Murder Market

Oddey · #1 11-20-2007, 06:09 AM

I may or may not continue this story but here it is.

Murder Market

Chapter one

Finklar

Looking at the vanishing forest, the slig knew that there was alot of moolah in that forest. Looking from tree to tree he noticed a small splat of something on one tree. Curious, the slig walked over and examined it. In a second he noticed it was blood. Confused, he looked froward. There was another tree with a red trunk. He peered around the tree to find Tex the glukkon dead. Shocked, the slig let out a scream and sprinted through the factory to his boss and reported it. His boss' mouth dropped and out came the words "This might mean moolah for finding him." Even the slig didn't feel this was right so he discussed it with some other sligs. Vykker Finklar overheard this conversation. Finklar was an insanely good scientist. Inventing more than any other vykker, he was highly respected. Quite handsome by vykker standards, Finklar was a light shade of pink with heavy glasses that constantly needed washing. "What is all this about Tex?" he asked Finklar. "I found him dead in the forest." replied the slig. Finklar's mouth gaped open in shock. He had know Tex for quite a while. Recovering from his shock he asked "Could you take me to him?". Finklar was going to avenge him and find his murderer.

OddYouko · #2 11-20-2007, 06:15 AM

Sounds really creepy. Good too. More please! ^o^ I love reading Oddworld fanfics. *thumbs up*

Oddey · #3 11-20-2007, 06:20 AM

:

Sounds really creepy. Good too. More please! ^o^ I love reading Oddworld fanfics. *thumbs up*

Thanks but don't excpect too much because I thought of this on the way home from school.
Edit:Oh I forgot I had some more to the story.

Chapter 2

Investigation

"Sure it's just outside." The slig answered. Truthfully he didn't really want to go and see it again. It must have showed on his face because Finklar said "Just tell me where it is and I'll investigate myself. You worry about your work." The slig nodded in agreement. After walking out to the forest the slig pointed in the direction Finklar should go. Finklar walked off on his own to the blotch of blood smeared on the trees. Tex lay peacefully on the ground. Finklar checked to see whether or not he was really dead. There was a possibility that he was still alive though Finklar doubted it. After a quick examineation it was clear he was dead. But then Finklar noticed something that he had not excpected. There was no place that the blood had come from. There wasn't any open wounds, blood, or fractured limbs on the glukkon. 'But where did the blood come from?' Finklar wondered 'The murderer must have smeared something else's blood on these trees to disguise the murder as an accident or suicide. 'But how did the glukkon die then?' Finklar asked himself as he paced around. He wasn't clubbed to death because then he would have had most of his limbs fractured. He wan't shot and then sown up because then there would still be blood on the glukkon. Unless they had another suit and after the shooting had put that on instead. Just to be sure Finklar undressed the glukkon to check for stitches. There wasn't any. 'This wasn't a random killing.' he thought. He heard a soft snap of a branch. Finklar, now fully alert ran out of the forest. He didn't stop until he made it to the edge of the forest when he looked behind himself. It was the last thing he ever did. He couldn't breath. He couldn't see. He couldn't even think. His eyeballs rolled into the back of his head as he collapsed. Dead. Or so his would-be killer thought.

I wasn't planning the ending but I thought I would spice up the action.

OddYouko · #4 11-20-2007, 06:26 AM

Yeah I get ideas like that too. But I still like it. =)

Oddey · #5 11-20-2007, 06:46 AM

Well my original plan was to have him killed but then who would be the main charactor?
Edit: After waiting a few minutes for the story to sink in it really feels scary. My back won't sit still anymore.

MA · #6 11-20-2007, 07:04 AM

bloody hell, this sounds good! make sure you write more!

Oddey · #7 11-20-2007, 07:27 AM

Chapter 3

Close Call

Slowly gaining consiousness Finklar rose up from the ground.'What happened?' He wondered. The last thing he remembered was the crunch of a branch. Then everything had gone dark a little after. It was here Finklar realized he had almost been murdered. Finklar was not familiar with the fact that someone was trying to kill him. 'It wasn't very well done because I'm still alive.' He thought 'But why did someone want me dead? I havn't done anything to any mudokons so it wasn't Abe. Maybe I found out a little too much back at the place where Tex was murdered. Yes that must be right. But was it the killer or was it someone hired by the killer.' He couldn't stay here. Go back to the factory and ask for some guards, a voice in his head told him. Walking back to the front entrance he spied the same slig. "I checked it out but I didn't stay. The killer might still be there so could you come with me as guards?" He asked. The other sligs slowly backed off but the one who had told him the way stayed. "I'll come." he said "My name is Germ just so you know." "I'm Finklar." Finklar replied as he shook hands with the slig. Accompanied by his new guard, Finklar walked out to the scene of the crime to examine the glukkon closer.

Well if you have any critisism or that type of thing then feel free to post. And if you love this story please feel free to pull the lever to your right-or just post a comment on your favourite bit. If the comments dissapear then so will the story.

Edit: After some thinking I've decided to make another chapter.

Chapter 4

Return

Before going into the forest Finklar took a good look around for dangers. Finklar didn't want to end up like that again. 'But who would?' he thought. Checking to see if the slig was still following him, Finklar looked to his side. Yes, the slig was still there. Finklar walked out to where Tex lay. 'So how did you die' Finklar wondered. After an examination Finklar had decided he needed time to think and he wasn't going to find so much of that out here. "Could you help me lift him up? We are going to take him back to my lab." Finklar asked. Nodding obiediantly Germ took one side and heaved. A sack of money fell out. "Well this proves he wasn't killed for money." Finklar said. "Who said this was a murder?" Germ inquired. "Well how could he have commited suicide? And how could it have been an accident? No this was a murder." Said Finklar firmly. At the forest's edge Germ's grip slipped. The glukkon fell to the gorund and his head was crushed on a rock. His fall was so hard his brain was exposed. Finklar was going to shout at the slig for his incompitence but then noticed that with his brain revealed it might tell more about his murder. "Perfect!" Finklar said with no hint of sarcasm. "Sorry my grip slipped." said the slig ashamed. "No that's fine because with an open way to the brain I might be able to find out how he was killed." replied Finklar happily "Here you take this side I'll take the other." As they carried the glukkon through the factory, they were stared at. When they had finnaly carried him to the lab it was lunch time. Finklar locked the door behind him and went out to get his lunch and Germ followed.

So what do you think so far? Who is responsible? And I need comments or else no more story.

OddYouko · #8 11-21-2007, 11:31 AM

Great! I love it. >xD

Ew Glukkon brain. -shivers-

I wish I would write a fan fic. v_v But I'll just have to make that up by reading this one. =)

MA · #9 11-21-2007, 04:10 PM

'gimme reveiws or the story gets it!!' good idea.

keep it goin, i need this literature stored in my BRAIN! (heh heh, couldnt resist).
but in all seriousness now, you've gotta keep writing! its people that write good stories like this that keep this side of Oddworldian Forums goin!

and if anyones reading this, POST A REPLY NOW!!!

Oddey · #10 11-22-2007, 07:05 AM

Ok not being mean or anything but Mullock's Assistant you should really use capitals at the begining of your sentances. It looks cleaner. And to everybody who read this story I made it with no idea of the plot so I might need some time to think of the next chapters. Anyway without further ado (maybe a little) I present:
Chapter 5

Brain Work

Finklar sat down next to Germ and asked "What's on the menu?"."Well there is paramite pie, elum chubbies, fuzzle bites, paramite juice, and clean water." Germ replied. Finklar pondered over what to have. He decided to have 2 elum chubbies and some water. Walking over to the counter the mudokon asked "What do ya want?". Finklar, not bothering to converse with the worker, grabbed his food and walked back to the table. Eating slowly, he saw that the slig had gotten a paramite pie and ten fuzzle bites. After finishing his meal he looked at the slig. Germ had ordered another ten fuzzle bites and gulped all of them down in a matter of seconds. "I'm going to go and look at the glukkon." Finklar notified the slig but not knowing why. It wasn't necsasarey to tell a simple slig your intentions. Walking back to his lab he noticed that the glukkon's hat had fallen off. Picking it up, he sat it next to the glukkon's lifeless body. It was only then that he realizied the glukkon wasn't there. Looking around the lab franticlly he tried to find any trace of the glukkon. Just then Germ came throught the door. Looking at the vykker he then glanced at something else. Then gunfire was heard. A slig fell to the ground. Finklar walked over to it. Germ followed the vykker to where the slig lay. "Who are you?" Finklar asked. The slig remained silent. It was alive but just barely. Sighing deeply Finklar walked over to where his tools lay. Taking all of them he walked back over to the dying slig and pulled out his sharpest knife and asked again "Who are you?". But the slig wasn't breathing anymore, It was dead. Walking back to his table Finklar tripped. "What the?" Finklar wondered aloud. Looking back he saw it was the glukkon. But now there was a small hole in his suit. 'Germ must have shot through his suit to kill that slig... whoever that was.' Taking the glukkon up and setting him back on the surgery table."Slig, you might want to look away for a little this is going to be really gross. For you." Finklar advised. Slig footsteps were heard. 'He must have gone out for a minute.' He thought as he got to work on taking a brain sample on Tex. Within the next few minutes Finklar knew how the glukkon was killed but who remained a mystery.

Ooooo long chapter here. Give me comments and the story stays. If not say goodbye to this story.

moxco · #11 11-22-2007, 10:53 AM

This is a very strange story. No. I don't mean bad.

Oddey · #12 11-23-2007, 06:52 AM

:

This is a very strange story. No. I don't mean bad.

I'm curious. Why is it strange? Only out of my curiousity.
And I might not be able to write the next chapter for some time.

OddYouko · #13 11-23-2007, 11:00 AM

Another great chapter! I'll have to play some creepy music on the next chapter. >=)

I want some Fuzzle bites. Yum!

MA · #14 11-24-2007, 05:04 AM

EDIT: **UNNECESSARY POST - DELETED**

Oddey · #15 11-24-2007, 07:03 AM

I do it so you should be able to do it as well. And you have proven you can in your story Glory Slig. And by the way there is a key called "shift" and if you have both your hands you don't have to click caps lock. Oh and I apologize for sending those 2 messages but I can't stand seeing non-capitals at the begining of every sentance or proper noun (yes, I do that too.). For everyone who reads this story the next chapter may be a little delayed.

MA · #16 11-24-2007, 07:19 AM

:

I do it so you should be able to do it as well. And you have proven you can in your story Glory Slig. And by the way there is a key called "shift" and if you have both your hands you don't have to click caps lock. Oh and I apologize for sending those 2 messages but I can't stand seeing non-capitals at the begining of every sentance or proper noun (yes, I do that too.). For everyone who reads this story the next chapter may be a little delayed.

Sorry, sorry. Im acting like a dickhead. Your comments are taken into consideration. (I didnt know that about the 'SHIFT' key).

Oddey · #17 11-27-2007, 07:20 AM

Ok this chapter probrably won't be too good because I haven't had much time to think it through properly. But here it goes.
Chapter 6

A question
Finklar walked out of his lab. He knew how the glukkon had been killed. His lab would need a good deal of cleaning but he knew nonetheless. Walking over to the slig who had helped him a bit he asked "Is there antone who knows everone in the facility?". Shaking his head the slig looked down at the ground. Suddenly his head popped up again. "There is one. The mudokon at the cafeteria. He probrably won't tell you anything though." Germ replied. Finklar walked off to the cafeteria. It was empty so his every footstep echoed all around the room. The only other inhabitant of the room was the lone mudokon standing behind the counter. Almost asleep. Finklar walked across the room to the counter. "Whadya want now?" The mudokon asked in a quite snappy voice. Apperantley this mudokon wasn't afraid of punishment or execution. "Can you tell me everything you know about everyone in the factory?" Finklar asked quite calmly. "I could." The mudokon replied. A long silence enduared and neither the mudokon or Finklar said a word. "Will you tell me?" inquired Finklar as he broke the silence. "No." The mudokon replied quite simply. "But why not?" asked Finklar again with the same calm voice. "Everyone has left me. Nobody is left to care for me. There is nothing in the world of Odd left for me. This is all I got and now you ask me for something I won't do because I don't wish to be here any longer. Now you will leave me too. And if you do not I will leave you." Said the mudokon. Finklar wondered over how he would get this crazy mudokon to cooperate with him when the mudokon began to hit his head very hard. Knowing that the slig had said that he was the only one who knew everyone in the factory, Finklar grabbed the mudokon's arm and tried to hold it still but he couldn't do it for long. Then the mudokon stopped struggling. He looked the vykker in the eye. "So you are the one who needs me. But I need something too." The mudokon said. Finklar let go of the mudokon's arm and took a chair to sit on.

Yay it's here! Good chapter after a proper read through it. So what does the mudokon need?

~^_^~ · #18 11-28-2007, 08:56 AM

Im lovin' it oddey, keep it up

.

OddYouko · #19 11-28-2007, 02:24 PM

Me too! x} Luv it!

MA · #20 11-30-2007, 11:32 AM

ey up, Oddey!
i would of posted sooner but my PC bost.
keep it goin', sonny jim, keep it goin'!!
(im hooked).

Oddey · #21 12-01-2007, 07:53 AM

Thanks guys. It means alot that you support my story. And again I apologize to Molluck's Assistant because after seeing that he has an extremely busy scheduele filled with tiring things I feel it's justified he doesn't write with capitals all the time. I'm running low on ideas so I may need some time to find out who the murderer is and why he murdered him and make it hang together. This is like a puzzle with peices that don't fit until you punch them into the rest. Even I don't quite know who killed him. Right now I'm toying with the possibilities. Long story short: I am going to need to do alot of thinking before I finish the next chapter.

OddYouko · #22 12-01-2007, 08:29 AM

Ok take all the time you want Oddey. I can wait. ^__~

MA · #23 12-05-2007, 03:53 PM

dont worry about it Oddey, ancient history.
make sure you keep writing though, cus i aint gonna' forget about this story!
i know how you feel, with my chapters being so bloody long i havent posted the third one yet, since the last one, which was ages ago. i would have posted it by now but i need to find the time and, like yourself, havent actually finished the notes and plan of the story yet! so i know how much of a pain in the arse it is.
i wont forget though! im hangin' on yer every word!

Oddey · #24 12-06-2007, 12:16 PM

Chapter 7

Discussion

Finklar sat down as did the mudokon. In the chair, Finklar asked the mudokon again "Do you know everyone in the factory?" The mudokon nodded. "And you are willing to tell me?" Finklar asked. Another nod. "So start talking" said Finklar as he pulled out a paper and a pen. "Well it depends on who you want to know about. The most likely are some sligs, glukkons or some natives. Which do you wish me to start with?" replied the mudokon. "Start with the sligs and glukkons." said Finklar already writing down the label for the sligs and glukkons. "Well the boss here he might be the culprit but if he is then he's got to have some kind of backup. He's kinda like your average glukkon. Hates the wild loves profit. He spat on me once." continued the mudokon. "Now the sligs that are likelist are Germ, Jik, and number #3756. They all have the same personality except for Germ. Germ has always been more helpful. A few of the other workers would be Finja, Jure, and Sapta. Now these muds aren't to be trusted. They've been known to beat up there supervisors together. I've seen them bully other muds. The boss is even a little fearful around them. That is the most likely canidates here. There is no native village close by. It may be possible that some are hiding in the forest near here. Th-" Finklar interupted " It wasn't natives unless one of the sligs here has helped them. Is there a slig with a sort of nature charm?" The mudokon looked thoughtfull. After a good deal of thinking the mudokon firmly said "No. No slig here would ever have gotten in touch with even the outside of the forest." Finklar wondered a little. Then he wrote down his other knowledge. In the end the entire sheet was:
Sligs: #3756 because he was mentioned. Jik: Same reason.
Glukkons: Boss: Highly unlikely because the money remains.
Muds: Finja, Jure, Sapta: Highly dangerous, and native as well.
Natives: Abe and Munch: No slig will convert to nature, Tex was zapped.
Coclusion: Most likely culprit: Abe & Munch or Scrubs.
"Thank you for your time." Finklar said as he rose from his chair. "You forget to deliver my favour." The mudokon reminded Finklar. "And what is this favour?" asked the vykker. "I need you to get me out of here." replied the mudokon.

Finnally finished. Took a long time but I didn't need a month-long break at least. So what do you think fans?

OddYouko · #25 12-06-2007, 01:16 PM

Wow! -jumps up and down- The music I'm listening too makes it even better! =D
Great work Oddey.

MA · #26 12-06-2007, 03:35 PM

brilliant, Oddey. as usual you keep us wanting more.
@Oddyouko: what music were you playing?

OddYouko · #27 12-06-2007, 04:30 PM

Band of Brothers. It was going pretty well while I was reading. =D

Oddey · #28 12-11-2007, 11:04 AM

Ok fellows. Well I guess it might be just one fellow no because mullock's assistant isn't going to post anymore and I'll never know how good the chapter is to him. But I'm glad OddYouko is still around to comment on my story. And all you other fan fiction readers who have read this story or are reding it let it be known comments no matter how bad are always welcome. And a little more on-topic the next chapter isn't here yet or designed. I haven't had too much of time to write a story because of all this Christmas stuff. I hope that nobody gets too bored with waiting.

OddYouko · #29 12-12-2007, 06:56 AM

^__~ Thanks.

Ok I'm very fine with waiting.
Same here with the Christmas stuff.

MA · #30 12-16-2007, 09:12 AM

get that bloody Christmas shoppin' done and start posting!!
im a bit stuck for pressies for people an' all, thank Christ for Argos!
anywho, i guess i'll have to re-read your previous chapters over and over again 'till yeh post next time.