My fanfic (please read)

[ArtemisP]

Heres my Fan fic! It's called "The One Among us and I'm going to show you guys the first chapter and you tell me what you think ^_^ Here it is:
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A group of Mudokons were rooting through some ruins. Each of them had a large bag and were searching for metal
and robotic peices to help build something for the tribe. One of the Mudokons was Abe, the others were, Smakel,
Raybo, Alf, and Cleer. “Yo Abe, we got our bags full so we’re gonna go.” Smakel said in his squeaky voice. Abe
waved at him “You guys go, I’ll catch of later!” Alf snorted “You want to spend more time here? Forgot it, I’m
gone” He walked off in a huff, the other following close behind. Abe shook his head and chuckled, stuffing different
thing into his rapidly filling sack. After five minutes of rooting through things, he found something strange “An egg!”
He shouted, holding it up to the light. It was a black one, with four blue dots around its top. It was alittle rough but it
was ok. “Wow, I found a Mudokon from the hatchery. Never seen one before! Wait untill the guys see this” He
stuffed a couple more things into his sack and tightened it. Slinging it over his shoulder he picked up the egg and
began to walk back to the Tribe.

Abe arrived at the Camp with a smile on his face. Many of the Mudokons wondered why he was so happy.
He threw his sack into the pile and walked into Bigface’s hut “Bigface! I found this egg when I was looking for the
metal peices!” Abe said, placing the egg on the table. Bigface looked up “Do you know how long before if hatches?”
Abe shook his head “But when he does, I’ll take care of the Mudokon, I really will” Bigface sighed “Alright...” Abe
smiled “You won’t regret it!” Just then Alf walked into the hut “Hey, Abe! The guys n’ me are going to have some
free tea, you coming?” Alf asked. Abe nodded and replied “Yea, I’ll come. Look what I found!” He held out the egg
to Alf, only to hear the Mudokon groan “No, not a little kid! He’ll just be in the way!” Abe growled at Alf “Thats not
true, Alf! you don’t know that” He placed the egg down. Alf glared at Abe “I just know I don’t wand the little
Mudokon here, alright? Just bring it back where it came from” Abe crossed his arms “No, that would be murder!”
While the were fighting, the egg began to move, then he rocked, then it began to jump up and down on the table.
Abe, Alf, and Bigface turned around and looked at the egg as a crack appered in it and it slowed to a hard swaying
motion. Then part of the crack opened... Both Abe and Alf yelled in unison “It’s hatching!”

[ArtemisP]

Could somebody pleeeeeaaaaseeee read it *big, fuzzle eyes* Please! I won't psot the next chapter til lsomeone reads the first

[Teal]

*answers so more gets written*

I know the feeling of not getting replies, I'm holding out for a couple more on mine ("Dark") before I post the next chapter(s)... *massive hint dropping going on*

Found an egg, hmm...? Sounds familiar.

Jas: *grumpy* They nicked mine, r'member? Didn' jus' find it...

[ArtemisP]

I'll go read it right away er, just in case you wanted it, the second chapter:
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The egg began to crack more and more as the creature inside pushed on the shell. Suddenly, a claw came out. The
three watching Mudokon’s eyes widened in surprise. Crack! The shell wilted off, showing the creature into the
Oddworld. Abe, Alf, and Bigface stared in orror and awe at what they saw. Why, the egg wasn’t the holder of a
Mudokon after all, in fact is was quite the opposite. “A slig!” Alf yelled. He whacked Abe on the back of the head
“Nice job, Abe. Bringing the killer right to us!” Bigface growled “Alf! He isn’t capable of killing anybody in this
state” The Mudokon simply replied “Then I say we leave him in the forest, let him die naturally” Abe gently picked
him up “Alf! We can’t do that! Maybe if we keep him here, he won’t want to be evil and shoot Mudokons.” Alf
moaned “Abe, look at him. He’s a different color than most Sligs, he’s missing a hand and his eyes are a different
color as well. Besides, I’ve now found out why Glukkons put masks on them!” Abe glared at his friend “We’re
keeping him. We can’t just let him die, we’d be no better than the Glukkons!” Bigface sighed as he watched the two
fight “Silence! We shall keep the Slig, but he’s your responsibility, Abe. But, as Alf requested, we shall dig through
your findings for things he could wear” Abe nodded. Bigface turned to him again “Now, he needs a name....I’ll leave
that up to you Abe” The tattooed Mudokon smiled “Right sir, I have already got a name, his name is Maverick.” Alf
laughed “Maverick! Where’d you get that!?” Abe walked to the exit “Just something I thought of” Then he walked
out

They had found a slig mask in the bags and slipped it on Maverick, this caused alot of Mudokons to look
more at the Black Slig. They also found some pants but it was broken, then they found some helicopter, but that was
broken too. Thaey had no idea how to fix it, but they wanted the slig to be able to walk so the attached the two things
and carfully used their power to support the other. It looked as if it was pants connected to a backpack. The hardest
thing the workshop Mudokons had to do was create a fake, robotic hand for Maverick. It took a long time, but soon
they managed to get it to work and attach it to the sligs arm. Sligs are born at their normal size, so the didn’t need to
make any replacements. When Mudokons watched their young, Abe watched Maverick. He felt sorry for the little
guy because he was different and never around others of his kind. Sadly, he never did find any eggs when he went
back to the ruins. He found some dead newborns, but no eggs. Maverick was often watched by Alf when Abe was
away. Alf hardly payed attention to him, just would give him some tea and walk away. Over the years, Maverick grew
smarter and more independent, but he still knew Abe, his foster dad....

[Sl'askia]

hmmm deja-vu? simular but different enough to keep teal from ripping you to shreds for copying her fic...j/k *laughs and runs off*

[ArtemisP]

Uh-oh, is somebodies fic already like this. Dang! I had no clue. Sorry 'bout that

[Cool Paramite]

I don't care about that, it's a good story! When will you write the next chapter?

[ArtemisP]

Heres Chapter 3
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“ABE!!!!” a voice boomed behind the hero Mudokon. Abe was working on something in his hut when he heard the
yell, he turned around to see Alf, covered in Tea and other products they sold at the Rehab and Tea. Abe scratched
his head “What is it Alf?” He asked. Alf shoved Maverick in front of him “He was in my shop, drink his tea, when I
asked him if he could help me behind the counter...that was a mistake! Raybo ordered a cup of Lake Flower Tea.
When I asked for some of the tea, he aimed it at me and covered me with it. Then the others thought it was a food
fight and there went all my profit on Tea!” Abe nodded and glared at Maverick “Is that true?” Maverick nodded “But
only because I didn’t know how to use the nozzle” Alf laughed angerly “Do you not know how to use the sugar,
either?” Maverick shuffled. Abe sighed “Alright Alf, I’ll punish him.” Alf wiped some tea off his forehead and walked
off. Abe glared down at Maverick “Maverick.....” He tapped his foot. The black Slig looked down “Sorry” He
murmured. Abe then smiled “It’s ok, but if anyone asks, you were punished, ok?” Mavericks eyes lit up “Thanks
dad!” He said, running out. Abe chuckled “I just can’t stand punishing him”

A Glukkon was pacing around. Profits were down, they were loosing workers and on top of that,
he learned that a slig was actually living with the Mudokons. “Boss, you can’t let this get you down, the slig is
probably stupid anyway!” Boto, the Glukkons slig, said. The Glukkon, Dr. Kingfir, growled “Not worry!? That is the
only surviving Draccen Slig left on Oddworld! He’s capable of defeated ten Big Bro Sligs with his eyes closed!” Boto
backed up agains a wall “Ok sir, we’ll send a couple of flying sligs with sleeping gas bombs and steal the Slig while
they are asleep” Kingfir laughed uproarously “That is funny, its is so funny” Boto looked around nervously and
laughed alittle. Kingfir yelled “Shut up!” The slig made a confused face “But boss, don’t oyu like the plan?” Kingfir
shook his head “Nononono, you see. Why gas um, when we could kill em!” Boto nodded “Oh! I get it!” The
Glukkon nodded “Yes...NOW GO SEND THE ORDER!” Boto nodded “Yes sir” and ran off. “Stupid Sligs, they all
should be dead”

A fleet of flying sligs, consisting of about twenty units lined up for take off. They had decided to go at night
to get many Mudokons killed. There were four captains, each assained to five soilders. There was Lizone, Bomber,
Jagg, and Horce. They yelled at their soilder “Take off in five, four, three, two, one!” The army took off, it was
almost like one huge Slig coming out into the wilderness. Soon enough, they were over the camp, stationing at four
corners...waiting