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  #1  
04-04-2005, 03:42 AM
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mudling
Outlaw Sniper
 
: Jan 2005
: Sydney
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another side of the rusty chain

ok, this is my second story. i am in one of those times when i am starting to feel a little bit bored with the idea i have in my current piece of work so i will start a new one. i will try to update both of them. i hope someone enjoys it!

Chapter 1: Turing the screw the other way (back story)

This is my back-story, how I became myself and why.
It started when I was born; I was thrown out of maggie and put in an orphanage. My farther had died of lung cancer and no one was willing to take care of me. It was a simple life, be smart, be cool and get away with not doing anything else. All the other gluckons had a goal to impress our ma, maggie and do everything for her. I didn’t see why, we all contributed, why was she so special? I was young then, so I didn’t care.
It was when I first started school when my life changed. We were sent off to a mudokon village for a camp so we could make partners and friends, and so we could work better. We did all kinds of things, elum riding, mug watching, scaring away mudokon birds, fleech eating, slurg squishing but I didn’t realise what they were trying to do. I didn’t realise the long rivalry and war between the gluckons and muds, and without realising it, I helped it. It was the 4th day which changed my life. We were given bigger and better suits, we were almost ready to past, but one of the last test was mudokon shooting. A slig was lined up beside a mudokon. Little did I realise that this village was freshly hijacked and that most of these mudokons were slaves, the slig before me was going to grow up with me and I would lead to the death of thousands of sligs, vykers, gluckons, outlaws, interns and other species. The slig put the gun to the mudokons neck; my mudokon was a nice shade of blue. All we had to do was give the order and the mudokon would be dead. “Get ready….GO!” the rest of the gluckons ordered the sligs to kill. I didn’t, I couldn’t. “Tell him to shoot!” shouted the gluckon, “what’s the point of you savin him, ha!” “I can’t do it!” I said firmly. “You little weak hearted youngster!” the other gluckons and sligs laughed at me. “Let him live!” I shouted. “Alright”, he sighed, “but you’ll regret it!”
And that is how I was disliked, rejected, the only thing that kept me alive was my farther, there was something mysterious about him that gave me my life and wealth. I lived with a smaller suit to show that I didn’t even pass slurg camp. I lay in my office thinking, this was basically my work. I was so depressed, the lack of work I did also made me unpopular. My results showed I was very smart. I wasn’t lazy, just gloom. When I did do work, I did it at high quality, other times I just looked at the wall. I would never stood around the cheap tables for lunch. I would just stand up and eat. I didn’t smoke or take any drugs accept for medical purposes. That made me an outsider. With my depression, I couldn’t even go outside to by them anyway. I didn’t want to be seen. The sligs lay sleeping, bobby was his name. He hated me, but was still loyal. He claimed he that I was a “goodie 2 shoes” and that he never got to do anything fun with me around. I remembered when I only just passed high school, I got booed and hissed and people even through chunks at elum and soul storm brew at me. I had tried really hard and visited every shrink I could find so I could concentrate on work. I was put in an office, to take care of a gluckon works. This was where millions of gluckons worked, it was basically to entertain other gluckons and for fill their demands. My father’s mysterious life couldn’t even get me into a head here. I would mess everything up and I didn’t have the respect of the people to listen to me.
I was thinking some more and feeling sorry for myself, when, bobby gets an ergant phone call. Through his vain not for me to hear, I still caught a few words. Mudokon, invasion and death. Then the alarm went off. I couldn’t believe the mudokons were killing us after I had tried to maintain peace! Then the door opened, a slig had walked through, followed closely by a group of mudokons. “It’s Abe!” the slig yelled, “what are we goin’ to do boss!?” I was stunned. “get them!” said the blue mudokon, I reconised him immediately. “Is this Abe?” I asked bobby. “it sure is!” he had said in a frightened voice, “shall I start shooting boss?” “No, I said calmly, “leave them alone”. I didn’t mean that, I was so frightened and mad at them at that moment. then that “abe” guy reconised me, as soon as I told the slig not to shoot. “Spare them!” he whispered, but the other mudokons had still heard him. He had stepped closer to me. “What is the hope for you?”, he had said in a quick but calm voice, “no gluckon is welcome with us, they are all evil” a mudokon in the background had said, “no, it is just what they are tought that is evil”, abe had said. “do not be so stupid to go to our village, but I guess there is not much hope for you here either. The rest of the inhabitants are dying, we suggest you get rid of that slig thing (bobby looked angrily at Abe, but was prodded with a spooce bow, so he kept quiet) and all your ways that destroy yours and our land, as I had said, come after, have a think, we will continue to travel, ask the other mudokon villages first, remember that old burnt-out one were you had that camp? Well, the village was rebuilt and reinhabited. We cannot trust you fully yet, so we will not take you with us and have more reasons to be tracked down, you will be hunted if you are seen escaping too.” He finished. “boring” said another mud. Then they finished with a “lets go!” and left, leaving me standing there.
And that is basically my back-story, what happened to me that lead up to what happened now. Now I didn’t know which side was right or wrong. I am just hoping that I will make the right choice.
please tell me anything that i could work on or the things that i did well.
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  #2  
04-04-2005, 03:50 AM
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Abe16
Outlaw Bomber
 
: May 2003
: on earth
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Nice story! i want to hear more please!
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I'm the guy who annoyed the other old pricks back in '03. ~Abe16~

“You shouldn't just be a band, ... If you've got the time and you've got the space you've got to make something of it. We might balls the whole thing up but you've got to try!”~Josh Homme, Queens of the Stone Age

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  #3  
04-06-2005, 08:51 PM
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General Dripikk
Thudslug
 
: Mar 2005
: Slig Barracks
: 188
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Nice story! Please finish!
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I once went up to Regis Fillman and asked him for his autograph, he punched me in the face.
Thank you -Aquacid- for making this sig!
:
:/Soulstice that was a little harsh... correction, very harsh. These kids are annoying, yes, and I know I've had a right old go at them in the past,
Dino being nice to dumbass kind??? O.o

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  #4  
04-08-2005, 05:36 PM
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mudling
Outlaw Sniper
 
: Jan 2005
: Sydney
: 1,631
Rep Power: 22
mudling  (123)mudling  (123)

here is another story, i will continue with another chapter if anyone wants me to.

Chapter 2: turning on my vision and lighting up my life

I stood there for a while, and then i started to take action. “what are ya doin’? bobby asked. “They told me to leave anything that separates the mudokons and us behind, to leave behind all evil!”, I replied. “don’t ya think you’re takin’ this a little bit seriously?”, the slig asked, as he watched me take off my suit. “You’re not coming with me unless you take off those pants!” I said. “But we need the protection boss! I can’t trust those dam mudokons and their little plans! I need the pants to walk any way!” he replied, blurting it all out at once. “That’s easy. Just hop on my back!” then I realized the stupidness of my plan, It was as if I was in one of those video games bobby always played. But this time I would be in the wilderness, city, village and more places far from here. My scrawny arms could only just lift up my body anyway. “Ok, fine!” I said. “Have your pants but no guns or anything else apart from the pants!” “Yes sir!” bobby replied and we begin to march down the hallway and leave the empty facility.
The camp was a short distance from the head quarters, but I guess that time only applies when we used the school bus. There was an old industrial building next to the village. I guess the train still stopped there and the place still existed. I remembered staying in that run-down building and trying to escape onto the train to get home. Now my possible friends were destroyed by abe and his army. I ran into a pole and realised where I was. “you ok boss?” bobby asked. “Yeah, sure.” I replied and I walked towards the train station. it was basically a huge platform with parallel rails on each side of it. The street lights were either off or flickering and surrounded by zapflies. “Look!” bobby said and pointed to a TV hanging one a small office. It read “the next train will arrive from the emergency defence service in 1 minute. I gasped and realised that they were the sback-ups that were “supposed to be elite.” I was pretty sure it was th wrong way though. Then bobby beckoned me into the office. It turned out to be the control office. Bobby then pointed to an abandoned train, our train and then the control box. It had been brutally beaten and shot at, so no industrialist could escape Abe’s army once they passed our facilities “best” security. They weren’t expecting to see me.
Then I glanced down beneath us and saw a harvester! I searched for the stairs and then beckoned bobby to come down with me. I remembered that I had the vehicle key in my suit pocket. Bobby figured out my problem and handed me his. We drove off, towards the mudokon village. “You’re crazy!” bobby said, laughing.
The village came into sight. We hid the harvester and bobby’s pants and walked into the village. It was empty like that movie I saw; you could even include a tumble weed. “hey boss I guess this place is…” he stopped and stared behind me, I did the same as we were surrounded by mudokons with all sorts of weapons. I herd a voice behind me. “turn around” it ordered. “Good one boss” bobby said as I turned around to see what bobby had already seen. As I faced the voice I saw a mudokon, I guessed he was the leader. He shuddered as I turned towards him. “It’s a gluckon and hasn’t got any…” yelled a mudokon but was interrupted by the leader “who are you? What do you want from us? Get away from us you dirty gluckon! You evil one!” he shouted, but I replied quickly, “abe sent me here, do you know where he is?” I asked. “Have a loin cloth!” a mudokon said, passing him one. “What! You are the glockon he talked about? You think we’ll let you see him, you crazy gluckon?” answered the leader. They aimed their spooce bows at my head. “This is just cruel!” a brave mudokon yelled, “yeah! He dicides to join our side, risk his life to get here and kill his own brothers to join our side!” another one said. “I suppose your right, tam, come here!” the leader said. “Hang on”, I said I’m not going to kill my own..” I was interrupted as the leader introduced me to the mudokon. “tam, this is the crazy gluckon, crazy gluckon, this is tam. A mudokon stepped forward. “you’ll set forth soon, we’ll get vyou ready and packed, and…” he added, talking to some mudokons, “dress that gluckon!” two mudokons came and placed the loincloth on my feet onto my dangling legs. We were sent towards the centre of the small village and waited. “so where is Abe anyway”, I asked. Oh, he’s always around one of those buildings, killing glockons and admiring their awesome technology”, Tam replied. Don’t listen to him, us muds are good folks, we wont kill without meaning, you won’t kill without purpose” he said, I just hoped he was right. “I have a bad feeling about this!” bobby said as the moon with a mudokon paw sunk into the horizon, behind the old building witch was now the inhabited by millions of mudokons.
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Last edited by mudling; 04-10-2005 at 06:30 PM..
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  #5  
04-08-2005, 05:44 PM
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Abe16
Outlaw Bomber
 
: May 2003
: on earth
: 2,046
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Please continue! It's getting good!
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I'm the guy who annoyed the other old pricks back in '03. ~Abe16~

“You shouldn't just be a band, ... If you've got the time and you've got the space you've got to make something of it. We might balls the whole thing up but you've got to try!”~Josh Homme, Queens of the Stone Age

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  #6  
04-08-2005, 06:26 PM
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Hunk of Steef
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: Mar 2005
: anywhere you want
: 167
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Yes, great story. If only it was official.
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  #7  
04-09-2005, 03:58 AM
mudling's Avatar
mudling
Outlaw Sniper
 
: Jan 2005
: Sydney
: 1,631
Rep Power: 22
mudling  (123)mudling  (123)

another chapter, please tell me what you like and what you think i need to fix.
Chapter 3: going haywire, but against who?

The mudokons were packing our bags, I would have stayed, but I continued to think, and wondered off. I heard voices coming from inside a hut and my name mentioned, I pretend to collapse on the hut. “Did you hear that?” said one voice, “probably just that lazy gluckon, and to think Abe is worried about him because he is rumoured to be mullocks son!” replied the other voice. “Didn’t he die anyway?” “Look, it doesn’t matter, that glockon is a softy, he can’t do anything to us and he’s no use to us anyway”. I stepped back and ran into bobby, who was stuffed into a small bag and placed on my back by a mudokon. “I’m not enjoying this!” shouted bobby from the bag, but was interrupted by the leader, “you’re ready! Now get out of our sights!” said the mudokon leader and 2 mudokons ran up and set our bags and pushed us off. “Good luck!” shouted the mudokons and I could hear the softest sound of cheering and clapping. I was encouraged as we walked onwards. Finally the noise from the village disappeared, or maybe they had lost interest, but I didn’t look back, I was already extremely exhausted as we approached a massive desert.
“this place reminds me of when I went with Abe searching for necrum”, Tam said, “why aren’t you still with him?” I asked “let’s not go into that” he said softly as bobby began to shout. “I’m getting sick of this bag, It’s embarrassing, I’d rather walk!” he moaned. But Tam replied shouting, “you get to be carried, and you’re complaining! “I don’t think my arms can take this wait!” I moaned, “Fine, come on you!” Tam said to bobby as he launched him onto his back. We continued to walk along and bobby would throw out bottles of tea and spooce, every time we became thirsty. after a couple of hours, I became stronger and faster, but I became more exhausted by the minute and finally collapsed, or that was what I was told when I woke up hanging on a twisted tree. Tam kept on moaning about having to drag me onwards. “We would quickly wither if we stay In this heat, quickly, lets move before morning!” he shouted and beckoned us onwards. It became pitch black and I grew tired but I continued to limp across the dry desert and towards another village. We didn’t really know where we were going, but everything seemed to be on the other side of the long desert and Abe seemed to have quickly gone through the desert and survived, he seemed to have faster speed than a steef or even a train! We finally reached land, I was so relieved! Tam then gave us a bottle of soul storm brew each. “Where’d you get this?” I asked, “I thought you didn’t use anything made by an industrialist, or at least your enemy!” I blurted out and was replied to by “we’’, it’s just to give you energy, just for moments like this” he said guiltily. We ventured a little bit onwards, I the shelter of some trees, and then took out some animal mats and went to sleep. Bobby took off his mat and lay on the layers of weeds and thorns in an effort to avoid the increasing amounts of flies.
I woke up in a paddock filled with moisture and sunlight; I was being dragged by Tam. He realised I was awake and shouted “look, mudokon activity is over there!” he shouted, I shuddered and yelled out as I saw a huge gluckon city ahead, it wasn’t a monstrous factory that destroyed environments and killed thousands, it was a place home to thousands! It was then I realised what the sunlight really was, beams of light from screaming alarms, fires and burning torches. Bobby screamed as we entered the city, chaos had formed and glockons and other industrialists were running everywhere. “what are you doin’?” yelled a slig, “ya tryn’ to be one o’ them crazies?!” yelled a gluckon from a window. A slig fell from a window above us onto the ground and started twitching. “we can’t help them now!” yelled Tam, “lets just get to Abe and stop this mess!” we began to move as fast as we could, passing whooshing bullets and arrows, spooce was flying everywhere, we followed the eager, cruel, running mudokons, often, when they saw us, stoped and got knocked out/ killed or ran away in a random direction, sometimes even laughing and becoming a sitting clakker. We moved faster and faster along the cobble-stone paths and barley missing crashing cement. “it’s him! It’s Abe!” Tam shouted as we appeared into a clearing, we had climbed more than half of the giant hill witch the city was built on, now we were in what looked like the main square, Abe was leading a crowd of mudarchers.
“Stop!” I shouted, and was joined in by bobby. “We can’t just stop and get hit!” Abe shouted, “Then exit this city!” I replied. “You betta’ leave my brothers alone you cruel mudokons!” bobby shouted. “I thought we told you to leave that slig at your little abandoned office!” a mudarcher next to Abe shouted. “only he’ll suffer from bringing him”, Abe said calmly, “what do you want anyway?!” Abe shouted, dodging a bullet shot by a charging big bro slig. “I want peace between all races of Oddworld, mudokons and gluckons at least, most of us aren’t doing anything bad at the moment, we just hate eache other!” I shouted, “I want no more deaths between us!” there was a pause, “you’re crazy said a vyker, eaves dropping from an above window, stated laughing, followed by a running screaming slig and then the mudarchers surrounding Abe, another vyker came out of another window and asked the vyker what happened, he too, started laughing. A mudarcher came back to earth of shot it out of the window and ran over towards it, poking him with his spooce bow. He was then shot repeatedly by the watching big bro slig. Before the mudarchers sprang into action, Abe ran towards us and shouted at the mudarchers to come too, we were then joined in by many other mudokons that started to appear. Then Abe spoke, “This is going to be hard, but if it helps the creatures of odd, I’ll help.” “I think you are all taking it just a little bit too far!” bobby said and I struggled to get away from my thoughts.

*edit* new chapter, this one's a little bit short.
Chapter 3: to the drawing board!

We ran towards a small house, and hijacked it. Inside was the vyker laughing at us earlier. “Oh my odd!” he shouted as mudokons pinned him to the ground. Then he started laughing. After a couple of seconds the house was filled with red light and alarms going off. Then I noticed a button on the small green walls, the only problem was that the button was vyker-shaped. “Push the button and we’ll spare you!” I shouted, the mudkons released his mouth so he could speak. “What button, oh the self-destruct button?” he said sarcasticly. “Just press it!” Abe shouted. “Why should I? Remember, no war, no harm to anyone?!” he shouted. “We could make an exception” bobby said back, stroking his tentacles. Then I saw mudokon pointing outside as bobby and Abe reasoned with the vyker. “Fine!” I heard the vyker say and then the alarms die down, but it was too late. Sligs were assembling outside the house, and mudokons trying to get in. “guard the house!” I shouted and Abe immediately started ordering mudokons to guard the possible entrances of the house, which was practically everywhere. Once we were ready, everyone not guarding stepped close together, and started to organise a plan.
We grabbed everything useful in the house that we could find, including the vyker, and formed a tight formation, using mirrors and paintings as shields and the rest of the items as weapons. Abe stood at the front, holding the vyker, bobby and I stayed in the middle, and the majority of the other mudokons were around us, guarding bobby and I. We went through the main door and marched down the street. The industrialists laughed at us. “We have a hostage!” the mudokons shouted. “Who cares?”, said a gluckon, “Yeah!” Said a slig and then the industrialists went crazy, firing at us. “NOW!” said Abe and mudokons appeared at the roofs of the houses, chanting. Then everything went wrong. The chanted industrialists started to kill each other and other industrialists. “Die!” shouted some mudokons and then I yelled. “You’re not supposed to kill them!” yelled Abe. But the chanting mudkons kept on killing, and then the big bro got possessed and started shooting the mudokons around me, then aimed for me. “DIE!” it said and I ran, followed by Abe. I diced to help bobby survive, if I couldn’t. I passed him to Tam, who wasn’t far behind Abe, and only a couple of stops behind me. Tam then started to run faster. “Slower!” bobby screamed, “You’re going to drop me!” then he looked behind me shoulder and then screamed, “Ok, faster!” soon Tam raced past me, and then Abe caught up with me, holding the vyker, who had now decided to help Abe run instead of being dragged along or trying to break free. As Abe passed me and turned around a corner, followed by a few other loyal mudokons, a gluckon stepped in front of me and yelled, “you’re doing great, all the industrialists have decided to have peace with those cool mudokons, who have also decided to have peace!” my happiness soon disappeared when the gluckon exploded, and I realised that the laughing mudokons on the rooftops, had just possessed him. Then I moved faster, but it was no use, I was too slow and tiered. I dodged the mudokons he had been shot off the rooftop and then made my way to the exit of the city, dodging bullets, then I slipped on the cobblestone path and collapsed, then I closed my eyes.
Apparently, the mudokons had carried me away, out of the city and into a nearby village, killing industrialists, dangerous wild life and mudokons who tried to kill me on the way. “where the hec am i?” I asked the mudokons around me. “Please”, said Abe, “Call us muds”. “You’re alive!” shouted Tam and some other….muds. “da boss is back!” yelled bobby exitedly. “So, what are we going to do now?” I asked, “We have to change the industrialists mind” Abe said, “we can’t just go perued them with violence”. “This could be difficult I addmited and then I started to slip back into my thoughts. I wanted the peace on oddworld but it looked like it was unicheivable. There didn’t even seem to be a way that the industrialists and mudokons in modus could create peace. “you’re forgetting about me!” said the vyker, “if you want peace, well, it’s possible, think about it. Why wouldn’t one of them big bros just take over a factory, why doesn’t a mug kill the little slig riding it, why don’t my brainy speacies just kill maggie or the interns just sluagter all of the vykers in vyker labs while they are doing operation?” “Because everyone has good inside their hearts, waiting to be unlocked?” replied Tam. “Sort of”, replied the vyker, “but if that was true i could just pop into some doc’s office and cut free the good in my heart. You see”, he continued, “we all want a good time, we all want to be happy, whatever way that is, but there are some things we cannot do and there are some ways to pursue people to do them. My point is that everyone will be on your side if it is in their benefit but true allies will only be on your side if its in your own benefit.” A one of the muds started crying. “Aw, that made my day, here have a wowey pop”, said the vyker, handing him a lollypop out of his apron. “What is this vyker going on about?” said a mud, “how do the “real allies” become an allie in the first place?” asked another. “Oh, I give up!” moaned the vyker, “don’t tell me I didn’t try!” he said and then collapsed on the ground. “We should teach those industrialists we have rights!” shouted some muds, “or we need them!” shouted some more. “we just have to find a way how” I said. “Maybe we should build a city?” bobby said. “Wait a minute!”, said Abe, “maybe the gluckon should persuade the industrialists to make peace!” I didn’t like the idea, I stood there and watched the clouds pass away, then new ones appeared, darker and bigger. Everone around me was organising the next journey and getting equipment, we just didn’t have a decent idea.
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Last edited by mudling; 04-10-2005 at 05:55 PM..
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  #8  
05-07-2005, 06:27 AM
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kjjcarpenter
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: Apr 2005
: Sydney, Australia
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Chapter 4! Chapter4!
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  #9  
05-14-2005, 04:06 AM
mudling's Avatar
mudling
Outlaw Sniper
 
: Jan 2005
: Sydney
: 1,631
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thanks! i've sorta abonded this, i did a bit of the fisrt chapter though, i'll finish it if you like.
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