What do ya think?
Okay. This is a story that I am writing. It's not finished yet but I just want to know what you think of it. Spaz-Man
In some distant part of the world, or very close depending on where you live, a very strange man lived in a mental asylum in some distant part of Europe. He was put there because he could not stop smoking things, anything he could find actually, and he was just plain mad. So here it is, a story of heroism and loyalty (or lunacy) so sit down, shut up and read.
1, A visitor
One day in Spaz man’s room, a man walked in the door and said, “Are you the one that the doctors call Spaz man?” He said. “Hey!” He shouted through a mouth full of cockroaches. “I resemble that remark… yes I am.” “Good.” The man said. “We need your help to track down a big fat nutter called biscuit boy.” “He is believed to be building a weapon of mass destruction using the help of the most evil people in history, Saddam, Bin laden and Hitler’s ghost.” “Why do you need me?” Said Spaz man. “Because you are the only one stupid enough to go after him.” Said the man. Suddenly a little white mouse with eyes the size of dinner plates jumped up on Spaz man’s bed. “Do you want some more corn bread Mr Jingles?” Said Spaz man. “Well you can forget it, COS I’M GONNA KILL YOU!” “I can’t stay mad at you.” Said Spaz man. “This is our top agent in the field.” Said the man. Suddenly, a huge bulking shadow crept down the hallway, and then a tiny hamster walked through the door. Mr Jingles and Spaz man burst out laughing. “This is your best agent?” Said Spaz man. Then the hamster pulled a huge rocket launcher with the words big o blaster 3000 written down the side, out of his pocket. “Meet Rick.” The man said. “Our best agent, you must travel to Japan from here in London, to Biscuit boy’s lair.” “Cool!” Said Spaz man. “Do we get a kitted out vehicle like batman?” “No.” Said the man. “We are a little short on them at the moment, so tough luck, you will have to walk.” “What is this weapon that Biscuit boy is creating?” Said Spaz man. “It is a weapon that will turn the entire world obese!” Said the man. “Since he was laughed at for being a one tonne wonder, he intends to turn everyone fat!” So they will know what it was like.” “And by the way this weapon is codenamed, Gutus Expandus 4000.” “Now get out of here!” “I’m bored of talking.” So, Spaz man, Rick and Mr Jingles set off walking towards Japan unknowing of the adventure that would befall them.
2, Departure
They trudged through the midnight London streets being attacked by gangs and homeless people after their money, Oh the horror! Eventually they came to the beach.
“How do we get to France without a boat?” Said Rick. Suddenly, a ship pulled up to the harbour and a insane looking scientist stepped out. “Climb aboard!” He shouted. “My name is Boris.” He said. “I invent things.” “Did you invent this ship?” Said Spaz man. “No.” Said Boris. “This is the H.M.S. Warrior, I nicked it.” “And on that note the police will be here soon so lets run!” When they finally reached France, Spaz man and the others got themselves ready. “Here you go!” Boris said to Spaz man. “These are your weapons.” Boris opened a bag and took out a machine gun, a samurai sword and a shotgun and a batch of ammo and grenades. “This is your hat Spaz man, we have made some improvements.” Boris took out a bowler hat with multi colour stripes on it and a propeller on top. “Look, this can fly with the helicopter thing on top.” Said Boris. “And can fire rockets with this button, and this button…” Boris pressed a red button on the side and a large family of goblins jumped out holding sharp sticks. “Brilliant!” Said Spaz man. They set out across Paris and split up, but Spaz man wandered into the locker room of the French football team. Looking for a disguise Spaz man stole the goalkeeper’s kit. “Ah there you are!” Said the French football manager. “Come on the match is tomorrow!” Before Spaz man could speak he was shipped off to Portugal where he was goalkeeper for France.
3, Portugal
The whistle blew and the game began, Spaz man had the England team trying to score against him, but later the game was 1-1 and the England team had a penalty. The England football player kicked the ball at Spaz man and he deliberately leaped out of the way, and England scored. “England are through to the next round!” Said the commentator. Spaz man fled the pitch to see his mates joining him. “How did you find me?” Said Spaz man. “We saw you on BBC1.” Said Boris. “Right.” Said Spaz man. “We had better get going, I hate to think what would happen if Biscuit boy finished that weapon.”
4,SPAIN
So they set off to Spain where they came across a deserted street. “Where is everyone?” Said Boris. “There they are!” Said Rick. A huge crowd of people were gathered in front of a gate and there was a crowd on the rooftops cheering. Suddenly, the gate burst open and a herd of bull’s charged out of it. “RUNRUNRUNRUN!” Spaz man shouted. Mr Jingles jumped off Spaz man’s shoulder and stood in front of the stampede then he let out the most ungodly fart ever and cleared the entire street, buildings and everything. There was just a smoking crater in the ground. “Bravo!” Called a strange man. “Well done!” “I have been looking for someone to take my place in the grand bull fight.” “Grand bull fight?” Said Rick. “Yes.” Said the weird man. “200 bulls all against me and a few people, but I don’t want to do it!” “And you will do it in my place.” The man lead them to the stadium where the fight was taking place. “We really can’t be doing this. Said Spaz man. Then the man pulled out a revolver. “GET IN THE @#*@ING RING!” He screamed. So there they stood surrounded by 200 bulls, then they charged at them. Rick fired his rocket launcher at the bulls and made a gap which the others ran through, but Spaz man took off using his hat and threw nose pegs to everyone, then Mr Jingles jumped down and Boris dropped a lit match behind Mr Jingles and he farted a fire storm disintegrating a large mass of bulls. Then Spaz man fired his machine gun and killed some bulls, Boris picked up a bomb out of his bag and threw it, the bomb exploded in a hailstorm of spikes killing the last of the bulls. “Well done!” The weird man called. “Now give me the prize money.” Then Boris attached a device to the man and he started pooing himself. “He will poo himself for the rest of the week now.” Said Boris.
5, FRANCE
“We’re finally back in France!” Said Spaz man. “Good.” Said Boris. “Now that we have won that prize money, we can buy a car.” “Then we can get to Japan faster!” Said Rick. “Yeah.” Said Boris. “That’s the idea you fool.” They all went to a garage which sold cars and looked at a wide range when they found a decent people carrier. “This car looks great!” Said Rick. “Let me see what’s on.” Rick switched on the radio and they heard… “Farmer Giles at ten!” Shouted a strange Scottish voice. “This here is farmer Giles!” “OO-AR!” “Crop levels are up by 10%, but there is a decrease in the chicken population due to the increase in fox numbers.” “OO-AR!” “Who was that?” Said Spaz man. “That was farmer Giles.” Said the salesman. “He is a farmer who has his own radio show about his profits and farm conditions.” “What a sad man.” Said Rick. “Okay.” Said Spazman. “Should we buy the car?” “Yes!” Everyone shouted. “We have been here for 5 hours, so just buy it!” They bought the car and took it to the h.m.s. warrior where Boris turned it into a car with hundreds of gadgets on it. “Okay lets see here.” Boris said while examining the car. “Rocket launchers, land mines, laser beams, machine guns, spike traps, a cloaking device, spiked wheels, an acid slick and a cannon on top.” “Lets leave now before biscuit boy raises the population of whales up by a few billion.” When they were driving through Paris, everyone started getting tiresome. “Look Mr jingles!” Said Spazman. “The Eiffel tower!” Mr jingles let out excited squeaks. “Lets try a few of these buttons.” Said Rick. “Don’t touch that button!” Shouted Boris. Rick pressed the button when two rockets came out the front of the car. “Target locked, missile launched.” Two rockets shot out and blew up the tower and it collapsed to the ground. Mr jingles started making crying noises. “Your evil!” Spazman shouted to Rick.
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