Oddworld Forums > Zulag Three > Fan Corner


 
Thread Tools
 
  #91  
11-06-2009, 10:00 AM
Slig75's Avatar
Slig75
Sniper Wasp
 
: Feb 2009
: In the mists of time
: 255
Rep Power: 17
Slig75  (20)

Hello?
__________________
I am the ruler of something of ruler the am I

Also, Check out my Youtube account http://www.youtube.com/user/Admeet75

Reply With Quote
  #92  
11-06-2009, 12:13 PM
Oddey's Avatar
Oddey
Outlaw Bomber
 
: Oct 2007
: Denmark
: 2,190
Blog Entries: 24
Rep Power: 19
Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)

Oh dear... If you want someone to blame, blame Alex. He started the Creeper, which lately has been taking a lot of my attention, because it's such a fascinating concept. Alex, you can take that as a compliment, an insult, or both.

Anyway, to the point, I'm wating for what happens next. If you don't get a reply from me, odds are, I've forgotten. Send me a PM if that be the case.
__________________

...
:
Congratulations, Oddey, on winning FC's fanfiction competition two years running! You are clearly the man to beat!

Reply With Quote
  #93  
11-06-2009, 12:33 PM
AlexFili's Avatar
AlexFili
Wolvark Shooter
 
: Feb 2009
: NorthWest of England
: 3,127
Blog Entries: 78
Rep Power: 19
AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)

Sorry mate, I've been busy with the RPG too. This latest chapter is interesting. I wonder what'll happen next, perhaps his tears will somehow help him in getting out of the shackles? ^_^
__________________

[B]
I stream games and art now!
http://twitch.tv/ZephyrFloofyDerg
floofyderg.live

Reply With Quote
  #94  
11-06-2009, 11:48 PM
Slig75's Avatar
Slig75
Sniper Wasp
 
: Feb 2009
: In the mists of time
: 255
Rep Power: 17
Slig75  (20)

Thankyou
We'll just have to wait and see
__________________
I am the ruler of something of ruler the am I

Also, Check out my Youtube account http://www.youtube.com/user/Admeet75

Reply With Quote
  #95  
11-07-2009, 07:52 AM
Slig75's Avatar
Slig75
Sniper Wasp
 
: Feb 2009
: In the mists of time
: 255
Rep Power: 17
Slig75  (20)

Hmm, short chapter. Oh well
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 9
Realization

“Okay, you can come through now” said Zaypher popping his head out of the manhole to the soldiers. The soldiers dragged the two prisoners down the manhole. The dark brown, rusty corridors were lit up by a few torch lights attached to the walls. “Through them in the cell” said Colonel Arcaius, “and as for you Zaypher, come with me.” The soldiers threw the two prisoners into a rusty, grey walled cell.

Admeet sat up from the fall and leaned against the grey wall. Darkness filled his mind and time seemed to stop in its tracks. However, Admeet saw Solister in the far corner, sobbing about something. Admeet crawled beside her and put his arm against her shoulder. “What’s wrong” he said calmly. Solister sniffed slightly when Admeet spoke those words. She hesitated but quickly turned it into another sniff. “Admeet” she said quietly, “I was one of them”. Admeet looked at her in puzzlement. “I’ve been with them the whole time. Zaypher and I were sent to the military complex to spy on the competition. I never led a life out in the wasteland; I led a life in this facility. I’ve lied to you all along”. Admeet felt the worst; Zaypher’s words back in the forest were true. However, Admeet trusted Solister since when he met her in the underground sea. He couldn’t afford to let this relationship just fade away. “Solister, I forgive you” said Admeet calmly. Solister looked up in puzzlement. “I’ve trusted you since we met in the underground sea. You’ve been a friend to me, and I hope that our relationship doesn’t break”. Solister felt encouraged by Admeet. Solister wrapped her arm around Admeet’s back and huddled against him. She closed her eyes while Admeet kept her calm.
__________________
I am the ruler of something of ruler the am I

Also, Check out my Youtube account http://www.youtube.com/user/Admeet75


Last edited by Slig75; 11-19-2009 at 07:57 AM..
Reply With Quote
  #96  
11-07-2009, 08:16 AM
AlexFili's Avatar
AlexFili
Wolvark Shooter
 
: Feb 2009
: NorthWest of England
: 3,127
Blog Entries: 78
Rep Power: 19
AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)

Awwww. How sweet ^_^ (I might draw a picture of that if that's okay with you?)
__________________

[B]
I stream games and art now!
http://twitch.tv/ZephyrFloofyDerg
floofyderg.live

Reply With Quote
  #97  
11-07-2009, 09:22 AM
Slig75's Avatar
Slig75
Sniper Wasp
 
: Feb 2009
: In the mists of time
: 255
Rep Power: 17
Slig75  (20)

That is absolutely fine with me
__________________
I am the ruler of something of ruler the am I

Also, Check out my Youtube account http://www.youtube.com/user/Admeet75

Reply With Quote
  #98  
11-07-2009, 09:38 AM
Oddey's Avatar
Oddey
Outlaw Bomber
 
: Oct 2007
: Denmark
: 2,190
Blog Entries: 24
Rep Power: 19
Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)

I want to see that pic drawn by Youko.

An interesting twist really.
__________________

...
:
Congratulations, Oddey, on winning FC's fanfiction competition two years running! You are clearly the man to beat!

Reply With Quote
  #99  
11-07-2009, 10:18 AM
Slig75's Avatar
Slig75
Sniper Wasp
 
: Feb 2009
: In the mists of time
: 255
Rep Power: 17
Slig75  (20)

Thankyou
__________________
I am the ruler of something of ruler the am I

Also, Check out my Youtube account http://www.youtube.com/user/Admeet75

Reply With Quote
  #100  
11-19-2009, 07:59 AM
Slig75's Avatar
Slig75
Sniper Wasp
 
: Feb 2009
: In the mists of time
: 255
Rep Power: 17
Slig75  (20)

Sorry for the slight delay, coursework has been getting in the way. So frustrating. Anyay, here's chapter 10
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 10
The Opposition

Half-an-hour past when the cell gate opened and in came colonel Arcaius, Zaypher and two other soldiers. The soldiers were bringing in a wooden table and two wooden chairs. They placed the table and one chair in front of the two prisoners and one chair in front of Colonel Arcaius. The soldiers went out of the cell and closed the gate behind them, but they didn’t lock it. They stood outside the cell in case anything went wrong. “Please sit” said Colonel Arcaius sitting down on the chair beside him. “We are already sat down” said Admeet. “I meant on the chair” snapped the colonel. Admeet sat up but looked at Solister. “Stay out of this” He whispered. Solister nodded and crawled to the corner of the cell. Admeet sat down on the seat while the colonel was drumming his fingers on the table. Zaypher leant on the cell bars and crossed his arms.

“We’ve been waiting for this day Admeet” said the colonel placing his 9mm pistol on the table. “Have you now” replied Admeet, “well I would have been here earlier if I wouldn’t have escaped the first trip”. “Yes” said the colonel, “But you are firmly held in this cell; you cannot escape”. Admeet put his hand on the table near the pistol. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you” said the colonel as the two soldiers aimed their shotguns at Admeet. He put his hand away and the soldiers turned their backs on them and continued to keep their guard. “Now, onto business” said the colonel quickly, “Our spies Zaypher and Solister have seen you as a valuable asset to our basis. So since Solister went AWOL on us, Zaypher was the only one we could rely on to bring you here. He proved to be a more valuable asset than Solister so later on I must give a promotion”. Zaypher smiled evilly at that comment. “Furthermore, we haven’t told you who we are” the colonel continued. Admeet looked back at Solister who was looking at the two. He quickly turned around again to face the colonel. “We are the brotherhood of darkness” said the colonel, “we have been here long before that military complex was built. Indeed we are powerful, but not powerful enough. That is why we brought you here Admeet. General Stratavaria has seen you as a valuable asset to our brotherhood. All I’m asking for you is to join us”. “No!” replied Admeet quickly. Solister was looking more and more worried while Zaypher ordered the two soldiers to open the gate. The colonel looked disappointed but kept his temper inside himself. “We will discuss this later” said the colonel standing up. The colonel picked up the 9mm pistol and walked out of the cell; Zaypher followed. One of the soldiers locked the gate and followed the colonel.

Admeet just sat there while Solister tried to stay calm. Then Admeet stood up and walked over to Solister. He sat down beside her and wrapped his left arm around Solister’s back. “What are they going to do” said Solister feeling worried. “Everything’s going to be alright” said Admeet comforting Solister. The two sat in the cell oblivious to what was going on outside of them. There mutual bond was forming.
__________________
I am the ruler of something of ruler the am I

Also, Check out my Youtube account http://www.youtube.com/user/Admeet75

Reply With Quote
  #101  
11-20-2009, 10:46 PM
Oddey's Avatar
Oddey
Outlaw Bomber
 
: Oct 2007
: Denmark
: 2,190
Blog Entries: 24
Rep Power: 19
Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)

Meant to comment earlier, but I didn't notice.

The colonel seems to have a very fine idea of good business. A little overconfident on his part I think though.
__________________

...
:
Congratulations, Oddey, on winning FC's fanfiction competition two years running! You are clearly the man to beat!

Reply With Quote
  #102  
11-21-2009, 01:55 AM
AlexFili's Avatar
AlexFili
Wolvark Shooter
 
: Feb 2009
: NorthWest of England
: 3,127
Blog Entries: 78
Rep Power: 19
AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)

Hmmm, what will happen next I wonder...
__________________

[B]
I stream games and art now!
http://twitch.tv/ZephyrFloofyDerg
floofyderg.live

Reply With Quote
  #103  
11-21-2009, 07:10 AM
Slig75's Avatar
Slig75
Sniper Wasp
 
: Feb 2009
: In the mists of time
: 255
Rep Power: 17
Slig75  (20)

Who knows....
__________________
I am the ruler of something of ruler the am I

Also, Check out my Youtube account http://www.youtube.com/user/Admeet75

Reply With Quote
  #104  
11-21-2009, 07:16 AM
MeechMunchie's Avatar
MeechMunchie
Sgt. Sideburns
 
: Mar 2009
: :noiƚɒɔo⅃
: 9,743
Blog Entries: 83
Rep Power: 32
MeechMunchie  (14320)MeechMunchie  (14320)MeechMunchie  (14320)MeechMunchie  (14320)MeechMunchie  (14320)MeechMunchie  (14320)MeechMunchie  (14320)MeechMunchie  (14320)MeechMunchie  (14320)MeechMunchie  (14320)MeechMunchie  (14320)

You?

Reply With Quote
  #105  
11-21-2009, 09:27 AM
Slig75's Avatar
Slig75
Sniper Wasp
 
: Feb 2009
: In the mists of time
: 255
Rep Power: 17
Slig75  (20)

Maybe
__________________
I am the ruler of something of ruler the am I

Also, Check out my Youtube account http://www.youtube.com/user/Admeet75

Reply With Quote
  #106  
11-26-2009, 01:56 PM
Slig75's Avatar
Slig75
Sniper Wasp
 
: Feb 2009
: In the mists of time
: 255
Rep Power: 17
Slig75  (20)

second to last chapter of this installment
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 11
Temptation (part 1)

Another half-an-hour went past when then two prisoners heard the gate open. A soldier entered the cell and walked over to the two. He shackled them both. “Get up” he said in a muffled voice, “both of you”. Both of them stood up and followed the soldier. A lieutenant was standing by the entrance of the main room. “Follow me you two” the lieutenant said. The soldier left them to it and the Lieutenant made sure that the two prisoners followed him. They did and they were led into a large, square room. Above them was a viewing deck with reinforced windows and an intercom between the two. In the large room was an operating theatre. In the corners of the room, four soldiers were standing guard. Two of them were holding SMGs and the other two were holding shotguns. Admeet saw Zaypher, colonel Arcaius and general Stratavaria were watching the prisoners from the viewing deck. Then the general spoke into the intercom.

“Ah, Admeet and Solister” said the general through the intercom, “I am glad you are here. You know general Arcaius next to me and Zaypher as well”. Zaypher gave an evil smirk to Admeet. Solister just looked at the ground feeling worried. “We are going to make this simple” continued the general, “either you join us or you will die soon”. “Why would I want to do that” said Admeet. The general looked disappointed but quickly said something to colonel Arcaius. Then the colonel walked from the viewing deck down to the square room. “Admeet, look at what you’re throwing away” the colonel reasoned with Admeet, “the present, the future, you’re just leaving it behind. You must see what you are capable of if you join us”. “Look colonel” said Admeet, “the answer is no”. “Are you sure about this Admeet” asked the colonel, “You won’t get a second chance at this”. Solister looked up at Admeet and the colonel. “I am sure about this” replied Admeet. There was an awkward silence for a few seconds but then the colonel spoke up. “Suit yourself” he said as he drew out his 9mm pistol. He pulled the trigger but the bullet hit Solister in the chest. She cried out in pain as she was knocked back towards the operating theatre. She fell unconscious due to the pain. “No!” Admeet shouted at the sight of blood out of Solister’s wound. Anger and Rage shot through his body uncontrollably. Quickly, he grabbed the colonel by the arm and grabbed the 9mm pistol with his other hand. The soldiers came on full alert as they saw Admeet grab the pistol. He punched the colonel in the head and he fell to the ground. He quickly shot at the slow reacting soldiers. They all fell to the ground, dead. Admeet threw the pistol away and looked at Solister quickly. “I’ll be back for you” he said quietly. He then grabbed an SMG from one of the dead guards and headed upstairs towards the general and Zaypher.
__________________
I am the ruler of something of ruler the am I

Also, Check out my Youtube account http://www.youtube.com/user/Admeet75

Reply With Quote
  #107  
11-26-2009, 01:57 PM
Slig75's Avatar
Slig75
Sniper Wasp
 
: Feb 2009
: In the mists of time
: 255
Rep Power: 17
Slig75  (20)

Last chapter now
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Temptation (Part 2)

Admeet ran towards the general. “Now now Admeet” he said quickly, “There’s no need to be...” Admeet punched him in the face. Zaypher quickly drew out a pistol from his leather pocket but before he could shoot, Admeet shot his hand holding the pistol. It clattered on the floor and stopped by the wall. Zaypher shouted in pain and stumbled about towards another opening. Admeet ignored Zaypher and picked up the general of the floor. He pointed the SMG towards the general’s face. “Get us out of here” Admeet said quickly. Not wanting any other injury, the general agreed. Admeet rushed downstairs to pick up Solister. He lifted Solister onto his shoulder and went back upstairs. He pointed the SMG at the general. “Show me the way out” he said. The general nodded and quickly ran out of the viewing deck; Admeet followed with Solister on his shoulder.

It took a while to reach the exit and they did encounter a few soldiers along the way, but they were mostly taken care of. Finally, the three reached the manhole. “Stay here” said Admeet pointing the SMG at him. The general stood back from the two as Admeet opened the manhole. However, Admeet didn’t notice the general pull out a remote detonator. Then he pushed the red button on it. Admeet heard the detonator. He turned around and saw the general. “Sorry Admeet” he said. With no hesitation, Admeet climbed up the ladder to the surface. He closed the manhole and ran for it. Charges of C4 exploded inside and the general and everybody else was engulfed in a fireball. Admeet was knocked back from the force of the fireball as it thrashed up through the manhole cover, melting it in the process. Admeet fell to the ground with the tent on fire from the fireball. He looked up to see the blinding sun of the sky. He then fell unconscious with Solister lying on the ground, helpless.

All of reality went into darkness. Time seemed too stopped all together. Admeet looked up in the darkness and saw the blue Slig he saw in his other dream. “Admeet, your time has come round. But really your life isn’t over yet”. “What about Solister?” said Admeet urgently. “She is with you. You do have a great bond with her and that bond will not be broken when you wake up. In fact, when you wake up, you will be in a different chapter of your life all together. So wake up Admeet. Your new chapter starts now”. Then all of reality became real. Admeet’s vision was hazy at first but he could make up a crimson Slig and a light red Slig kneeling beside him. “Welcome to the pack, Admeet” Silpher said.
__________________
I am the ruler of something of ruler the am I

Also, Check out my Youtube account http://www.youtube.com/user/Admeet75

Reply With Quote
  #108  
11-27-2009, 03:47 AM
MeechMunchie's Avatar
MeechMunchie
Sgt. Sideburns
 
: Mar 2009
: :noiƚɒɔo⅃
: 9,743
Blog Entries: 83
Rep Power: 32
MeechMunchie  (14320)MeechMunchie  (14320)MeechMunchie  (14320)MeechMunchie  (14320)MeechMunchie  (14320)MeechMunchie  (14320)MeechMunchie  (14320)MeechMunchie  (14320)MeechMunchie  (14320)MeechMunchie  (14320)MeechMunchie  (14320)

THE END

Epic.

Reply With Quote
  #109  
11-27-2009, 07:53 AM
AlexFili's Avatar
AlexFili
Wolvark Shooter
 
: Feb 2009
: NorthWest of England
: 3,127
Blog Entries: 78
Rep Power: 19
AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)

Nice ending. You wrapped things up pretty well.
I never got around to drawing Admeet and Solister together in a hug.

Anyway, here is a drawing of Admeet and Solister with Silpher, Tulia and Ulric.
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	am1.png
Views:	150
Size:	65.7 
ID:	10928  
__________________

[B]
I stream games and art now!
http://twitch.tv/ZephyrFloofyDerg
floofyderg.live


Last edited by AlexFili; 11-27-2009 at 08:12 AM..
Reply With Quote
  #110  
11-27-2009, 08:01 AM
Oddey's Avatar
Oddey
Outlaw Bomber
 
: Oct 2007
: Denmark
: 2,190
Blog Entries: 24
Rep Power: 19
Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)

I think this perhaps the first definate cross-over of fan-fics by two different authors. Congratulations on both you and Alex's parts. You have made Fan-Corner history. Not that it's going to impress all that many. Aside from me and maybe yourselves.
Edit: Maybe not... But the first THIS year.
__________________

...
:
Congratulations, Oddey, on winning FC's fanfiction competition two years running! You are clearly the man to beat!


Last edited by Oddey; 11-27-2009 at 09:08 AM..
Reply With Quote
  #111  
11-27-2009, 08:13 AM
AlexFili's Avatar
AlexFili
Wolvark Shooter
 
: Feb 2009
: NorthWest of England
: 3,127
Blog Entries: 78
Rep Power: 19
AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)

You're wrong Oddey. Teal and Sl'askia had quite a few crossovers!
Still, I appreciate the compliments. Maybe we aren't the best writers in the world, but we never give up!
__________________

[B]
I stream games and art now!
http://twitch.tv/ZephyrFloofyDerg
floofyderg.live

Reply With Quote
  #112  
11-27-2009, 08:25 AM
Slig75's Avatar
Slig75
Sniper Wasp
 
: Feb 2009
: In the mists of time
: 255
Rep Power: 17
Slig75  (20)

AlexFili: Thanks and nice picture
MeechMunchie: Thanks
Oddey: Thanks

I thank you all now for encouraging me to continue with this installment. New installment comeing soon
__________________
I am the ruler of something of ruler the am I

Also, Check out my Youtube account http://www.youtube.com/user/Admeet75

Reply With Quote
  #113  
11-30-2009, 07:20 AM
Slig75's Avatar
Slig75
Sniper Wasp
 
: Feb 2009
: In the mists of time
: 255
Rep Power: 17
Slig75  (20)

The new story is a go. Here is the first chapter.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Evil Consequences

Chapter 1
Pack Introduction

Lying in a leather tent was a motionless Slig. Her blue skin was dimmed in the tent shadow. Then, the red eyes in her visor opened. She jolted up and breathed heavily. However, she could feel pain inside herself. She coughed violently onto what seemed to be dirt. Her throat sucked in air with a slight stutter and she coughed again. Then another Slig rushed in to help the coughing Slig. “I see you’ve woken up” said the Slig nurturing to the coughing Slig, “Hey, Bitsy”. Another Slig ran into the tent. “Yes” said Bitsy. “Heal her please” said the Slig. Bitsy knelt beside the coughing Slig and put her hand against her chest. A green glow started to appear around the Slig. Magically, her wounds were healed and the coughing stopped. However, she did breathe heavily.

She looked at the crimson Slig and the yellow Slig, Bitsy. “Take it easy” said the crimson Slig, “You took a hit from a gunshot directly to the chest and survived. You are very lucky”. “Thanks to her” the healed Slig said looking at Bitsy. “No worries” said Bitsy, “What is your name”. “Solister” she said back. “I’m Bitsy” she replied. “And I’m Silpher” he said. Solister looked around. “Where’s Admeet” she said. “Who?” asked Silpher “Is he the guy who we found”. “Yes” Solister replied. “Oh, he’s in the tent next door to us” Silpher said, “Unfortunately, you two have been out for days. However, we can’t seem to wake him up”. Solister immediately stood up but still felt some pain. “Easy there” said Silpher supporting her. He supported her until she saw Admeet lying on the ground, helpless. She quickly knelt beside him and tried to wake him up.

Meanwhile in Admeet’s white mind. “Rise and shine Admeet. Don’t waste anymore time now”. “What’s going on” said Admeet. “Find The Feather in the west Admeet. That is where your journey moves onto now. Move quickly Admeet. Time is short”. Admeet could hear the cries of a voice calling his name out. Then the real world started to fade from the white. Then his red eyes opened in his visor. Kneeling beside him was a sight he thought he would never see again. He immediately sat up and hugged Solister. “Oh I never thought I would see you again” he said. Their bond had come back together once again. Admeet looked up to see Silpher. “Who are you” he asked. “I’m Silpher” he said back kneeling down beside the two. Moments later, a light red Slig walked into the tent. “Did I miss anything” the Slig said. Silpher looked up and stood up beside the Slig. “This is Tulia” he said wrapping his arm against her back. “Hi” Admeet and Solister said together. They both stood up and the four walked out of the tent.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Note 1: Silpher's pack will not be a major part of the story if anyone's wondering
Note 2: If the title doesn't suit the story when it pans out, I may change it.
__________________
I am the ruler of something of ruler the am I

Also, Check out my Youtube account http://www.youtube.com/user/Admeet75

Reply With Quote
  #114  
11-30-2009, 08:44 AM
Oddey's Avatar
Oddey
Outlaw Bomber
 
: Oct 2007
: Denmark
: 2,190
Blog Entries: 24
Rep Power: 19
Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)

Isn't this a bit contradictory to the ending of the last chapter? Pehaps it's just me.

On the other part, very nicely done. I'll have to remind myself to say that part more often.
__________________

...
:
Congratulations, Oddey, on winning FC's fanfiction competition two years running! You are clearly the man to beat!

Reply With Quote
  #115  
11-30-2009, 11:09 AM
AlexFili's Avatar
AlexFili
Wolvark Shooter
 
: Feb 2009
: NorthWest of England
: 3,127
Blog Entries: 78
Rep Power: 19
AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)

Another interesting start to the next story.
Yeah, you should rewrite the ending to "Temptation (Part 2)" for it to make sense.
__________________

[B]
I stream games and art now!
http://twitch.tv/ZephyrFloofyDerg
floofyderg.live

Reply With Quote
  #116  
11-30-2009, 11:12 AM
Slig75's Avatar
Slig75
Sniper Wasp
 
: Feb 2009
: In the mists of time
: 255
Rep Power: 17
Slig75  (20)

Thanks, but I kinda like the way Temptation (Part 2) ends. It gives a sort of cliffhanger. but obviously yes, the beginning doesn't really link in with the end of that chapter. But I think you can sort of pan out what happened between the end and the beginning.
__________________
I am the ruler of something of ruler the am I

Also, Check out my Youtube account http://www.youtube.com/user/Admeet75

Reply With Quote
  #117  
11-30-2009, 11:42 AM
AlexFili's Avatar
AlexFili
Wolvark Shooter
 
: Feb 2009
: NorthWest of England
: 3,127
Blog Entries: 78
Rep Power: 19
AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)

Admeet caught Meep Flu and fell into a deep sleep while undergoing treatment. Will that do?
__________________

[B]
I stream games and art now!
http://twitch.tv/ZephyrFloofyDerg
floofyderg.live

Reply With Quote
  #118  
11-30-2009, 01:04 PM
Slig75's Avatar
Slig75
Sniper Wasp
 
: Feb 2009
: In the mists of time
: 255
Rep Power: 17
Slig75  (20)

That might just do it
__________________
I am the ruler of something of ruler the am I

Also, Check out my Youtube account http://www.youtube.com/user/Admeet75

Reply With Quote
  #119  
12-01-2009, 06:23 AM
Oddey's Avatar
Oddey
Outlaw Bomber
 
: Oct 2007
: Denmark
: 2,190
Blog Entries: 24
Rep Power: 19
Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)

Maybe it was... Sligimia?
__________________

...
:
Congratulations, Oddey, on winning FC's fanfiction competition two years running! You are clearly the man to beat!

Reply With Quote
  #120  
12-01-2009, 09:20 AM
Slig75's Avatar
Slig75
Sniper Wasp
 
: Feb 2009
: In the mists of time
: 255
Rep Power: 17
Slig75  (20)

Could be
__________________
I am the ruler of something of ruler the am I

Also, Check out my Youtube account http://www.youtube.com/user/Admeet75

Reply With Quote


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 








 
 
- Oddworld Forums - -