Oddworld Forums > Zulag Three > Fan Corner


 
Thread Tools
 
  #1  
04-08-2012, 01:13 AM
Coldflame98's Avatar
Coldflame98
Zappfly
 
: Apr 2012
: England
: 18
Rep Power: 0
Coldflame98  (58)
The Glukkon (fanfic)

This is just the intro to a Oddworld story I'll be working on. It does involve scenes of cruelty.

(note: before I think of a name, the main character is called bob. please suggest better ones below.)

Bob, a glukkon, walked down the street. he made some conversation with his slig valet,

"We need to grab some fleech food"

"Sure do, boss"

"Hey, wanna grab some brew Saturday?"

"First one's on me!"

Bob walked into the market. He bought a large bag of fleech food, some oil for the valet's pants, and a pair of paramite pies for dinner. the pair walked home. The news went on about Abe, whilst Bob and his valet tucked into their pies. The valet went on about rumors about Abe, whilst Bob thought about the Mudokon race. He had never actually seen many mudokons. only one actually. one of his schoolfreinds from his childhood brought one in on 'pet-day'. he seemed perfectly fine to Bob, and whenever he saw the mudokon moon, he thought about how they deserve freedom. "One day", he thought, "I will try my hardest to get the mudokons freed".
Reply With Quote
  #2  
04-08-2012, 02:10 AM
moxco's Avatar
moxco
Zappfly
 
: Dec 2006
: Earth
: 2,794
Blog Entries: 26
Rep Power: 21
moxco  (2195)moxco  (2195)moxco  (2195)moxco  (2195)moxco  (2195)moxco  (2195)moxco  (2195)moxco  (2195)moxco  (2195)moxco  (2195)moxco  (2195)

It is a very deep and touching story. I almost shed a tear upon reading reading Bob's hopes for mudokons; these thoughts of defiance, in the face of an oppressive Orwellian regime, you have expressed with such vigorous determination. This unique idea of an industrialist sympathizing with a mudokon is hitherto unheard of to me. With Bob's alienation from his peers you appear to be emulating themes of isolation witnessed most commonly in French New Waves films such as Le Mépris and Les Quatre Cents Coups. Or perhaps Bob's ambitions to assist the underclass bear influence from the works of Charles Dickens such as A Christmas Carol and Great Expectations. Labelling this captivating piece of literature, I have not yet done so clearly, however no adjective short of magnificent I would dare deem appropriate.

Last edited by moxco; 04-08-2012 at 06:09 AM..
Reply With Quote
  #3  
04-08-2012, 05:58 AM
Coldflame98's Avatar
Coldflame98
Zappfly
 
: Apr 2012
: England
: 18
Rep Power: 0
Coldflame98  (58)

Were you being serious when you said that? Its not THAT good. if so, any Ideas of what to call bob?
Reply With Quote
  #4  
04-08-2012, 06:12 AM
moxco's Avatar
moxco
Zappfly
 
: Dec 2006
: Earth
: 2,794
Blog Entries: 26
Rep Power: 21
moxco  (2195)moxco  (2195)moxco  (2195)moxco  (2195)moxco  (2195)moxco  (2195)moxco  (2195)moxco  (2195)moxco  (2195)moxco  (2195)moxco  (2195)

Sorry, it's just that the good-guy-glukkon (or any industrialist species, for that matter) idea is ridiculously overdone.

What about just naming him Bob?
Reply With Quote
  #5  
04-08-2012, 06:32 AM
Coldflame98's Avatar
Coldflame98
Zappfly
 
: Apr 2012
: England
: 18
Rep Power: 0
Coldflame98  (58)

Bob is pretty generic don't you think?
Reply With Quote
  #6  
04-08-2012, 07:56 AM
MeechMunchie's Avatar
MeechMunchie
Sgt. Sideburns
 
: Mar 2009
: :noiƚɒɔo⅃
: 9,743
Blog Entries: 83
Rep Power: 32
MeechMunchie  (14320)MeechMunchie  (14320)MeechMunchie  (14320)MeechMunchie  (14320)MeechMunchie  (14320)MeechMunchie  (14320)MeechMunchie  (14320)MeechMunchie  (14320)MeechMunchie  (14320)MeechMunchie  (14320)MeechMunchie  (14320)

Yeah, I think it's perfect for this story.

DOOOOOH-HO-HO-HO-HO!


Reply With Quote
  #7  
04-08-2012, 05:15 PM
enchilado's Avatar
enchilado
I don't even know!
 
: Nov 2009
: Brisbane, Australia
: 2,749
Blog Entries: 40
Rep Power: 19
enchilado  (3478)enchilado  (3478)enchilado  (3478)enchilado  (3478)enchilado  (3478)enchilado  (3478)enchilado  (3478)enchilado  (3478)enchilado  (3478)enchilado  (3478)enchilado  (3478)

Shafts of slanting moonlight made pale blue pools, crisscrossed with the shadows of overhead wires, on the concrete path beneath the soles of the Glukkon's heavily polished black shoes and the squeaking feet of his Slig valet's mechanical pants. Seeing a dim yellow glow and neon sign announcing the entrance to a 24-hour market further along the street, Bob dragged his mind away from his current financial crisis. Turning to his valet the chump said, "Well, I guess we'll be needing to get some fleech food. They were lookin' kinda hungry this morning - it was creepin' me out."

"Sure thing, boss!"

"And uh... you wanna grab some brew Satodday?"

"First one's on me, boss!"

They entered the seedy marketplace, filled with shadowy stalls and even more shadowy stallholders. After checking his purse - which weighed dismally little - and haggling for some time, Bob managed to pay for a bag of the discussed fleech food, a can of cheap oil for his valet's pants and a couple of paramite (mostly) pies for their dinner. Strolling back to their run-down apartment and trying to ignore the taste of the food, the loudspeakers that stood at the street corners blared more warnings about Abe, the Mudokon terrorist. General Dripik, once he remembered his name, spoke briefly on the situation, and Bob and his valet shook their heads at the idiocy of it all. The valet considered that the big cheeses were being very inefficient at getting hold of Abe but did agree that the terrorist should be caught and shot; Bob, however, wondered. He himself had met only one Mudokon in his life, on a 'Bring your Pet to School Day' many years ago. To Bob he had seemed a very pleasant sort of a fellow, and the bruises across his back still brought a tear to the big Glukkon's eye. Glancing up at the moon above them and seeing the Mudokon handprint across it, he knew that he would do anything he could, whatever it cost, to free all Mudokons and put an end to their slavery for once and for all.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
04-11-2012, 08:02 AM
Coldflame98's Avatar
Coldflame98
Zappfly
 
: Apr 2012
: England
: 18
Rep Power: 0
Coldflame98  (58)
Wired

Well, you just made it a half-decent story. Fell like doing the rest? I don't care.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
04-11-2012, 08:28 AM
DarkHoodness's Avatar
DarkHoodness
Page 7, Post 199
 
: Apr 2001
: In a box.
: 3,438
Blog Entries: 53
Rep Power: 28
DarkHoodness  (2104)DarkHoodness  (2104)DarkHoodness  (2104)DarkHoodness  (2104)DarkHoodness  (2104)DarkHoodness  (2104)DarkHoodness  (2104)DarkHoodness  (2104)DarkHoodness  (2104)DarkHoodness  (2104)DarkHoodness  (2104)

I think the idea was that you learn something from it. Gotta walk before you can run and that.
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #10  
04-11-2012, 08:49 AM
Coldflame98's Avatar
Coldflame98
Zappfly
 
: Apr 2012
: England
: 18
Rep Power: 0
Coldflame98  (58)

I guess your right. Doing next part now.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
04-11-2012, 09:09 AM
Coldflame98's Avatar
Coldflame98
Zappfly
 
: Apr 2012
: England
: 18
Rep Power: 0
Coldflame98  (58)

Bob woke up to a knock on the door. He looked at his cheap old watch. It was 3:00 in the morning and Bob was in no fit state to talk to people. His valet was fast asleep, pants off, so Bob put on some random clothes. He knew who was at the door. He managed to open it on his own, with some difficulties, and found himself fallen at the door due to it.

"Get up"

The vykers' voice was absolute, and carried no emotion. Bob knew what was to come, and was ready. He hoped. He rose from the floor, and was met with a Snuzi pointed at his chest. He knew that they were actually lethal and so did the vyker. The lungs of a non-smoker glukkon were as valuable as they were rare, and this wasn't the first harvesting attempt.

"Come with me"

It was not a question. The vyker, Harris, was not in the mood for negotiating.

"I don't think that would be a possible, Harris".

Bob was hit around the head with harris' weapon. He fell to the floor, and hacked up some blood. Bob then looked at his pet fleech, Morris and used his teeth to open his cage.

"What are you doing?"

Harris looked down. His eyes did not show shock. They showed fear. A tounge shot towards his face. He screamed.

Last edited by Coldflame98; 04-11-2012 at 09:26 AM..
Reply With Quote
  #12  
04-13-2012, 08:47 AM
Coldflame98's Avatar
Coldflame98
Zappfly
 
: Apr 2012
: England
: 18
Rep Power: 0
Coldflame98  (58)

Morris was not to have been heard of again. Bob got the fleech back into its cage, and placed it back on the shelf. The fleech hacked up a rectangular piece of paper,a business card, he could make out a few words. 'Vyyker Advancements' in big red letters dominated the card, and Bob could make out a phone number. This was all he needed. He picked p the late Vyyker's Snuzi, and went to bed.

Down the industrial back-alleys at dawn, a dark figure walked. he wore a low hat, balaclava, and brown trench-coat. You could not tell who he was by looking at him. He walk to his contact. He was a chump by the looks of his attire and lack of a cigar, and was accompanied by a slig, adorning a battered top-hat and a poorly washed suit. The mysterious figure talked in a Russian accent.

"I assume it is all in the package?"

"Yes", spoke the glukkon.

"Meet here in two weeks"

The Slig valet handed him the brown bag. The figure turned, and rose his hat to reveal a Mudokon face. he lowered is hat, at walked away.
__________________
End Transmission.

Reply With Quote
  #13  
04-21-2012, 12:27 PM
Coldflame98's Avatar
Coldflame98
Zappfly
 
: Apr 2012
: England
: 18
Rep Power: 0
Coldflame98  (58)

Ace the Mudokon was close. Valkon, the brutal slig assassin for hire, had been searching for Ace for almost a year. he had been his most elusive mark. Valkon stopped dead in his tracks and listened. he heard the soft sound of footsteps on the roof. he used his modified magnetic legs to scale the wall effortlessly. he saw Ace run across the rooftops and a blazing speed.Valkon had the advantage of the shadows, and surprise. he pulled out his gun. a solid gold revolver, which held six shots. Ace ran straight for the jump, and Valkon hit him straight around the head with the butt of his pistol. Hard.

Ace's world had went black, and he fell backwards. He saw a slig aim a gun down at his head. He had one chance. The throwing knife was a direct hit, placing itself in one of Valkon's eyepieces. Valkon's arm flew up in pain, and a bullet left his gun. This offered Ace the chance he needed. he look to the right and saw a Fee-co. train the the distance. Valkon had recovered, and let off two shots at Ace. the first one slid by the side of his head, taking off most of his hair. The second planted itself straight in his shoulder. Ace fell to the floor, screaming out in pain.The faint light of the front of a train could be seen. Ace edged to the side of the building, following another missed shot from his slig assailant. Two shots left. Valkon deliberately fired a shot straight into the air, as if to taunt him.

"Good Night, Mudokon scumbag'

Valkon pointed his pistol down. Ace rose to his feet. Ace spoke:

"It is Mudokon tradition to kill yourself instead of die in combat. May I?"

"Go ahead, I don't care."

He lifted his arms from his sides. He lent backwards. He fell. The fall was lethal. He did not die. The train rushed past, and he landed right on top of it. it rode off towards the Fee-co. depot .
__________________
End Transmission.

Reply With Quote
  #14  
05-12-2012, 03:07 AM
Coldflame98's Avatar
Coldflame98
Zappfly
 
: Apr 2012
: England
: 18
Rep Power: 0
Coldflame98  (58)

Bob woke up. His valet was just getting his pants on, and Bob got ready for work. He owned a small cop for hire joint. Bob turned and shouted.
"Hurry up!"
No reply. He walked into the room, and saw his valet, as well as another slig. The slig had grasped the valet, and he was pointing a gun to his head. He spoke.
"Where is Ace?"
"I have no idea what you are on about." Spoke Bob.
The slig hit the valet with the butt of his gun. Hard. He spoke.
"I'm not going to fucking play these games! One more lie and he gets a bullet in his head."
"You gotta help me, boss!" The valet spoke.
"SHUT UP!"
The slig clicked the safety on his gun.
"Last chance, Bob."
"Ace is at Vykker Advancements. Let him go."
"Thank you."
He shot the Valet and went to the door.
"No witnesses."
He put a bullet in Bob's chest. He fell to the floor.
__________________
End Transmission.

Reply With Quote


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 








 
 
- Oddworld Forums - -