECH MINCER IN PURSUIT OF MUDOKON. UNOFFICIAL.

INCIDENT 30: MUDOKON
WORK PERIOD: 11 YEARS
NAME: JONE
INCIDENT DESCRIPTION: DRAGGED INTO SCRAB MINCER WHILST LOADING IT. UNOFFICIAL.

INCIDENT 31: SLIG
WORK PERIOD: 9 YEARS
NAME: CANDEN
INCIDENT DESCRIPTION: FELL INTO PARAMITE MINCER WHILST TRYING TO FETCH OUT A MANGLED PAIR OF ROBOTIC LEGS. UNOFFICIAL.

-ADVERT-

LUNGBUSTERS

When you feel like your in a fluster,
have a sit down and smoke a Lungbuster!

NOW IMPROVED!
Longer lasting cigarettes with slower burning paper.

Guarenteed to fill your lungs with tar and make you breath smoke!

One of the most popular products in the Vykkers Labs range.

Over 500,000 packets bought everyday!

Dont be left out!
Join the masses as they puff away their chances of survival and reduce their lifespan considerably!
Used by glukkons, sligs and mudokons alike.

-ADVERT FINISH-

SLIG'S WEIRD! magazine staff:

Writers: Stevix
Editor: Rozzle
Reporters: CANNOT BE NAMED
Receptionist: Coth
Chief coffee maker: Roldy
Magog Cartel law specialiser: Chronicler Sphenixson
Slig security: Font
Len
Disue
Vilt
Hond
Owner: Stevix

"No news is good news. I'm afraid i cannot believe in this motto in my position." - Stevix.

If you wish to have anything published (jokes, interveiws, complaints, birthday wishes, information, etc), then PM mollucks assistant and he will personally make sure it is included in the next issue of SLIG'S WEIRD!

Thanks for reading!

End of issue: 1

[Oddey]

Cool! I might add something at some point, or even make a cover if I have the time. I look forward to issue two.

[AlexFili]

I must also say that this is a fantastic idea

[STM]

omg molluck this is one of your best!

[STM]

Vike micro meat plant, MUDOS MILL MEAT

Mudos Mill Meat maker is an ex-mudokon windmill that I, Vike rested from a group of notorious mud terrorists, I converted it with a group of sligs into a small time meat making plant!

MEATS-

Meep Cuts - 600 Moolah per upergram
Scrab Cakes - 800 Moolah per pie
Paramite Pie - 700 Moolah per pie
Mudokon Pops - 800 Moolah per pop
- all new -
SligSlurp - 500 Moolah per slurp (may contain slig parts)

[MA]

thanks everyone! its other members contributions that make this spoof Oddworld magazine interesting, so anyone is welcome to PM anything they wish to have in an issue.

contribute people!

Issue: 2

SOLDIER SLIG'S GLORY!

Rall, age 12, was awarded the gold cross medal for bravery yesterday. He had been performing a general sweep of the area around the guard tower before locking down for the night, when he spotted a lone scrab.

He slowly raised his rifle and was about to shoot the creature when he noticed his boss, Moziknoff, manager glukkon of the tower, taking a leisurely stroll outside. The scrab saw him also and charged. Rall, who had been working at the tower for 3 years, fired 2 shots at the scrab, but it was too quick.

By now Moziknoff had seen the scrab charging towards him and tried to run to safety, leaping back towards the tower. Rall fired a burst of shots, and hit the scrab (according to sligs that examined the corpse afterwards) 8 times in the back, before the beast fell to the ground.

Moziknoff had this to say;

"I owe my life to this brave slig. If he hadnt of been there, I would be dead."

MAG: A glukkon thanking a slig, thats a first.

As well as receiving the gold cross, Rall was presented with a pair of bronze mechanical legs, a new rifle, and was promoted to captain, head of the tower. The gun was, of course, the new Scrab Shooter.

MAG: So to get a free Scrab Shooter, all you have to do is save a glukkons life. Huh...

-ADVERT-

THE NEW SCRAB SHOOTER!

Designed by Vykkers Labs to pierce the tough skin of scrabs and kill the beast. The weapons powerful bullet trajectory system is GUARANTEED to eradicate the animal due to its unique propulsion technique. Already ordered in mass batches by scrab hunters, Scrabaninan outposts and the famous Slig Barracks, dont be the last person to own your very own Scrab Shooter!

2500 moolah

ORDER LINE:
0182 723 221
(1 moolah per min)

-ADVERT FINISH-

INTERVIEW TIME!

We have been sent an exclusive interview from a source known as AlexFili about a true slig character named Silpher. He's quite a capable slig, well, we at SLIG'S WEIRD! think so...

Reporter: Today's special guest is... Mister Silpher.

Silpher nods as he walks in.

R: "Can I ask, do you have a job at the moment?"

S: "Nah, we're free Sligs. We've had a few offers, but I don't think any of the
other guys would like to settle down or anything like that".

R: "Good on you mate, It's about time we had some free-thinking Sligs around here".

S: "Thank you, it's not easy being a Hybrid you know. We have the disadvantages of both races, thankfully we stick together as a group so we are pretty capable in terms of fighting.

R: "Do you hunt Scrabs most of the time?".

S: "We try to avoid them as much as possible, we normally have Paramite or Elum if possible. And you?"

R: "Oh me? I just have a nice bowl of salad every day".

S: (raises eyebrow) Seriously?

R: "With that, let's end the interview for now".

S: "Goodbye".

-----

Now it's time for our first ever edition of;

Words With Kroloff

YES! Its time to hear our sergeant Kroloff’s words of wisdom, expert in weapons, combat and hunting, with over 16 years experience, and currently stationed at a small slig outpost in Scrabania. But he still has time to answer your questions!

Anonymous Slig at Magog Mineralz: Hello, I have a slight problem. One of my friends doesn't like night duty and he always ends up falling asleep on duty. I fear that he may get fired if he keeps falling asleep. We tried Slogs but he doesn't like them. Can you offer any advice?

Kroloff: Ah, this takes me back. Well, when i had a short term job in a small detention centre just north of FeeCo Depot, moolah in hand, you know, i was assigned to night duty because i wasnt officially on the books.

Anyway, i couldnt for the life of me stay awake, and i was young at the time so i had delusions of being sent to Skillya at the slightest hiccup. Then a friend of mine that woked there full time told me about an experimantal drug the Vykkers had been selling for a while, called Hyper-Act. Its the complete opposite of the Chill Pill, and keeps you on guard for about 6 hours straight. If need be you can always have another one for extended duty.

The only reason it isnt advertised yet is due to a side effect that may make you hallucinate slightly and act erratically. I myself have never experienced this, and i was using it for 6 months on the job, but i suppose prolonged use will incur these side effects.

Either that or lots of coffee. Maybe Zap, that energy drink.

-----

RUBBISH JOKES!

1.) Why was the mudokon talking to a Soulstorm Brew?
A: Because he was talking to his ancestors!
By: Syke.

2.) Why did the glukkon have writers block?
A: Because he had no arms!
By: Trashe.

3.) How do they kill mudokons?
A: Ya' dont wanna know!
By: Crunch

-----

COMMERCIAL & PERSONAL AD'S:

> Slig bare knuckle boxers needed to show these muds what for! Too many muds are fighting in the ring now and we need fresh recruits. Find us in the engine room at Splinterz. No accommodation so local fighters only. No pay, just the perks of beating up mudokons, if your good enough! After hours only.
Tel: 0182 794 554 and ask for Ziche or Ballen.

> WANTED: LOST SLIG PANTS
A Slog ran off with my mechanical pants. Don't ask questions about the Slog. If you find the pants, please return them to; Rupture Farms, PO Box 423. Ask for "Warazu". PS Extra money if you bring Slog.

> 2 Troublesome mudokons for sale. 100 moolah or nearest offer for both. Tel: 0182 655 391

-----

COMPLAINTS.

And now as we reach the end of the magazine, we come to the complaints any of you readers have sent in.

Anonymous: In issue 1, You didn't mention the fleech grinder or the slurg squeezer 1000.

We apolagise for this, in our defence we only had a short amount of time allowed at Rupture Farms to inspect the old mincers, interveiw a number of employee's, and make contact with our source. We may have been rushed, but we will be more thorough in future. Thank you for informing us about this.

Also, if anyone out there knows how the fleech grinder or slurg squeezer 1000 works, please contact us and let us know. We have no idea!

SLIG'S WEIRD! magazine staff:

Writers: Stevix
Editor: Rozzle
Reporters: CANNOT BE NAMED
Receptionist: Coth
Chief coffee maker: Roldy
Magog Cartel law specialiser: Chronicler Sphenixson
Slig security: Font
Len
Disue
Vilt
Hond
Owner: Stevix

"No news is good news. I'm afraid i cannot believe in this motto in my position." - Stevix.

If you wish to have anything published (jokes, interveiws, complaints, birthday wishes, information, etc), then PM mollucks assistant and he will personally make sure it is included in the next issue of SLIG'S WEIRD!

Thanks for reading!

End of issue: 2

-----

credit goes to AlexFili for supplying the interview with Silpher, question for Words With Kroloff, lost slig pants advert and the complaint.

[mr.odd]

Very original and creative, I can't wait to see where this goes.


And Scrabtrapman Double posting again,this is starting to become a big problem, so fix it. But nice job on fixing spelling and grammer.

[STM]

u need to start a proper new paper man these are awesome!

[joshkrz]

sounds good, i love the cig advert lol. is there any way to subscribe by email, like a newsletter but massive?

[Oddey]

Behold! I have created a not so high quality cover art for the first Issue!

I laughed at the so called "Rubbish" jokes.

[MA]

sounds good, i love the cig advert lol. is there any way to subscribe by email, like a newsletter but massive?

cheers! i'm not much of a techno-whizz so i wouldnt know how to do that, but i think you can subscribe to the thread.

Behold! I have created a not so high quality cover art for the first Issue!

thats great! a good contribution.

[Oddey]

thats great! a good contribution.

I'll attempt to make a cover for every issue.

[Ajiellyn]

This is an awesome, unique idea for a community project, and it's working beautifully so far. I'll see what I can do in the way of stray art for covers and/or advertisements.

How did the name come about, may I ask?

[Crashpunk]

This is great work!

[joshkrz]

i don't know if you have done any graphics, but if you havent heres an industrial type sign for you.


PNG32 | Alpha Transparent

hope you like it

[MA]

that would be class, Oddey and Ajiellyn.
yeah, i got the idea from these magazines my step dad used to read called Bizarre. he read them for the unusual stories and sometimes shocking tales of heroes, murderers, psychopaths and amazing animals. all true. i thought that sligs would like stuff like this, that and guns, hence the name SLIG'S WEIRD! instead of Bizarre.

EDIT: thanks crashpunk, good to know the feedback.

Thats some good detail joshkrz, i'll try and include it in the next issue, cheers!

its good to see a mod interested.

Issue: 3

SLOG BREAKOUT!

There has been a mass breakout at one of Slog Huts depot's. It is estimated that 22 adult slogs have escaped into the wilds, with 12 sloggies in tow. They are trying to figure out how the slogs escaped to try and avoid it in future, but so far no progress has been made.

The breakout was first noticed in the early hours of this morning by slig guards. The head manager of this particular Slog Huts depot had this to say;

"Its a real shame, those slogs were pedigree, and we already had orders for half the slogs and sloggies that have escaped."

REPORTER: "It sounds like your giving up?"

"Oh no! Never give up! I'll have the assistant manager looking for them around the clock, we cant afford to lose these slogs...they're pedigree! If anyone near Slog Huts territory see's them please phone our number! We'll have someone down there to pick them up quicker than you can say 'slog sh*t'!"

The head of Slog Huts industry has put out a reward of 500 moolah to anyone who finds the slogs and warns people not to try and fool them, they are experts.

If you think you know the whereabouts of the slogs dial this number to contact Slog Huts head office:

0182 732 733
(1 moolah per min).

-ADVERT-

LIP STITCHER 3000

KEEP THOSE DAMN MUDS QUIET!

A tight and secure stitch with 70% less infection than previous models. Buy 10 and receive 10 miles of elum skin stitching FREE! Guaranteed lifespan of over 50 years!

Over 1,000,000 sold!

1000 moolah per machine
1 moolah per yard of stitching

Another fine product from Vykkers Labs!

Dial:
0182 723 221
(1 moolah per min).
CALL NOW!

-ADVERT FINISH-

Words With Kroloff

YES! Its time to hear our sergeant Kroloff’s words of wisdom, expert in weapons, combat and hunting, with over 16 years experience, and currently stationed at a small slig outpost in Scrabania. But he still has time to answer your questions!

Anonymous: Hi, I wanted to ask... What's better for killing Mudokons? Big Bro pants or Flying Wings?

Kroloff: Well, i've beaten plenty of muds in my time, and dont regret any of it, but i've never had the creativity to use those particular objects. I do however, have a friend named Crunch who works in Bonewerkz. He sometimes contributes to this magazine so you may have heard of him.

Before Crunch got work at Bonewerkz, he used to be a mechanic at Magog Motors, and maintained slig's pants and flight suits for an extra bit of moolah. One of the story's he's told me is that a mudokon approached him dragging a pair of Big Bro pants behind him, saying he had been told to get them fixed by the owner.

Now Crunch wasn't bothered in the slightest, and pulled out a screwdriver to have a poke around. He found the problem and looked up to tell the mud when he saw him pocket an expensive engine part in his loincloth, who knows what he was going to do with it, probably try and sell it. Crunch lost his temper and proceeded to batter the mud to death with the Big Bro pants he had dragged all that way to be fixed. He told me he didnt care if he killed him at the time, but i reckon it was accidental, seeing as he just blew his top.

Ironically, after this the pants themselves were in a state of severe disrepair thanks to Crunch's outburst, so he had to fork out moolah to buy a new pair before the Big Bro found out. What goes around comes around.

All in all i'd say Big Bro pants, seeing as flight suits can break a lot easier than pants.

-----

RUBBISH JOKES!

1.) What did the fleech order in the restaurant?
A: A dinner for two!
By: Kynn.

2.) Where are the bones of a dead mudokon buried?
A: In a Soulstorm Brew!
By: Gez.

3.) Why did the dentist have trouble with the scrab?
A: Because he had a beak!
By: Corten.

MAG: CRAP!

ALSO: We have decided to pick a joke we consider to be the funniest that you send in to us in every issue, starting in the next issue. The winner will receive 50 moolah in the post!

Compete!

-----

COMMERCIAL & PERSONAL AD'S:

> GLUKKON SUIT FOR SALE. Wannabe style. Good condition, only used twice, small hole with red stain just below neck. 250 moolah.
TEL: 0182 745 962

> Want to get high? We have lots of (medicinal) herbs for your delight. Our primary stock is Treebark. E-mail us at herb-loving-sligs@slogkennels41.net

> Experienced slig guard, preferably with a history of working with violent mudokons, needed for long term work in a detention centre, just outside of Soulstorm Mining Co. Pistol and baton provided. The mudokon prisoners are all from Soulstorm Mining Co and so are all miners. They are strong so older sligs only. Pay is from 30 - 40 moolah a day, depending on hours, and full risk assessment is provided for every situation. Serious enquiries only.
TEL: 0182 322 456

-----

BIRTHDAY WISHES!

This is a brand new section for you, the readers, to send in your birthday wishes to your friends.

Happy birthday to Ragaro from the Flub Fuels Depot. He's 9 at the end of this week. We're having a little get together in the barracks. Bring booze and 2 mates.

SLIG'S WEIRD! magazine staff:

Writers: Stevix
Editor: Rozzle
Reporters: CANNOT BE NAMED
Receptionist: Coth
Chief coffee maker: Roldy
Magog Cartel law specialiser: Chronicler Sphenixson
Slig security: Font
Len
Disue
Vilt
Hond
Owner: Stevix

"No news is good news. I'm afraid i cannot believe in this motto in my position." - Stevix.

If you wish to have anything published (jokes, interveiws, complaints, birthday wishes, information, etc), then PM mollucks assistant and he will personally make sure it is included in the next issue of SLIG'S WEIRD!

Thanks for reading!

End of issue: 3

-----

credit goes to AlexFili for the question for Kroloff, the 'want to get high?' advert and the birthday.

dont be afraid people! your contribution is guaranteed to be included in SLIG'S WEIRD! as soon as possible! just PM it to me.

this magazine needs YOU!

[Oddey]

The cover for issue two has arrived!

Nice new one, I'll have to make a cover for that one as well...

This is a really great idea.

[MA]

thats pretty class Oddey.

i like the heading "Scrab Shooter! For your scrab killing convenience!"

[joshkrz]

LIP STITCHER 3000

KEEP THOSE DAMN MUDS QUIET!

A tight and secure stitch with 70% less infection than previous models. Buy 10 and receive 10 miles of elum skin stitching FREE! Guaranteed lifespan of over 50 years!

Over 1,000,000 sold!

1000 moolah per machine
1 moolah per yard of stitching

Another fine product from Vykkers Labs!

But abe talks :S, and how come only abe has stitch lips, well, at least i think its only abe.

Nice work, some jokes adverts, definatly oddworld style

[AlexFili]

By the way, Oddey, if that Slig on the front cover was meant to be Silpher, he needs to have a red skin colour, like this; (he's not meant to have a gun either, but oh well, it doesn't matter ). I like the magazine BTW

[MA]

@ joshkrz: i know, it is a bit puzzling. it maybe just a flaw in Vykkers Labs product range. i'd ask Xavier or Max, they'd know.

[Oddey]

By the way, Oddey, if that Slig on the front cover was meant to be Silpher, he needs to have a red skin colour, like this; (he's not meant to have a gun either, but oh well, it doesn't matter ). I like the magazine BTW

I'm afraid I don't have the powers of Paint Shop Pro or, the GIMP. Just MS Paint at the moment. thanks for editing it though.

[MA]

Issue: 4

RALL CONSPIRACY

We last heard if Rall when he had saved his bosses life from a savage scrab at a small slig guard tower. But we now hear of him because of a suspicious death that has taken place at the guard tower.

A young slig, who had been recently transferred to the tower and had been rising through the ranks with a clean record, was found dead in the weapon storeroom, sprawled over an ammunition crate. He was gripping the stock of a sniper rifle in his hand, the bullet having passed straight through his skull.

He was discovered by another slig who was entering the room to swap his rifle as it had jammed the day before. We asked him a few questions;

"I dont get it. He was a good slig, and he was smart, he'd know not to put his head over the muzzle whilst checking it."

REPORTER: "So you dont think its suicide?"

"No! Well i aint really thought about it, i spose that seems more...whats the word?"

REPORTER: "Logical?"

"Thats the one! Yeah, more logical, but it still doesnt make sense, i mean he wasnt depressed. What would he be depressed about? He was young, smarter than most sligs, rising through the ranks like hot sh*t, he had what most sligs want. But...actually, the more I talk about it, the more it sounds like murder? Oh...sh*t."

REPORTER: "Murder? By who?"

"I dunno, but i shouldnt say anything else or I might be next! Dont print my name."

REPORTER: "Whatever you say."

Vykkers Labs are investigating the death under demands (and moolah, of course) of Moziknoff the manager of the guard tower. We had a brief moment to interview Moziknoff in his office, seeing as Vykkers Labs forensics were already there when our reporter turned up to ask questions.

"This is very disturbing for me, as it could mean we have a cold-blooded, remorseless murderer in our midst, and this guard tower, like many guard towers, is a closely knit society. We need to root out and find this person, if it is a murder that is, and have them court-martialled and shot at dawn. I will not stnad for this. But as I have said before, it might not even be a murder scene. But moolah spent to investigate a possibility is moolah well spent in my opinion. Is that all?"

REPORTER: "Yes, thank you Moziknoff."

"Pleasure."

We had a word with Rall also, and what he said made us think of a possible conspiracy;

"Well its bad, but everyone dies eventually, and you could say i'm glad in a way 'cus I know he wont be takin' my position."

REPORTER: "But...a slig has died, possibly killed? Do you really care more about your own status?"

"Look, dont try and scrabsh*t me, i never killed him, and anyone that says i did is a liar."

REPORTER: "Who said you killed him?"

"No one! Look, your twistin' my words. I need to talk to the forensics so, to put it bluntly, p*ss off."

MAG: Sounds like a guilty conscience to me. Bagsy the Scrab Shooter!

Is Rall trying to keep his position intact? Is the conspiracy real? Time will tell, and if it is, he will have to answer to the firing squad.

-ADVERT-

BLITZ PACKER

3000 moolah

BE A BIG SLIG THAT EVERYONE WILL DIG!

Top of the weapon pile in the warehouse of super violence.

THE OBVIOUS CHOICE IN THE WORLD OF FIREPOWER

300 rounds per minute
Deposits possible

Now with cooling system to prevent overheating and jamming.
If full price paid in cash up front, you will receive a free scope attatchment.

Dont hang around with that crappy rifle! Get one NOW!

0182 732 739
(2 moolah per min).

-ADVERT FINISH-

INTERVIEW TIME!

We at SLIG'S WEIRD! have been able to get hold of another intersting slig, named Germ. We interviewed and printed, and we must say he was quite polite...

REPORTER: Hello and welcome, Germ. What is it like working so close to a Vykker constantly?

Germ: Well... It kind of makes you feel not so smart. It's an interesting job though. Not every slig gets to go so many places.

REPORTER: If you dont mind telling us, how much moolah do you earn a week?

Germ: It kind of varies. At Vykker's Labs where I would be working now, I haven't earnt anything yet, 'cause of an injury. At my old place, I got about... 60 moolah a week.

REPORTER: Is your working relationship good with your boss?

Germ: Must be... I did save his life once. Of course he did get me the new job.

REPORTER: Have you ever been in the position where you have had to defend your boss with your life?

Germ: You bet I have. There was this one time right, when this other guy was going to shoot him, but I jumped in front of him, stopped the bullet, and shot him. Let me tell you, it hurts way more than people say. The stuff that comes after even hurts more than people say.

REPORTER: Have you worked for any other boss other than your current one?

Germ: Yeah, at the job I used to have. He wasn't unlike your average gluk. Obsessed with money, looking good and having a big factory.

REPORTER: Do you have any tips for our readers in how to avoid incurring a Vykker's wrath?

Germ: Don't act smarter than them, don't make a descision before they do, and never mention something unhealthy.

REPORTER: Do you get out much in your line of work, or is it a desk or simple security job?

Germ: Yeah, I guess you could say that. At the moment, we're heading for New New Yolk City, for uhhh... Business issues. Before that, I only went around in a big circle, looking out for trouble. Not exactly fun.

REPORTER: And finally, do you actually enjoy working for your current boss? Leave no detail out.

Germ: Oh yeah. Nothing quite like an advent- I mean business thing, to spice up your life. Better than my old job anyway... And my old boss. My new one, Finklar, is a lot fairer when you get on his good side. He can be a bit bossy, but he is my boss so... Yeah I do enjoy my work.

REPORTER: Thank you Germ.

Germ: Anytime!

Reporter and Germ shake hands.

-----

Words With Kroloff

YES! Its time to hear our sergeant Kroloff’s words of wisdom, expert in weapons, combat and hunting, with over 16 years experience, and currently stationed at a small slig outpost in Scrabania. But he still has time to answer your questions!

Anonymous: Dear Kroloff, I was wondering about buying the new Scrab Shooter but I dont want to fork out the moolah for it and find out its crap. I'd like to hear your professional opinion.

Kroloff: I'm afraid I haven't used the Scrab Shooter yet. Many Vykker products are fine, but there's always room for error. The gun is brand new so there is still time to let someone you know buy it and ask their opinion. I'll let SLIG'S WEIRD! know once i've tested it out on a live scrab. Also for any readers that already own the Scrab Shooter, feel free to let us know your opinion on the gun and whether it is very effective.

-ADVERT-

GIVE YOUR SLOG A BONE

Thats right! Give your slog a bone!

But dont settle for scraps of meat and yellow bones, buy a crate of mature, white bones that have been rejected by Bonewerkz!

Get yours today!

ORDER LINE:
0182 694 882
(2 moolah per min).

A GOOD SLOG IS A HAPPY SLOG!

-ADVERT FINISH-

RUBBISH JOKES!

1.) Why did the mudokon cannibal cross the track?
A: Because he wanted to eat at Rupture Farms!
By: Sri

2.) A paramite saw another paramite jumping up and down on a computer. the paramite said "What ya doing?" and the other paramite said "I heard a slig say you can use these to get on the web!"
By: Kingez

3.) What do you call a drunk slig?
A: Legless!
By: Crunch

-----

COMMERCIAL & PERSONAL AD'S:

> Mudokons wanted for short term work on a small meep ranch. If you can spare about 20 mudokons for up to 3 months a reward of up to 500 moolah could be in it for you. We are located on the north edge of Paramonia.
TEL: 0182 765 765

> GLUKKON POSITION AVAILABLE! Regional manager of a large plot of land to be rented and built on. Perfect for early starting glukkons. The work will be easy to begin with, but it will grow, and so will your moolah! Slig not provided. Prone to native attack. Dangerous to begin with. Bring your own suit. Joint partnership possible.
TEL: 0182 111 989

> Engineer needed desperately!!! Needs to be good at welding, soldering, plastering, rewiring, and aslo handy with a gun. Setting up a small animal stores business thats gone disastrously wrong! Promised small building in good condition but it was a crap hole, and the animals have already been ordered and are on their way!! Find me and my nightmare far east of Flub Fuels next to the giant swamp. Two weeks work plus for 400 moolah a week, no days off. No time wasters! Materials provided but no tools.
TEL: 0182 546 733

SLIG'S WEIRD! magazine staff:

Writers: Stevix
Editor: Rozzle
Reporters: CANNOT BE NAMED
Receptionist: Coth
Chief coffee maker: Roldy
Magog Cartel law specialiser: Chronicler Sphenixson
Slig security: Font
Len
Disue
Vilt
Hond
Owner: Stevix

"No news is good news. I'm afraid i cannot believe in this motto in my position." - Stevix.

If you wish to have anything published (jokes, interveiws, complaints, birthday wishes, information, etc), then PM mollucks assistant and he will personally make sure it is included in the next issue of SLIG'S WEIRD!

Thanks for reading!

End of Issue: 4

-----

credit goes to Oddey for providing the interview.

[Oddey]

And in return for letting Germ be interveiwed, I give you the covers of both issue 3 and 4!

[Crashpunk]

it needs more colour i recon.
Don't get me wrong there great but they look too basic

[AlexFili]

The spelling mistake is bothering me. Is the spelling mistake intentional? Also, the red text doesn't blend well with the Big Bro Slig.

[joshkrz]

use a transparent rectangle, black 60 or 70% behind the text. or overlay black on the slig underneeth the text.

dont get how you lay it out so well though, i dunno where to put stuff

[MA]

good work Oddey, accurate picture of Kroloff as well, i pictured him with an old fashioned visor.

Issue: 5

MUDOKON MADNESS!

Mudokons, that Vykkers Labs have now labelled terrorists, have struck a blow to Soulstorm Brewery. A cargo ship owned to Shipping & Co carrying 200 tons of Soulstorm Brew was taken over by mudokons who assassinated the captain and killed the rest of the crew.

The mudokons, not knowing how to sail a ship, soon crashed into razor sharp rocks on the east coast of Mudos. The ship sunk along with the 200 tons of Soulstorm Brew and the renegade mudokons cannot be found, presumed dead. Brewmaster had this to say;

"I am absolutely outraged with this Shipping & Co! They kept saying 'Sorry we cant deliver it at the moment', and when they finally attempt to deliver it to the thirsty inhabitants of the far north coast of Mudos, its been flipping taken over by stupid annoying bloody mudokons who cant even sail! And crashed!!"

As far as they can tell, Vykkers Labs think the mudokons were already members of the crew, and after trawling through Shipping & Co crew records, believe the mudokon ringleaders to be; Nille, Kail and Rak.

Vykkers Labs are making no further enquiries and are notably happy that these mudokons have met their presumed end. Here is what a chief Vykkers Labs scientist had to say;

"We're pretty glad that these mudokons are dead, and hope this is set as an example to all other mudokons who think they can get the better of industrialists."

REPORTER: "But you could say the mudokons did get the better of industrialists seeing as they managed to take over the ship and sink it in return for their lives?"

"Well are they here now celebrating their victory? I dont think so. The mudokon ringleaders were notorious, indeed, but they lacked the knowledge. The brains."

REPORTER: "And what do you say to those people that think these mudokon terrorists are still alive?"

"I say pah! Scrabsh*t! If they're still alive I'll eat my own surgery gown!"

We also interviewed the owner of Shipping & Co, and he made these comments;

"I'm devastated! Do you know how much a massive freighter costs to build? More than you make in a lifetime! If the Vykkers are right and the three mudokons that begun this mutiny were in fact already members of the crew, we will have to keep even stricter rules and regulations on these muds that work with Shiping & Co. The muds have just made it worse for themselves. Stricter monitoring, tougher punishments. Also, i need to state that there may be some delays to cargo collection and delivery due to this catastrophe. We apolagise for any inconvenience caused. Make sure you print that."

To arrange a collection/delivery with Shipping & Co TEL:
0607 222 333
(1 moolah per min).

-ADVERT-

BUTT FLO

THE REVOLUTIONARY SOLUTION TO YOUR CONSTIPATED NEEDS!

Just one dose,
never take two!
And your loo,
will be full of poo!

(Not intended for animal use or any other inferious creatures - excluding mudokons).

30 moolah per bottle
1 bottle contains 30 doses.

CALL NOW
0182 723 221
(1 moolah per min).

Side effects may include: stomach ache, flatulance, leakage and projectile excrement. In case of overdose inform your nearest Vykker doctor and attempt to refrain from passing solids.

-ADVERT FINISH-

A NEW LEAGUE...

We have just heard from a reliable source that a new adversary for industry seems to have popped up over night. Not much is known about them, but they call themselves the D.F.W. League. This apparently stands for Defence For Wildlife League.

It's probable that the reason they have remained so secretive in their setting up and business location is because major industries like Splinterz and Rupture Farms may give moolah to a smaller party to pay this new smalltime corporation a visit, putting them out of business, so to speak. And who can blame them?

We at SLIG'S WEIRD! think that this another unnecessary annoyance that businesses attempting to set up will have to abide. Who cares if some mud hasn't got adequate toilet facilities? Who cares if a herd of scrabs dies due to an oil spill in a watering hole? Who cares if a fleech is flushed down the U-bend? Who cares?!

We are going to reveal any information we find about the D.F.W. League in an attempt to give local businesses a chance at survival, we think they are more of a hinderance than a help.

MAG: RALLY!

-----

We were recently approached by an M.O.M. messenger offering us a proposal that we couldnt refuse. Seeing as SLIG'S WEIRD! magazine sales had increased slightly recently, he said that the M.O.M. broadcasting station was willing to pay us a certain amount of moolah for us to publish their reports in an assigned section. So voila! Welcome to the new section! Also, we only publish the reports as M.O.M. sends them, so they may not be in every issue.

M.O.M – News you cannot refuse – By the Scrabtrapman

ISSUE1: UPRISINGS ON THE OUTER RIM!

Today General Dripik allowed some powerful news to slip from his stupid mouth. An uprising on the outer rim has started up and mudokons are killing sligs and taking there weapons, an un-confirmed death report has reached us that Jr. Executive Vippy has been killed by his workers, oh the horror!

General Dripik assures us that he is dealing with the situation and that these pockets of resistance shall be wiped out soon, “Big bro sligs” are being sent in to neutralise the areas and “remove” the sligs that failed.

In a side story, a small meat packaging plant has opened on the fringes of Mudos; the name of the plant is, well, no one cares.

This report was sent to you by Scrabtrapman our very own frontline reporter and was sponsored by Lung Busters; mmm that’s a good smoke, now with hack catcher!

-ADVERT-

SLOG SIGHTINGS?

HAVE YOU SEEN ANY ESCAPED PEDIGREE SLOGS AND SLOGGIES BELONGING TO SLOG HUTS?

22 ADULT SLOGS AND 12 SLOGGIES IN THE IMMEDIATE AREA OF A SLOG HUTS DEPOT SOUTH OF SPLINTERZ.

500 MOOLAH REWARD FOR ANY RECOVERY.

RISK OF HEFTY FINE TO ANYONE ATTEMPTING TO FAKE PEDIGREE SLOGS FOR WASTING TIME.

IF YOU SEE ANY SLOGS OR SLOGGIES IN THE VICINITY OF SLOG HUTS CONTACT US ON:

0182 732 733
(1 moolah per min).

-ADVERT FINISH-

Words With Kroloff

YES! Its time to hear our sergeant Kroloff’s words of wisdom, expert in weapons, combat and hunting, with over 16 years experience, and currently stationed at a small slig outpost in Scrabania. But he still has time to answer your questions!

Anonymous: How do I know when to flush my pet Fleech down the toilet? He's about as big as my arm now.

Kroloff: Whoa! Now thats big enough! I'm no expert on fleeches but I'd say its about time that fleech said hello to Mr. Toilet. They usually survive in the sewers anyway, unluckily for the sewer patrol sligs, so dont think its unfair. For the record, fleeches freak me out.

-----

RUBBISH JOKES!

1.) How do you tell a murderer from an innocent?
A: Just ask them if their name's Rall!
By: Crunch.

2.) What do you call a laughing mudokon?
A: Soon to be in stitches.
By: Dost.

3.) Whats green, vicious, and hunts in packs?
A: A mud!
By: Bijy

THIS ISSUES WINNER IS: Crunch with that outrageous joke!

Congratulations Crunch, 50 moolah is in the post!

-----

COMMERCIAL & PERSONAL AD'S:

> 12 slog replacement teeth, 20 moolah.
TEL: 0182 234 987

> Storage area for rent. 50 moolah per day.
TEL: 0182 253 911

> SCRAB HUNTER or experienced slig with Scrab Shooter needed for permanent guard duty on the border of a moderately sized packaging plant in Scrabania. Pay is 35 moolah a day.
TEL: 0182 876 678

-----

COMPLAINTS.

And now as we reach the end of the magazine, we come to the complaints any of you readers have sent in.

Anonymous: Is it just me, or are telephone call prices rising a lot lately? First it was 1 moolah per min, now it's 2 moolah per min. That's a 100% increase!

Yes, your quite right. Our explanation is that many companies phoneline charges differ from each other, we assure you that we do not raise the price to benefit our own financial needs. They are strictly the business in question's decision. We can only agree with your statement that phone prices for many different associations seem to jump up and down more than a hyperactive mudokon on laughing gas.

SLIG'S WEIRD! magazine staff:

Writers: Stevix
Editor: Rozzle
Reporters: CANNOT BE NAMED
Receptionist: Coth
Chief coffee maker: Roldy
Magog Cartel law specialiser: Chronicler Sphenixson
Slig security: Font
Len
Disue
Vilt
Hond
Owner: Stevix

"No news is good news. I'm afraid i cannot believe in this motto in my position." - Stevix.

If you wish to have anything published (jokes, interveiws, complaints, birthday wishes, information, etc), then PM mollucks assistant and he will personally make sure it is included in the next issue of SLIG'S WEIRD!

Thanks for reading!

-----

credit goes to Scrabtrapman for providing the M.O.M. news information, and AlexFili for providing the Words With Kroloff question and the complaint.

thanks people! dont be afraid to PM me anything you want in the next issue!

[joshkrz]

MOM - Newsss, you cant abuseeee!

Linkz
If you smell like shit then... why not?

Sorry. its hard to come up with new stuff.

Nice edition, took over a cargoship without been able to sail it lol jokes.

[Oddey]

it needs more colour i recon.
Don't get me wrong there great but they look too basic

I was thinking about finding some kind of background, but all the oddworld related ones have Abe in them.
I don't get you wrong, but I do use MS Paint.

The spelling mistake is bothering me. Is the spelling mistake intentional? Also, the red text doesn't blend well with the Big Bro Slig.

What spelling mistake? Yeah, sorry about the red text on slig, but I felt it didn't fit in any other colour.

use a transparent rectangle, black 60 or 70% behind the text. or overlay black on the slig underneeth the text.

dont get how you lay it out so well though, i dunno where to put stuff

With MS Paint, that is impossible. I can't get the gimp to install, but if I could I'd use that.

And thank you. The text kind of decides it for me, if you know what I mean.

And it's time to work on the next cover for issue five. And right back at you MA.