Pina Colada Rising

[oddling]

I'm wrighting another fanfic, this ones a comedy and it's about a Mudokon who works at Soulstorm brewery and is addicted to pina coladas. He hears that on monday there is going to be an all night special at a bar called the Salty Slog that is going to sell pina coladas for free all night. Aw man I can see this thing in a week and it's gonna suck so bad i can't imagine it. Oh well, at least i get paid good money!!! Hey wait, I don't get paid!!!! Darn it!!!!

Oddling l:c l

[oddling]

Chapter1:Morning

*BEEP BEEP*.........*BEEP BEEP*......*BEEP BE* * SMASH* "Damn alarm clock!!" I shouted. It was 2:30 A.M, time to haul my sorry tush out of bed and go get myself beat up. I hate mornings. I hate Sligs. I hate cheesy internet forums about some stupid game about some blue thing named Abe that saved some race of some things that are going to be made in to some tasty snack. I hate alot of things but lets not get into that because there are some things I hate that may be unsuitable for children. I like Jackie. I like Sci-Fi movies. I love Pina Coladas. There are many things I like but I LOVE Pina coladas. I'm a slave laborer at Soulstorm brewery and I'm in paradise!!!!! I sound crazy but what more could a Pina colada lover/Sci-Fi liker/Cheesy internet forums about some stupid game about some blue thing named Abe that saved some race of things that are going to be made into some tasty snack hater/slave laborer want? Anyway it was back to the old bone mines and it sucked A*S. "Hey Sean whats up?" Asked my friend Jackie."The sky." I replied "I don't get it." Said Jackie."Well you said whats up and i said the sky so the sky is whats up, and it is up in the air so... you get it right?" "No I don't get it." "Oh screw it allready!!!!"I shouted."Hey you wanna go make fun of the special ed Sligs or soemthing tonight?" Asked Jackie."Okay but first I wanna flush that cherry bomb down the toilet." I said. "Yah i've been waiting forever to do that!!!" Said Jackie."Holy s**t I got to get to work! My stupid Sligs gonna kill me! Litteraly!!!!" I shouted and ran up the 5 flights of stairs, and tripped on the last step, then tummbled all the way down to the bottom and got a possible broken arm. Then I ran all the way up again and started digging before my Slig could get back from the crapper."You'r late idiot." Said my Slig."No i'm not, I'm early for tomorrow!" I said."I don't give a ratz a*s what you call it now get to work!!" He shouted then wacked me about 17 times over the head. By the time it was lunch I had a lump the size of f**ing Asia on my head, and my arm poking out in a weird position. The average every day condition of a Mudokon slave.

Oddling l:c l

[oddling]

Chapter2:Lunch

This was what my day was like. I woke up, I went to work, I ate lunch, I worked some more, then I went to bed. That was what every Mudokon did every day. Sounds like fun dosn't it? Anyway it was finaly lunch time. Todays lunch was pocket lint and cooking grease so I was happy. I found a seat and soon after my friend Jackie sat down next to me. She is not my girlfriend she's just my friend and she's a girl okay!!! "Hey Jackie." I said. "Hey Sean. There serving pocket lint again, and leftover Paramite fertilizer so if you want some there giving it for free." Said Jackie. "There giving out free Paramite fertilizer?! Holy f***k what will they think of next?!" Unfourtunatley we get stuff that can barely be called food while the Sligs get to chomp down on roadkill and whatever unlucky creature they can shoot. They get the good life those cheap mother f****ing bastards!!!!! After I got back from the lunch line that I was in for 2 hours I got back to the table, sat down, picked up my fork, then heard the bell ring so I had to throw it all out. "Man they don't give us enough time!!!" I shouted. "Well you should have gotten there earlier like I did. You know how crowded the lines get when theres free stuff." Said Jackie. "Well who gives a f***k now 'cause theres nothing we can do about it." I said. We trudged back to our mining pits but before we left Jackie told me something that would change my life. "Hey Sean, did you hear about Pina Colada Monday at the Salty Slog? They're giving away Pina Coladas all night for free, and I know how much you love them." Said Jackie. "WHAT!!!!! Pina Coladas for free all night?!!!! Holy poop on a stick i'm going!!!!"

Oddling l:c l

[oddling]

Chapter3:Escape

I didn't believe what my ears were hearing. They were listening to some trashy Intern rap music that sounded like a slurg chopped in half and the other end of it was turning into a peice of toast. If you ever stepped on a Slurg it sounds pretty high-pitched for a moment before you get eaten alive dosn't it? Well Slurg screams are very high-pitched so hearing one like that screaming for hours is ear-shattering. I know because thats why I'm deaf in my left ear. Anyway Jackie had told me that at some place called the Salty Slog they were giving away free Pina Coladas all night! It sounded crazy but if you were a Pina colada lover/Sci-Fi liker/Cheesy internet forums about some stupid game about some blue thing named Abe that saved some race of things that are going to be turned into some tasty snack hater/slave laborer you would think it was pretty f****ing awsome!!!! I was going to escape tonight and go to the Salty Slog. The only problem was how to get there. But there was a Mudokon who knows where everything is. His Grandpa was a map maker and he gave all his maps to his gay grandson named Nick. All I had to do was go into the big gay wads room, ask him for directions to the Salty Slog, then I was out of here. Simple as Paramite pie. I like Paramite pies, especialy when you... opps I'm going off subject. Anyway, that night I snuck out of bed and went to Nick's room. "Psst. Hey Nick?" I whisperd. "Oh hello Sean such a pleasent thing to see you!!!" Said Nick in a soft high-pitched voice that was supposed to sound like a girls. "Shhh!! Shut up you dumb ass!!!! Listen, I need a map to the Salty Slog. Do you have one?" I asked." Oh yes, of course I do! It's just some wheeere ooover the raaaainbooooow, waaaaaaay uuuup hiiiiiigh........" "Don't sing that stupid song! Just tell me were the hell is the Salty Slog?!" "Oh yes silly me! Just folow me, and you"ll be, in a woorld oooof pure imagination!" "SHUT THE F**K UP!!!!!! I'll follow you okay?! Just stop singing that horrible song!!!" I shouted. "Well if you stop me now we'll never get to the Oompa-Loompas and the lollypop guild!! Very well then, follow me." He said. I followed him through a hallway until we got to a room with a strange black and white glass door,when we went in it there was no way out exept for the way we came in, and when we came out it was a different place, then we came to a yellow brick road with a whole bunch of ugly ass things called Munchkins, then we came to a chocolate river with a yellow submarine in it, and we saaaiiled into the suuuuuuuun, till we fooooound the sea of greeeeeeeeen, and we liiiiived beaneath the waaaaaaaves, in our yellow submariiiiiiiiiiiine. We all live in a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine. We all live in a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine. Oh great now that gay f***k got me singing those damned songs!!!! Anyway we were in a yellow submarine, swimming through a chocolate river going to Odd only knows. After about half an hour we surfaced and came to a floor that said PLATFORM 9 3/4. "Well this is where I leave you Sean. Good luck!" He said. "Nick I'm just going to a bar, what could go wrong?" I said "Good bye Sean!!! I'll miss you every day! And when you get back I'll have a big BIG surprize for!!" He said. And by the way he said big, we all know what he ment by a surprize. "Ew!! Great just what I need!" I said. A homo chasing me around singing somewhere over the rainbow and whants to do ummmm... stuff whith me is not exactly what I needed at the moment. Come to think about what I could use was a Pina Colada!


PS:Sorry if you'r gay but nick is based on a gay kid in my class and that is what he is really like. I am extremly sorry if i have offended you in any way but these characters are based on kids i know.
Oddling l:c l

[Oddsville]

Hey, this is an excellant and hilarious story, keep it coming.

[oddling]

Hey cool people actually like it!!!!! I thought it would end up as crap and would run away screaming MOMMY very emmbarassed. I'm gonna wright more!!!

Oddling l:c l

[oddling]

Chapter4: Desert

"May the Force be with you Sean!!!" Said Nick."Ya ya whatever." I shouted. I went through a door and found myself in a hot ass desert. There was a sign fallen on the ground that said WELCOME TO THE 1ST LAYER OF HELL with a Slig skeleton hanging on it with an empty canteen about two inches away from it. It still seemed to be crawling. "Eww..... Aw great that dumb f**k forgot to give me a map!!!' I shouted."Ay know how ta get ya anywhers ya want," Said a Slig with a high Australian accent."That is if ya have tha money for it." "Um I'm flat broke so sorry." I said. "Aw thats tew bad now isn't et? If ya eva get some moolaw my names Jordan." Then I looked down at all the Who's in Whoville got an idea.A terrible idea. A wonderful idea. i had a wonderfuly terrible idea!!!!! "Hey look it's Elvis!!!!" I shouted. "Where?!" Asked Jordan. " ZOINK," I shouted and stole the map from him. "Muahahaha!!!! You f****ing idiot how stupid can you get!!!!" I shouted and ran like hell away from him. "Hey get back here you pot head!!!! Thats not a map it's my...*BOOM*...nytro... glycerine." Yelled Jordan. " Oh now you tell me.... YOU DUMB F***K WHY DIDN"T YOU TELL ME!!!!! What the hell have you been smoking you toe-licker!!!!!" "Well it's not my fault you didn't listen you crab-ass!!!!!" He shouted. "Hey no one calls me a crab-ass you crab-ass!!!!!YAAAAAAAARRRRRGH!!!!!!" I screamed and attacked Jordan. "Die you mother f****ing bastard!!!! Go to hell, I want you to diiiiieeeeeeee!!!!" I screamed and kicked him in the mouth. "Aw f***k now you did it you bastard!!!" He shouted then bitch slapped me right in the eye."Aw the hell with this, I'm outta here!!!!" I shouted, and ran the hell away from there. About another two hours later of following the map, I came to some sort of....... uhhhh wagon without wheels with about eight Scrabs tied onto it. "What the hell is this thing?" I asked. I read the map when on the back
I discoverd directions. "How to control magic flying Scrabs. Oh yah like thats going to work! What do I sit in here and yell on Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer, Vixen, on Comet, on Cupid, on Donner, and Blitzen!!!" Sudenly the .... whatever it was, let's just call it a hovermajig for now, started floating, and the Scrabs started running but instead of running they were flying." Oh great it's Santas flying Scrabs. What next!!! Hey i wonder were Rudolf is? Hah! A flying Scrab with a red nose, what an idea!" Just then a Scrab with a bright red nose attacked the ...... hovermajig and nearly tipped it over. " So thats why they don't have Rudolf in the lsit of eight riendeer!!! He attacked people, thats why!!!!" I said. for another half an hour we flew through the blood red sky of the 1st layer of hell, when the Scrabs landed in some sort of city." Welcome ta Sin City how the hell are ya?"

Oddling l:c l

[paramiteabe]

Keep it up It's as funny as hell!

[oddling]

Thanks Paramiteabe!

Chapter5: Sin City

A huge mean looking Big Bro Slig greeted me as the hovermajig landed on the ground. "Um hi! Do you know how to..." "The names Brandon, don't wear it out or you'll have ta buy me a new one. There's a tour bus coming in about one min so hold yer horses it's coming soon. Hey it's early, now get goin ya idiot!!!" Shouted Brandon. He pushed me into a dirty looking bus that said ELUM TOUR INDUSTRIES on the side. "Wait do you know how to get to.." *SLAM* The door closed before I could finish. And unfourtunatly it closed right on my toe."Owowowow!!!! Open the door my foot's stuck in it!!!" I shouted in pain."Ya want me to open the door for ya? Well I wanted an Elum since I was in Gymborie but my f****ing parents were too cheap ta get me one!!! Now do you want me to open the door for ya?!!!" Shouted the bus driver who was a Glukkon that obviously was one of the rare ones that got their factory blown up or something. His name tag said Phleg. "So weres yer money?" "Huh?" "You don't have any money?" "Uh no." "Then what the hell are ya doin on my bus you freeloader?!!!" Finnaly he opened the door setting free my toe but also throwing me out in the middle of traffic. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" I shouted as a taxi zoomed past my head. "Get out of the road you f***ing idiot!!!" Shouted the driver. "Hey watch you'r mouth you crab-ass!!" I screeched."Oh shhhhhhhit!!!!!!" There was a huge double-decker bus zooming right at me. I ducked and it went right over me. "Holy f***ing poop on a stick i'm outta here!!" I ran lik hell to the side of the road but instead of the ussual concrete sidewalks it was grass. "Hey cool whats this green shtuff?" I bent over and started eating it to see if it tasted good but it didn't. "Augh gross!!! Who eats this stuff?" "No one ya pig. It's grass haven't ya ever seen it before?!!" Shouted a girl Slig that looked like she was older than the allmighty raisin. " Actualy no I haven't. I'm from Soulstorm brewery and they don't let us outside." "Then what the hell are ya doin here?! Get back ta work! I'll tell ya these young whipersnappers now a days are nothin but trouble. Eating grass who'd ever do such a stupid thing like that!!!" she half mutterd to herself. Next to the grass I had just spit out was a sign that read AREA 51. KEEP OUT ALIEN ACTIVITY HAS BEEN REPORTED HERE. all around the sign people had drawn things like a Slig being abducted by an alien spacecraft, and they wrote things like 'take me to you'r leader' and 'we come in peace'. I walked a bit farther into area 51 and saw strange circles in the grass that seemed to have been burned there. I started to get a bit scared but encouraged myself now and then. "Aliens. Ha!! Who'd ever beleive in that shit?!" I said to myself. "You'd be surprised how many do!" Said a strange voice. "Huh? Who said that? What?" Suddenly I was surounded by a blue light and was floating in the air. I looked up and saw a gigantic flying saucer beaming me up into it. "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!! Mommy help!!! Ahahahahaha!!! I want my stuffed aminal AHAHAHAHA!!!!!"

Oddling l:c l

[oddling]

Chapter6: Millenium Falcon

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!" I shouted in horror as I was being beamed into the spacecraft. "Beam me up Scoty!" Shouted an alien at the entrance of the ship. "NOOOOOOOO!!!!" After what seemed like hours I was in the ship.It was full of very tall very skinny aliens that were a brilliant silver. They had no eyes, mouth, or anything at all on their faces."Moo moo moo moo moo moo." Said an alien. "Huh?" I said. "Opps sorry wrong language, I thought you were a cow when we saw you eating grass back there. My bad. Anyway welcome to the Millenium Falcon. We come in peace and we just want to perform a few harmless tests such as an anal probe." "Oh thats a releif.... what did you say?! An anal what?!!!" "Probe. It's when we insert a.." "I know what it is you cow-inside out turner!!!!" I shouted. "If you are not going to cooperate then we will have to use force on you. YO JIMMY! GET THE DUCT TAPE!" He shouted. Or she. You can never tell with foruners. They grabbed me and duct tapped me to a table. One of them grabed stick with a circle at the top with little nobs sticking out of it. "AHHHHHHHHH!! Don't stick that thing up my ass you alien bitch!!!!" I shouted "Resistance is futil weak Mudokon! By the time you can recover from having a big hoobajoo stuck up your ass we will have allready destroyed your filthy excuse for a planet!!!" shouted the alien. "Not so fast you dill-doe!!" Shouted an unkown voice. "Oh f***k it's Obi-Wan and Anakin!!!" Shouted another alien. They turned on their lightsabers and started chopping the aliens in half. What looked like a peice of alien intestine splatterd on my arm. "Ewww!! Hey what the hell is going on here?" Some kid came up to me and chopped off the duct tape. "Hi I'm Anakin and you should get the hell out of here!" "But what's going on?!!" "Just sit down and shaddap! Here put on this parachute!" We jumped out of the Millenium Falcon and plummeted to the ground. "Para what?" I asked. "Parachute!" "Parakeet?" "No, parachute!" "Parafin?" "NOO,! Para-*Splat*-medic." "Ohh parachute! Okay!" I pulled the cord and let the parachute out. "Wow that was fun, right Anakin! Anakin? Oh well, he must of gone to tell someone."

Oddling l:c l

[oddling]

Chapter7:Taxi

"Anakin? Helo? Helooooo?" Were the hell was Anakin? i searched for him all over the place and then i finnaly found him. "Ana AAAHHHHH!!!! Holy f**k he's dead!!!!*Taps plays* Oh well. decreases the surpluse population." I said. I stole his lightsaber and his wallet. The wallet was surprizingly heavy. After that I walked back into the city and decided to take a taxi since I had money now. "Taxi....... taxi....... TAXI!!!!" I shouted. "Here let me help you, you gotta do it like this. YO BITCH GET THE F**K OVER HERE!" Shouted a Slig that seemed like the only nice person i met here so far. Soon enough a taxi drove up with a little Mudokon in it that had a strange African accent. "Costomah!!!!" She shouted. "Hey thanks! Whats your name?" I asked. "I'm Mike. So you'r new to here?" "Ya, it seems like everyone here is a bitch." "You got that right! So were'd you come from, Rupture Farms?" "Nah, Soulstorm brewery." "Aw I heard that place sucks ass!" He said "It's not as bad as it seems." "So were are you going?" "The Salty Slog for Pina Colada night. " You like Pina Coladas too? Oh my Odd I love those things!!!!" " Hey ah you two comin in here or what?" Yelled the taxi driver. "Ya ya ya we're coming." I said. We got into the taxi. "My name is Lavinia where I take you?" She said. "La what?" I asked "Lavinia." She said. "Cablinia?" "Lavinia!" "Oh,Shashimia." "LAVINIA!!!" She shouted. "Okay Lavinia I got it now." I said. "So where I take you?" "To the Salty Slog please." Said Mike. "So whats your name?" Asked Mike. "Sean." I said. "Hey you listen to music?" Asked Lavinia. "What kind of.." Before I could finish she turned on the radio and put on some horrible Intern rap music and to top it all of she sang along with it. "EYAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH....... EYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.." She wasn't paying attention to the road anymore and started swerving around the road.*BEEP*" Whatch it ya idiot!!!." Screamed another taxi driver."CUMQUAT!!!She shouted out the window."Jerk." "Please don't sing that song anymore and watch the road okay?" I yelled over the music blasting through the speakers. "Okay, no more music." She turned off the blazing speakers and I could finnaly hear again."We here, now how you be paying me?" She asked. "Here I got the money." I said. "Thank you, come again!" She said and drove away singing that horrible song."Well I'm glad that was over!" Mike said

Oddling l:c l

[oddling]

Chapter8:Hotel California

After nearly flying out of a taxi, drove by a crazed Mudokon, we were on our way to the Salty Slog. "Where the hell are we? I asked. "The sign says Sesame Street." Said Mike. "Hey you could make a cool song out of that name! Something that goes like this. Sunny days, heading out on my way, on my way to were the air is clean, can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street..doo doo doo doo, how to get to Sesame Street..." "Oh shut up who'd ever make a song like that? Some stupid T.V company called childrens television workshop?"*Both Sean and Mike stare at screen for a second* "This place looks pretty trashy. Maybe thats why she didn't take us all the way to the Salty Slog." Said Mike. We asked an Intern standing at the corner with a set of headphones with the music blasted so lowd you could amke out the words being said all the way across the street. Yes we asked the Intern, and he talked back to us you f***ing idiot how do you think we asked him directions then you dumb ass? This Intern had a mouth and obviously didn't go through Vykker surgery. "Hi, do you know where the Salty Slog is?" Asked Mike. "It's about 30 miles down the road. If you don't want to be walking all night, you should check out the Hotel California down the street." He said in a Homer Simpson-ish kind of voice. As we walked down the street I asked Mike about why the Intern could talk. "Hey Mike, umm I was wondering why that Intern has a mouth. Back at home the Vykkers do surgery on them so they can't talk. Why dosn't this one have it?" I asked. "Well most of the people that come here are runaways from factories like you and that Intern over there. When the Vykkers do that surgery on them they just close the skin around their mouths so they can't talk, but when they runaway and come here, all they have to do is slice that peice of skin and battabing battabip you got yourself one hell of a happy Intern." It sounded pretty f***ing gross but at least it was an explanation. After about two minutes of walking we came to two hotels. One of them was the one the Intern had mentiond earlier, the Hotel California, the other on was the motel Hello but the o in the sign had burnt out so the sign now read Motel Hell. "Umm I think I would rather stay in a place called the Hotel California instead of a place called the Motel Hell, what do you think?" I asked. " I think you'r right on that one." He said. We walked into the door and obviously the song 'Welcome to the Hotel California' was playing. There was another Intern at the desk whos name tag said 'Hello, my name is Crab E. Ass' on it. "Welcme to the Hotel California, you can check out anytime you like but you can never leave, how may I help you?" *For those of you who don't know there is a song called Welcome to the Hotel California and what he just said was part of the song so don't get suspicious okay?* He said. "Um how much does it cost to stay a night here?" I asked. " *59.99 a night." He said.( The * on their is like an Oddworld form of the dollar sign) "Okay. We'll take it." Said Mike. "Thank you for staying at our Hotel, one of our employees will be with you in a moment to show you to your room." He said in a tired bored voice. Soon enough a Mudokon came and showed us to our room. It was a shitty little place with holes in the walls and newspapers from 1980 on the table. One of them said "Breaking news!!! Abe the Mudokon terrorist master mind has blown up Rupture Farms!!! Oh the horror!!!! Turn to page B10 for full story." on it, but worst of all, the comic section had been ripped out of every single one of them. "Well it's probably better then the Motel Hell." Said Mike. Nextdoor at the Motel Hell we heard people laughing and saw them dancing on the back porch, and diving into the heated inground pool, to Tequila while some of them started making a congo line. "Aw just f***ing great! We get stuck in this dump while they get to have a Odd damned party!!!" I shouted. "Look on the bright side, they probably spent a ton of money to stay there." He said. "YO HOOKER!!!" I shouted out the window at a teenage Mudokon girl. "HOW MUCH DID YOU PAY TO STAY THERE?" " YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY ANYTHING," She shouted back. " PEOPLE JUST HAVE SUCH A GOOD TIME THEY PAY THEM ANYWAY!!! AND I'M NOT A HOOKER YOU FAGGOT!!!!" "Odd f***ing damn it!!!! Why do we always get the bad luck?!!" Shouted Mike. "Hey look on the bright side," I said. "What bright side?" He asked" you didn't get called a faggot!"

Oddling l:c l

[oddling]

Chapter9: Salty Slog

That was the worst night I had in my entire life. Hell they gave us better beds at the Brewery!!! At about f***ing 6 A.M another Intern bursed into the room. "Yo get the hell out of here you assholes your beauty sleeps over." He shouted and pushed us off the bed. " Hey you mother f***er what the hell are you doing?" I asked. " You get to stay here till 6:00 then we kick you out and let some other sucker come in for an outragious price, it's a living." He said. We didn't want to argue so we hauled our sorry tushes out of bed just like in the Brewery. We packed up the little things we had and ran the hell out the door as fast as our little ass' could go. We took the directions the Intern at the corner gave us and walked till about 8:00, till we finnaly came to the place that started this whole Odd damned shinanigan. The Salty Slog. The greatest Pina Colada establishment ever established for Pina Coladas. We walked in and I felt like I had died and gone to the bathroom to barf. "This place sucks ass!!" Shouted Mike. He was pretty damned right too. There were ratz crawling all over the floor, and the whole place smelled like a Slig 5 days after it tried to fly off a cliff to prove to his friends that he really got promoted to a flying Slig, but forgot to put on his wings that morning. " I came all the way down here in a loincloth and this is what I get?" I yelled at the bar tender. "Thats cause we didn't bring out Weed yet, when they get a wiff of that stuff the whole place looks all swirley and the walls are pretty colors." Said the bar tender." What if we don't want any Weed?" Mike asked. " Then we bring out the moon shine." He said. "Well what if we don't want anything illegal, or may inflict brain damage?" "Then you gotta stare at this dump, what do you want us to do make it so you can see the floor or something?!" He shouted. "I don't want to argue about something stupid like this, what time do you start selling the Pina Coladas?!" I asked/shouted. " It's about 8:00..hmmmm...... you got about 10 hours unril it starts." He said. "WHAT?!!!!!!! 10 HOURS?!!!!!!!!!!" MIke shouted. "We call it Pina Colada night for a reason!!! If we started it at 8 we would call it Pina Colada day cause it lasts till 12:00 when we close and although it would get us a hell of alot of moolah we don't want stoners tossing their cookies all over the floor ALL day. 6 hours of barf lying on the floor is enough but all day?!! Forget it!" He shouted. He had a point so we waited..... and waited.......and waited..... and waited some more....... the number of times I said we were waiting would go on for a hell of a long time so lets just skip that part. Anyway it was 5:55 and some people were allready starting to come in. "5,4,3,2,1,..." Said the bartender. Right when he said 1 the door burst open and a few hundred people came pouring in. "Holy f**k lets get a seat before we end up waiting in a line going all the way back to the Hotel California!" I shouted. We sat down just in time before the swarm of hookers, stoners, and freeloaders attacked the counter. " Okay everyone who wants some Crack?!!!" Yelled the bar tender.(Who's line is it anyway is on so I'm too distracted to wright anymore!)

Oddling l:c l

[MunchOnThis]

Whoa, your story is soooooo cool and wacked out. Very original and imaginative!!! Please, please carry on!!!! *begs on her knees*

[oddling]

Thanks Munchonthis!!!

Chapter10:Pina Colada night

About 40 minutes after the swarm of hookers, stoners and freeloaders exploded into the room and the bar tender Slig asked if anyone wanted some illegal drugs to make the room look quote "swirley with pretty colors" everyone started to get sick and barfed all over the place. "Aw just f***ing great. I risked being shot in the back and turned into a Mudokon pop, had to put up with a big gay wad singing 'some where over the rainbow', walked through the 1st layer of hell, beat up a Slig with an Australian accent, flew a hovermajig with 8 flying Scrabs, got thrown off a bus driven by Director Phleg, ate grass, got abducted by aliens, parachuted off the Millenium Falcon with some guy named Anakin, nearly flew out a taxi window drove by a crazed Mudokon, asked an Intern for directions for the first time actually having him say something back, stayed at the Hotel California while the people naxt door at the Motel Hell had a party, just so I could go to a crappy bar for a free Pina Colada or two, and just had a stoned Slig barf on my foot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I shouted. ".....................You met Director Phleg? Cool!!!" Said Mike. "Didn't you hear what I just said?!!!!" I yelled at Mike. "Ya you said blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, got thrown off a bus driven by Director Phleg, blah blah blah blah, then I say a hot chick go by and thought to myself what a fine peice of ass she was, and started singing ' get freaky' to myself and didn't hear the rest." He said. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DOSN"T ANYONE GIVE A F**K ABOUT ME ANYMORE?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. The whole bar just stared at mme for a sec then continued to throw beer at eachother, make-out with hookers and sluts, and barf on the floor. "Wow dude you actually made a whole bar stop and stare at you!" Said Mike. " So, big whoop, whats your point?" asked. " Do you know how many people can stop a whole bar of drunk stoners on Pot?"(Sorry if you read this and it wasn't finished, I was in the middle of wrighting it when we went to the movies to see Lilo and Stitch!) "Uhh I don't know, how many?" I asked. "Well lets see..... there was my great great great great great great grandpa that did that when he started singing 'let's talk about sex', ummm then there was Gillagally the great, he did that when he got one of those things that show you how you look in 50 years or whatever, and showed it to the whole bar, unfourtionatly he forgot to ask what he would look like with clothes, errr......... then there was..." "I don't care how many people did!!!!! I was being uhhh....... I forget what the word is called something big." I said. "Something big, wow thats a strange word!" Said Mike. " No the word isn't something big it's something....ARRRGH!!!! This is as pointless as trying to tell Jackie when she asks whats up and I say the sky, why the sky is whats up!!!!!!!!! Oh great............... I"M CONFUSING MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I shouted. "Calm down allready! Odd why are you always shouting? Just take a deep breath," "Okay," "And exhale all the Pot smoke you just inhaled and go barf in the toilet until the walls are pretty colors and everythings all swirley." He said. "Aw ya, that reeeeeaaaaaly encouraging Mike, yep, that was some encouragment you gave me there buddy, yup, thanks alot." I said. Notice the whole sentince is dripping with sarcasm. "You really think so? Everyone always said that I make things worse all the time but this is the first...." "NO YOU DUMB F**K!!!!! I WAS BEING SARCASTIC, CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND ANYTHING??!!!!!!!!!" I shouted and once again everyone stared at me for a sec then returned to the ussual process of drinking, making-out, then barfing all over the hooker/slut you just screwed. " Well.... if thats the way you feel,....... then...*Sniffle* I geuss I'll be going now. Hope I see you again." He said sadly and started for the door. "Wait a sec Mike.... it's not your fault," "*Sniff*It isn't?" He asked. "No, it's the Cracks fault not yours. Sorry I over reacted about it." I said. "*Sniffle* You're really sorry?" He asked." Of course I am, you're my best friend, how can I just let you go away forever?" I asked." Aw man you're the best!" He ran over to me and hugged me. Secretly the only reason I wanted him to stay was so after he showed me around and did all the hard stuff for me, I would steal his wallet and go buy me a box of pop-tarts!!!!

Oddling l:c l

[MunchOnThis]

You've done it again!!! Another hella funny chapter man!!! *laughs so hard* Oh jesus.....write some more my man!!! Good job keep it up!!!

[oddling]

Thanks again munchonthis! Oh and umm.... I'm a girl!*snickers*

Chapter11:Back to the streets

After a about 6 hours of getting drunk and eventually grabbing some Weed the bar tender announced that they were closing and we had to drag our carcasses out of there. We stumbled out into the street drunk as a Slig at a barmitzfa. "Wow that wus like...*Stumble* the like..... coolest party ever!" Said Mike fummbling around all over the place. 'Yah lets go in like.... uh year or 70 what uh ya say?" I said slowly and slured. We started walking towards the lake to throw stuff at ducks and probably spend the night there in a box. We started singing noncense and yell at bystanders. "When the *Hic* moon hits yer eyes like a Paramite pie, thats Mudokon...... *Hic* when you dance down da street with a Slog at yer feet, thats Mudokon."(An Oddworld version of that one Italian song that goes somethin like, when the moon hights your eyes like a big pizza pie thats amorie, or something close to that.)"Hey you son of a bitch get away from me," We shouted at a little kid walking past. "eat me you pervert! I hope you rot in uhhh... the ghetto!" The kid ran like hell back home after that. "Hey I'm f***ing tired as shit how 'bout' you Sean?" Asked Mike. "I gotta go to the bathoom first, ya wanna duber cheeseburger while I'm gone?"I asked.(The duber cheeseburger incident was something that happened when my step dad got drunk after a wedding.)"Nah that stuff makes me fell like a waffel if ya know what i meen."He replied. "Yah I really get what ya meen Mike. That stuff makes me feel all waffely too!" I said. I went to the bathroom which was actually just a bush and walked back to the cardboard box that was our home for the night, forgeting my double cheeseburger. "Hey Sean will you tell me a bed time story?" He asked. " How about the story of the ugly Fleech?" I asked. "That sounds good!" He replied. "Once upon a time there was an ugly Fleech, he was so ugly that everyone died. The end!" I said."That was kinda sad. Tell me one with a lesson to it!" He said. "Okay, this one is the Slig that cried Abe. Once upon a time there was a Slig that looked after the Mudokons. One day he had an idea to play a trick on the Glukkons! He was gonna say that Abe was there and get everyone afraid. But this Slig was smart and knew from the last Slig that if he did that he would be fired and they would give him to Skillya and she had alot of good recipes for big fat liers so he kept his mouth shut. The end!" I looked over at Mike and discoverd that he was sleeping before I had finished. "Aw Sligs are so cute when they're asleep!" I said. I laid my head on a pile of leaves and in about 5 minutes, went to sleep.

Oddling l:c l

[paramiteabe]

hehe this is getting funnier as it goes keep it up Oddling.

[MunchOnThis]

Thanks again munchonthis! Oh and umm.... I'm a girl!*snickers*

Ohhh, opps I didn't realise you were a girl......I'm sorry about that. *slaps her head* Oh heck.....keep the good story up......it's hella good.

[oddling]

Thanks guys!!!

Chapter12:Morning again

"Hey! You ain't goin anywhere stitch-lips!"Shouted a strange Mudokon. "You didn't save our buddies!" Yelled another. Something hit me on the back of my head and knocked me semi-unconsious. "And you ain't gettin away with it." Said the Mudokon who whacked me on the head, then kicked me. The next thing I knew I was upside down hooked up to a tear x-tractor by my feet and realized what had happened."No no no no no!!!!!! Please no!!! Ahahaha!!!" I shouted in fear. "Zis is a zing of beauty! Zis shall be our finest brew ever!!" Shouted a Glukkon with a strange French accent. "You think we got enough boss?" Asked a Slig. "Ah what zee heck let us go for the record. Pump it up!!" " NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" The Slig pulled the lever and I felt 2000 volts run through my body. I screamed in pain but they didn't do anything. Suddenly in horrid pain and dispare I realized I was about to die. And man it sucked ass!"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" I woke up with a cold sweat on my face. "You okay Sean?" Mike was standing over me with a worried look on his face. "Yah..... I'm fine...... just fine." I was scared and out of breath. I geussed that I had been yelling in my sleep. "Man you should have heard what you were saying!" He shouted. "Okay. This better not be as embarrassing as that time I shouted, there isn't any cheese on the ravioli!! Mom help me, there's no cheese!!!!!!" I said. "Nah, you were saying things about secret ingredients, and beer, and getting some sort of power, then you started screaming like you were being electricuted or something, and for some reason you kept telling everyone to follow you." He said. "Great. Now I'm having dreams that I'm Abe!!!!!!! First it something about a plane crashing into a weird building on another planet, then an attack at some beach that had something to do with pearls, then some Japanese people making a cartoon about poket monsters that were trying to hypnotize children into making America poor by telling their parents they want just about everything that the damned company ever made even if one only had a little mark in the corner that made it worth millions!" I screeched. "Yah I wonder what kind of planet would have all that horrible stuff on it!" *both Sean and Mike look at audience for a sec* "Hey maybe you're psycic!" "Mike if i'm psycic, then Abe is going to run through the street chased by Sligs wearing Crispy Cream Donut hats, and Abe will have a boston cream donut in his hand, trying to eat it while running." I said. "Ahahahaha!!!! You'll never catch me and your precious donut! Never, never, never MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!" Shouted Abe as he ran through the street, chased by Sligs wearing Crispy Cream Donut hats, holding a boston cream in his hand, trying to eat it while running. "Get back here you mother f***er!!! Give me back my donut!!!!! That thing is *1.50 if you want it!!!!" Shouted a Slig that was chasing Abe. "You know what? Abe gets chased so much by stuff they should make a show out of it." This was obviously a side affect from the moonshine amd pot from last night. "Yah instead of that "Chasing Amy" show you could call it chasing Abe and you could talk to Sligs that ...... well, chased Abe!" I said. "You know what, you should have one of those little psycic hot-lines that all those famous people have!" He said. "Yah! We can call it the Mudokon Meddium hot-line!" I yelled. A few days later after finaly convincing the radio station I was good enough, we had our own little hot-line. It lasted 3 days until people started cursing at us instead of telling us their problems, and got shot at least once with a bb-gun.

Oddling l:c l

[oddling]

Chapter13: Return to the brewery

After about a week of staying in Sin City I started getting homesick. I missed Jackie, I missed the pocket lint lunches, I missed talking to Matt my Slig overlooker, I even missed the cheesy internet forums about some stupid game about some blue thing named Abe that saved some race of some things that were going to be made into tasty snack! i hated to do it but one day I just had to tell him. "Hey Mike?" I said. "Yah?" He said through a mouthful of waffels. We were at Brians diner eating breakfast. "Um don't take this persionally but I wanna go back home." He just stared at me for a second with his big red eyes. "You really do? Why?" He asked. "I'm getting kinda homesick. Next time I come back though, I'm bringing Mr.Snuffelufagus with me!" I said. "Well, if you wanna get there soon the next bus leaves at 9:30 so you better get a move on!" He said. We hurriedly finnished our breakfast and called a taxi.
When we got there, We asked where platform 9 3/4 was and had to run through a wall between platforms 9 and 10 to get there. "Well i geuss this is good bye buddy......... aw what the f**k am I saying, I love you man!!!" I yelled. "Aw dude I love you too!" He said. "You know, saying we love eachother isn't exactly something a straight person would do so ummmm....... you rock dude!" "You rock too!" We shouted. The train started to leave while I was hanging on to it and I almost fell off. "Seeya Mike!!!" I shouted. "Hope I see you again dude!" He replied. Well it was abck to the old bone mines. Again. And once again it sucked ass! On the way back I was stuck sitting with a little Vykker all the way back and he kept asking questions. "Hi do you like Slogs I have one he likes Slog treats and he fetches do you get beat up do you know my Uncle do you work at Necrum mines do you like it do you have kids do you like being a Mudokon........." He went on forever. And the worst thing was that he said it all really fast, I could tell his dad was an auctioneer. Damn them! I'd rather go one E Bay and sell my guts there than be an auctioneer! Actually, Glukkons do that to you if you don't work hard enough. They let you choose if you wanna be an auctioneer, or have your guts sold on E Bay as fertilizer. Most people get their guts sold. A few hours later a Slig came with a cart full of soda and candy. "You want something?" He asked. "Ummm I'll try some of those boston baked beans." I had never seen them before so I wanted to know what they were like. I ate one and suddenly started farting like crazy. The whole night I had terrible gas that kept me up all night checking my sheets that I didn't leave a wet one. The next morning I got up and looked out the window. I had seen this place before. It was the path I took from the out-house to the Mines. " All going to Necrum Mines please step off the train."

Oddling l:c l

[Kaimana]

That is funny Oddling. Very good keep it up and keep it coming

[oddling]

Thanks Kaimana! This chapter might not be as good after the Shrykull inccident.

Chapter14estruction

It was like a nightmare come true. Why did I want to go back?! How was I gonna tell the boss without getting killed?! I felt like a kid going back to school after summer vacation. Sad, scared, and pretty pissed off! I trudged back to my bed for probably the last time. Before I could walk all the way back though, I saw Abe with a whole bunch of other Mudokons, including Jackie, running like crazy like the place was about to blow up! "Hey guys whats*BOOM *........up." I said. The whole place blew up right before my eyes. "Sean! Where the hell did you go!" Yelled Jackie. "To some place called Sin City." I said. "You went WHERE?!!?"She screeched. "Sin City. It's some place after the 1st layer of hell." I replied. "You couldn't have! That place sunk under the ocean about 16,000 years ago!!!!" She shouted."No it didn't! See, I even have proof!" I showed her a picture of me and Mike standing at the welcome to Sin City sign. "Oh..... my...... Odd........" She said. "What?! If you're so sure this place is gone then I'll go show you!" A few days later after walking through the 1st layer of hell we got to a big ocean where Sin City was. "See! Told you it wasn't there!" She said triumphantly. " But then how did I get this picture?" I asked. "Well I think the whole thing was just a big mirage, or you really got stoned and high." Said Abe. "But then why did Jackie tell em to go to the Salty Slog?" I asked. "It was a joke you f***ing idiot! I didn't think you would really be dumb enough to actually go there!" She yelled. Then out of nowhere a Slig just popped out and winked at me. "Hey did you see that?" I asked. "Se what?" "That Slig." "What Slig?" "Oh screw it allready!!" I shouted. "Hi guys!" Said someone from behind me. "Ahhhh! A Slig!" Shouted Jackie and ran. "Hey wait it's just Mike!" I said. "You know this guy?" Asked Abe. "Yah, he's the guy who showed me around Sin City!" I replied. "Hey why are you guys in the middle of traffic?" He asked. "Huh?" Suddenly I got hit hard with something and flew across the ground. I realized that the ocean was the mirage, not the city, and I just got hit by a taxi. Mike threw a bucket of water on my head saw the city around me. "Wow! I thought this place sunk under the ocean 16,000 years ago!" Said Abe. "Thats what the Glukkons want you to think! Welcome ta Sin City, how the hell are ya doin?!"

Oddling l:c l

[kleeng]

Man great story, And the ocean being a mirrage Way cool.

[oddling]

Thanks Kleeng!

Epilogue

Just the other day Sean and Jackie finaly flushed that cherry bomb down the toilet at what was left of the Feeco Depot blowing that little bit to smitherines. Abe got abducted by the aliens on the Millenium Falcon only to have Obi-Wan step in asking where his Padawan went. Two weeks ago Sean smashed another alarm clock when he forgot to turn off the alarm and it woke him up at 2:30 AM on a Sunday. Sean found out that the annoying gay Mudokon, Nick, had been left in the brewery and blown up when Abe couldn't stand him singing "Somewhere over the rainbow" anymore. Abe finaly decided to go back to the Krispy Kreme donut shop and pay for the boston cream donut he stole, and both Sean and Mike traced the calls of the people who bad mouthed them on their psycic hot-line and went to their houses and beat them all up to the song "How many people want to kick some ass". That crazy taxi driver finaly got pulled over the one day and got a speeding ticket, only to have her call the police cumquats, and drove off a bridge. And they all lived happily in an apartment above a coffee shop, the end.

Oddling l:c l