Breakout!

Fuzzleman54321 · #1 03-08-2005, 10:36 AM

Here's a story i have been working on!

Chapter 1

One day Abe was taking a walk. Then suddenly he saw Munch hopping with a face like he had seen a scrab! "Abe(pant) sligs...... attacking." Munch manged to say before he fainted from all the running. "What the....." abe stammerd as he saw about 600 flying sligs heading his way. Reacting quickly, abe started to chant."noyonoyonoyonoyonoyo!" Abe chanted and took over a flying slig! But abe was distracted by a bomb exploding which put him off concertration! "MUNCH!" Abe said as flying sligs picked up the fainted munch. Then a slig came without Abe noticing and WHAK the slig hit abe across the head with the butt of his gun. Stars went around abe's head as he was knocked out. The flying sligs picked up abe and flew off.......

End of Chapter 1

If you like it please write! Because there is really no point of continuing a fan fic if nobody likes it!

Software Bug · #2 03-08-2005, 12:41 PM

Cool thing Fuzzleman54321

please continue

Fuzzleman54321 · #3 03-08-2005, 01:07 PM

Okay! Thanks Tim H.C!

Chapter 2

"Huh? Where am i" Abe said waking up. "We are in a factorys cell." Munch said gloomly. "Why do you sound so sad?" Abe said. "Because were sentenced to death." "WHAT!" Then a slig came to the cell. "Come you will be killed now!" the slig said evily. So Abe and Munch followed him. The next thing they knew, they were dangaling above spinning blades on chains. Then a highly classed glukkin came in. "Time to die so called heroes! Hah! Do it!" he said to a slig. The slig then pulled a lever. The chains broke and and Abe and Munch fell."AAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH!!!" Abe and Munch screamed all the way down.SLICE! They were chopped up."HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!!!! THERE DEAD!!!!!!" The glukkin laughed.
End of chapter 2

So what do you think?

Kimon · #4 03-08-2005, 01:18 PM

It's a good story, but like too many other fan fictions, it's hindered by some writing problems and brevity. Make it longer, man! Like instead of saying:

"'Huh? Where am I?' Abe said waking up. "we're in a factory cell,' Munch said gloomily.", you should say:

"As Abe woke up, he realized he'd been captured! His prison was dank and damp, and smelled like Fuzzle poo. "Where am I," he asked himself. Suddenly, he heard a voice behind him. "We're in a factory cell." He turned around and saw his buddy Munch. "Munch, are you alright?"

I mean, that's just a brief example, but it's agood way to lengthen a story and keep it interesting. Also, capitalize your 'I''s.

It's a really good concept, though. Keep it up!

Fuzzleman54321 · #5 03-08-2005, 01:33 PM

I'll try better Kimon!
Chapter 3

Back at mudos, all the Mudokins and fuzzles were sad because there heroes died. Big face in a hut started thinking."Hum. If I bring them back, we can have more mudokins to help us!" So he started to chant. Back at the factory Abe's and Munch's meat started to come back together. Then they were both standing there. "How our we alive?" Munch asked Abe. "Big face." He replied smiling. "Come on we have gotta get out of here!" Abe said and they ran off. After two miles of running they stopped."This is...one..big factory!" Abe said panting. "I'm hungry!" Munch conplained. "So am I. Hey there is a vending machine over there!" Abe said in joy! So they ran over. Abe put in some moolah and orderd two paramite pies and two scrab cakes. "Let's eat!" Munch said. Back at the office of the glukkin... "WHAT! THEY ARE ALIVE!" The glukkin screamed at the slig. The glukkin orderd 700 sligs to go and kill them. But Abe and Munch did not know.....
End of Chapter 3

Good or Bad?

Kimon · #6 03-08-2005, 03:21 PM

Awesome. That was MUCH better. Here's some spelling ccorrections:

Glukkon
'our' should be 'are' in that context
Mudokens

Other than that, it's great!

Abe16 · #7 03-08-2005, 03:32 PM

that's a cool Story you're making Fuzzleman! Keep it up!

odd chick · #8 03-08-2005, 07:14 PM

Yeah, it's really cool, Fuzzleman.

Keep it going because it's getting very interesting.

Fuzzle Guy · #9 03-09-2005, 01:28 AM

Yeah, that's really cool.
Kimon, It is not spelt Mudoken, it's Mudokon

Software Bug · #10 03-09-2005, 04:03 AM

Cool chapters Fuzzleman!!!
I like it

Fuzzleman54321 · #11 03-09-2005, 10:45 AM

Thanks guys!
Chapter 4

"That was nice!" Munch said burping. Then suddenly they heard a voice. "FREEZE!" They turned around to see 700 sligs running towards them. "RUN!" Abe screamed and they ran off. "What are we going to do?" Munch asked once they were hiding in a shadow. "I have a plan!" Abe said. "What is it?" "We are going to blow up the factory! O.k we split up. I'll go to the boiler room and the 5 zualgs and you go down to the experament lab. Oh and on your way save the fuzzels, and i'll save the Mudokons!" Abe whisperd. "Kay!" munch replied. Abe went to the first zualg train. When he got on in the middle of the trip the train stopped and a voise came on. "Did you really think you could blow up my factory? Think again! My name is Stenx and i'll make sure you don't come back because i have already capterd this so called Big face and he is in a cell!" a familier Glukkon voice said. "Crap!" Abe said. "NOW DIE!" Suddenly the walls and celings turned into spikes and started to close in. "Oh no!" Abe said.
End of chapter 4

So? Was it good?

Software Bug · #12 03-09-2005, 11:05 AM

that wasnt good...
IT WAS AWESOME

Good job!

Fuzzleman54321 · #13 03-09-2005, 11:33 AM

Thanks!
Chapter 5

Meanwhile in the experament lab munch was hopping about when he saw some fuzzels. He Zapped the cages and the fuzzels squeked in appreciation. Then two vykers came and shot Munch with a snoozie and he lost consesness. The fuzzels were so mad they ripped the vykers into tiny pieces. Then a fuzzel got a formla and knocked it into Munch's mouth. Munch then regained consenceness. "Huh? Hey the formla is ZXCCXZCVBXC3125433" Munch said. Then he saw the train for zualg 1 screen. "Oh my god!" When he saw abe lying on his back, pushing his belly to stop the spikes from getting him. He quickly pressed shut off. Back on the train the spikes stopped and lifted back up and back on the wall and stoped. "Phew!" Abe said. Abe was so relived he Farted. "Opps!" he said. Then in the lab the 700 sligs came in. "KILL HIM!" one of them said. "Gotta run! Follow me fuzzels!" And so he hopped off.
End of chapter 5

Do you like it?

Software Bug · #14 03-09-2005, 12:43 PM

hey thats a clear formule

munch remembers that??

Fuzzleman54321 · #15 03-09-2005, 12:50 PM

Yep! He did have a big experience with the vykers!

Fuzzleman54321 · #16 03-09-2005, 01:18 PM

I'll do the next chapter in 2 days!

odd chick · #17 03-09-2005, 01:42 PM

Those were good chapters, Fuzzleman. I like the way you add action to the story-it's brilliant! I can't wait until you write the next chapter.

Fuzzleman54321 · #18 03-09-2005, 01:46 PM

Thanks odd chick!

Fuzzleman54321 · #19 03-10-2005, 12:03 PM

Okay!
Chapter 6

Abe came across a mud on the train. "Hello!" he said to him. "Hey abe!" He looked and saw a bird portal. He started to chant. The bird portal opened and the mud escaped. Then an alarm flashed on the train. Then flying sligs threw some bombs on the track and the train fell off. "AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!" Abe screamed. The train flew into water. The train was sinking when he saw a bird portal. Quickly he chanted and ran into it. He then was in the lab munch was in. "Darnit!" he said angrly. "Well we'll do this together and i'll help you on the zualgs." Munch said when he saw him. "Okay!"
So they walked off. Then later when they were walking a slig snuck up behind Abe and broke his legs. "aaaaa" Abe said and landed on his back. Then Munch said get 'em to his Fuzzels and they made short work of the slig. "How am I gonna carry you?" Munch said. "Mememe!" A fuzzel squeked and all the fuzzels got Abe on top of them and hopped. "Well that was odd!" Munch said. So they walked off and on the way Abe farted on the fuzzels. They got angry but munch calmed them down. So Munch and the fuzzles(now smeling) wen't off.

odd chick · #20 03-10-2005, 05:25 PM

Abe farting on the fuzzles as they carry him-now that's funny!

Overall, it was a good chapter. Poor Abe! I wonder when his broken legs will heal?

General Dripikk · #21 03-10-2005, 06:10 PM

Those are good chapter's you made Fuzzle man.

Fuzzleman54321 · #22 03-11-2005, 10:41 AM

I'll do the next chapter in 2 days! (Again!)

The Marching Mudokon · #23 03-11-2005, 04:14 PM

Great work, Fuzzleman. Poor Abe keeps getting hurt. I love the part when he farts on the fuzzles. Can't wait 'til the next chapter!

Abe16 · #24 03-11-2005, 06:54 PM

I like the part where Abe farts on the fuzzles too! LOL.

Fuzzleman54321 · #25 03-13-2005, 01:14 PM

Cheers!

Chapter 7

While they were walking they came across a unarmed vyker. "Heal him!" Munch said. "NEVER!" he said back. "Oh no?" munch said grinning and clicked his fingers. The fuzzels then put Abe on the floor and bared there teeth at the vyker, smiling evily. "Well?" Munch said. "Oh alright!" the vyker said finally. "Drink this!" he said to abe. He drank it and was cured. But unforntully it was the wrong chemical and Abe got VERY hyper. "WWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!" he said running into walls laughing. He dropped the chemical and it landed on the fuzzels. "SSSSSSSQQQQQUUUUEEEEEEEEKKKKKKK!!!!!!" the fuzzels said hopping around the room fast. "Poopie!" Munch said then turned to the vyker. Tehn the vyker pulled out a chainsaw. "AAAAGGGGHHHHHH!" Munch said while running away from the vyker. Then abe pulled out some popcorn and therw some at the Fuzzels. But still Abe stupidly kept on running into the wall and the Fuzzels kept on hopping Around fast.
End of Chapter 7

TAAADAA! Well cool or uncool?

Vykker Lady · #26 03-13-2005, 02:39 PM

lol! that was a hilliarious chapter!

really fun story! keep it up!

Abe16 · #27 03-13-2005, 03:31 PM

Very cool! That was funny!

odd chick · #28 03-13-2005, 10:48 PM

Nice chapter, Fuzzleman! It was really funny!

Software Bug · #29 03-14-2005, 05:01 AM

Cool chapter's Fuzzleman!!!

Fuzzleman54321 · #30 03-14-2005, 12:45 PM

Thanks!

By the way, next chapter is in 3 days!