Hoarded Gold

[Alpha]

I'm doing a story for school so I wanna know what you guy's think of it.
(By the way I've pasted it from microsoft Word so the grammer shouldn't be bad..... :P)


Hoarded Gold

I crept quietly out on the ship’s deck. The sun was rising and the rooster was screaming. Over those shores lay the death that awaited all aboard this ship. A war was about begin. Once this ship hit those lands it was likely I was to die. So you may be wondering how I got into this death trap?. The answer is a novel long tale. And it begins with a dark summer night…….

Chapter 1….
Watcher in the night……

I crept out of my bed. It was twelve in the morning and my time was running out. I had to sneak out of the house now or I’d never get out, even though my parent’s were awake I would sneak by them. I crept quietly down my stairway, making sure I made no noise. As I entered the entrance hallway of my home I noticed that my parent’s weren’t anywhere to be seen I looked out the window in the kitchen and saw the shed lights were on. I wanted to know why my parents were out in the shed so late at night then like a rock hitting water it hit me.
I saw a man leaving the shed not my father just a man, a man I’d never seen before and in his hand was a bloody knife. I started breathing a lot harder and my heart started pumping so fast it would make a cheetah look slow.

I ran out of the kitchen and headed for the front door. (KNOCK KNOCK) went the door. I backed away from it and as I did I saw that the door had split open, someone was trying to break it down.
I headed to the library my dad used to sneak out the window here to escape from mam when she was having a “red day”. As I headed in the library door I noticed paper’s on the desk they were manuscript’s I recognised them from a book I read once. I am 14 and am capable of reading manuscript’s thoroughly without saying repeatedly “what does that mean?”. (KNOCK KNOCK BANG!). “Uh oh” I muttered I picked up the manuscript’s and headed to the window. It wouldn’t barge open. “Damn” I said to myself, “Where is he?” said a voice from beyond my sight. I looked for something that would break the window down I seen a small model of my mother on the desk that my dad had made of her, I grabbed it and got stuck it wouldn’t come off the desk but rather made a clicking sound and then one of the library cases opened up. “Holy Sh-“ why did I stop my sentence?. I stopped my sentence because if I had finished it I would probably be sentenced to death because at that moment a man with a sword came through the door and I had just enough time to run through the bookcases hallway as it closed.

[Fuzzle Guy]

It's a good story but is not related to Oddworld in anyway.

[Alpha]

Whoop's Off-topic Idiot it's supposed to be in off-topic sorry bout that any mod's please move.

Thank's for pointing that out fuzzle guy.

[Alpha]

Okay so anyway.........

Chapter 2………..
A foil in the enemies plan……….

“Get him!” I heard the man shout as I slipped through the gap it would only be a matter of time before they figured out how to get the gap open so I had to go and quick.
I walked down the long narrow hallway as damp as a sewer.
“Ewww” I said to myself as I walked along watching a spider eating a fly. As I walked I started to see a light that meant an exit. I started running and I started to get scared because I didn’t know what was at the end of the tunnel. I seen a small opening ahead and quietly made my way through it. I ended up out at the garden exit I was about to walk out of the garden when I saw the shed I wanted to know what was in it. I lit a match and walked slowly to the shed.
I heard an owl hoot somewhere in a tree. As I entered the shed I seen the most horrible sight a sight I remembered the rest of my life….death. My parent’s were both lying there with there throat’s slit dead just dead. I felt I had lost everything until I heard the sound BANG!. And at the moment I knew I had to survive. I quickly grabbed my dad’s old war bomb this was the 16th century and bomb’s were of excellent quality nowadays.

I lit it and waited for the to light it did.
I climbed up on the windowsill (BANG!) and grabbed dad’s old rifle. It only had a bullet left in it so I had to use it properly.
I took aim at the door (BANG! CRACKLE) the door came down like a shot. As I looked at what came through I quickly aimed at where the heart of a man would be but I was aiming at this man’s waist as he was a giant. “Huh? Hey kid put the gun down and come over here” the giant said. I stared. “Come here NOW!” he shouted. I took aim and was about to pull the trigger when BOOM!.

The bomb had gone off……….

[Alpha]

Next chapter.....

Chapter 3………………
Awake upon an island you’d thought you’d never see..
I awoke I guess I was knocked out a while as it was daytime and people had crowded round me. “He’s awake!” people said above me as I looked up and saw many of their faces however the sun only barely shone through as if the people blocked it from view like cloud’s bunched together. I sat up and looked around some of my friend’s were here or what was left of them. I never really had “real” friend’s just a couple of imaginary ones. “What happened?” said some of the kid’s. I looked behind me and saw a massive rubble gathered in to one place it was what was left of my home………

I had become an orphan. I had no place to go so it was decided I stay with my next door neighbour. All my dream’s of being a knight were over. I always wanted to be a knight dreamed about it and stuff like all the other guy kid’s in my village. And I really didn’t want to live with my neighbour so I decided that I would leave and look for the lord of the land, and hopefully he would train me.

So I spent a couple of week’s at my neighbour’s preparing for my trip I would need food so I snuck as much of that as I could.
Second I needed a sword or a weapon so I began constructing a wooden sword, every time my neighbour left the house for her trip to the market I would go out to the garden and start sharpening a blade.
Third I needed transport I thought a boat would be the best idea so I started drawing plan’s for one. It was time to uphold my dream time to leave my hometown…little did I know becoming a knight was difficult task….and yet little did I know finding a lord was an even more difficult task.

“How was your day?” “Fine” I muttered in reply. She gave me a dark look “well eat up now come on”, I began to eat all that I thought of was the best way to escape. Then something else crossed my mind I remembered the night I tried to escape from my parent’s house. That night I was going to try “accidently” run in to a girl that I liked. This made me remember the guy’s who murdered my parents who were they?. Where were they now?. But I didn’t have time for that now I had to leave so after dinner I snuck out my bedroom window and headed for the river, the river Boyne a massive river where fishermen would fish and I in my childhood years played. As I headed out in to the night I remembered every good moment I had had in my life all my memory’s of my childhood. I took a deep breath and set my although lousy sturdy boat on the river wondering would I ever come back.
Two day’s past since I’d set sail the water was rough here and rocks were a plenty. “Whoa” I said as the ship rocked back and forth I could sense a storm coming I would need to prepare for it so I began to make a temporary shelter over my boat and continued down the river…….. It was midnight and the storm had struck my boat rocked back and forth when out of the corner of my eye I saw my mothers picture falling overboard. “No!” I shouted I dived out of my boat and after the picture then I realised how stupid this was , I couldn’t swim.

[Alpha]

Feedback?. I need more feedback and why has this not been moved?.

[Alpha]

Next chapter, tell me what you think.

Chapter 4……….
The winged beast…

“Where the hell am I?” I looked around I was in a dark forest covered in shadow by the tree’s above I couldn’t see the sun and it was likely I wouldn’t again. I picked myself up and began walking round me were noises that I never thought existed a noise that made your ear’s shiver was one of the many I wasn’t comfortable with. I came across a small cliff or at least it looked small below the was a massive trench that spanned as far as the eye could see. In the middle of the trench was a valley filled with flower’s “hmmmm” I thought to myself. It was tempting an easy route was what I needed right now so I made my way down the cliff face slowly, I carefully avoided obstacles until….. “Ah crap” I slipped on a rock and started sliding down the cliff face “Ahhhhh!” I screamed hitting off rock after rock “owe do arrr” I said in pain as I slid past pointy twigs and rocks. And then finally I came to the ground and landed in a heap of grass, “Owe” I uttered finally. (sniff sniff) “Who the?” I looked up above me was a pack of wolves. (gulp).

“Come with us” said the wolf in front. “Holy hell you can talk” I said amazed, “Of course we can talk we are the most intelligent species on our planet. “Actually humans are considered the most intelligent” I said cautiously, “Humph arrogant creature this one should we take him to the great wolf?”, ”No! we should have him executed in honour of the god’s!”, “Executed?!, why?” said another wolf, “We could eat him for ourselves”, “You would betray the god’s for your stomach?!, heretic! Kill him!” cried the wolf in front. And at that moment I saw an opportunity to escape, I quietly crawled away in to some wooded area to the wolves right. As I entered the wood I heard a cry “The human has escaped!, hunt him down we shall bring his corpse to the great wolf!” I ran…………………


Through the wood as fast as light
Through the terror that is the night
I ran with all my might
To escape my current plight………

“There he is!” cried one of the wolves. I ran as fast as my legs could carry me. Then something I didn’t expect a magnificent noise sounded (ROAR!!!!!!!!!!!!) “The great winged beast approaches!” cried a wolf, “Run you fools!” I heard a pack of footsteps running as fast they could if this “winged beast” could scare off a pack of wolves I had better head off somewhere too. A massive shadow appeared over my head, “What the?” I said just in time to be cut off by what I saw in front of me…It was a….no it couldn’t be they only exist in fairy tales…… but even so it was the late 16th hundreds was it possible that this was real?……

The ship is rocking…. But no one even stirs… it was a dragon.


Yes it was a dragon it is the very thing this boat is heading for, me and my crew were all on a quest to take back what the dragon stole but I’ll tell you that later. Now where was I? Ah yes the dragon… I’d never seen one before and I always thought they never exist but this was only the first of the many creatures I would encounter on my journey. The dragon opened his mouth and I was sure he was about to breathe a mighty flame and I would be dead but instead he spoke.

“Little creature,(it said) you have travelled far yet you are not tired you only have a pain in your arse tell me creature what are you?”

What are thee?, He knew what I was why did he ask me what I was, then I thought what if this were a riddle?. I recapped what the dragon had said. Little creature, you have travelled far yet you are not tired you only have a pain in your arse, tell me creature what are you?. I thought about this who would travel far but wouldn’t be tired?. Well that would be someone on horseback but then again they’d be tired because they would have to direct the horse and that would tire someone. Unless they were in a carriage!. Okay now I had to find out what person rides in carriage, lets see a poor person couldn’t because they wouldn’t have enough money so that would mean…..” A rich man!” I shouted. The dragon stared and then smiled he dropped an object on the ground flapped his magnificent wings and flew off. I picked up the object he had left behind. It was the picture of my mother……. I looked up at the sky he was gone.

[Alpha]

And the last chapter I'v written so far........

Chapter 5…………
The first friend I ever had…………

I started to forget why I had left home and all that mattered was that of which I was going, I couldn’t help but try to answer all the questions in my head like would I ever see that dragon again?. Or how would I find my way out of this forest. But all those troubles left my mind when something happened something terrible………

It’s very dark here I thought. I was walking through another dark wood it was night though and I could see nothing, “ Ow what was that?” it was a twig or at least it looked that way I couldn’t sworn I seen it move. (gulp) I kept walking, “Okay I’ll keep talking to myself therefore I won’t be scared (hoot hoot) – huh what was that?!” I began to panic. “don’t worry your all right-“ nothing is gonna happen to you- “that’s right nothing is gonna happen to me, wait who said that?”. I turned around there like a rotting corpse was the man who murdered my parent’s still carrying the terrible blade that he wielded that night except this time I noticed something the blade had a snake mark on it. “Don’t worry kid every thing’s gonna be alright for me anyway once I kill you!” he lifted his blade. “It’s the human’s!” shouted a familiar voice out of the darkness came a great wolf( when I say great I mean great in size) he and his pack attacked the man with the blade while one wolf chased me. I ran obviously what would you do however there was still a wolf chasing me, now you might think this was terrible thing I mentioned earlier, no this was yet to happen. I kept running with the wolf in hot pursuit-“ you got away once I won’t let it happen again!” the wolf jumped and I ducked and when I lifted my head up again I seen the teeth of the wolf dragging of a cliff. He was barely holding on to me and I was barely staying firmly on the cliff top if I were to fall it meant certain death. “why won’t you die!?” cried the wolf just at the moment someone hit him over the head with a stick but the wolf hadn’t given up he used all his might to pull me off the cliff face. “No!” I screamed.

Ever get that feeling when your going to die and you start remember every memory you ever had?. Well I have and it happened to me as I fell off that cliff…… oh yes it happened I started to remember horrible thing’s horrible thing’s like……
(mom?) I could see my mother and my dad (dad?) they were smiling at me every thing was perfect I felt so happy then it went away I seen a burning house the night my parents died. I saw them being killed every thing was so evil I couldn’t bare it. (No!) I shouted yet my voice couldn’t be heard. Then I saw a cliff top and hand and at that moment I realised I wasn’t dreaming I grabbed the hand and suddenly I woke up.

“You okay?” said the voice of the person who had saved me.
“Yeah I’m okay” I said. “Names Blanc” said the boy who was now focusing in to view. “Thanks for saving me” I said. “It’s okay, any decent man would have done it”. I started to like this guy so I talked some more with him. “Wait hold up, you’re going to find a lord to train you as a knight?” he asked in a mocking voice. “Well I’ve got no home any more so – “wait your parents are dead?” “well okay you see…..

I began to tell him the story of what happened to me so far how my parents were murdered how I escaped from the wolves how the wolves saved me from the blade wielding man, everything…

“Wow you’ve been through a lot” blanc said, “well how did you end up out here?” I asked. It seemed I was not the only one with a story to tell. “Well you told me your story so I guess it’s only fair to tell you mine”.

“You see my parents never got along well and I never helped to silence their arguments, I am a thief you see I stole things so that my father could sell them. You see he was really poor and my mother regretted marrying my dad for some reason and so one day I came home from school I was just outside the door see and then I heard my mother screaming but it wasn’t her usual scream of anger it was a scream of pain. (I started thinking this kid hadn’t had a bright past either). So I chanced and looked in the window and my dad was holding a blade with blood all over it and had just killed my mother.
I screamed with terror and my father seen me. So I ran for my life and wound up out hear. Then something popped in my head… “Uh Blanc?” “Yeah” he replied. “What was on the blade?” I said, my heart began to pump harder than ever. “Oh well there was blood and this little snake incarved in the blade, why?” he said. “Blanc I think your father murdered my parents”.

[Oddish]

Why arnt the medators moving this thread? There not doing their jobs proberly, for shame.