My 1st fanfic

[scrab_at_duty]

One day a bigbro slig(Name:ZEEK) and 3 sligs were walking trought rupturefarms.The sligs were in front. Zeek heard a scrab (Exoddus:howl 4 power) and he turned to see what is happening.He saw notingWhen he turned back the sligs were gone,but where? They wear pants.He would hear them. He ran to Aslik(he was younger and he was the Boss of rupturefarms)to tell him what happend.
Zeek:boss we have a problem
Aslik:what?
Zeek explained.
Aslik: Oh my god.He left the room.
Aslik goes to Angel:the smartest Glukkon on oddword.
He was that smart that he made pants so he could use his arms (Glukkon have arms).
Aslik:can you help me?
Angel: With whaat?
Aslik:Strange things happen in Rupturefarms
Angel:What?
Aslik:Orbs go boom with no reason,sligs dissapaer and scrab or paramite sounds can be heard.
Angel:Isn't R-farms a meat broductor? duh!
Aslik:Only workers and sligs are in the middle of the farm!!
Angel:Where do they happen?
Aslik:nearby IT!
Angel:OK! But.... I need help! One Bigbro slig and 2 muds.
Aslik:Ok! I give you Zeek Abe and Adam (the smartest mud)














Angel and the gang went to Rup-Farms. Angel told Abe to chant and to control a Fleech brought by him and go trough pipes and see if there is somebody in the blood-meat separation zone.He heard a scrab houling and a paramite saing stop(paramonian language) and then he comed back to his body because the Fleech was killed.
Angel:anything?
Abe:Yes a scrab and a Paramite.
Adam:In the B-M sep. zone?
Abe:Ya
Angel and Adam :Strange
Zeek:i never heard about the b-m sep. zone
Abe:Me 2
Adam:Could it be.............
He goes to aslik's Office and goes on his P-no-C and searches 4 Farm's history and finds out that 18 years ago the B-M sep. zone was created but many Workers died because ,nobody knoes, and 17 years ago they blocked it.
Abe:have you found someting?

















Adam:Yes.17 Years ago They voted to block B-M sep. zone and there were 6 Glukkons in the board of directors:Aslik,Phleg,Lulu,Molluk,Dripik and Riber.
Angel: Riber? didn't he die 13 years ago ?
Zeek :No . I saw him 10 years ago going to stockyards.And i had a cold fealing afer that.And that night i cloudnt sleap.The Scrabs and the Paramites were making a great noise.
Angel and Adam: WHAT?????????? Do you mean: A GHOST!!!!!!!!!!!!
Angel:Adam,tell me how did he die?
Adam:he got stocked in the pipe we had investigated and some say that he had bean killed by a........,unknown thing.
All gang :What???????????????



















Abe:Yo yo yo yo yo yo.
Angel: what are you doing?
Abe:shearching 4 other glukkons in the zone.....3 glukkons found: You,Aslik and ...... ah.
Angel:What?
Abe:i found some green eyes and my head blew !
Adam:Where?
Abe:In the grinding area
Zeek:Wait. Cold fealing.Say help
Angel:Help
Heli Slig:What?
Abe:Yoyoyoyoyoyo.
Abe(H Slig)
Abe goes to the grinding area and findes a glukkon . It was Riber.And there was a Scrab with him. And The slig blew up
Abe (normal):It's him
Angel:Ok
Zeek: I'm going
Abe:me 2
Adam:I have to do something
Angel:I go with Adam.
Abe and Zeek are going to the grinding area. Abe is controling a scrab.
They find HIM and a lot of scrabs.
HIM:Attak
Abe and zeek are working like a team but they are Defeated by the scrabs.
But Adam an Angel come with a minecar and kill all the scrabs.
HIM dissapared.
Abe finds out that in the blood -meat sep. zone is a locked spirit, Riber's spirit.
He slaps it and thats all.......












Adam and Angel make togheder a lab called A&A
Abe lives rupturefarms and the other muds tell him that they will name the first mud born Abe(the one you know)
Zeek is the new security boss on R-farms.
But in a dark room 3 creatures are talking one with red eyes one with yellow eyes and a slig
Red eye :It worked
Slig:For real
Yellow eyes:If wou keap your mouth shut it will realy work
Red eyes :Riber is free.
Slig:and Zeek is the problem
Yellow eyes:Kill him in 5 days
Red eyes: How?
Yellow eyes: Aslik is becoming vice-president
Red eyes: And i will run rupture farms?I have a new n' tasty idea
Yellow eyes:You aren't the Boss you are just the guy ho does what i say.Got it?
Red eyes:Yes.
Yellow Eyes:hahahahahahaha
The Grup: hahahahahaha



Sorry for the writing i'm romanian
I was helped by another member (horia_roks)

[horia_roks]

Do U mean VERY helped! (yo-s Horya!)

[Zozo the Zrilufet]

Uhhh...Well its kinda short, the big spaces aren't nessesary and script-style typing isn't so good. The characters and places could do with some more descriptions and you need a space after a comma or full stop. I wouldn't really say any fanfic sucks though.

Hey, you're Romanian 8O...XD Awesome, I have a tendency to say Bad Romanian all the time...Heheh.

[horia_roks]

If you don't like the story, wait until I post the comics (I helped him! I did the comics)!

[horia_roks]

Sorry! HERE's the comic!!!!

Here are NR. 3 and 4! More 2 come!

[Alcar]

horia_rocks and scrab_at_duty, welcome to the Oddworld Forums. If I might point out a few issues so you know better in the future:

• Polls such as yours openly invite people to critise. I just don't want you to react badly if you receive any negative comments.
• I've edited your signature as it was overly tall.
• If you need to include extra material in a thread, and the last post is your own, edit the post rather than creating a new one.
• I took the liberty of deleting the duplicate of this thread in FC. I realise it was because you wanted to add a poll, but you are able to ask a Moderator (or higher) to do this for you.

Other than that, enjoy your stay!

Alcar...

[horia_roks]

It's not MY poll, it's my friend's, Andrei (AKA Scrab_at_duty)! I just made the comic!

[Alcar]

I apoligise, I've ammended my initial post to include both of you.

Alcar...