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  #1  
04-14-2007, 10:40 PM
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Venks
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A Slig who cares.(A Fanfic)

You can just enjoy your easy ways
and neglect the world for countless days
but destruction will you find
when nature repays you in kind
- Cris


Chapter 1

Ugai woke up stretching his scrawny, yellow arms while yawning. Perfect timing the sun was just setting and the sky was a beautiful orange-pink mixture. I nudged the Mudokon sleeping next to me. "Get up get up," I said sleepily, "the suns going down check it out."
The green Mudokon looked up taking off his straw hat to get a better look at the magnificent sky. "Not to shabby," Ugai's companion replied. After a moment longer of gazing at the sky the sun-tanned Mudokon pushed himself off the wooden fence he was leaning on only to fall face first onto the ground.
"Way to go Joe!" I laughed merrily. Joe stood up brushing grass and dirt off himself and his fading brown shorts, which besides his straw hat was the only clothing the Mud had.
"Come on you guy help me gather up the Meeps before Jonuk finds out were goofing off again." Joe said angrily while tromping off towards the Meeps.

What a emotional bunch those Mudokons are, they always get sad or angry at the drop of a hat. Joe always calls me "you guy" when he is mad, to remind me how much my name sucks. I remember the day I got named as if it were yesterday, I was fresh out of the barracks. Through back breaking research I managed to locate a dream job few sligs knew about. A young dreaming Glukkon Pud named Jonuk had won a decent amount of money gambling and unlike most stupid Glukkons he actually stopped betting and took his winnings. Jonuk used his money to start a simple business titled "Jonuk's Meep Ranch." The pay wasn't much, but I could tell this would be a laid back job. I quickly applied and got the job. When I first arrived at Jonuk's Ranch, Jonuk and his single Mudokon employee were there waiting for me. The first thing my boss said to me was: "Hey! You guy your the slig who applied to work for me right?"
I modestly replied: "The names actually number fifty-five thousand, four hundred twenty-eight." Guess that wasn't what he wanted to hear.
"What!?" Jonuk shouted, "If I say 'you guy' then your name is you guy!" I thought he was just trying to prove a point, but a couple days later I got a name card with "Ugai" in it for the name.

"Are ya gonna help me or what?" Joe asked interrupting my memories.
"Yea yea hold your elums." I said back to the stuffy Mud. Joe couldn't really do much without me, no matter what he tried he couldn't scare those Meeps into running into the barn. The poor guy had to carry and chuck every single one of them into the shelter and that got quite tiring. For what ever reason the clickity sounds of my pants would get those Meeps running. I'd rather sit around and not work, but with my help things got finished faster and that meant more time for me and Joe to sit around crackin' jokes. Joe may be all heated up right now, but that chump could tell a mean joke. As I entered the wooden fence from the gate the white fluffy Meeps stared at me with their single eyes while they chewed the overgrown grass around them.
"Time to put the ladies to bed," I said mostly to myself. Anticipating the chase that was soon to come I slowly crept towards the one-legged creatures who began to fidget, but did not quite move. my mechanical legs made a chika sound with each step.
Chicka....... chika..... chika.... chika chika chika chika chika.
I ran towards the crowded Meeps waving my lean arms around for extra alarm, the one-eyed Meeps broke into a panicked run each hoping not to be caught by the crazed noisy beast. Having fun I played around with the Meeps a bit chasing them into corners and making them run in circles. I tramped after the Meeps crushing the grass beneath my mechanical stubs that substituted for feet. Slowly boring of my game I scared the Meeps into the wooden barn. Joe quickly moved in front of me and closed the barn door and latching it down.
"Took you long enough," Joe started, "you were chasing those Meeps so long its practically night."
I looked up at the dark sky covered by vast stars and one of the moons was in particularly nice view. "Does it ever make you think?" I asked Joe.
"Does what make me think?" Joe asked no longer angry at me just confused.
"The moon... its just it looks like your hand." Joe didn't answer me, but instead raised his big three-fingered hand into the sky matching it with the moon's face.
For a second it seemed like Joe was going to tell me something important, but then the farm hand turned around facing me and said, "Its getting late Ugai lets get some rest."

Joe started off to our small shack without me, I stalled a moment looking at the moon... it just had to mean something. It wasn't always our shack, at first it was just mine. I remember back in the early days Joe always slept outside the Meep's barn and if he thought he could get away with it the Mud slept inside it. One day after finishing our work Joe was telling me joke after joke about Jonuk's mom, I couldn't stop laughing. As I tried to regain my calm, ready self it started to rain so I started heading off to my shack when I realized the poor guy would be laying in the rain.
"Hey Joe wanna come over to my place so you can tell me some more jokes?" I asked casually inviting him into my little shack.
The poor little schmuck's eyes brightened up and he replied calmly as if I hadn't just saved him a night of discomfort, "Yea yea sounds cool, wait till I tell you the one about the Mudokon, the Vykker, and the Paramite."
The next day when night was creeping around I slyly invited him over even though it wasn't raining and he has been sleeping in my house ever since.

Suddenly while I was lost in my thoughts I heard a terrifying howl followed by a scream that obviously belonged to my Mudokon buddy. Realizing something was wrong I pulled out my baton from my belt and hastily sprinted down the dirty and rocky trail towards my house. Adrenaline rushed through my body as my mechanical legs pulled me forward as fast as they could. There despite the disbelief of my eyes was a red, four-legged Scrab pacing around my small wooden house, somehow Joe had managed to get on the roof and was looking down hoping to Odd that the Scrab wouldn't get to him. The Scrab was huge, its legs were nearly as thick as my head and its body was covered in strong ready to kill muscles. Maybe if I quietly backed away the thing wouldn't notice me.
Chika.

The Scrab immediately turned around to face me recognizing a threat. Why was a Scrab even here? As far as I know there isn't a Scrab herd within miles. Refusing my logic the Scrab was still there facing me trying to see what I would do next. I decided to wait and try to think of a way out of this situation when unfortunately my old rusty mechanical pants let off a loud kshh noise as exhaust exited a pipe. This signaled the Scrab to attack, with a terrifying shriek the Scrab broke immediately into a trot rampaging towards me. Already tasting my death I ran back towards the barn in a futile attempt to live. I looked over my shoulder at the ferocious beast pursuing me... it was gaining ground and fast. Just like that my shoddy pants malfunctioned and my right leg didn't step right making me fall suddenly on the rocky dirt path. The pain of my fall ached through my body, but I knew it would be nothing like the pain I would soon feel when the Scrab got to me. Luckily the Scrab had not prepared for its prey to stop so definitely, and tripped right over me crashing into the dirt roughly. Taking advantage of the fluke I had been granted I ran over to the Scrab and bashed it in the ribs as hard as I could with my baton... to no effect this Scrab's natural armor was just too much. I stepped back from the Scrab frantically searching through my mind for what to do when the Scrab got back up facing me. I noticed then the Scrab was off balance, one of its legs were injured... what would it do now? As if to answer my question the Scrab lunged towards me attempting to impale me with its beak. I guess from its fall the beast's senses were off because it badly missed in its attack. I took this chance to revert to plan A: Run. I watched the trees fly by as I ran hoping to escape the Scrab, but even though the monster was injured it kept up a steady pace never letting up. This was no good I was running right towards a cliff, if I kept running I'd fall to my death, if I stopped the Scrab would tear me the shreds. I decided to play one last gamble, I ran just to the edge of the cliff and turned to meet the creature. As the Scrab ran towards me I pushed myself sliding between it legs hoping to get past it. A quick jab of pain told me the Scrab kicked me as it tumbled over the cliff falling, screaming in anguish.

In pain, but intact I slowly made my way back to the ranch. Half-way there Joe ran up to me carrying several rocks in his over sized hand. "Ugai! Ugai! Are you ok? Wheres the Scrab?" Joe asked, panic in his eyes.
"I'm fine...Scrab fell off cliff," I replied holding my sides as I panted due to being out of breath.
Joe dropped his rocks and wrapped his arm around me helping me walk as I fumbled around in my pants. "You don't look so good, are you sure your ok?" Joe questioned.
"I'm..." was the last thing I said as I passed out, I don't remember anything after that. I think I heard someone say, "Thank you."

To be continued..

-------------------------------------
Author's note:This is my first fanfic so I happily accept all advice and criticism, though try not to be too mean to little ol' me.

Last edited by Venks; 04-14-2007 at 10:49 PM..
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  #2  
04-15-2007, 02:43 AM
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Wow, that's pretty good. Nice story. Can't wait to see more!
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  #3  
04-15-2007, 04:25 AM
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skillyaslig
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Fantastic, I want more!
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  #4  
04-22-2007, 04:04 PM
Venks's Avatar
Venks
Clakker Store Clerk
 
: Dec 2005
: VA
: 759
Blog Entries: 23
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Venks  (128)Venks  (128)

What is right and what is wrong
can you neglect your heart for long?
Injustice exists yes its true
however there is something you can do
-Cris


Chapter 2

Upon opening my eyes I woke up to the familiar green of my sleeping bag. Unzipping my bag I crawled out of it and into my cramped room. I tried my best not to step on the many things littered all over the floor including my Mudokon co-worker. Dragging myself over to my desk I climbed into my pants and turned on my computer. The thin black monitor came to life and the desktop popped up, it had a rather nice wallpaper of a BlastMaster 350 dual-barrel alternating machine rifle... how any Slig could deny its beauty was beyond me. Slowly getting back to the task at hand I began updating the Meep info, with their various heights, weights, and age.

I figured today was going to be just as boring as yesterday, save for the vicious beast that nearly ripped me in two last night, until my boss Jonuk the Glukkon came screaming from the other side of the door, "Ugai grab what you need we are going to Rupture Farms!"
Wow, finally a break from this boring old ranch. I didn't own much really, just my rusty mechanical pants and my baton so I was ready. Joe my Mudokon buddy slowly got up and yawned, "Lucky your able to leave this boring place."
"Trust me," I replied, "I won't be having any fun." With that I opened the shabby door and went outside following my employer.
As we lumbered down the dirt path we eventually got to my boss's pad which wasn't much better looking then my own. Next to his house lied the old truck we used to get around from time to time. I opened the blue passenger door for my boss, closing it when he was seated and then I got into the driver's seat and revved up the vehicle.

The lone blue vehicle traveled down a sandy desolate road. Their was nothing, but desert for countless miles save for the stray cactus that popped up here and there. I looked into the rear view mirror out of boredom, vast amounts of sand was being thrown up in the air from the moving vehicle. After what seemed like hours we arrived at Vykker Airlines, we exited the truck and headed over to the lone Vykker at the small airport. Jonuk approached the Vykker saying, "I am Jonuk and this is my personal aid Ugai, we are members of the Meat is Neat Foundation I believe we had a reservation in place.
The Vykker looked Jonuk up and down with obvious distaste then for a moment stared at his clipboard. Very reluctantly the Vykker said with his high-pitched voice, "Yes yes you've been expected Mr.Jonuk, please get aboard the blimp, it will be departing shortly." The two of us started off towards the blimp, very loudly the Vykker fake coughed, "Ka loser! Loser!"
Shortly after sitting in the comfortable seats in the Vykker blimp the vehicle took off flying quickly south.

I looked outside my window watching as the ground changed from sandy deserts, dark swamps, green plains, and rocky hills. In a few hours we arrived at the dark industrial facility that is Rupture Farms. From the distance I could see a vast mob of protesters, mostly Glukkons and from the look of their tacky clothes they were Puds and Chumps. We quickly joined the huge mob and I was handed a sign to hold up. It read "Never overlook a chance for profit!" I held the sign up as Glukkons around me conversed about why they were right.
I overheard a Glukkon in terribly ugly green overalls saying, "Those losers think they are so high and mighty they won't accept others' ideas, if they don't change their ways Rupture Farms is going to burn down to the ground."
A equally bad dressed Glukkon replied, "I heard Rupture Farms is under new management, a cool minded Gluk with new ideas."
Some loud Slig spoke up, "Have you heard his policy towards employment!? The guy doesn't have slaves he actually hires Mudokons, not only does he pay them, but gives them equal treatment as if they were real people and not barbarians!"
The ugly green dressed Glukkon replied, "Well it was that or set Rupture Farms as a target for Natives."
The Slig shouted, "Nonsense! That money-lover just needs tighter security, as long as Sligs are watching ain't no terrorists gonna be attackin!"
The non-green badly dressed Glukkon retorted, "Well actually they've hired a number of Big Bro Sligs to increase security, pointless though sense you stupid mechanical legged Slurgs don't know a threat when you see one."
The conversation became pointless to listen to as they started screaming at each other.

Apparently I had dozed off as Jonuk woke me up screaming, "Wake up you no good piece a dirt, I'm going to meet with the CEO of Rupture Farms, Arnie. You head over to the repair shop while I'm there and get some new pants, somehow you won them for free."
"Ok boss," I said quickly heading towards the near by repair station. There in the very small shop was a Slig sitting in his chair sleeping and a Mudokon awaiting me at the counter.
"Good afternoon Sir. Congratulations on winning the Proud Worker award, please come back here and take a seat. I will be back with your new pants shortly."
I sat down and looked around the poorly kept shop, there were parts of machinery all over the floor and what looked like dried blood on the floor. In no time at all the working Mudokon came from the back of the store carrying a new pair of Slig pants, unfortunately the young Mudokon lost his footing and fell down crashing into the floor dropping the pants in the process.
"Owww..." the Scrub groaned as he slowly picked himself up, but before he managed to stand up the Slig who had before appeared to be knocked out was hovering over the Mudokon worker.
"What did I tell you bout messin up the stuff!" the Slig barked, and without pause the unhappy Slig slammed the butt of his gun into the already injured Mudokon. "Say your sorry!" The Slig ordered.
"I'm sorry," the Mudokon cried in pain.
"Sorry to who?" The sadistic Slig said before bashing the Scrub again with his weapon.
"I'm sor.." but before the bruised worker could finish what he was saying the Slig kicked the Mudokon in the face, blood started to drip from the victim's mouth.

"Stop it!" I shouted jumping up from my chair. The crazed Slig stopped in mid swing and turned around to stare at me, the beaten Mudokon covered his head as he crouched in a fetal position.
"What did you say?" The Slig asked me.
"I said leave that Mudokon alone." I don't know what I was thinking or what made me challenge this crazy Slig. Here I am risking my life for this Mudokon I don't even know, this Slig armed with a blunderbuss while all I have to protect myself is my little baton.
"Your one of those sissy Sligs whose a slave-lover huh? Well I can fix that no problem." The sadistic Slig stated. Faster then I could react the Slig ran to me and knocked me down with a strong blow. The Slig pointed his gun at my head and asked, "Any last requests slave-lover?"
I closed my eyes and prepared for the end of my life when I heard a loud crash, I opened my eyes to see the worker Mudokon had pulled the sadistic Slig's pants from underneath them, and there the Slig lied pantless. Before the crawling Slig could do anything I got up and crushed his head with my mechanical foot, fresh blood flowed onto the floor mixing with the old dried blood. The young Mudokon looked into my eyes trying to see what I would do next, not sure if I was still friendly or not.
"Thanks." I said to the Scrub.
"No problem." He replied.
In silence the Mudokon handed me my new pants which I quickly changed into, and before I left I took the dead Slig's blunderbuss. He wouldn't be needing it anymore.

I traveled back to my place in the constantly complaining mob to see a well-dressed Glukkon in green suddenly walk onto a stage followed by a couple other Glukkons ranging from Puds to Big Cheeses. As the green clad Glukkon got behind his podium the crowed suddenly grew silent.
"As you may or may not know my name is Arnie, CEO of Rupture Farms and head of the Board. I have talked with key members of the Meat is Neat Foundation who have shown me your propositions and discussed certain facts. We here at Rupture Farms were of the first to discover the steady decline of Scrabs and Paramites, creatures needed for our top selling products. Meeches have however become extinct and we unfortunately no longer produce Meech Munchies. With the sudden loss of our work force due to the acts of terrorist Mudokon Abe and his savage companions we have adopted many new recruitment and security policies. As the champion distributer of meat products we do not back down easily to competitors not even after such a terrible atrocity. Rupture Farms has always kept an eye on possible new products from innovative minds while helping out independent business by shipping their wares. I feel that my predecessor Mullock, traitor to the Glukkon race, had recently shied away from our key values towards the meat producing community. Now that I hold the reigns, ties with independent companies will be at an all time rise as Rupture Farms has always been known for. I officially announce that Rupture Farms is opening its doors to independent meat producing industries, with the troubles we face from rising taxes and destructive Mudokon barbarians we as a community must band together to show everyone that we will not back down!"

After Arnie finished his speech countless protesters applauded, some even chanting, "Arnie! Arnie! Arnie! Arnie!"
Glukkons continued to show me just how stupid they were, it was obvious Rupture Farms would betray everyone and buy out all the little companies stealing their produce for their own sales. I shrugged it off, I had more to worry about then Glukkon politics. Jonuk walked over to me the smile on his face impossible to miss. Jonuk happily said, "Ugai I've managed to make a deal with Arnie, CEO of Rupture Farms, we don't have to worry about finding little companies to purchase our Meeps! We have a contract with Rupture Farms. For the next 5 years we can't sell our Meeps to anyone besides Rupture Farms, not that I care sense they are paying twice the price we normally get!"
"Yeah thats great," I replied with false enthusiasm.

The Meat is Neat Foundation threw a giant party for everyone involved, their was plenty of cheap drinks and more gambling then the eye could see. While my boss was singing 'Gluks just want to have fun' I sneaked off looking for something to do. Straying close to Rupture Farms I noticed three people in front of the repair shop. To curious for my own good I stumbled over to see the Mudokon I had saved beat even worse then when I last saw him and two Sligs armed with standard blunderbusses screaming at him.
"Whats going on?" I questioned.
The Slig to the left of the Scrub turned around to face me, "Believe it or not this here Mud went native and killed his coworker, the poor guy was the most vicious Slig I ever knew, he was going to be promoted tomorrow. The Slig just shook his head in disbelief.

"Well you see..." I started to say, when the Mudokon stared at me with his sad yet caring eyes, the Mudokon shook his head trying to tell me to stop.
"The truth is..." I continued. Both the Sligs stood silently listening to what I was saying, then the Scrub spontaneously tackled down one of his jailers wailing at him with his huge hands.
"Help! Help!" The Slig shouted as the Scrub beat the life out of him. The Slig not under attack pulled out his gun and began to carefully aim. I ran as fast as I could hoping to somehow stop the shot, but it was too late. With one steady blast the Slig shot off the young Mudokon's head, the body quickly turning motionless no longer full of life as it had been just seconds ago. I stared at the corpse speechless.
"Yeah I know," one of the Sligs said to me, "You can't ever predict when one of those Muds will go native back to their savage barbarian ways, your lucky to be alive."
The two Sligs walked off and I stood there a moment longer mourning the young Mudokon, he must of realized I was about to turn myself in and screw up my life. That brave Mudokon sacrificed himself so that I wouldn't have to face Skillya's wrath.
Sometimes its so hard to do the right thing.

To be continued...

Last edited by Venks; 04-22-2007 at 04:36 PM..
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  #5  
04-23-2007, 12:06 AM
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04-26-2007, 02:05 AM
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  #7  
05-18-2007, 02:35 PM
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Author's note: Sorry for the long wait. School, work, drama, and girlfriend. Need I say more?

Chapter 3

Bright. Pretty. I reached for the greenish-yellow glowing bugs, but they were too far up. I wished that I had wings, then I could fly and play with the shiny bugs. Everything Froze...
The sun rose and fell countless times, I was taller now. Metal pants suspended me into the air, maybe I could reach the fire bugs now.
Sligs. Lost of Sligs. They carried cylindrical cans and from the cans death spewed out. Death devoured all the bugs, extinguishing my only light.
Darkness everywhere, I couldn't see.
Then a beautiful blue light sprang from a single being, a Mudokon...my friend. Something went wrong, the light full of life and love turned red speaking only death and power.
My friend cackled maniacally, he was suddenly wearing a business suit and smoking a giant cigar. I thought he was my friend, but all I saw there was a Glukkon.

The Red light shunned me and I fell into darkness. I kept falling until I landed on a stump that was once a magnificent tree. A giant wrinkled Mudokon head formed above me. The gargantuan orb opened its maw and roared:

Time changes all we hold dear
with understanding you need not fear
Now seek me out and release your dread
or all you love will turn to red


Several images began flying by: A forest full of promise and life, a empty village crying over times past, a menacing fortress emanating death, and a vast desert that revealed everything and nothing.

As the last image faded into darkness I unzipped my sleeping bag and fell down onto the hard, cold wooden floor. I was breathing heavily and dripping in sweat. My co-worker Joe woke up from the sound of me falling and tip toed over to me, hoping to avoid stepping on anything sharp in this messy little shack. Joe knelt down and asked with shock in his voice, "Ugai are you ok?"
The room was silent save for the wind shaking the feeble house and my heavy breathing. Slowly I responded, "Yes Joe, I'm fine." The Mudokon gave me a questioning look then slowly crept back to his make-shift bed which was mostly tattered rags and itchy Meep wool. I climbed into my pants and went outside closing the door silently behind me.
Fresh air flowed into my lungs as I looked into the night sky, it was still late and I could see the moon clearly, not a single cloud challenged its power. As I looked at the Mudokon hand-print in the moon memories of that Mudokon came back to mind. I risked my life to save that Mudokon, who in turn sacrificed himself to save me... why did he have to do that. I'm not special in any way I'm just a single Slig, I get no more use out of this life then him.
Slowly I went back to bed, water flowing down my cheeks in remembrance of the Mudokon I never knew.

For weeks the same dream with the Mudokon head haunted me, as well as the picture in my mind of a lifeless Mudokon. I never really went back to normal, I guess some things just shake the very core of anyone even a Slig. Joe and I were feigning work today, the stupid brown skin-tanned Gluckon watched us as he rocked back and forth in his squeaking wooden chair. Normally Jonuk stayed inside his house, the only one with air conditioning, while we worked. Unfortunately a Mudokon working crew from Rupture Farms was here today repairing and sprucing up the ranch. Joe was convinced that if we looked idle Jonuk would order us to do real work like assist them in fixing the roof. We faked work for hours until the Pud fell asleep in his chair, then we both headed over to the fence and sat down in what shade it offered.

"Man look at those RF guys work," Joe blurted. After a moment he added, "What pushes them to work so hard?"
I pondered over what my Mudokon buddy had just said, then an image appeared in my head of Sligs brutally beating Mudokons with their rifles in a small dark room. Blood was all over the floor, one of the blood covered Mudokons begged for mercy and was answered by a spray of bullets into his head. I snapped out of the vision breathing hard and looked over at my pal, I was shocked to see him covered in bright red fire as he laughed insanely. I shook my head in disbelief and looked at my friend again to see him back to normal but with concern in his eyes. I also noticed it was suddenly night when moments ago it was so early in the morning. Joe asked me, "You've been out for hours man, I tried to wake you up but you just kept screaming 'Don't kill me, please don't kill me!' Ugai.. are you ok?"
I let what my green-skinned friend said sink in then replied without really thinking, "Its those dreams... they're haunting me when I'm awake now."

"You've just seen to much dude, you need to take a vacation or something." When Joe said vacation a forest appeared in my mind beckoning me to come. I realized then what I had to do.
"Call me crazy Joe, but I'm leaving." I said getting off the ground and slowly making my way to my shack.
Joe pushed himself up and followed me with shock on his face. "Leaving?" Joe asked while following me, "Leaving leaving?"
"Yes I'm leaving leaving." I said while entering my pad and filling a bag with various supplies.
"Why?"
"Isn't it apparent? I'm going insane and I can't take this stuff anymore."
Joe's frown deepened and he tried to think of something to say in order to make me stay, but instead my best friend said: "Goodbye Ugai."
"Goodbye Joe."

I didn't really know where I was going, but something told me I was going the right way. I had followed the dirt path that leads from Jonuk's Meep Ranch to civilization, however when the wind kicked up it blew up a lot of sand and next thing I knew I was in the middle of a desert.
The merciless sun beat down on me making my pants excruciatingly hot, sand continued to find its way into my goggles irritating my eyes, and as if my mind wasn't troubled enough I kept seeing beautiful water parks that turned out to be nothing but cacti that hurt when you walked into them.
I lost count of how many hills of sand I had walked over before I gave up on life, it seemed to me the desert went on forever. I fell down crashing into the hot yellow sand and just waited for Oddworld to claim me for its own. Just then I heard a sound of something moving just behind me, my adrenaline started pumping and the fear of death put me back on my feet. Someone was standing right behind me, but I couldn't quite make him or her out with all the sand blowing around.

"Show yourself!" A craggy voice ordered. Not wanting to fight I slowly started walking towards the thing. "I said show yourself!" the voice continued, I know your there!" I walked right in front of the guy and I could finally make him out, he was a Slig with white skin, pants rustier then rust itself, and a black visor.
For what ever reason this guy couldn't see me, maybe his visor was out-dated so I said calmly, "Uh I'm right in front of you."
The Slig raised his rifle pointing it at my head with such speed it looked as if the gun spawned from his hands rather then the belt on his pants. "Playing with me are you?" He shouted in my face, "Well I don't like games, I'll show you to sneak up on me."
Not knowing what to do I replied, "Um... I didn't sneak up on you. I walked slowly right up to you.
"You did?" He asked and it appeared he believed me, "Sorry kid my senses ain't what they used to be." The albino Slig lowered his weapon and just started walking away.
"Wait a second who are you?" I asked.
The white Slig stopped moving and turned to face me, "Well I'm Number thirty-two thou..." Suddenly thinking better of it he pointed his gun at my head again and shouted: "Your a agent for Skillya arn't you? Your here to kill me arn't you? Your going to call me a mutant arn't you? Your just another mindless robot arn't you?"

The Slig continued to rant insanely then he fell down and broke into tears, this was the first Slig other then myself I had ever seen cry. I asked him the first thing that came to mind, "Why would I want to kill you?"

The albino Slig stopped sobbing and said, "My skin is white, my eyes don't work. I'm a useless mutant why wouldn't you kill me?"

Hoping to pacify the partially insane Slig I replied, "I'm not a merciless beast without a heart, thats why."

Something changed inside the albino Slig and he simply stated, "The names Flour, I've been hiding in this desert for months. If you need anything I'll be happy to help."

Not quite understanding the blind Slig's change of heart I introduced my self and my plight, "My Vykker code is CD-427, my assigned number is fifty-five thousand four-hundred twenty-eight. I go by Ugai, call me crazy but I dreamed that I had to get through this desert and into some death fortress."
If the Slig thought I was crazy he didn't show it, "Nothings wrong with followin your dreams Ugai, the nearest death fortress from here would have to be Dahmer's barracks."
"Dahmer?"
"Hes some insane Vykker that is trying to create cheaper and deadlier soldiers, from the looks of it he wants to replace us Sligs. The guy says were not meant to kill." The albino Slig shrugged then said, "If you want I can take you to the outskirts of his fortress, but after that I'm gone."
I nodded, "Thank you Flour."
"No problem."

I followed the blind Slig, sand blowing in my face, when I began wondering just how desperate I must be. Spontaneously Flour stopped moving and asked, "You hear that?"
I listened quietly for a second but all I heard was the rustling of wind and sand, "I don't hear anyth..." Before I finished my sentence I heard what sounded like a vehicle speeding strait towards us. I looked behind me to see the red truck moving faster then light about to hit me, Flour tackled me down barely getting us out of the way of being hit. The truck stopped and three odd creatures hopped out.
"Wolvarks..." Flour mumbled as if the word was the foulest thing on Oddworld. We got back up and watched as the Wolvarks carring hand guns joked stupidly to one another as they moved towards us.

"Well what do we have here Billy?" A Wolvark with a dirty wife-beater asked another.
The other Wolvark, who happened to be the smallest, replied, "Why dese are 'dem eastern city-folk guys dat think dey is good as us. Ain't that right little Bobby?"
Little Bobby, the tallest of the three Wolvarks, answered, "Yup. And do you know what we do with eastern losers?"
It seemed Little Bobby was going to say more when Billy interrupted, "Oh I know, we shoot 'em dead!"
Little Bobby turned to face Billy and shouted, "I was bout to say dat! Why yous gotta go and talk when I be trying to talk to the city-folk? You best to stop me Billy-bob or I'mma gonna kill Billy."
The previous unnamed Wolvark Billy-bob with the wife beater started shouting, "Naw you know what Ma' said, you know Billy is special and don't forget he didn't eva get ova Uncle-daddy leaving."
I just then noticed that the small Wolvark Billy's eyes seemed to be looking in opposite directions of each other... I don't think their supposed to be like that.

The three Wolvarks started shouting at each other until the albino blind Slig shouted, "You red-necks best to stop annoying me right now or I'll kill you all."

"Now I'm not da bestest at math but I knows when wes got more guns then yous guys." The tall and fat Wolvark little Bobby replied.

The stupid thing had a point we were out gunned, but also as is stupidly pointed out we were smarter.
"Didn't your mom tell you guys not to shoot anyone with glasses?" I asked.

"Nuh-uh we can shoot who eva we want," Billy-bob said.

"No I clearly remember her saying your not allowed to shoot anyone with glasses," I replied.

"Oh, yeah." The stupid oaf said. Then the three of them climbed back into their truck and drove off.
Flour looked over at me and said, "You know I'm pretty sure we could of killed them easily."
"Yeah I know, but theirs enough violence in this world don't ya think," I asked. The blind Slig nodded and we continued to tread towards Dahmer's barracks where ever it may be.

Last edited by Venks; 05-18-2007 at 03:02 PM..
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  #8  
05-18-2007, 04:38 PM
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Thats a great story Venks!
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  #9  
05-18-2007, 04:59 PM
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O.M.G this is so awesome! the story is so compelling, i just cant wait for the next installment!

Kudos to you venks, kudos!
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  #10  
05-19-2007, 01:49 PM
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O.M.G this is so awesome! the story is so compelling, i just cant wait for the next installment!

Kudos to you venks, kudos!
Thanks Watermelody its comments like yours that makes the time it takes to do this bearable.
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  #11  
05-20-2007, 11:07 AM
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I WANT MOAR OF THIS L33TN355!11!!!!11!!!111!!1! I demand it!

This is just...SO AWESOME.

Have you got the entire story planned in your head already, or are you partially making it up as you go?
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  #12  
05-22-2007, 02:01 PM
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I WANT MOAR OF THIS L33TN355!11!!!!11!!!111!!1! I demand it!

This is just...SO AWESOME.

Have you got the entire story planned in your head already, or are you partially making it up as you go?
Well I have the general plot outlined, but like all of my writing it seems to evolve on its own. Certain characters pick up interesting characteristics and unique connections between my current work, previous work, and Oddworld games spontaneously appear.
All in all my stories really create themselves.
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  #13  
05-23-2007, 02:20 AM
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Oh, sweet and nice Venks...(I love your username...so...strange! )
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  #14  
05-30-2007, 01:46 AM
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Very nice!
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  #15  
05-30-2007, 03:52 AM
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Chapter Four

Here I am in the middle of a desert and it's colder than you can believe. It turns out that as hot as a desert is in the day its just as cold in the night. That's not the only change either. Instead of a blazing orange sun, night brandishes countless stars plus a ever-present moon. Neatly the sand takes a lightly blue appearance, I'd care more if I wasn't so cold. I asked my albino companion,
"Yo, Flour, can we set up camp or something? I'm tired as a Slig without an employer watching him."
"Yeah sure." The white blind Slig replied, not caring much for my pun. He opened a compartment in his metal legs and pulled out some sticks which he used to start a campfire.
"Be right back." Flour placidly stated then disappeared into the darkness.
"Be careful!" I shouted towards where he had vanished. I don't know where that crazy Slig was heading, but I sure knew I was famished - something my growling stomach repeatedly reminded me.

I pulled off the green bag I had been carrying and removed a couple of small bowls from inside. The only food I had managed to bring was spooce salad - the stuff was cheap and healthy. Unfortunately spooce is the nastiest thing I have ever tasted. My body cringed as the food entered my mouth, but I continued to stomach the guck in hopes of quieting my hunger. In the midst of attempting another bite; Flour returned, single handedly, carrying, what looked like, a long limp stick made entirely out of sand and rock. It was beyond me how the sand kept it's shape; instead of all falling to the ground.
"What is that?" I questioned my white friend as he skewered the thing with a stick and held it just above the fire.
"This," Flour stated, giving a dramatic pause, "Is a Snand."
"A Snand?"
"Yes, a Snand. You see they are these blind Fleech-like things. As you can see they are much longer and instead of using tongues; they reach out and bite their victims. Thus injecting them with poison. Snands look like they're made out of sand and rocks, but really they're just covered in scales and spikes. So what they do is hide near drinking water or food. Whenever a creature gets close enough they strike, usually killing their prey in only one blow! These things can also fool echolocation to betray Scrabs."

"Wow.. you sure know a lot." Was all I could say.
"Not really." The albino contradicted. "You just pick things things up when you live here for as long as I have."
"How long is that?" I inquired.
"About four years. I've been here sense I left the barracks."
"Wow, four years? Why'd you decide to leave the barracks anyways?" I immediately felt bad after asking the question. Flour was visibly upset.
"I didn't decide to leave. I was forced to." Flour took a deep breath, then continued. "I was unlucky at birth. I came to the world blind and lacking pigment. Even though I couldn't see, I was being trained the same as all the other Sligs in my birthing group. Having harsh task masters, I quickly learned to use what senses I had to my advantage - I had to try harder than my brothers. I became the top student in the training grounds! Finally, I finished training school and matured enough to handle the real world. I entered the Slig Barracks - that was a rude awakening. Turns out that Mudos doesn't take my kind as nicely as training school did.

Sligs like me with disabilities are dubbed 'mutants' by the general populace. In fact, 'mutants' are killed in the Slig Barracks everyday. Luckily the squad I was assigned to were ridiculously stupid. I easily convinced my squad that I had fallen into a vat of flour that just wouldn't come off. Hence the name, Flour. Although my squad was stupid enough, not everyone in the barracks was. If it wasn't for my high rank, I'd be dead now. I don't want you to think I was the only albino though. Some guy named Charlie or something was also albino. Charlie was a shy dude that kept mostly to himself. He was teased all the time. One day Charlie snapped and killed his entire platoon! Including his platoon leader and himself. Guess some guys don't take to well to mean jokes. I mean, like I used to get made fun of all the time, but I would just shrug it off. I don't care what a bunch of nobodies say about me.

Anyways, one day some Slig coveting my position had a talk with my squad, revealing to them I was mutant. With no one covering for me anymore; Slig after Slig would try to do me in! I ran for my life from the barracks and just kept going until I was lost. And here I am today."

Once Flour finished, he starting biting his Snand as if nothing was bothering him at all. I sat there for a moment, letting Flour's story sink in. As if being blind wasn't hard enough, he had to put up with so much Slog! For a moment I pondered what a world without cruel Sligs would be like - until I felt nature calling.
"Be right back." I called out to Flour as I got up to look for a place to answer nature's call.
"Don't stray too far!" Flour called back with real concern in his voice. I wanted to take my friend's advice, but I also wanted a private place to do my business. Seeing nothing but sand all around me, I went astray from Flour. To my delight I found a hill to hide behind. As I climbed the hill, sand fell with each step I took. When I got to the top, I realized I wasn't actually on a hill, but more of a bowl. I took a step forward - which I instantly regretted. My metal foot found no purchase and I spontaneously tumbled down into the center.
I tried to stand up, but when I did, I slowly began to sink into the ground. For what ever reason, I only seemed to sink more when I moved. Without a better alternative I decided to stay perfectly still.

As if in response to my decision, the top of my head started to itch. It wasn't bad at first, but after a while it was so itchy I was contemplating suicide. Should I continue to live in agony or die in peace? As I weighed the pros and cons of death, Flour appeared at the top of the sand pit.
"Odd. You seeing Sligs are so blind! How do you manage to walk right into a sand trap?"
"Well..." I started, but as I talked I slowly began descending.
"Okay, okay, don't move, I'll be.." Flour started to say as he looked at what he was dealing with - but upon seeing how far I was in, he frowned.
"Sorry Ugai, but all I can do for you is trade one death for another." The blind Slig pulled out his gun ask asked, "Any last requests?"

Here I am, about to die, and I can't think of anything to say. Once my neck started sinking under the sand, Flour decided not to wait any longer. He aimed at my head, and as natural instinct, I tried to move out of the way. Thanks to that, the sand completly covered my body and my air was cut off. I tried to fight my way back up, but the rough sand just pushed me further down. I held my breath as long as I could manage - my lungs felt like they were burning. Unable to resist, my body forced me to take in sand that I immediately choked on it. As I was choking, my feet suddenly felt air and a split second later I fell from the bottom layer of the sand pit and onto a sand covered floor. I hit the floor with my back pretty hard - pain spiked throughout my body. I disgorged sand and spooce - it hurt, but I got the sand out of my lungs.

I weakly tried to push myself up, only to fail and fall back down. I rested for a moment, then got up again. I looked around to try to find out where I was. It appeared to be a hall way - the walls were smooth, gray rocks with images drawn here and there. The floor was beautifully shaped, green tiles with intricate designs on them. Feeling wind coming from in front of me, I decided to travel down the hall way.

As I walked down the endless corridor I noticed a drawing depicting something Odd, there one the wall was a picture of a magnificent battle. Countless Sligs and Mudokons laid dead, though the former had more numbers still. Next to a dead Mudokon was another of its kind, only it was much bigger and easily lifted a Slig into the air with one hand. All too soon the pictures ended and I learned nothing more of the giant Mudokon. I finally emerged out of the hall into a large coliseum, there were countless seats abandoned, but in good repair. There was no roof, instead the night sky and the moon could be seen. In the middle of the coliseum was a few Mudokon statues raising its hand to match the moon, surrounded by Paramite statues. Oddly enough one of the Paramite statues was raising its hand to the moon, but wait... Paramites don't have hands. On closer inspection I noticed that the statue wasn't of a Paramite but a pantsless Slig.

I would of stared at the statues in wonder for a second longer, but just then I heard a noise behind me. I hastily turned around to see three Paramites looking at me, trying to discern my purpose.
One of the Paramites asked me, "Click clik klik click clik?"
I had no idea what it was trying to say, but the thing was trying to communicate with me, I decided to respond with something safe.
"Don't worry, I'm not here to hurt you. I come in peace." Was what I said.
Wrong move apparently. The three Paramites screeched and bolted towards me bearing their fangs. Quite fond of life I ran to one of the many passageways leading out of the coliseum. As I ran down the
corridor I didn't hear just my metal feet banging into the smooth tiled floor, but the almost silent whooshing sounds of the Paramites chasing me. Abruptly the hall came to an instantaneous end, however their were three wells near the end of the hall where I stood. Not wasting a second longer I jumped into the well to my left, I heard the sounds of screeching as I fell down... and kept falling. Did I just jump to my own death, there was no way I could survive a fall at this rate. Suddenly a powerful wind picked me up in the small wooden tunnel I was in and pushed me straight up.

Seconds later I shot out of the very sand pit I had entered through and landed just a few meters outside of it. Flour was there mourning my supposed death when I fell on him.
"What the Odd! Get off of me!" He ordered.
"Sorry bout that." Was my reply.
When I got off the albino Slig he looked in my general direction in amazement.
"Where did you come from?" Flour asked.
"I have no idea."

Last edited by Venks; 06-03-2007 at 07:29 PM..
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  #16  
06-01-2007, 11:23 AM
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I LOVE this. It's written from a Slig's POV, it SOUNDS like it's written from a Slig's POV because of the language used, it's new, and it sounds like there's a lot in store. I definitely plan on reading all of it, I can't wait for the next chapter!

Excellent work and keep writing! ^^
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  #17  
06-01-2007, 08:47 PM
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Hehe I was starting to think no one read this anymore, I'm glad I was wrong.
I have much in store for Ugai and his adventure. Hope you like it.
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  #18  
06-03-2007, 02:41 PM
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why would no-one read this anymore? that would be like seeing a cake (like, a really REALLY good cake) in a shop and not saving up to buy it (mmm.....cake). anyway, keep writing!
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  #19  
06-03-2007, 05:04 PM
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Amazing story you've got there Venks. Its interesting to see how new members imagine how Rupture Farms started. (Arnie actually started with four Mudokons and a Slig, and no welcoming party, yet I believe you're alright)

My only suggestion is to check your puncution. I saw some missing periods, commas, and "'s. Besides that, excellent story!
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  #20  
06-03-2007, 07:19 PM
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Amazing story you've got there Venks. Its interesting to see how new members imagine how Rupture Farms started. (Arnie actually started with four Mudokons and a Slig, and no welcoming party, yet I believe you're alright)

My only suggestion is to check your puncution. I saw some missing periods, commas, and "'s. Besides that, excellent story!
Hehe I tried to talk to Dripik about it before I wrote Chapter 2, but due to him not noticing the message I had sent him it was too late before I threw it up there.
As for my grammar, well I'm not the best at that. I actually have an editor(Cinnamon a fellow lover of Oddworld) now, so hopefully it will be better from now on.
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  #21  
06-07-2007, 08:52 PM
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Author's Note: This is my first bonus story, I plan on focusing on my fanfic A Slig Who Cares, however sometimes I'll take a slight brake from that and write about another character.
My bonus stories can turn out to be about anyone: Abe, Doe from the W@RF roleplay, a character Ugai meets in his travels, or even the dad of one of these characters.

Just for a little perspective, ASWC takes place during Munch's Oddysee.
This story, Live Lanrete, takes place somewhere between 10 to 20 years before that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Live Lanrete!


The sounds of nature are always so calming. The whistling of the tree leaves, the sound of rushing water and the chirping of birds and insects. I looked around at the gargantuan trees, thanking them for the shade they provided me.
Even though I was so small compared to them, it was my duty to protect all the trees of the forest - in all actuality, its my job to ensure the safety of all the forest's inhabitants.

"Lanrete Guy Alexander!" A familiar screech shouted from just behind the trees. "The Senate has already assembled, how does it look if the King of the Guardians does not show up?"
Finally emerging from the tenebrous shadows was my wife: Loretta Fem Alexander, Queen of the Fuzzle Guardians. She bounced over to me, her brown fur dazzling beautifully as rays of light snuck past the tree tops to direct themselves on my only love.

"I was only gone for a moment Loretta Baby, I was merely thanking the forest for all it provides us and asking it for eternal protection." At these words Loretta frowned with obvious distaste, "Do you really think the prophecies are true? That the times of peace are over and we are entering a era of death and suffering?"
"I don't know Love, but I would happily clean a Fleech's teeth before I doubt the Almighty One's clairvoyancey." Leaving Loretta to ponder alone I hopped off to the royal quarters. Asleep on his odd star-shaped leaf slept my son, Lanrete Epoh Alexander.

Tied upon the young Fuzzle's head was a yellow and black head-band. The head-band signified unyielding rectitude - it was actually a gift from the Paramites of Spooce forest. The head-band of unyielding rectitude was quite the honor among the Paramites, it was very amazing to see the thing tied around my only son.

Not wanting to waste anymore time I hopped down the dirt path to the senate. In no time at all I was there. I took my position on top of the highest dirt mound in the small circle. Just to my left was the dark-skinned Slof chieftain, to my right was the leader of the Fleeches.
On the opposite side of the circle sat Raja-fu; leader of the Paramites. Raja-fu's impatience was easily noticed. The Paramite quickly said upon my entrance, "Taking your time smelling the flowers Alexander? Surely you realize the importance of this meeting."

Inwardly rolling my eyes I responded, "I fully understand the importance of this meeting, had it not been so important I am sure I would still be asleep-it is too early."
Then turning to the Elder of the Ratz, sitting between the Slof and Raja-fu, I said. "Now tell me Ancient One what is our first matter of business." The Ancient One opened his eyes apparently just waking to the morning rays. Then after a slight pause the old gray Rat replied, "The biggest concern of the forest, Guardian Alexander, is the mysterious plague infecting the creatures just bordering the Great Lake."

Seeing a chance to strike Raja-fu hastily clicked, "Yes Guardian, surely you remember it is your duty to protect us from such atrocities. What do you Fuzzle Guardians have to show for yourselves?"
Like the Ancient One the Slof chieftan had just awakened. The Slof chieftain spoke up, "Now don't ya forget the Fleech Rebellion which happened durin ya'lls guys guardianship. Had it not been for da Fuzzle guys we'd all be Fleech food."

Angered easily Raja-fu shot back, "The Fuzzles did nothing! After years of trapping the Fleeches our power had dwindled, then these pathetic lowly fuzz balls cleaned up all that was left, and you praise them like gods! Have you no sense?"
Not quite one to back down, the Slof chieftain retorted showing his teeth, "Dats not how I be remembering it. If I recall it right da Fleeches were bout ta enter ya nurseries. If not for da Fuzzles dem Fleeches would of ate all yo babies."

Enraged to no end the Fleech senator roared, "It was not a rebellion for the umpteenth time! Those Fleeches were industrial-born, us native-borns don't have such long tongues or murderous appetites!"
Demanding peace I ordered,"Silence all of you! That is the past, we are here to discuss more pressing matters."

Simmering down a bit, Raja-fu clicked, "My scouts believe they have discovered the cause to the plague - as it was only affecting the inhabitants of the Great Lake's border - my scouts traversed the lake for any abnormalities.
They discovered a bridge made of industrial materials, strange
creatures with glowing lights eternally traverse across this bridge. The creatures spew foul gases into the air which we believe is infecting the rain.
Not to mention these weird small sticks that are thrown out by smaller creatures that live inside the fast creatures. These small sticks have fire emitting from one end that releases dark smoke. This dark smoke smells really bad and breathing it leads to coughing. We think the sticks being thrown into the water are causing the plague. I believe industrialists call the sticks Cigs or Ets I can't be sure which."

Unable to remain silent any longer the Scrab ambassador sitting unsteadily next to Raja-fu spoke up, "I don't mean ta interrupt my little brothas. But I don't understand this guardianship thing. Can you make this to my understanding?"
Tolerant to the foreigner Alexander replied, "Well you see it all started when the Industrialists first came to central Mudos, they were testing out some weapon and put the whole forest aflame. When all hope seemed lost a mysterious tall creature came and summoned the rain. This powerful and magical creature called itself a Steef. Ever since then the Steefs had prevented the Industrialists from destroying our forest, until one day they all mysteriously disappeared. Still needing protection we charge what ever race that proves itself able to be the new guardians, currently that would be my race the Fuzzles."

The Scrab nodded its head in understanding."Thank you the Alexander, now that I understand, I think I must bring of this up now not later."
"What is it that we need to know?" I asked.
"Well," the Scrab started, "Back in the desert, home lands of my kind, we have seen things of much strangeness. There is a giant floating thingy that crossed our the desert and it is practically here at your my forest. Tiny giant floaty thingies continue to come out of the giant floaty thingy, we have seen the tiny giant thingies entering your my forest. We bring this concern of ours to yous becuase when they were in our desert land they had traps on the ground that hurt and trapped you. We lost many good Scrab warriors to the traps. I don't want you to lose your warriors of goodness to traps of pain." Though it was hard to understand what the Scrab was saying, I was able to assimilate the information.

Before I could act, a Fuzzle scout stumbled upon us breathing heavily. "Alexander Sir!" He shouted, "These strange things are invading the forest!"
The red Scrab instantly turned pale, "They are faster then I had supposed! I'm sorry that I wasn't help of much."
"You did what you could and I appreciate that," I said to the Srab. Then to the young scout I demanded, "Wake the guard and send them just shy of the invaders, hold off on attacking until the invaders pose an immediate threat. I will be there in a moment."

Leaving the senate behind to grumble amongst themselves, I returned to the royal quarters. Loretta was sitting next to Alex Jr peacefully. It pained me to take that peace away, but their lives were in danger. "Loretta, listen to me," I said with a serious tone, "Industrialists are invading the forest. We can't be sure how much of a threat they pose yet, but I want you and Alex to hide in the tunnels."
Surprise appeared on Loretta's face, but it was quickly replaced by a calm and ready appearance. She picked up the sleeping baby gently with her teeth and left without saying a word. She understood how serious this was and wasn't about to ask me to abandon my people to hide with her. I loved her so much.

I quickly hopped off to the defensive lines and upon arriving I was met by a tough member of the guard - this Fuzzle had been in many battles and was missing an eye. "Zhar," I said his name in greeting.
"Alexander," he growled, "We're fighting the invaders as we speak. These industrialists have deployed traps through out the forest borders and are slowly drifting inwards. They travel in small, hovering pods that carry one pilot. These pods are quite tough and don't break easily. We've found that the best way to deal with them is to trick them into driving into Paramite webbing and bind them. Unfortunately, this is no easy task. With more numbers, or smarter pilots, they will easily overcome us."

I let the report sink in and searched my brain for the answer to our predicament. Having an idea, I said, "Raise the berserkers."
The battle-scarred Fuzzle looked at me questionably and asked, "Raise the berserkers?"
"You heard me right, Zhar, our options are few. Raise them and send them after our foes."
The one-eyed Fuzzle sighed and went off to obey my command. I knew what thoughts flew through the Fuzzle's mind, it was a cruel thing to return cured Fuzzles to their berserker behavior. It would take much to restore them after the battle, if their is a after.

I was about to return to the senate when a strange thing fell from the trees and hovered just above me. It was one of the pods that Zhar had described earlier. The thing had several protruding limbs, many just glowed and appeared stationary. Two of the mechanical limbs came to life and stretched, reaching for me. Reacting quickly I moved out of the way and bit down on the mechanical limb. It was to tough to bite threw - I had bit it by instinct. That was exactly what the invader wanted. A tail-like limb stabbed into me, injecting some strange green liquid. I instantly felt sleepy.

I love you Loretta, you too Alexander. My son... it is up to you to lead our people, they need you now.

Last edited by Venks; 06-08-2007 at 07:45 AM..
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  #22  
06-08-2007, 02:27 AM
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YAY VENKS WRITING!

Ahh, this post is filled with originality, at least, this is very new to me! I've never seen a story written so closely about Fuzzles before, and I've never gotten to hear a Scrab speak before now. Maybe I missed out on a fanfic like that? To me at least, this is original and interesting, and while I usually only anticipate the next chapter of writer's stories, this was a treat.

I don't know why, I kind of want to see a story about Abe written by you as much as the next chapter. Maybe because I haven't seen many good Abe stories lately.

Anyway, excellent writing, the editting did make a difference. Good writing can be hindered if the punctuation is slightly off but this chapter read smoothly.

Keep it up, we're waiting for more! ^^
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  #23  
06-08-2007, 04:53 AM
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Man, I love all of this. Can't wait to see an update, or even another short story, these are awesome. *gives out free cookies*
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  #24  
06-08-2007, 08:54 AM
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I'm glad to see you guys loved that story so much, I was anticipating Live Lanrete to be rejected. I of course have to give props to my editor Cinnamon.
As for my next update it'll probably be Chapter 5 of ASWC.
I never really put much thought into writing a Abe story, it sounds pretty fun though. I'm gonna put a lot of thought into it though, I don't want it to come out as anything, but spectacular.

Sweet thanks for the cookies Marvak. *Jams cookies into face hole while talking.* So when is that Face Off thing coming out?

Last edited by Venks; 06-08-2007 at 08:57 AM..
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  #25  
06-09-2007, 04:49 AM
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:
*Jams cookies into face hole while talking.* So when is that Face Off thing coming out?
I'm currently fleshing ourt the storyline, I'll get to work asap. ...Which is an indefinite date...
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  #26  
06-24-2007, 11:46 AM
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Author's Note: Sorry for the long wait for this chapter. It had actually been completed a week before today, but hadn't been edited. The delay was mostly from trading facts with dripik and waiting for my editor to recover from her accident. Much love to my editor who while still recovering from her accident edited this chapter.
Also their are two times in the story when a character mentions music, I have put links to the actual music in red text if you care to hear it. It may take a second to load and I can't really do anything about the pictures that come with the sound. The pictures have nothing to do with this story.
Now enough blahing. Please enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter Five

look into your heart and what do you see?
whatever it is you've worked to be
who you are depends on your choice
you must be willing to put forth your voice
-Cris


"So yur telling me that ya didn't try to kill the Paramites that were chasing ya?" My traveling companion, Flour, asked me. "You had your gun didn't you?"
"Yes, Flour, I had my gun," I said, slightly annoyed. "But the things were trying to talk to me. I just couldn't understand them."
"True, but then dey tried to kill ya! Ya need to protect yourself ya know."
"I don't know what it was.. I just felt this bond with them."
"Some bond.." Flour mumbled, but left it at that.

The two of us traversed the desert quietly, walking over small dunes while fighting back walls of sand that the wind perpetually threw into our faces. It was almost as if Nature itself was telling us not to proceed. Too stubborn to quit, we kept fighting the inhospitable desert. As it neared night fall I was so tired and brain dead I was mostly walking out of habit - no longer watching where I was going. Suddenly my blind, albino companion grabbed my shoulder to awaken me. "I don't dink it'd be a good idea ta walk much furder." Flour said. Alert once again, I took in my surroundings; Flour was hiding just behind a small dune and just in front of that stood a monstrously gargantuan black building. The scary thing was surrounded by a metallic fence with sharp-looking spikes at its top. The fence seemed to go on for miles - I couldn't see its end. I noticed that at various spots in the fence there were skeletons of multifarious species: Mudokons, Scrabs and things I had never seen in my entire life.

"Would dis 'appen to be da fence you were talkin bout?" Flour asked me, awakening me from my utter shock. The memory of this barracks flying past me vividly played in my head - this was the place from my nightmare. I looked up at the tall towers that protruded from multiple points in the tower - they rose so high up that they almost blocked the moon. For some reason, when I saw the moon, fear danced up my spine. What was I doing here? Yet.. I still felt compelled to go into the grim-looking building.
"I must get in there." Was all I said. Flour could tell I was serious. The white Slig sighed, but opened a compartment in his metal pants and pulled out a pair of binoculars. He looked into them, facing the menacing building for a moment, then handed them to me.
"Look over there." The blind, albino Slig ordered while pointing at something. I placed the binoculars against my visor and looked at what I assumed to be an Intern. The thing was standing on top of one of the many lookout towers - it was the weirdest thing I had ever seen. The Intern didn't have feet, but stubs. It didn't really have hands either; just spindly fingers. Its body was about half the size of its over-grown thick head. The thing had a mouth - it was more of a vertical slit - which was stitched up. To counter its ugly grey skin, it wore purple and yellow striped hat and speedo. It was so ugly.

I handed back the binoculars to Flour and asked, "That was the ugliest thing I have ever seen! What was the point of showing me that?!"
Flour smacked the back of my head and said slowly; as if to explain to a child. "Wat I'm tryin ta show ya is that 'e is da only guard dere and 'e seems to be sleepin."
I slowly nodded my head in acknowledgment, but suddenly I realized something. "How did you see all that? You're blind!" I asked, shocked.
"Ya don't see me pointin out yo flaws do ya?" Flour said, not answering my question at all. Before I could say anything further, my blind companion ran off towards the fence. Not wanting to be left behind, I quickly followed. Flour stopped in front of the fence and beckoned for me with a motion to come. As I arrived, I saw a a hole in the sand just deep enough to allow a Slig in his pants crawl under the fence. As I started crawling under, the rough sand scratching up my stomach, I heard Flour say; "Try not ta touch da fence, it'll kill ya."
"Thanks for the heads up." I said somewhat angry. Once I was across, I stood up and turned around to face Flour. "I guess this is goodbye." I said.
"I'll see you later." The white Slig replied, already walking off. I guess he didn't like me as much as I thought. Not knowing what to say, I shouted after him, "Are you really blind?"
The Slig stopped moving for a second and after a pause said, "Maybe." After that, Flour was gone.

Suddenly alone, fear started taking over my body, making me shake. I was by myself in the middle of a desert with no idea how to go back home. Trying to make things less scary, I imagined that Joe was here with me.
"Lonely?" The imaginary Mudokon asked, offering me a hug.
"Shut up." I said to Joe as I started walking towards the barracks. The fake Mudokon followed me with a smile on his face. "Thats a weird thing to say to someone you conjured up in your mind to keep you company." Joe replied.
"I'm just a little shaken up ok?"
"Shaken? I always thought you proffered your drinks to be stirred?"
I couldn't help but laugh at the imaginary Mudokon's cheesy joke and with that, my fear died down. No longer scared, it didn't seem like such a huge distance from where I stood to the creepy building. I ran so as to not waste time and quickly reached the nearest door, as there were many, and entered the building.

I immediately realized that Interns were not the ugliest things in existence: Vykkers were. Just to my left, in this endless light-pink hall filled with doors, was a poster of a Vykker. Like the Intern before it, the Vykker had a huge head, larger then its body. This thing's head was bulbous, covered in wrinkles, and purple like the rest of its body. Its hands ended in three, sharp-looking talons. Oddly enough, the Vykker also had three stubby legs.
Above the picture of the Vykker it said: "Dahmer's Barracks! Amazing soldiers at a cheap price!". Below the Vykker on the poster was the Vykker's Conglomerate logo; an oval with a 'V' going through it.
Though I was in the barracks, I had no idea what to do next. I just stood there for a moment with my mind blank. I started looking at all the doors down the light pink hall when my curiosity got the better of me. I walked up to the nearest door on my left and grabbed the copper knob. I slowly and silently turned the knob and opened the door. There was nobody inside - just a bunch of computers making beeping sounds, a couple chairs, and weird gizmos. I sat down in one of the chairs and stared at a monitor. The device showed a picture of a brown fuzz ball with metal teeth. There was a metal string stretched from the back of the thing's mouth to a gun taped to its head. There were also bar graphs next to the picture as well as percentage - I couldn't understand any of it.

I tried to understand the things on the computer a little longer until I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. In a dark corner in the pink room sat a small cage with one of those fuzz balls inside. I think it was called a Fuzzle. I hopped off the chair and walked over to the cage to get a better look. The Fuzzle moved as far back as it could in its small barred cage. The thing was scared of me. I briefly imagined playing hacky-sack with the little guy, but something told me that wasn't right to do. Not sure if it would understand me or not, I said to it; "Hey little Fuzzle guy. Theres no reason to be scared of me."
If the Fuzzle could understand Mudosian, it didn't show it. The thing continued to push itself into the corner of its very small cage. I felt bad for the Fuzzle - the cage it was in was barely bigger then itself. The poor Fuzzle was so small! Barely bigger then the metal stub I call my foot. It was just then that I remembered what Joe did to make animals not fear him. I put my yellow hand against the cage, not moving it. The Fuzzle eyed my hand cautiously, then slowly it went next to my hand and licked it. The lick was somewhat painful, not enough to actually hurt me, but I sure didn't want it to lick me again. I had no idea that a Fuzzle's tongue was sharp. The Fuzzle moved to the center of its cage, looking up at me with its cute red eyes, smiling.

I think the Fuzzle wanted me to get it out of its cage. I wasn't really sure how to open it, so I looked around the room for some idea. Suddenly the Fuzzle started mewing, "Mwii mii mii!" The little critter started looking at something - I followed its gaze and found a remote lying on top of a Newspaper. As always, there was a picture of the terrorist Abe on the front of the paper. I wondered for a moment if the Newspaper companies really hated Abe. Terrorism sells papers and without Abe they wouldn't be making moolah. Getting back on task, I picked up the remote and looked at the Fuzzle. The small, brown fuzz ball stared back at me with anticipation. I pushed a yellow button only to see sparks fly off the top of the Fuzzle's cage. I randomly chose a red button and hit that. Much to my surprise, the cage came open and the little Fuzzle jumped out. "Miii!" The little critter shouted as it jumped around in freedom.
"So what are you going to do now?" I asked the Fuzzle in curiosity. The Fuzzle didn't say anything back - it just kept looking at me with that big smile on its face. What am I doing here? Any second now an Intern will find me and kill me, or worse yet, report me to my mother.
I put the Fuzzle cage remote into a compartment in my metallic pants and sat down in one of the few chairs. Lying my head against the desk, I began to think about that poor Mudokon that got killed in front of Rupture Farms. Why did he have to die?

Interrupting my thoughts, the little ball of fuzz mewed loudly, "Mwii mii!" Getting my attention. As soon as I looked at it, the thing ran out of the room. I hastily got up and chased after it. "Where are you going? Are you trying to get us killed?" Paying me no mind, the thing kept bouncing down the clean halls of this oddly pink barracks. As soon as I caught up with the Fuzzle I ended up running right past him - I didn't expect him to suddenly stop at a door. The little Fuzzle mewed at the door as if that would open it.
"You wanna go in here do you?" I asked the little thing. I looked at the door and it looked like every other purple door in here - I have no idea how the Fuzzle knew where he was going. I opened the door slowly and silently like I did with the last one, but this time, as soon as the door was cracked open enough the small Fuzzle ran in. "Fuzzle!" I shouted and ran loudly into the room.

Luckily no one seemed to be inside. This room was much bigger than the previous room - which had seemed like a closet. There were still plenty of computers in this room, but there was also a tread mill, a water cooler, and a test dummy with several bite marks and bullet holes. As I scanned the room, I noticed my little brown Fuzzle. It was sitting on a chair in front of one of the many computers. At that computer desk sat a Fuzzle cage. Inside it was a very dirty and old looking Fuzzle. The Fuzzle's fur looked like it hadn't ever been cleaned, ever. The old Fuzzle had been sleeping and woke up at my approach, unlike the young Fuzzle, this one wasn't scared of me. The old Fuzzle looked directly at the smaller one, who had been sitting quietly, and said something in the Fuzzle tongue. The old Fuzzle mewed for quite awhile before finally finishing, the small Fuzzle seemed to mew in protest, but the older one paid him no mind. It was then that I noticed the older Fuzzle had metal teeth like the one I had seen on the computer, but this old Fuzzle looked ready to die - unlike the ready-to-fight one I had seen.

For some odd reason, the old Fuzzle looked at me and started to say something, but it wasn't the mewing of Fuzzle speech... it sounded like the clicking of Paramite speech. The old Fuzzle sat silently, waiting for my response. I had no idea what it was saying, so I told it just that. "I'm sorry, I dont' understand you." The old one just frowned and mewed a little longer at the small one before spontaneously going back to sleep. The little Fuzzle looked upset and ran off again, outside the room and into the hall. I have no idea what transpired between the two Fuzzles, but what ever it was, it made the young Fuzzle mad. For what ever reason, I felt responsible for the little fuzz ball, so I ran out to the hall to find him, but someone had beat me to it.
Just ahead of me, I saw an Intern holding a needle-dispensing rifle in one hand, and the poor Fuzzle in the other. I couldn't risk shooting the Intern from this range - my blunderbuss was not an accurate weapon. I was just as likely to shoot the Intern as I was the Fuzzle. The Intern started walking off somewhere, so I decided to follow him.

I wasn't the quietest follower in the world with my metal pants, but the Intern had headphones on that were blasting with music so loud I could hear it clearly as a I followed. I easily got lost, following this Intern, traversing through the countless corridors. Eventually he stopped at a pair of large blue doors that came open just by standing in front of them. I lost sight of the Intern after he entered the room. I crept as close to the doors as I could without entering them or causing them to open. I looked through a window on the left door and saw a Vykker talking to the Intern. Then a second later the Vykker started visibly laughing and began to head for the doors. Trying not to panic, I started looking for a place to hide. Before I found anything, the Vykker came out of the door and spotted me. "What are you doing here!?" The Vykker shouted with its squeaky non-threatening voice.
"Uh... I.." Was all I could manage to sputter. The Vykker looked annoyed with me and asked, "You're the new Slig aren't you?"
Seeing my luck, I grabbed at it happily, "Yeah. I'm new here."
Still annoyed, the Vykker asked, "Lost?"
"Totally."
"Would you look at the wall behind you?"
I turned around to see what looked like the inside of a building with several symbols and words describing places. It was a map.
"Oh, my bad. Didn't see that." I said.
"Of course not." The Vykker grumbled and wandered off, mumbling something about idiots.

As I took a better look at the map I realized I was in the All-purpose mechanical unit wing of the building. It appeared that each wing of the building was allocated for a certain type of research. Remembering the small Fuzzle in possible peril, I peeked my head into the room with the blue doors. This room was very wide - bigger than both of the previous rooms I had entered, but was practically empty. There was one small computer, which the Intern sat in front of, typing very fast with his unique fingers. The small Fuzzle was in a cage again in the middle of the pink room, next to a large purple cylinder that stretched from the floor to the ceiling. I hadn't noticed them before, due to my line-of-sight, but just inside the room was an old, dark-purple skinned Vykker talking to a young Glukkon donned in a violet suit. I could just overhear the couple's conversation:

"I'll be happy to show you a couple of my designs." The Vykker said. He pulled out a remote from his black utility belt and pressed a button. A television attached to a long metal arm descended from the ceiling in front of the two inhabitants. The TV turned on, showing a Greeter who had loud speakers attached to it, moving across a scarred battlefield with many fallen Sligs. Mudarchers began aiming their weapons at the Greeter when suddenly-loud obnoxious music began playing. The Mudarchers started covering their ears and while they did so, the Greeter invaded into their ranks, incinerating natives left and right with its laser. The Glukkon didn't look too interested in what he was seeing. The Vykker, seeing this, smiled nervously and said, "Of course thats not the only thing I have to show you today. Now you know how Sligs go through ammo like it grows on trees? Well studies show that Sligs using launcher-esque weapons tend to preserve ammo. However, rockets are too cost expensive, so we have produced cheap launchers with even cheaper ammo." The Vykker pressed another button on his remote and the scene on the television changed.

A native Mudokon's body jerked back and forth as a Slig sprayed countless bullets into the poor guy's body. The Slig reloaded his weapon and kept firing at the fallen body - the Slig just laughed maniacally. Then the scene changed to a Mudokon running away from a Slig wielding a green cannon. The Slig took a second to aim, then fired one shot which hit the Mudokon in the back. The Mudokon slowly got up, but the ammo that was shot, a berserker Fuzzle, began to tear the Native to pieces.
The Glukkon smiled slightly, but it seemed in response to the gruesome scene, not in response to the fine product. The Glukkon looked over at the Vykker and started to say, "I'm not here to buy trinkets Dahmer, if you expect any more funding I expect much better from you." The Glukkon started to walk away when the Vykker, with slight panic in his voice, said; "Wait wait! Thats not all, I've saved the best for last!" The Glukkon turned around with mild interest and asked; "What do you have for me?"
"Have you ever heard of the cursed RG unit?"
Surprise sprang to life on the Glukkons face. "Yes, I have."
"Well you see, I like many others before me tried to put together the cursed thing. My creation, RG-48, was a horrible failure. For some odd reason, it wouldn't do anything, but continually play a horrible song. I sold the RG schematic to a foolish Vykker named Phyl Corbadon."
Anger sparked in the Glukkon. "You know better than to waste my time, Dahmer."
"Let me explain myself. Upon meeting Phyl, an idea sparked into my head and I rushed off to my lab to make modifications to the RG unit. I came up with the superior RH series, these units may lack some AI, but they more than make up for it with their abounding functions and combat readiness."

With that, the Vykker pressed another button on his remote and a door on the giant purple cylinder in the center of the room opened, and out of it came a very tall robot. "Introduce yourself to General Belknap." Dahmer called to the robot. With very large strides, the robot moved towards the Glukkon who visibly flinched as it stopped in front of him.
I didn't see a mouth moving, but from the general direction of the robot I heard a monotone voice saying; "Greetings General Belknap. I am RH-02 an all-purpose mechanical unit. It is a pleasure to meet you." The Glukkon stared at the robot in obvious awe.
"Well done, Dahmer." Was all the Glukkon said. Then he, with the Vykker following him, exited the room. As they walked past me, I stood in a guarding position. I pretended to be the security for this hall, seeing as they paid me no mind, they must of bought it. I loudly exhaled, not realizing I had been holding my breath.

Looking back into the room I saw the Intern was absorbed in whatever he was doing. The robot wasn't moving at all. I think it was in stand-by mode or something. Scared that I was giving up my life for nothing, I sneaked into the room - I was relieved to see the robot remaining motionless. I walked over to the fuzzle cage in the center of the room and looked down at the small Fuzzle inside. He looked back at me with hopeful eyes. I pulled out the fuzzle cage remote from a compartment in my pants and pressed the red button. The cage opened and the small Fuzzle hopped out happily. Unfortunately, the robot turned around to face me and looked me up and down with its sensors. The Intern, finally looking at the world around him, noticed me and the freed Fuzzle. He got up and looked at me angrily, picking up his rifle ready to fight. The robot's sensors strayed from me and began to focus on the Intern. The Intern froze as the robot began to analyze him. The robot began eying the worker's weapon - apparently my blunderbuss didn't pose a threat to it. Suddenly, I heard a monotone voice coming from the robot. "Weapon sighted, possible hostile. Intern organic, put down your weapon." The Intern regained his composure and rose up one if its hands, making a very rude gesture at the robot.

Wrong move.

In little time at all the robot's arm stretched way farther then I thought possible and slapped the Intern in the face with such force it sent him spinning into the air, only to crash into the ground loudly a second later. The tall robot took a few giant strides and arrived at the fallen Intern. The robot kicked the Intern in the face with its heavy foot, sending the worker into a wall. Able to process multiple things at once, the robot grabbed the fallen rifle while harming the Intern and crushed the device with its bare hand.

This was freaking me out - this robot thing was about to kill that Intern. I looked down at the small Fuzzle and it was smiling with evil glee. Not really knowing what I was doing, I grabbed my blunderbuss and took aim at the robot that was about to smash in the Intern's head. As my finger touched the trigger, the robot turned around to face me. I pulled the trigger in attempt to fill the robot with bullets. It ran towards me as my ammo drove through it. "Foul move Slig organic." The robot said with its mechanic voice as it ran towards me. Its arm stretched out and grabbed me by the neck. The robot raised me in the air, taking me out of my mechanical pants.
"Identify yourself meat bag." The robot ordered as it continued to choke me. I was so busy fearing death and choking I couldn't quite remember my Vykker code or ID number. "Organic hostile is insubordinate, processing required actions...command sequence reached. Kill organic hostile."
I'm sure the robot could pop my head off in one second if it wanted too, but it looks like the Vykkers had programmed their sadism into the robot. The thing slowly tightened its grip as I tried to pry open its hand in vein. Suddenly, I heard some loud firing and the robot released me. I fell to the ground on my back with a thud. My vision was slightly blurred as pain took my body.

When I could see again, the Intern stood there looking at me. He didn't do anything... he just stared. The small Fuzzle looked at the Intern, growling, but he paid it no mind. I crawled back into my pants, not liking the helpless feel of having no power. I looked over at the fallen robot, noticing the Intern's needle ammo ripping through it. The Intern went over the robot and kicked it, then I noticed a blue sheet of paper in the Interns hand. The Intern crumpled the blue paper and threw it at the downed robot and with that, he left the room.
"Thanks!" I called after him, but I'm not sure if he heard me. I picked up the paper and straitened it out. On the paper was a picture of the robot with high-tech details written all over it. On the bottom of the picture, it said RG-49 and just under that it said: 'Phyl Cobardon' in small text. On the back of the paper, there were very-hard-to-read notes and something about modifications. I was able to make out: The all purpose personal-aide robots of the RH series are economically superior to the RG prototype. The RH series brandishes far more devices ranging from a flame thrower to a toilet paper dispenser. The RH personal-aide units can assist in anyway common personal-aide Sligs do, however the RH units, like RG before it, can carry items far heavier then common Sligs can even imagine to carry. In order to to reduce the price of the RH unit, there have been reductions to the AI and adaption programs. Once the RH unit is mass produced and becomes popular, Skillya will lose her hold over the Cartel and the Vykker Conglomerate will regain the power it once had. Why did I ever help that cannibal?
The paper was signed 'Dahmer'. He must be some insane Vykker.

I left the room with the destroyed robot and the small Fuzzle followed me. We stopped at the map and I started looking for a way out of this place. I couldn't stand it here. According to the map, there was a small room just down the hall that lead outside. Following the map's directions, the Fuzzle and I started down one of the halls before turning around and going down another hall. We had chosen the wrong hall by mistake - sometimes maps are so confusing. I don't know why, but that Fuzzle seemed intent on following me - hopefully this wouldn't bite me in the leg later. We finally came across the door that should belong to the small room, but for some odd reason there was a pile of headphones just outside the door. Ignoring that I opened the door, as soon as I did, strange music blasted into my ears. I peeked into the room to see the strangest sight I had ever seen. This wasn't a small room as the map showed, but a large, dark room filled to the brim with Interns not wearing their usual head phones. There were two platforms on either side of the room. One platform had a Greeter on it with speakers attached to it, blasting the music Interns listen to. On the opposite platform was one of those tall robots. From several parts of its body, it shot colorful lights that moved throughout the room. Practically all of the Interns were holding and twirling around colorful cylindrical objects.

I slowly entered the room and no one seemed to notice me entering - they were too busy jumping up and down and playing with their glowing sticks. The music was so loud I couldn't hear my own thoughts. I tried walking past Interns, seeing if they would stop me or not. They didn't. As I walked past these Interns I had to be careful, some of these Interns moved so wildly about they were knocking each other down. There were glowing sticks and pills all over the floor. I kept stepping on the drugs and getting white powder all over my mechanical feet. I almost stepped on an Intern that was on the ground - as I looked down at him, I noticed he was having a seizure - his body shaking wildly. Nobody was helping this Intern. I moved a bunch of needles that were next to him away, because I didn't want him stabbing himself. Then slowly the Intern's body stopped jerking, but he wasn't moving anymore. I hoped that he had simply passed out. I kept walking past Interns, watching out for their flailing limbs. Suddenly I got pushed into a empty circle surrounded by Interns. The nearby Interns immediately stopped dancing and glared at me, they looked ready to fight. One of the Interns waved at me, catching my attention. It was the same one from the room with the robot. He threw two glowing sticks at me, which I caught. The other Interns turned to him, looking at him weirdly. Thats when I caught on to what he wanted me to do; he wanted me to dance. I started to actually listen to the beat and began tapping my foot to it. All the Interns suddenly started facing me with evident surprise. I moved my arms to either side of me with a glowing stick in each hand. Then, once the music sped up, I started spinning the sticks with my hands. I grabbed onto them tightly and made circular motions in front of me. In this dark room, the glowing sticks left colorful light where they had just been. It looked pretty neat. Copying something I had seen earlier, I moved my hands near my foot and starting revolving the glowing sticks around each other and slowly made the light crawl up my body and back down to the other foot. Hoping to really surprise the Interns, I let myself fall and caught myself with one arm and spun in a quick circle, using the momentum from my fall and jumped back up. The Interns all made sounds of approval and started dancing again. The Intern from before quickly pulled me out of the circle and started leading me through the room.

In seconds I was at the end of the room, at a door that said; 'Exit' on it in red text. The Intern gave me a thumbs up sign and opened the door for me, leading me outside. Quickly, the small Fuzzle ran out of the room, following us. I was back in the desert outside of the barracks, the Intern made some gestures, which I figured to mean 'Where are you going?'
"I don't know." I said to the Intern.
The Intern looked at me as if I was insane, then gestured 'I'm coming with you.'

Last edited by Venks; 06-24-2007 at 02:25 PM..
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  #27  
06-24-2007, 10:42 PM
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Marvak
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: May 2007
: Inside your head.
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The techno music is f*cking awesome. *has bookmarked the link* Him dancing with Interns was awesome. I love you. *hugs*
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  #28  
06-25-2007, 09:47 AM
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Venks
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: Dec 2005
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I couldn't help but to put that scene in there. I mean everyone knows Interns listen to techno music, why not a rave?
I actually have a thing for techno now. I had listened to so much of it for inspiration. Glad you liked it Marvak. ^^
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  #29  
06-27-2007, 08:11 PM
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Slaveless
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: Jan 2006
: At a thearpy session.
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This chapter seemed very interesting and I really liked how the Interns came into the story. It became real cool to see how people imagined Interns acting like without Vykkers keeping them in check.

Now, my only critisism is that it seemed really long. Chapter 5 introduced a bunch of elements to the story that seemed a little overwhelming. I guess you couldn't have divided the story into further pieces, that wouldn't make sense. But it just seemed really long. No offense of course. It seemed a bit much.

And where are the female Interns? You can't have a rave without a female Intern!
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  #30  
06-27-2007, 08:31 PM
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Venks
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I also felt it was a little long. My bad. ^^;;
I understand how Lorne felt with Munch's Oddysee. Its so hard to take things out of your creations. Hopefully the next chapter will be shorter.
As for the female Interns, well I wasn't sure if Interns had females or not. I assumed they were a eusocial species. ^^;;

Thanks for the comment!
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