Cool Clock Thing
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What's wrong with this picture? Warning: This is SHIT-SCARY. I almost crapped myself!
EDIT: It's not available any more. I think the guy got told to take it down... it's even scarier than the freaky ghost .gif that did the rounds a little while back.
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A Girl's Prayer:
Lord
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong,
One who's willy's thick and long.
One who thinks before he speaks,
When promises to call, he won't wait weeks.
I pray that he is gainfully employed,
And when I spend his cash, wont be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! send me a man who will make love to my mind,
Knows just what to say, when I ask "How big's my behind?"
One who'll make love till my body's a twitchin,
In the hall, the loo, the garden and kitchen!
I pray that this man will love me no end,
And never attempts to shag my best friend.
And as I kneel and pray by my bed,
I look at the wanker you sent me instead.
Amen.
A Boy's Prayer:
Lord
I pray for a lady with big tits.
Amen
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Dragon News Network - is Spyro a Hero or a Menace?
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Her side of the Story:
He was in an odd mood Saturday night. We planned to meet at a bar for a drink. I spent the afternoon shopping with the girls and I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit later than I promised, but he didn't say anything much about it.
The conversation was very slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately. We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I tried to cheer him up and started to wonder whether it was me or something else. I asked him, and he said no. But I wasn't really sure. So anyway, in the car on the way back home, I said that I loved him deeply and he just put his arm around me. I didn't know what the hell that meant because you know he didn't say it back or anything.
We finally got back home and I was wondering if he was going to leave me! So I tried to get him to talk but he just switched on the TV. Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to bed. Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and to my surprise, we made love. But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to confront him but I just cried myself to sleep. I just don't know what to do anymore.
I mean, I really think he's seeing someone else.
His Side of the Story:
Ireland lost. Got laid though.
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Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Nancy. "She's incredibly mixed up," said one doctor. "She does everything absolutely backwards.
Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of morphine every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He damn near died on us!"
The second doctor said, "That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours. She tries to give him 24 enemas in one hour! The guy damn near exploded!"
Suddenly, they hear this blood-curdling scream from down the hall. "Oh my God!", said the first doctor, "I just realized I told Nurse Nancy to prick Mr. Smith's boil!"
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There was a little boy playing in his front yard, and his grandpa was sitting on the porch watching his grandson play. The grandfather saw the little boy pull a worm out of the ground, so the grandfather went up to his grandson and said, "Hey son, I'll give you five dollars if you can stick that worm back into the hole you pulled it out of." The little boy thought it would be easy enough so he tried. After a while the boy was about to give up, but suddenly he ran inside and got a can of his grandmothers hairspray. He sprayed it all over the worm and let it dry and then he stuck it back into the hole. The grandpa said, "Well, boy that's a neat trick, here's your five dollars." The next day the little boy was playing again and the grandfather came up to him and handed him another five dollars. The little boy said, "What is this for?" The grandfather said, " Your grandmother thought it was a neat trick too!"
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There was a man who was traveling to different cities and he was very tired from walking all day. One night, he saw this really big and tall house and he wondered if anyone lived there. He went up to the house and knocked on the door. An ugly old Chinese man opened the door. The traveler asked the old man if he could stay there for the night because he was tired. The Chinese man agreed to let him stay the night but only if he didn't touch his young virgin daughter. The old man also said that if the traveler touched his daughter, he would inflict him with the three Chinese tortures. The traveling man, thinking the daughter was as ugly as the old man, agreed to this. Later that night while eating dinner, the man saw the old man's daughter and they instantly fell in love. That night, they had sex all night long. When the traveler woke up in the morning, he had a 10 pound rock on his chest with a note that said, "1st Chinese Torture-- 10 pound rock on chest." The man easily picked up the rock off him and thought to himself, "Oh big deal, this isn't punishment at all for what I did last night!" With that, the man walked up to the window and threw the rock outside. The second he did that, he read a sign saying, "2nd Chinese Torture-- rock tied to your left nut." Panicked, the man jumped out the window so that the rock couldn't pull his balls off. After he jumped out the window, he read another sign that said, "3rd Chinese Torture-- right nut tied to the bed."
More shit from the Middlesboogie...
stupid
Hehe!
