The Injuries Thread

[Jordan]

So that's why they call you "cun't spill".

[Mudokon_Master]

I was running up the stairs as fast as I could.
And smashed my head in the hardest possible way on an open window.
Fell backwards and tumbled down the stairs. That was also on Christmas day, haha.

[MeechCrunchies]

One time when I was a teen,
I was playing basketball minding my own business.
when these guys came up to me and started making trouble.
i told them to leave me alone, but i got in one little fight and my mom got scared
she said your moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air

[JennyGenesis]

Why?

[Gwan-Thwei]

One time, I was running to my room so I could bring something to school, and when I opened the door, I got on the floor, and everybody did the dinosaur.
BOOM BOOM ACKA LACKA LACKA BOOM
BOOM BOOM ACKA LACK BOOM BOOM


On topic, My eyes are perminantly damaged from some kid dumping sand in my eyes. The whole ordeal is forever etched into my memory.

[Manco]

And your eyes too.

[Mudokon_Master]

What a fuck.
How badly damaged are your eyes?

[Phylum]

I almost broke my finger in England by falling over in the shower. I landed pinky first. It took all of my weight and the force of the fall. It's a fucking mirical it was only a minor injury, really.

I've never seriously injured myself.

[MeechCrunchies]

I believe the only thing that's happened to me besides my nail incident,
was when I was 3 and got my two front teeth knocked out in a nasty accident.

[Gwan-Thwei]

What a fuck.
How badly damaged are your eyes?

I'm not sure, but I have to wear perscription eyewear. I switched to contacts a while ago. They bother the shit out of my eyes, but I enjoy the way I can see.
And They're not as bad as before, Eyes do heal pretty fast. I'm sorry if I made you worry.

[Disgruntled Intern]

That got stitches too, but not until like 12 god damn hours later, at which point it hurt like the dickens.

And here I was under the impression that Canadian medical centers/hospitals were so fucking great. Stitches 12 hours later? Really? Jesus.

I almost broke my finger in England by falling over in the shower. I landed pinky first. It took all of my weight and the force of the fall. It's a fucking mirical it was only a minor injury, really.

I've never seriously injured myself.

You can't almost break a bone. Unless you fracture it. It's either broken or it's not.

Still, been there, done that. And not trying to troll you or anything. But the "I almost broke ___" has been a pet peeve of mine for fucking ever. It just defies logic.

[Crashpunk]

Oh yeah, just remembered.

I was playing football in PE and I was the goalkeeper, The ball was kicked straight at me and I saved it with just 2 of my fingers. They were bentback and I was surprised they weren't broken.

The ball then rolled across the line, I got shouted at and to this day. Hated football.
Okay thats not the only reason why i hate football.

[MeechMunchie]

I scraped off one of my eyebrows and the skin around my eye when I skidded across some tarmac on my face, tripping over a hurdle midjump on my long legs. Thank God it grew back, albiet patchier.

I've broken my nose twice, once from falling off a wall and once when someone ran into me. I now have a bulbous knob of bone at the bridge of my nose that I swear increased its size by about a quarter.

I have thin white scars on my left upper arm and my lef shin from a bike crash, some cock trying to overtake me in an alley. I ended up at the bottow of a pile of two people and two bikes.

No broken bones, unless you include cartilage.

That's about it. Safety first!

[Mr. Bungle]

I got my thumbnail slammed in a door when I was eleven years old. It hurt like a motherfucker, and all I really remember was waking up on my friend's couch watching the Flintstones a little while later. The thumbnail slowly decayed and fell off over the next few months. It was weird

[Mac Sirloin]

And here I was under the impression that Canadian medical centers/hospitals were so fucking great. Stitches 12 hours later? Really? Jesus.

We were able to stop (or slow, really) it with normal cleaning and a band-aid, but it clearly wasn't going to close without some coaxing so we had a friend of the family stitch it up at his Private Clinic. It just took my parents the entire goddamn day to come to that conclusion.

Also, since we were living on the farm at this time it's entirely possible we didn't have access to a car most of the day for one reason or another. Still, probably the dumbest inaction my parents ever committed.

Speaking of which, that reminds me of another awesome story about my parents being medically retarded. This also happened on the farm. Much as I love that place, in hindsight it really beat the crap out of me over the years.

Anyway, my Grandma used to make homemade pizza once in a while. I'm not talking 'Little ceasers assemble yourself all products made from lamb parts', but proper Pizza. Fresh dough, home made sauce, etc...

And sausages.

Man, those sausages.

We were all sitting at the table chowing down on said Pizza, when I started choking. I didn't realize I was choking until my breathing became difficult. Turns out two sausage chunks that were connected by a thin strip of skin was stuck in my throat, anchored in my mouth. I think I went pale, and my eyes went wide. My mom looked at me for a second and just outright asked "Simon? Are you choking?"
I nodded and everyone just flipped, and my dad was the first to try and get it out. Except he was beyond the Heimlich maneuver, he had a better method: shoving his fat, smelly finger down my throat and trying to fish the hunk of sausage straight out. Everyone immediately freaked and and told him, well not do what he was doing. At this point I was pretty terrified. He managed to get it out after an excruciating amount of...let's say 'digging'. I am still not convinced it was his idiotic attempt at helping or my own body rejecting the odours that accompanied his ironically sausage-like digit and managing to squeeze the food out as well.

And then I tried to gross out my sisters by showing them the sausage chunk.

Terribly, it put me off Pizza AND sausage for a while. I mean, can you even imagine?

[Dipstikk]

Worst, eh?

Hm. I remember years ago, I was riding my bike down the street, and for some reason, I had to suddenly hit the breaks. I was launched over the front of my handlebars, with my hands flat out in front of me, reflexively, to try and cushion my fall.

I came to maybe ten minutes later, lying in the street, as a man who had apparently nearly run me over had stopped to check and see if I was all right. My mom arrived a few minutes later, I was still in a daze, and my wrists hurt like hell. Turns out, as manly as I am, my wrists couldn't stop 250+ pounds of human bulk from crashing down on them. I told her I felt like I needed to get them x-rayed.

I believe this was before I left OWF, actually, because I recall uploading photos of me in my casts. I was in those fuckers for almost 6 weeks, I think.

Never mind feeling guilty about asking mom to do damn near everything for me, I couldn't masturbate for at least 4 weeks!

I think the second worst was the time I tumbled down a muddy embankment at a summer camp while trying to help pull up another kid who had already fallen down. Came to a few minutes later, couldn't speak. Turns out a couple of birch trees had broken more than just my fall, and I ended up with a greenstick fracture in my jaw and a leg that was skinned and bruised all the way to the bottom of the calf. Had to suck down Spaghettios and juice through a straw for a month or two, I think, and hobbled about on a walking cast. I enjoyed the diet of Spagettios. The cast was worse- we went to a skating rink later that summer and just getting around the place hurt like a son of a bitch. We had this "positive reinforcement" system in the form of tickets that you could use to buy colorful plastic crap, and they gave me extra tickets if I didn't just fall to the floor and sob like a baby because of the pain.

I had a lot of fun injuries as a kid. Childhood was basically concussion city for the Dip. Launched myself off of the school swing set at Sam Davey Elementary and planted my forehead into the concrete once, or maybe twice. Probably the reason why I have so much trouble remembering things. Slammed my head into a boat anchor at a marina up in Ashland, Wisconson... slammed into the wall of the building while careening down the school sledding hill in Eau Claire... fell out of a tree at our home on Long Lake from at least a good twenty feet up... fell down the stairs as a baby.

I'm still doing it. If I'm not paying full attention, I'll bump into objects all the time. Just always been clumsy, I guess. It's a wonder I'm still alive.

[LDG519]

You can't almost break a bone. Unless you fracture it. It's either broken or it's not.

Still, been there, done that. And not trying to troll you or anything. But the "I almost broke ___" has been a pet peeve of mine for fucking ever. It just defies logic.

I see what you mean as a bone cannot be almost broken but it is entierly possable to almost brake a bone, it's all about the amount of force applyed to the bone, if there was almost enough force to brake the bone than it would have almost broken the bone

[Gwan-Thwei]

I see what you're getting at, but almost breaking a bone is like being almost pregnant.

Speaking of which, I once pulled a muscle in my elbow. Why? Too much Minecraft. I wish I were joking.

[Crashpunk]

Speaking of Game releted injuries, I pulled my arm real bad first time playing the Wii and I remember fucking up my finger on a Playstation 2 dualstick playing Ratchet and Clank.

Wow i've commented a lot on this thread. I should really look after my self and stop being so clumsy :/

[JennyGenesis]

How do you fuck up your finger playing Ratchet and Clank?

[Manco]

How do you fuck up your finger playing Ratchet and Clank?

Holding the controller wrong.

[LDG519]

I see what you're getting at, but almost breaking a bone is like being almost pregnant.

Speaking of which, I once pulled a muscle in my elbow. Why? Too much Minecraft. I wish I were joking.

almost breaking a bone is like almost getting pregnet, having an almost broken bone is the thing that's impossable but I'm refering to the event that causes the bone damage, a computor can only be on or off but if you almost kick out the power cord you would have almost turned it off

[Wings of Fire]

a computor can only be on or off but if you almost kick out the power cord you would have almost turned it off

Your are speaking two different languages and confusing them. You are saying 'Snow is blanche'. Your words don't actually hold any meaning.

If a bone almost breaks it is FRACTURED. If a computer power cord is kicked so hard it almost comes free, then the computer in actuality never left the logical state of being On, but in potentiality veered towards the state of being Off.

So

This discussion is over. Shut up.

[STM]

You can almost break a bone, it's called a fracture you dunce.

EDIT: I almost got there first, so I didn't get there at all.

[Havoc]

Got my left middlefinger between the door when I was little. I remember it hurting like fuck but I don't remember what happened afterwards. Considering that my fingertip is deformed because of it to this day I assume I was brought to the hospital but I have no recollection of that at all.

[MeechMunchie]

I got my thumbnail slammed in a door when I was eleven years old. It hurt like a motherfucker, and all I really remember was waking up on my friend's couch watching the Flintstones a little while later. The thumbnail slowly decayed and fell off over the next few months. It was weird

That happened to me with my big toe. I ran two miles in shoes two sizes too small for me. When I took them off my toe was entirely purple, just one big bruise. The nail bed was darkest, and kept getting darker.

A few weeks later I pulled the toenail off, and it turned out the nail bed had healed a long time ago. A layer of congealed blood caked on to the inside surface of the toenail had been slowly scabbing, and getting darker as it did so.

Your are speaking two different languages and confusing them. You are saying 'Snow is blanche'. Your words don't actually hold any meaning.

If a bone almost breaks it is FRACTURED. If a computer power cord is kicked so hard it almost comes free, then the computer in actuality never left the logical state of being On, but in potentiality veered towards the state of being Off.

So

This discussion is over. Shut up.

Oh, for goodness sake. When someone says something almost happened they mean that events conspired that caused them to come close to doing something, as in it could have hapenned very easily, very quickly if some minor thing had not occured, or failed to occur.

You know what they mean, stop acting like you don't.

[Bullet Magnet]

I cut my thumb badly doing dinner this evening. And last Thursday I got hit by a car. My bike is ruined.

[MA]

i once fractured my ribs when a cow kicked me in the chest. i don't remember the pain though, because i was too preoccupied with the sensation. i thought the kick had somehow triggered a heart attack, seeing as i couldn't breath or speak and it felt like my lungs were swelling up and trying to squeeze through my ribs. it passed after a few minutes, and luckily no one saw my stupid dance seeing as i was on my own. oh, how i loved that cow.

other stupid injuries i suffered on the farm include standing on a used syringe, being kicked in the head and bollocks, locking my finger in between two gates causing my fingernail to drop off, being electrocuted whilst power washing next to a wet plug socket, getting into a scrap with a workmate and having numerous fat heifers stand on my toes. i can't believe how accident-prone i was back then. it's a fucking miracle i'm still in one piece.

since then, i've somehow fucked my knees up and my hands have reached the stage where they look like they've been dangled in a blender. surprisingly i've never broken any bones, thank Christ.

[Gwan-Thwei]

When I was eight, I was in a summer dance class for the hell of it. We once had a teacher, named Kirby. She was a woman, though you couldn't tell from looking at her, and she constantly prevented me from doing fun activities because i was "too emotional". Which I was, but I kept it in good check so she was just being a bitch.
Anyway, she was trying to teach us to do this thing in ballet where you slide the front part of you foot on top of your other foot. She made us do this for about an hour. I complained that my feet hurt, particularly the one that I was sliding. She told me I was being dramatic. Infuriated, i removed my shoe to find that half of my sock had been stained red. Turns out the constant friction of my toes rubbing against eachother somehow formed a blister that, when burst, bled like crazy.
Somehow, I don't remember how, she told me I was a crybaby, though I wasn't crying and It wasn't my fault i was bleeding. The other girls experienced similar discomfort a few minutes later and quit on Kirby, which was somehow my fault too.

[MA]

it's all your fault. especially the bit about doing ballet.