The Legend Of Tealos

[Kaizer]

Contents:

PART 1:
Chapter 1: Once upon a time
Chapter 2: Attack on Dorath
Chapter 3: Raziel
Chapter 4: Fire of Spooce
Chapter 5: Prophecy
Chapter 6: The Barrier Of Emerald


This is my first stab at a story and I'm surprised that I've done any good at all. Hope you like it

Chapter 1: Once upon a time

Years ago before glukkons enslaved the mudakons and before weapons were constructed the world was at peace and each species lived in equall harmony. But one day when a great explorer mudakon named Devis was exploring the southern country of Odos came upon a meeting between a glukkon and a celestial being! The glukkon was bargaining something in exchange for becoming the most powerful species on oddworld. Devis, seeing this act of betrayal ran back to warn his village of the corrupt odds deal with the glukkons. No matter how much he pleaded for them to believe him his species refused to believe that anyone would be able to commit such an crime. The deal was sealed, the chain established with glukkons at the top and the mudakons doomed to slave labour at the bottom. Thus the age of peace was replaced by the age of industrialists . Devis walked for months and eventually found an untouched village set in a great glacier . Hoping to find mudakons who would listen he instead found grubbs, and their guardian steefs. He informed the elder steef of this dark bargain and a party was formed to go on a journey to stop this dark ploy. A mudakon, a grubb and two steef set out. Of the four the grubb and Devis returned alive. Devis had been changed and when he returned to Mudos he told the mudakons to wait for the one to save them. Thousands of years on and the mudakons thought they had found their saviour in the form of a skinny blue mudakon named Abe. The time of rebellion arose but was cut short when an experimental slig destroyed Abe. Now we live in fear of the Slig and Vykker attacks. But we wait for the one who will lead us all to glory, but more importantly freedom!

And with a nod the shaman finished his annual speech 'the legend of Devis.' All of the young mudakons began clapping clapping. Tealos had heard that speech 12 times, all young mudakons heard it at the age of 5. Tealos came back every year to hear the legend.

Tealos was born the exact night Abe had been killed, 17 years ago when the mudakon moon glowed a strange red. Just then a mudakon ran into the tent panting. "A...A...A grubb and a s...steef, injured, need help!" the mud stammered. The shaman, named Gelrood and Tealos stood up and raced outside to find an injured steef and a near-dead grubb. "What happened?" Gelrood asked. The steef looked up. "Well..."

I hope this gets somewhere.

[Biggy Bro Slig]

Nice avattar!
Kewl story, Kaizer! I'm enjoyin' this! Cant wait till ya carry it on!

[Munch's Master]

Thisll be confusing, 2 fic writers with the same avatars and a similar wrtining format! But good opening chapter. Althuogh when you siad "Tealos was born the exact Abe had been killed", did you mean Abe died when Tealos was born, as the way the sentence was written was hard to follow. Still a good opening chapter, keep it up!

[odd chick]

Nice introduction to your story, Kaizer! This sounds interesting-I can't wait to see what else happens.

[Kaizer]

Munch's master: Sorry, I missed a word there, so I'll edit my post.
Thanks everyone, heres another chapter to my story:

Chapter 2: Attack on Dorath

"Thats what happened" the steef completed after telling of how his village was completely destroyed by three demonic looking glocktiki. The steef identified himself as Vatrok, elder steef of the destroyed village. Tealos himself was a shaman and mudarcher in training and so had been able to summon the ability to revive the steef while his teacher Gelrood tended to the grubb. After the four talked extensively about the glocktiki and the village they left the steef and grubb to prepare for their journey back to find survivers of the attack.

Tealos ran over the mornings event from 'the legend of Devis' to the end of the story of the glocktiki. "Hey!" Tealos turned to see the grubb he and his teacher saved earlier walking towards him. "I never really, ah, got a chance to thank you ya know?" He looked at Tealos. "I didnt save you though, Gelrood did" Tealos replied. "Yeah but you helped Vatrok, and without him I'd be dead!" The grubb said. "No biggy" Tealos replied. "I'm Salamander" the grubb then said "you are?" he asked. "Tealos, mudarcher in training and recently full fledged shaman" Tealos declared proudly. "Cool, shaman huh?" Salamander said. "Yes I'm a physical and spiritual healer" Tealos replied, again rather proudly. "We sure could have used you at last legs Salamander said remembering how the settlement was destroyed. "Last legs?" Tealos said, another legend coming back to him, "wasnt that where half the battle was fought against that Sekto guy?" he asked. "You know 'bout that?" Salamander said surprised. "Painful memories, lets change subject. Whats it like living here?" he said. As Tealos opened his mouth to reply a mudakon ran to them. "Sl... sl..." he huffed. "What is it?" Tealos asked desperately. "Sligs!!" the mudakon cried before fainting. "What!?" Tealos said looking toward his village. Bullets flew through the air and bolts of lightning crackled back. "NOO!!!" Tealos shouted running for his village.

Gelrood had known it was coming but no amount of preparation could have made them ready for this. "Theres no end to them!" a fellow mudarcher yelled. "Keep strong, theres got to be an end to them some time" Gelrood said, though he was begining to doubt it. He spotted Tealos running along the ground below him. "Tealos!" he yelled at the mudakon.

Tealos heard Gelrood call him and looked up to the battle platform to see him. "Gelrood!" he yelled back running to the top. "What is it?" Tealos asked. "You must help with this fight, though your primary duty as a shaman is to help those who are injured I want you to keep fighting" Gelrood said. Tealos looked out to the horizon and saw a line of dots, two, three. Flying sligs. "Flyers!" he yelled to the mudarchers. Tomahawkers began leaping down to meet the sligs head on. Shaman appeared standing along the walls.
"Ready!" Jaxun, leader of the tomahawkers called. "Aim!" Firana, leader of the mudarchers commanded. "ATTACK!!!" Gelrood roared, sending a blast of spooce energy at the sligs as the main attack wave of the mudakons commenced fire. "Eat this bastards!" Tealos called firing bolts charged with energy at a big bro slig. And so the battle raged on...

Hope you liked it!

[Munch's Master]

Yes, good chapter. I will say one thing though: You could have described it more. Not everything form the healing to the battle needs to be in 1 chapter, you can split it into 2 or 3 chapters like:
1- how they were healed and Tealos and the Grubb talking
2- Tealos and the Grubb getting back to the village to find the war.

This gives more description, more suspense (end the first part with simply 'Sligs' cried the mudokon) and lengthens the story so it lasts longer. Just some constructive critiscism, so keep it up, this story could be very good.

[Dave]

This is an interesting story. I look forward to the next installment.
If I could make one suggestion, however ...
The dialogue between Tealos and Salamander was hard to follow. Not because of what was said, but the format in which you wrote it. Putting two different ends of a conversation into one paragraph can be a little disorienting, and it detracts from the feel of the story when you have to decide who just said what...
Here's what I mean:

"Hey!" Bob said. "Oh, hi!" Joe replied. "How are you?" "Well, I'm not feeling too well," Bob answered. "The doctor said I have cancer!" "Oh, bad luck," Joe sighed.

"Hey!" Bob said.
"Oh, hi!" Joe replied. "How are you?"
"Well, I'm not feeling too well," Bob answered. "The doctor said I have cancer!"
"Oh, bad luck," Joe sighed.

Do you see what I'm trying to say?

But in any case, this story is shaping up well. Keep it up!

[Kaizer]

Constructive critism is always appreciated everyone! Holidays are coming up so I'm unsure how often I'll be able to check in. But now...

Chapter 3: Shred

"Nuther one down sarge!" number 334726 said to Shred. "Damn" Shred said pretending to care. This battle was pointless and the only reason he continued to fight it was becuase of his mission. " I'm going to infiltrate them" he said. "Sarge?" 334726 asked. Shred looked at him, his red eyes giving the pooper a 'dont ask, just listen' look. "Sir, your not even a big bro yet! How are you gonna get into the fortress?" another slig asked. "Oh, I have my ways" Shred replied sinisterly. "It's your funeral- er, I mean, promotion sir!" 334726 said. Shred grabbed his blitzpacker and blasted the slig into a dynamite carriage. The resulting explosion splattered the green landscape with red. "Hehe, I'm goin' out with a bang!" Shred siad amused. He then turned and walked towards the fortress.

"Meeting between the leaders!" a messenger cried to Tealos. Gelrood and Argus, leaders of the shamans floated down to the chiefs hut, followed by the leaders of the tomahawkers, two mudakons by the name of Jaxun and Gasher and the mudarchers, Firana and Tealos. The chief, Doran, welcomed them all as they stood round the huts interior. Salamander and Vatrok also stood inside. "Now", Doran said, "we have a new, important addition to our army." Everyone looked at each other. "Greetings everyone" a voice came as a figure walked slowly into the hut. "Slig! Protect the chief!" Jaxun cried. "Stop!" Gelrood yelled over Jaxuns panick-striken voice. "This slig is the new addition" Doran said, looking at Shred. "WHAT!?" Jaxun and Firana cried in unison. "HE's a sl...slig!" Firana exclaimed. "Quiet!" Argus hissed. "This slig has been approved by Gelrood already" Doran said, "he is not going to destroy us from within." Indeed Tealos could feel no murderous intent within the slig, he really did want to help.
"Now, the battle we are fighting is going suprisingly well, so I want you to be on the lookout for another attack force from the rear or anywhere else" Doran briefed. "Everyone, I want you all to make sure that Tealos survives this fight" Gelrood said. Tealos gave him a quizical look and Firana asked; "why?" he said. "The red moon, as most of you know, was the same night as Tealos was born, there is a prophecy which states-" Gelrood stated, but was cut of when a loud bang sounded from the direction of the front wall and a mudakon crawled into the hut. "They're....to powerful...front wall... broken... camp...danger..." he gasped and then lay still. "Theres that attack force!" Firana said, readying his bow. "All of you, may take one weapon from my hut, each one is crafted of much higher grade than the norm so they are more powerful" Doran said. Tealos grabbed his favourite weapon, the 'spooceflame' a bow adorned with flame carvings and had a red gem rather than the standard blue. Jaxun and Gasher both grabbed finely made tomahawks and Salamander grabbed a staff made from a now extinct type of tree. Vatrok picked up a spear with a criss-cross pattern and blood still stained on the tip. Firana petted his bow. "This is all I'll ever need" he said. Doran retreived his own personal weapon: a bow he called 'sligslayer.' "Lets go!" Doran said. The group ran out to do battle with the invaders.

I might be able to get in a few more soon but the holidays are a real challenge, timewise. Anyways, keep the feedback up people! See ya's all later!

[Munch's Master]

Shred? Shred! Hmmm, have you read the Oddworld Alliance Death and Rebirth by any chance?

[Kaizer]

I didnt name a majority of the characters, my friends did. T'would seem one of them was not as original as he claimed to be. If it bugs you I can change it to another name.
Could you send me a link please? I havent heard of the oddworld alliance...

[odd chick]

Nice couple of chapters, Kaizer. I thought chapter 2 was the best one so far. I do agree with Dave, though-the way you have the character conversations set up is a bit difficult to follow. Other than that, the story's really good.

[Kaizer]

After much talking with my friend I have decided that Shreds name shall be changed. Raziel shall be his new name. This has been a while coming but I didnt want to much of a hassle with Shred/Raziels name. But now I give you:

Chapter 4: Fire of spooce

The battle had been raging on for a long time, and neither sides seemed ready to fall. Countless sligs had fallen, and many more mudakons. Thankfully with the help of shaman to revive the fallen the mudakons stayed in the fight. However the shaman were losing energy and both sides knew the battle was begginning to change.
"How much longer can we keep this up?" Tealos asked Gelrood. "Not much longer longer I fear" Gelrood replied. "They dont want to give up do they?" Vatrok said. "Not in the leasht!" Salamander called back. Tealos fired another bolt then ducked as a slig fired a new gun that Tealos had only heard of. An 'anti-mudakon-eradication-rifle' the Vykkers had called it. The 'murderkon' the sligs dubbed it. It fired blasts of matter filled with small bacteria that ate through organic skin. It could also be charged so that the blast became bigger. That was what Raziel had told him anyway. As another blast hurtled past him he had an idea. "Cover me!" he said to Raziel as he sat and started making spooce flow into his own weapon. Raziel continued firing at sligs down below, stopping only to dodge murderkon blasts. "Almost finished" Tealos mutttered. Raziel looked at him, "What?" he asked. "I said... OH MY ODD!" Tealos yelled as a barrage of bullets tore through Raziels head. Gelrood ran over to Raziel and placed his hand on Raziels face. A blue light flowed through Gelrood and into Raziel. Tealos looked toward Vatrok and Salamander. They at least were still alright. He felt his hand become suddenly hot and looked back at his bow. It was glowing red with inner fire. He aimed it at the group of sligs and fired at the center of the army. On conact it exploded with deadly force hurtling sligs into other sligs and burning them. Sligs that survived were on fire and soon all the sligs were burning.
"I was not expecting that" Gelrood said. "We have triumphed in one way, but to win has cost us our home" Doran said as he approached the group. "The fire will burn what little is left in this village" he finished. "Tealos, I shall tell you a prophecy directly related to you" Gelrood said. "What?" Tealos asked. "Tonight, you shall hear your fate" Gelrood said as the mudakons started walking into the forest.

It is getting hard to find time to do this so dont expect another for a week at least. Signing off.

[odd chick]

Nice chapter, Kaizer. This story is getting pretty interesting...I can't wait to see what else happens!

[Kaizer]

I am really sorry that it has been this long but my computer died and I hae had trouble getting enough time on friends computers to update. I'm gonna try to post more chapters in a fairly small space of time to compensate for the huge gap. I have also inspired another friend to write a story and I have learned a bit from him. 'Nyway, Now, the chapter to long in the making:

Chapter 5: Prophecy

"On the night the hope bringer dies,
and the red mudakon moon flies,
one will be born,
another shall be torn,
the truth will be revealed,
and the wound will be healed,
the weapon shall be crafted,
and the evil shall be shafted,
order shall be returned,
and industrial burnings burned,
the land shall rend asunder,
as the evil is banished under,
peace shall reign supreme."

The camp was silent as everyone pondered what Gelrood had just said. "Weapon shall be crafted?" Vatrok wondered aloud. "Industrial burnings burned!" Raziel said, "Ha! That'll show 'em! As a slig who wants peace I would like nothing more than to be the first to burn an industrial building!" he continued. "Here here!" Salamander chimed. Gelrood looked over to Tealos, who sat in deep thought, his face creased in lines of concern.

After parting with the rest of the villlage inhabitants, the group had headed east. They had travelled for three days, and they currently rested in a small forest. Gelrood had called it the 'emerald barrier.' It fitted its name perfectly, the trees were a deep emerald colour, and the forest made a three quarter circle that protected their destination perfectly. Mountains made up the last quarter of the circle and formed a barrier that only mudakons and mudakon friends were allowed to pass through. Gelrood had explained this when they first entered the forest.

It was their second night there and they had so far enjoyed the journey... Nothing in the forest posed a threat to them.

'Why was it me?' Tealos thought, 'what is this "weapon" i must make? what truth? what evil?' These questions had resided in his head since Gelrood had told the prophecy to him only on their first night in the forest. He had become very quiet since then, and rarely spoke with everyone else.

"Tealos!" Salamanders voice woke him from his thoughts. "What?" he murmured. "Try smiling sometime! It might not always feel like the right time, but savour what time you get off from your mystical journeys through the caverns of your mind and join us in what is supposedely called the real world!" Salamander said in an obviously mock sarcastic style. The other three who had started laughing at 'mystical journeys through the caverns of your mind' had quickly changed to an uproar as the looked at Salamanders face. Tealos had been feeling gloomy since the day before, but now, Salamanders words made him realise he had precious little time left to be himself. He brushed all his questions away, they would be answered eventually, and looked up at the Grubbs mock smile. Two more voices joined the fits of laughter as Tealos gave in and started laughing loudly, and Salamander realising his work was done, and peered into a small pouch of water they had collected from a stream, and realised that he had been funnier than he needed, started laughing along with the others.

Gelrood was the first to stop, and as he rubbed his sore stomach that ached from laughing so hard he told the group: "Enjoy this time! Come evening tomorrow, you will all learn of your destiny and many other truths!"

Slowly the group calmed. "Thanks" Tealos said gratefully, "If I'm gonna save the world, then I'm gonna need friends like you" he said. "Hey, no prob" Salamander replied. "But you know..." he continued, "I've tried my smile, now its your turn!" he laughed.

[Kaizer]

NOTE: Feedback makes me want to continue, if I am to continue this story then I would like some support.
Also I have just found the Oddworld Alliance and I have formally smacked my friend in the head for stealing Shreds name. Also I'm gonna use the first post as a contents page too. And without further adeu!

Chapter 6: The Barrier Of Emerald

The wind whipped through the trees making a low whistle. The ground was soft underfoot, and wet as well. It was drizzling all throughout the forest, and a fog had swept through the trees. The team trudged on in the haze. "Damn!" Raziel yelled for the fourth time, pulling his mechanical legs out of the mud that was covering the ground in generous portions. The forest was seeming more and more like a barrier every minute. "When does it end?" Vatrok asked in an annoyed tone. "When we do" Salamander replied, equally annoyed. "We reach the barrier soon" Gelrood said suddenly, effectively cutting Salamander and Vatrok off before they began arguing. "Barrier?" Tealos asked, "I thought this whole forest was the barrier." Gelrood smiled and pointed through the mist. "Wha-?" Vatrok said as he squinted through the haze. "Oh! There, its..." he dropped off. His eyes must have been good, thought Tealos, then again he was a steef, and steefs had good eyesight. When they walked on a bit Tealos saw it. "Whoa!!!" Tealos exclaimed as he saw 'the barrier.'

A huge, an seemingly ancient wall stood before them, covered in ivy and several other plants. It was incredibly large and Tealos was suprised he hadnt noticed it from the outside of the forest. The tops of the wall seemed to reach the outer atmosphear.

Tealos gazed at it until he heard a dull thud. He spun round to see Salamander on his back looking up at the sky and wall. He closed his eyes and stood up as the rain become hail. "This is easy cover for an attack" Raziel stated as they got closer to 'the barrier.' "Thats why it is essential we get to the other side quickly" Gelrood replied. Tealos scanned the wall. "There isnt any way through, its solid wall" he said, dissapointed. Gelrood stepped forward, "just wait, you'll see" he said with a smirk.

He stepped forward and raised his hands. The hail stopped and returned to rain, but it was raining a lot harder now. The sky had darkened as well. For the brightest part of the day, it seemed more like night. "Whats goin on?" atrok asked, hand reaching to the spear he had strapped to his back. "We should be alright here" Salamander said as he moved toward a small grove at the edge of the wall. The all moved there except Gelrood who bagan making patterns with his hands, trailing green energy with his hands, making many different shapes, eventually stopping as he made a Mudakon symbol with three glowing spheres around it. The picture stayed in the air, unlike the others that slowly vanished. The picture moved forward so it rested on the wall, glowing gently.

At once Gelrood ran for the grove, and not a moment to soon. A bolt of lightning burst forth and struck the ground where he had been a second before. It stayed, eletricity flowing through the air and rain slowly. "In all my years..." Salamander began before Raziel turned around and scanned him. "All your years? You aren't that old are you?" he asked. Salamander went quiet. "Touchy subject?" Raziel asked before Gelrood reached them. "Behold!" he began, "Watch what happens" he continued, pointing to the lightning which had slowly begun moving toward the glowing mudakon on the wall.

After a time it split into three smaller bolts and each flew at one of the circular representations of the spheres. As they struck the wall the energy discharged in a small bang, cuasing the group to jump. Afterwards the mudakon symbol was all that remained in energy. The orbs were carved into the wall.

"Go" Gelrood said to Tealos. "Me!?" he asked, though he already knew the answer. He stepped forward and pressed his paw the the energy representation. At once it flowed all around him, then, energy flowed from the carvings of the orbs. It all surrounded him, green, red, blue and yellow. The carvings all dissappeared and were replace by a pawprint. Tealos already knew what to do. He placed his paw in the small slot. The energy around him flew through his body and into his hand. From his hand it flew into the wall and in blue energy it spelt: 'Welcome Great One, you have come at last. Then in red it spelled: Gelrood, you are to late...

"What!?" Gelrood burst out. A part of the wall faded away making a doorway. "Hurry!" Gelrood cried as he pushed past Tealos and ran through. Salamander ran through after him. Tealos ran in after him followed by atrok and Raziel, exchanging quizzical looks as they followed. When they turned around, the doorway was gone. "NOOOOOOOO!" They both heard Gelrood scream. Then they realised what was going on...