The Hobbit.
Warning: impending text wall.
First, I have to say a few things about my thoughts and feelings leading up to the film. If you want to skip ahead to the part where I talk about the movie itself, just scroll down to the next bit in bold.
I went into this movie with a year's worth of behind-the-scenes footage and hype under my belt. It's risky to invest yourself in a movie before actually seeing it, because if it doesn't deliver, it's that much more of a disappointment.
Before I even entered that theater, I established with myself that if this movie sucked, I would stop going to the cinema all together. A bit extreme, you might say, but I don't really consider going to the movies a fundamental part of my life. I could probably do without the cinema-going experience entirely if not for those spectacles full of promise that come so few and far between.
So why was I such a faggoty fanboy for this film from the off? Well, it was a conscious choice. I'm not necessarily a huge Tolkien nut, and when I originally saw LOTR, I don't think I fully appreciated it. It wasn't until I grew up a little and became interested in film-making that I found myself relishing all the primo movie magic it offers.
That's why I chose to be excited for this film, to follow it closely, to get nerd boners for every new video blog or scrap of news that was released; because I missed that wholesome feeling of getting excited for something and having it pay off. It made me feel like a kid again, like I felt before I became the token cynical butthole who takes everything with a grain of salt and never lets his guard down. I made myself vulnerable to this piece of media, and I came out of that theater with a feeling of legitimate satisfaction that was wholly refreshing.
Okay, here's where I talk about the actual movie...
I saw it at the standard frame rate, no 3D, because I wanted to judge the film on it's merits as a narrative before I got all caught up on visual gimmicks. I can say without a doubt that I will be seeing this film a second time in 3D and 48fps, because there is
so fucking much to take in, and that I've only seen it at half it's viewing potential has left me hungry for more. Gollum's scene in particular was mindblowing, and I want to see that little guy at the full intended frame rate.
The plot.
Not much can be said here about the overarching plot as it's taken directly from Tolkien and I'm in no position to criticize or dissect his story in any way.
There
is something to be said of Jackson's interpretation of the story, and how he's folded in material from Tolkien's appendices.
Seamless. I never felt that Jackson's inclusion of the extra material was out of place or upset the flow of the main story. He also throws in a few direct references to LOTR which, while very evident, are not careless and create an added sense of continuity that was absent from the original novel.
The characters.
Martin Freeman was great as Bilbo. I feared he wasn't getting enough screen time, and that his character was being neglected a bit. These concerns were assuaged by the second half, and I look forward to seeing him grow as a character in subsequent films,
Jackson stated from the get-go that one of his biggest fears about doing The Hobbit was the troupe of thirteen dwarves. While many of the dwarves were seldom mentioned and of little consequence in the novel, Jackson knew that wouldn't fly in a theatrical format.
That being said, I think he pulled off the dwarves splendidly. There
was some lack of characterization; the spotlight falling on the same three or four dwarves while the others stood around with thumbs up their asses. However, each dwarf is very distinct from the next, and you'll have no trouble telling them apart. My faves were;
Balin - the "lovable old guy". I'd say he's the dwarf equivalent of Gandalf in this dynamic. He gets plenty of screen time and some great dialogue.
Bombur - the fat one
who didn't get a single line. That made me a sad panda... but he was only there for physical yucks, so whatever.
Bofur - the James Nesbitt one, whose design really put me off when I first saw it. But by god, he was just such a sweetie in the movie. It's those eyes. I melted during the scene where
he says to Bilbo "you're one of us!".
Rada-fuckin-Gast the fuckin Brown, motherfucker - Probably one of the best characters in a movie ever. He doesn't even have that much screen time, but he's just super charming
(especially when he takes a long toke on some o' Mithrandir's bud).
The Great Goblin - the
ballsiest character in the movie. He truly was the dog's
bollocks. He was
nuts!
Also, he looked like testicles.
The creatures
Here's where I can imagine Guillermo Del Toro shuffling uncomfortably during the premiere.
Following the production, I've known for a while that an excess of CG was being used for The Hobbit (easily twice the amount present in LOTR). Gone are the days of PJ's trademark 'bigatures'. I'm a traditional FX loyalist, and I wasn't sure how to feel about it. I remembered how Peter Jackson made sweet sweet love to my eyeballs back in 2005 with the visuals in King Kong, so I tried to pocket my concerns. The final result was mixed, I'd say, but nothing was glaringly bad.
The newly rendered Gollum was so stunning and complex that it was fucking unsettling. Not an 'uncanny valley' unsettling where they hit the mark just shy of perfect realism. No, I was unsettled by the fact that it looked
so incredibly real. Real to the point where Martin Freeman - a real person - looked more CG than the fucking CG Gollum. This is high praise, btw.
I loved the trolls. I am certain Del Taco did not. While part of me thinks they could have been realized more effectively with a blend of traditional FX and CG (as Del Toro wanted), another part of me accepts that they have to be CG to be consistent with the trolls of LOTR. And granted, the CG was great. There was a scene where Bilbo was uncomfortably close to a troll's tremendous ass, offering dangerous potential for a fart joke. Fortunately, ol' PJ went with his better judgement on that one.
The wargs I could take or leave. In LOTR, they looked more like hyenas than wolves, which I understand was the subject of nerd bile. They rectified this by making the wargs more wolf-like this time 'round, but the new design is "meh".
Azog was entirely CG. This may have been the only case where CG was completely unnecessary. PJ legitimized in multiple interviews that he used CG to make the characters less human in a way that wasn't possible with prosthetics. While I see his reasoning to full effect on other monsters, Azog just looked like a combination of the Engineers from Prometheus and
this guy from 300, both of which were done traditionally.
The goblins were great, and better embody PJ's vision of creatures with impossibly non-human proportions. Most of them were asymmetrical and moved in a way that wouldn't have been possible for guys in rubber suits.
We do get a glimpse of Smaug, but
only his eye and nostril. Not worth reporting on.
The music.
Howard Shore's score is what elevated the original trilogy from "very good" to "brilliant". We can watch fantastical characters spew heartfelt dialogue, die in epic battles with CG monsters, climb the highest highs and tumble to the lowest lows, and it would not mean piddly shit without the music.
I won't wax fanboy about Shore's LOTR score, because I'm sure we're already on the same page if you bothered to read this far.
Shore's score for The Hobbit is a bit flat. Many of the themes from LOTR are repeated, but again, I suppose they have to be. Not that I tire of hearing them. The new themes aren't nearly as memorable. There are a few exceptions, such as the Dwarve's theme (a brassy rendition of their "Misty Mountains" diddy which you all know from the trailers), and Radagast's theme, which is regrettably buried in the movie's sound mixing and doesn't have the same 'oomph' that it does in the album version.
In conclusion,
Fuck it. Just go see it. My head hurts from writing this.
