funny jokes -

Dino · #31 04-12-2005, 06:45 PM

Q: What does a duck and the electricity company have in common?

A: They can both stick their bills up their arses.

stingbee · #32 04-13-2005, 07:51 AM

:

I don't know how jokey this is, but I wanted to say.

Q. What did the five fingers say to face?

stranger punches skycart joe.yeah heard before

T-nex · #33 04-13-2005, 11:02 AM

:

Ummm... it wasn't a pedophile joke. I said I'd censor the language so as to not offend the children.

Well, i never said it was pedophile... But you kind of asked which jokes we thought were alright, so i was just warning against pedophile-jokes. They aren't funny, it's something that happens everyday. All the others are alright.

Here's one:

The brunette, the clever blonde, Santa and the easter-bunny, were walking outside together. Suddenly they saw 50 bucks on the ground. Who picked it up?

A: The Brunette... the others don't exist.

duveaux · #34 04-13-2005, 11:35 AM

Lol, but it's kinda weird that you keep posting humour 'bout blondines...
It might be because of this:

:

Biography:
Blonde...What should i say more? I'm a girl?

Kimon · #35 04-13-2005, 12:33 PM

:

Well, i never said it was pedophile... But you kind of asked which jokes we thought were alright, so i was just warning against pedophile-jokes. They aren't funny, it's something that happens everyday. All the others are alright.

Oh I see, I thought you were referring to my joke... my bad.

***Nate*** · #36 04-13-2005, 03:28 PM

Q) What do you call a blonde who's dyed her hair brown?
A) Artificial Intelligence.

:

If they ALL jump off the building at the SAME TIME then the blonde jumped with the others, therefore she would've landed at the same time as anyone else. Gravity doesn't care if you don't know which way is up or down.

If you're going to be really nitpicky; the redhead weighed the most, which would imply she has the largest surface area. Thus she would take the longest to fall due to increased wind resistance.

And time for what is possibly the worst joke I've ever heard:

Q) What did the zero say to the eight?
A) Nice belt!

(explanation: 0 -> 8 !)

AquaticAmbi · #37 04-13-2005, 04:58 PM

I can't believe I'm posting in this thread, but here is an awful joke some girl said at school:

Q) How does a fish get high?
A) Seaweed

Dino · #38 04-13-2005, 05:14 PM

:

If you're going to be really nitpicky; the redhead weighed the most, which would imply she has the largest surface area. Thus she would take the longest to fall due to increased wind resistance.

To start with, any affects of wind resistance on a large person compared to a small person would be minimal if they only fell for a relatively short distance like 350 - 400 meters off of a tall skyscraper. But I'm going to disregard this and get right down to the science.

Let's replace the human with an iron cannon ball and let it fall for a distance of 100 meters, then let's assume that the ball's mass will be equal to the wind resistance, and the inertia will mostly overcome and cancel out the effects of the wind resistance, which will leave you with a minimal wind resistance that won't produce any noticeable difference in the time it takes for the cannon ball to reach the ground compared to an object of a smaller mass but equally smaller surface area.

However if you spread out the mass of the cannon ball into an object with a larger surface area but identical weight, then the wind resistance will become greater than mass, and therefore the inertia will not be able to overcome the wind resistance with as much force, causing it to fall slower. This is loosely known as the parachute effect.

In other words, the effect of wind resistance is detirmined by the surface area of the object encountering it, and not weight or mass. The mass detirmines the object's inertia. The weight is an indicator of gravity's effect on the object, which will always remain constant with the mass. The speed of the fall is determined by the objects ability to overcome wind resistance relative to the objects mass. If two objects, one big object, and one smaller object of equally smaller mass, (in other words, a fat human and a thin human) are dropped at the same time off of a tall building then they will fall at the same speed, because they both have equal ability to overcome the wind resistance.

That is the trick to the rate of fall. Inertia vs resisting forces.

***Nate*** · #39 04-13-2005, 06:18 PM

Good point, I wasn't taking into account terminal velocity. Though I have to say that you could have made your point a lot clearer. And added a joke or two to remain on-topic.

Ummmm....

A) What do you do when you see a spaceman?
Q) You park your car, man!

mudling · #40 04-13-2005, 06:45 PM

this joke is pretty lame but still:
there's a apartment with 4 floors
on the 3rd floor there is a guy cutting with sharp knives
on the 2nd floor there is a guy pissing off the balcony
on the 1st floor there is a guy painting his the walls brown
on the ground floor a guy is cooking a BBQ
the man on the 3rd floor slips and drops one of his expensive knives, cutting off the guy on the 2nd floors ****, it lands on the 1st floors balcony and into some spilled brown paint and on off the balcony onto the BBQ. the guy on the ground floor says "mmm free suasage and meat balls!"

stingbee · #41 04-14-2005, 12:07 AM

yuck but I don't get the one with the spaceman

mudling · #42 04-14-2005, 12:23 AM

stingbee, the joke is more of a pun. spaceman as in astronuaght, cars park in spaces. the pun is what makes it funny.
i'll get a joke for stingbee later.

stingbee · #43 04-14-2005, 12:41 AM

oh now I get it

mudling · #44 04-14-2005, 12:52 AM

stingbee, this out of the top of my head, what do you call a man with soup on his head? stu! why did the chicken cross the playground? to get to the other slide!
ha, ha! (sarcasim) sorry stingbee, but i just don't realy share your sence of humor.

stingbee · #45 04-14-2005, 03:40 AM

you have probably heared this before but I will post it anyway
Q why did the hedehog cross the road
A to see his flatmate

Coolmanbizkit · #46 04-14-2005, 06:12 AM

ooo ooo ooo i got one!
what do you call a blonde that dyes her hair brown?

Artificial intelligence

... okay that ones just a bad joke

Rabid Fuzzle · #47 04-14-2005, 07:02 AM

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

Godlesswanderer · #48 04-14-2005, 11:06 AM

There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.
One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"

Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say instead that they had 'fallen.'

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well until the priest passed away at a ripe, old age.

A few days after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.

"Mayor, you have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, keep telling me they've fallen."

The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. But, before he could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at him and shouted, "I don't know what you're laughing about, because your wife has already fallen three times this week!"

Leto · #49 04-14-2005, 10:55 PM

:

stranger punches skycart joe.yeah heard before

Hey, c'mon. Probably all of us heard that... It was for comedic purposes, not 'I bet you aint heard this one before...'.

And just for a sidenote, jokes don't neccessarily have to have logic to back them up to be amusing...

'What do you get if you cross an owl with a bungie cord..?

My ass.' ~Betty, Kung Pow

T-nex · #50 04-15-2005, 05:31 AM

:

Lol, but it's kinda weird that you keep posting humour 'bout blondines...
It might be because of this:

Well, i just love blonde-jokes

They are hialrious.

Here's another one:

The blonde enters the store, and sees a TV she wants to buy.

"I'd like that TV over there, please." she says.

"I'm sorry, but we don't sell our stuff to blondes." the man apologies.

The blonde walks home with dissapointment. But then she gets an idea. She colors her hair brown, and the next day she walks in.

"Hi, i'd like that TV over there."

"I'm sorry, but we don't sell our stuff to blondes." the man apologies.

The blonde looked at him in surprise.

"How did you know i was a blonde?" she asks.

"That TV over there, is not a TV. It's a microwave oven." the man replies.

big bro slig #1 · #51 04-15-2005, 06:25 AM

:

Q) What do you call a blonde who's dyed her hair brown?
A) Artificial Intelligence.

If u said that to someone hoo really did that she'd whup ur ***!

Joke:

Two guys go on a elk hunting trip.

The 1st one's dumb, the 2nd isn't.

The 2nd comes back with a HUGE elk and the 1st guy says:

"How did u get him?!?!"

"I followed the tracks" Said the 2nd.

The 1st guy comes back with broken arms and legs.

"What happend?!?!" Said the 2nd.

"I followed the tracks!"

stingbee · #52 04-15-2005, 06:26 AM

ha ha ha are you alowed to send offensive jokes about other country's

big bro slig #1 · #53 04-15-2005, 06:28 AM

for those of u hoo didn't get it: he followed the TRAIN tracks.

Dipstikk · #54 04-15-2005, 07:07 AM

That joke would have been much funnier if you had typed it up using correct grammar, punctuatuon and spelling.

"Who" instead of "Hoo," for one.

Q: What do you call a cow without legs?
A: Ground Beef.

Q. What do you call a limbless man floating in the water?
A. Bob.

Q: What do you call a limbless dog?
A. It doesn't matter. He still won't come.

:

[i]'What do you get if you cross an owl with a bungie cord..?

Oh, bird bondage. That's hot.

Speaking of birds:
Q: What do you call a small wingless bird?
A: A sitting duck.

Woah. That was exceedingly bad. My appologies.

stingbee · #55 04-15-2005, 08:48 AM

what do you call a man with a spade on his head

doug

Esus · #56 04-15-2005, 09:21 AM

what do you call a man with a number/licence plate crushed in his intestine?
Reg!

What do you call a man who inadvertently swallowed a car levering device?
Jack!

Why are pirates so naughty?
Well, they just AAAARRRR!

Godlesswanderer · #57 04-15-2005, 12:20 PM

:

What do you call a man who inadvertently swallowed a car levering device?
Jack!

Or, what do you call a man under a car?
Jack.

stingbee · #58 04-15-2005, 12:20 PM

are you allowed to send offensive jokes I got some good one's

Rich · #59 04-15-2005, 01:35 PM

On topic: Yes please do.

Off topic: Do the maths! This guy has posted 313 times in 18 days!

duveaux · #60 04-16-2005, 01:46 PM

yeah, check this:

:

Total Posts: 328 (17.07 posts per day)

started 14 threads this monyh!

man, this thread is getting off-topic! Isn't it called funny jokes?

Since I'm a complete humourless person I won't post a joke here!
ehh, wait, I'll look for one later

*Edit* Man I shouln't complain!

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Total Posts: 399 (13.24 posts per day)