Confidential reports from FBI agents to the Bureau, intercepted by Wikileeks
(Welsh Information Kontrol Institute):
As instructed, trained Subject 443 with machine gun and live ammo and got him worked up to enter his fourth-grade classroom with dud gun we have provided to quote “kill my asshole teacher and all them asshole kids what are always laughing at me,” however am requesting further review of this project in view of fact that Subject 443 although of part Muslim ancestry may be undesirable subject for media attention due to fair complexion, blond hair, blue eyes, and Anglo-Saxon-sounding name. Please advise.
— 003
Have attempted to carry out Project Egregious as instructed, but have failed to implement suggestions that the subjects carry out jihad against vile American infidels at their work place, possibly because languages spoken by subjects appear to be Zulu and English and I deliver the suggestions as instructed in Pakistani. Subjects appear uninterested and at times irritated. Will continue making suggestions until I receive further instructions. Please advise.
— 774.0
Urgent. Subject 088 has turned me in to local police force as “would-be terrorist,” accusing me of plotting to blow up City Hall, which is what I was encouraging him to do with a fake bomb, unfortunately I was instructing him in detonation practice with small real bombs which are now in his possession. Local officials of county jail where I am incarcerated refuse to listen to me, describing my i.d. as “easily faked” and making remarks such as “Yeah we know how you A-rabs love the USA” and “Tell that to your fucking terrorist pals, wog.” Please advise at earliest opportunity.
— .63
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My bowels hurt.
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