Should parents have the ability to hit their kids?

[Rex Tirano]

Hitting Children - Child abuse or discipline?

Firstly, I am not stating anything about beating children, I am talking about hitting children in the name of discipline. Does spankings teach children right from wrong, or does it just cause fear and pain?

I think that fear is a key factor to disciplining children. A suitable punishment and a firm 'no' will teach children not to do the thing again. Learning how to swim puts a fear in a child to go for the surface when their air is gone from their lungs. Fear help creates common sense and instinct. These create the actions and thoughts in our lives. But I disagree with spanking children as a punishment.

While fear teaches us to avoid pain, it also teaches up to hate what causes it. Fear and hate are inter-related. Why do many people hate spiders? Because they fear them. Fear teaches hate and hate can only lead to bad stuff.

I think parents should use time-outs with children, proportional to the child's age. And instead of making such a big deal out of the bad things, make a bigger deal about the good things so the child is more likely to want praise instead of being punished.

I was hit as a child [as a form of punishment] and I didn't learn from it. All it made me do was fear my parents. As my parents didn't explain what I had done wrong, they just told me that I'd done wrong, [sometimes it's obvious what I did, but sometimes I didn't know] and that confused and frightened me. However, it didn't deter me from my wrong doings.

Now I've grown up, my dad just screams and scream at me. And this scares me alot. I don't agree with his forms of punishment, as he feels that he has to be in control of everything so if something goes wrong he screams at it. He, again, doesn't explain things to me, because at the moment I'm trying my best to do things right, but I don't do things the right way for him. It scares me alot, it has made me hate him and made me feel so bad I wanted to die. [No sympathy there btw.]

I also think it's morally unethical. If teachers aren't allowed to punish naughty children by violence, why should parents have the right to hit their children.

So what's your opinion? Were you ever hit as a child [as a form of punishment]?

- Rexy

[OANST]

I guess it depends on how much of a little bastard your child is. I don't have to hit my children, however. A simple look is more than enough. If you truly show your children love then they will be more afraid of disapointing you than any physical repercussions.

[Rincewynd]

Well I disagree with hitting hold heartily, it may seem like a form of teachings to most but I got hid several times, still! (14 years old!) and I haven't learned to stop doing things, all it has done is made me hate my mam (as she is the only one I live with now, my dad lives elsewhere) and hate the house I live in. And I feel as bad as Rex, wanting to just end it all, or at least leave my house for good and get rid of her.

[Havoc]

Well, there is a diffrence between abuse and a corrective spanking. The latter is fine IMO, especialy if you kid doesn't listnen to you even after you told him like ten times. Why do you think all those parrents on the 'how do I raise my kids' shows can't handle their kids. Becouse they don't have the dicipline on showing who is boss and telling the kids who's in controll. Ofcourse beating your kid the moment he does something wrong isn't the way to do it, but giving him a good whack on the backside will not hurt him mentaly at all.
It's the way I have been raised, it's the way most of our parrents have been raised. And none of them came out bad, now did they? So yes, corrective spanking is a big yes from my account, and if I ever have kids (which I hope I will not) I will certainly put that method into practise.

I don't approve of hitting your kids for whatever reason, but not stating the reason. Same goes for screaming. If you punish a kid. Tell him why, otherwise, like Rexy says, he won't know what he did wrong.

[Wil]

I suppose it's all dependent on the nature of the children involved. I was smacked as a child and I avoided doing naughty things to avoid being hit - it taught me just fine. Then the issue becomes one of how to determine what's best for the individual child. I'm no expert, but I think a ban of smacking children is stupid. It does work, just not all the time.

I also think it's morally unethical. If teachers aren't allowed to punish naughty children by violence, why should parents have the right to hit their children.

Well now, who apart from the government says that it's wrong for teachers to hit children? They exist to act as de facto parents, so they should have all the same rights as the parents: I don't think it should work the other way round.

[metroixer]

I agree with rexy scaring your child makes them hate the parent. I am sadly that kind of child. My dad almost drowned me when I was 5. Seriously. All because I got this stupid ass question wrong. Now I wish he can just die and burn up in hell. No i'm serious. My dad can be nice but he has SUCH a short temper I tend to stay away from him.

[Dark Elite_H2]

I think punisments ok, as long as their not so abusive like my step-mom and dad. If I tell you this story, I think you'll understand what I mean.
Me and my brother were living temporarily with my dad and step-mom up in Washington state. We were like 12 at that time. So, me and shawn got in an arguement bcause of some stupid reason so they coulld take their anger out on us. (Don't you just hate it when yer parents take their anger out on their kids?) So, dad comes in, and I believe he's sober at that time. So, he joined in, screaming and yelling at us. My brother's the type to talk back to people so he could get his way. Well, my dad literally throws us on the ground, and kicks us in the ribs, shouting at us to go to our rooms. After that, I was fearful of him for the time remaining that I was there. I will never forget that night when he did that to us. (There's more horrible stories, but I won't go in to detail)
So yeah, I think that's cruelty to young kids. I even got in to trouble when I didn't break one of my stupid step-sister's lil' toys. I got blamed fer it, 'cause someone had ter take the blame. I got the belt AND the soap fer an hour 'r so! That's cruelty there, too. So, occasionally, a pat on the bum for young toddlers, spankings for the adolescents, and groundings for the teenagers are resonable punishments ter me.

[Fuzzle Guy]

I agree with OANST, but I think the cane shouold be bought back at school. Our class is rediculous. you can never learn anything.

[Rex Tirano]

all it has done is made me hate my mam (as she is the only one I live with now, my dad lives elsewhere) and hate the house I live in. And I feel as bad as Rex, wanting to just end it all, or at least leave my house for good and get rid of her

I agree with rexy scaring your child makes them hate the parent. ... Now I wish he can just die and burn up in hell. No i'm serious. My dad can be nice but he has SUCH a short temper I tend to stay away from him.

Which is why I disagree with using violence as a form of discipline.

I don't approve of hitting your kids for whatever reason, but not stating the reason. Same goes for screaming. If you punish a kid. Tell him why, otherwise, like Rexy says, he won't know what he did wrong.

Yeah, I was actually talking to my friend about this topic a while ago. This is what she said:

That was what my father used to do. He'd spank me, but then after, he'd explain to me why. He'd tell me what I did wrong and why I shouldn't do it again. He'd hug me too and say he loved me. That made everything better and I wasn't tempted to do what I did wrong again, out of respect for my Dad. I had a great father-daughter relationship with my Dad.

My Mom, on the other hand, was different. She'd spank me hard and just tell me I did something wrong without even explaining to me what. That only made me confused and frightful. Being around her was like holding a fragile egg with one finger. I wouldn't do anything much whenever she was around for fear of being spanked for a reason I neither knew nor understood. Even now, I'm still afraid of her. Actually, I'm terrified of her. We talk, shop, and even joke with each other, but my fear of her still lingers. I don't think we'll ever have a healthy mother-daughter relationship.

Then the issue becomes one of how to determine what's best for the individual child. I'm no expert, but I think a ban of smacking children is stupid. It does work, just not all the time

Wasn't smacking children a controversial issue in the House Of Commons* a while ago? [* - Place where all the british political people go to talk about politics.] I think that the current law is that you can hit a child, as long as it doesn't leave a mark. But you can still hit a child hard without it bruising.

I don't agree with you Maxy, I don't think that violence helps anything. I think that violence as a form of punishment is an outdated method of discipline. I feel we [the world as we know it] has entered a more child friendly era, what with children's TV {Wasn't that only instated 15 or 20 years ago?}, schools becoming healthier environments and more rights for children {as in it is not the general belief that children are seen and not heard, and that all children have rights to safety, etc}. So I think that smacking children should be left in the 1930s where it belongs.

But yes, it could work for the individual child. But I think other forms of punishment could suffice just as well.

- Rexy

[Fuzzle Guy]

I don't agree with you Maxy, I don't think that violence helps anything. I think that violence as a form of punishment is an outdated method of discipline. I feel we [the world as we know it] has entered a more child friendly era, what with children's TV {Wasn't that only instated 15 or 20 years ago?}, schools becoming healthier environments and more rights for children {as in it is not the general belief that children are seen and not heard, and that all children have rights to safety, etc}. So I think that smacking children should be left in the 1930s where it belongs.

In the Isle of Man you're barely aloud to tap a child without it being conisdered as being a pediofile or being child abuse. The worlds gone crazy and you're not allowed to have fun. why don'tv you ban Christmas whiles you're at it. Oh no wait, they already did that in 1664. The world has been going crazy since the English civil war, you're not allowed to do anything and it's all in the name of protecting us kids. We're not even aloud to carry a kettle that we needed in a science lesson, the teacher had to do it for us

[AquaticAmbi]

As a child who was spanked, hit, slapped, etc., I can say any form of inflicting pain of the physical nature is horribly wrong. Much like Rexy, it taught me nothing except to fear and hate my mother. She wouldn't explain things or even consider the severity (or lack thereof) of what I had done. She'd just slap me or something. Even if it was just something the usual parent would just disagree with, she'd almost spontaneously hurt me before I could even see her hand coming at me. Then again, my mother's forms of "punishment" crossed over to child abuse I believe.

Nevertheless, it's still causing physical pain to an individual. No one has that right. And it's repulsive that a parent thinks he or she has that right. It's battery if you slap some adult, but "fair punishment" if you hurt your child? What the hell.

Random: I remember a documentary on Native Americans I watched last year. One of the things the white settlers did that some of the natives were most appalled by was how the settlers hit their children.

[Rex Tirano]

The world has been going crazy since the English civil war, you're not allowed to do anything and it's all in the name of protecting us kids. We're not even aloud to carry a kettle that we needed in a science lesson, the teacher had to do it for us

I'm not sure if I'm against the teacher carrying a kettle. It may be annoying, but it's health and safety. I know it's annoying and everything, but it's to prevent people getting hurt.

Random: I remember a documentary on Native Americans I watched last year. One of the things the white settlers did that some of the natives were most appalled by was how the settlers hit their children

I never knew that, but I can see where they would've been coming from. But then, the question of 'How did the Native Americans discipline their children?'. If they could discipline children without use of violence, they must've had other forms of punishment. Or perhaps it was just social conditioning.

- Rexy

[used:)]

Well, yes,I do agree that it is down right wrong to hit a child ofor discipline. I mean, A child won'tn remember the issue for the beating, he will just remember the pain. besides, there are other methods of pu ishing a child, I always get my internet taken away when I don't do my homeework at he right time and shiz like that.

[OANST]

Unfortunately, there is very little in life more satisfying than the screams of a child.

Kidding, for anyone who wonders.

[ANN NEELY]

I find it completely and utterly wrong to ever hit a child. The time when people learn the most is in early childhood, mainly from the things their parents do. Being beaten is teaching them that this is an acceptable thing to do. Thus, the child will grow up to beat his/her own child, etc, etc, etc.

[OANST]

Yeah, I would never beat my girls. They are the most important things in my life. My wife on the other hand.....

[Havoc]

I see a lot of items mentioned here of people being opposed to giving kids a corrective beating, becouse their parents never explained why they used force. Or becouse it was the first thing done when you wer doing something wrong.
Well in those cases, arn't the parents the ones doing wrong instead of the method itself.

Example: If the kid in question does not listnen to you. You tell him to listnen once, twice... three, four times. But if he stays stuborn, you bend down, give him a whack and tell him that he is expected to listnen to his parents. Now I'm not saying to beat him K.O. Just an effective tap on the fingers or on the backside usualy does the trick. Next time you then warn the kid to listnen, he will know that if he doesn't, he will get a tap again.

Thats the way corrective 'beating' should be practised. But obviously, it hardly is. Parents usualy resort to violence in the first place and to talking in the second. Thats where it goes wrong.

[TheRaisin]

If it's not enough to hurt, I can't imagine it's an effective punishment. On the other hand, if it's done with enough force to hurt, then it shouldn't be done at all. Inflicting pain on a little kid is so utterly wrong.

I'm totally opposed to physically punishing children in any way. If a kid is considered to be enough of a problem to need a spanking or a slap or whatever, then there's something wrong with the kid, or the parenting, or both, or some other influence, and causing pain does not solve the problem at its root-- it just teaches the kid to act differently out of fear, and whatever the actual problem was gets suppressed.

I agree with those who say that inflicting pain is an outdated and ineffective form of punishment.

[AquaticAmbi]

I'd just like to add that it teaches that violence is a way to get what you want and/or correct someone when they're wrong in your opinion.

Plus, yeah, it's so very primitive.

[The Neergian]

I agree with everyone and no one...

[Nate]

Some people have suggested alternative punishments (yelling, timeout...). My problem is that I have no idea what should be done after all those have failed.

I agree with Havoc that, if done right, spanking is an effective form of discipline that will not harm a child physically or psychologically. That said, I think there are few people in the world capable of doing it right. So on the whole, I come out against spanking.

My father was definately one of those who didn't explain what was wrong. He would sometimes even add insult to injury by doing it in public.

One of the worst things you can do is be inconsistent with punishments. Sometimes Dad would spank and sometimes not. Sometimes he would even tell me he was going to spank me (which would be enough to drive me to tears) and then just give me a small pat on the arse. Which was humiliating because I had cried about nothing. He still defends himself over the time that he was spanking me over something minor and my sister stepped in to defend me. He immediately dropped me and gave her the worst spanking she had ever received - in my place.

I certainly did grow up fearing my father. I remember one time when I had done something minor and he caught me lieing about it. He couldn't understand that I would lie to him to avoid being spanked when he wasn't planning on punishing me anyway; he couldn't understand that I couldn't predict what was a punishable offence and what wasn't because he had been so inconsistent all my life.

Also parents should never use any hitting implements (belt, shoes) because it is completely impersonal. Plus, it's good for the child to know that the parent also hurts themselves (ie their hands) when they're being spanked.

In any case, I hold no grudge any longer against my father about that. But it is a major factor (along with his other bad parenting, which I won't go into here) in why we have virtually no relationship at all.

[Dipstikk]

I agree with everyone and no one...

How wonderful for you.

Nate, did your dad also have a son named Matthew Seeger? Because that's exactly how my dad acts.

My dad was a horrible drunk. He would hit my mom (you heard me), and yes, me. He was also inconsistant with his punishments, though I more often got a spanking than just nothing.

Over time, he went into treatment and became a member of AA (gag), but began to slap me in place of spanking. I was usually punished for "speaking out of line," and needed to tiptoe around my words in order to not get slapped for something HE CONCEIVED to be wrong.

I harbor so much repressed anger and contempt towards my father, mostly because he was a short fuse, and I was usually the one he took his frustration out on. I have always wanted to just... kick his ass. Let him get a taste of what he's been doing to me for the last 15-or so years.

The worst part is that he doesn't understand why I hate him. He wants... no, he EXPECTS forgiveness, but after a lifetime of being beaten into submission, as well as seeing my mom being hit, there is no way in HELL that I'm ever going to forgive him.

He had two daughters named Heather and Chris, my half-sisters. Now, Chris (I assume) keeps in touch with dad. But we haven't heard anything from Heather or about her since she got married, and honestly, if dad treated them in a similar way to how he treated me, I can understand why.

I dread going to visit him. His girlfriend, Rhetta, is pleasent and actually fun to be around (no ****in' idea how she puts up with him), but dad has replaced his anger with cynisism, and he pisses me off so much. I can hardly stand to be around him anymore.

He also calls from time to time, "calling" being his term for "Let's nose around in Matt's life and bug him about what he's NOT doing," which I absolutely hate.

The same temper is there, it's just mellowed out since he moved away.

I think what pisses me off the most is that, like I said, he has no idea why I hate him, and expects forgiveness for past acts, and gets confrontational (another WONDERFUL character trait of his) when I try and explain it to him.

[Havoc]

Hm, it's creepy to see how many people here had these kind of bad or even horrible experiences with their parrents. I'm sorry for all of ya .

I've had my share of a rough childhood, but none thay envolved beating. I would get a tap or a whack from my dad every once in a while. But not hard enough or without reason so I would hate him.
My share exists mostly of having an alcoholic mom, who I still have to live with to this day. Sucks big time, but I learned to deal. And I think thats what most of the people around here did, otherwise you might now have come out as good as you did. Afterall I've heard stories of people who had a lousy childhood and went to try out every possible drug, booze and hooker they could find, just to die on a coke overdose when their 23.
So concerning that, given that most of the time of my life I had to take care of my own, I'm proud to not even drink a drop, or smoke, or do drugs. I could have come out a lot worse. Same goes for anyone else who has a similar story. So you can be proud of yourselfs.

[Nate]

Wow Dipstikk. I can criticies my dad plenty but at least he wasn't alchoholic. That must have been tough.

But I know what you mean about trying to explain it to him. My dad gets all defensive; he can never admit he did something wrong. He'll just listen, nod and then say that I was a little kid and must have misinterpreted things. Or just demean me in some other way to prove himself right.

[Fuzzle Guy]

I'm not sure if I'm against the teacher carrying a kettle. It may be annoying, but it's health and safety. I know it's annoying and everything, but it's to prevent people getting hurt
- Rexy

Health and Saftey is the problem with the world now. I'm thirteen years old for christs sake and I'm not even allowed to carry a kettle.

[Havoc]

Children are way to protected. Sure, parrents want to protect their kids, and school don't want lawsuits if an accident does happen. But how are children ever to learn responsibility if everything that envolves a risk is done for them?

[Mojo]

Hmm, I used to get some beatings when I was little, but then my folks switched to the "I'm not mad, I'm dissapointed" crap. Which was much worse.

[Dino]

I hold a strong anti-spanking position. It's absolutely wrong. There is no possible way that you can rephrase "hitting children" to make it right or take away the harmful effects of it. It almost always leads to physical abuse because parents use it as a chance to take out their frustration and anger on the child. The kind of people who fight for the right to hit their children are the kind of people who shouldn't be allowed to come within 100 meters of children.

There are countless other ways of disciplining children than using physical violence - not only does it set a bad example (violence in return for misbehaviour), there is no need to cause fear and sometimes extreme pain in the name of getting a child to behave the way YOU want. Spanking causes psychological trauma and emotionally alienates the children from the parents. In families where one parent spanks and the other doesn't, the children will always get along better with the parent who doesn't use physical discipline, and will resent the one who does.

Asking for the right to hit children who misbehave is like asking for the right to punch someone in the street because you don't like something they just said to you.

"Perhaps the sentiments contained in the following pages, are not yet sufficiently fashionable to procure them general favor; a long habit of not thinking a thing wrong, gives it a superficial appearance of being right, and raises at first a formidable outcry in defence of custom. But the tumult soon subsides. Time makes more converts than reason."
Thomas Paine, from Introduction to Common Sense, 1776

"As long as the child will be trained not by love, but by fear, so long will humanity live not by justice, but by force. As long as the child will be ruled by the educator’s threat and by the father’s rod, so long will mankind be dominated by the policeman’s club, by fear of jail, and by panic of invasion by armies and navies.”
Boris Sidis, from a lecture on the abuse of the fear instinct in early education in Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 1919

"It has been proven that children have a greater sensitivity to pain than adults. This is something that people may deny; it is, however, attested by neurological studies on neuronal stengthening and pain in brain development."
Wikipedia.

www.nospank.net - go here.

[metroixer]

I just noticed something....No one mentioned the chocolate milk kid on Xbox live. I don't have a link but this kid cussed his mom out so bad just for a flipping glass of chocolate milk.

[Oddish]

I just noticed something....No one mentioned the chocolate milk kid on Xbox live. I don't have a link but this kid cussed his mom out so bad just for a flipping glass of chocolate milk.

I saw that too "gimme some ****ing chocolate milk!!" Spoiled brat. He hasn't been spanked enought probaby. He probably doesn't understand that the world is not owned only by him.

Yeah, I think some children do desrerv to get slapt for punishment, it's sometimes the only way children can learn, through brutality. It makes the child realise not to get in whatever situatuions, sometimes in involves the child not realising what they've done, but sort of leads in a direction of whats wrong and right. Helps the child to care and understand what other people feel, and not becoming selfish.
At times I have to hit my brother, I just can't let him do whatever he likes, and a fair thing to do.