Oddworld resistance

[Darkslog33]

This is my oddworld fanfiction plz check it out

[Darkslog33]

Oddworld Resistance

Chapter 1

My names slig643 but my fellow colleagues just call me 643, I work at rupture farms as one of the guards so if that’s true why am I on the ground spilling blood on the hard steel floor.
Well it all started on a day like this, I was off duty so I went to the slig’s employee room like I normally do when I’m off duty, there was only 3 slig’s in there 419,303 and 777 but people usually call him the gambler, 777 was known to take every one’s money in fuzzle poker, when I walked in he was sitting there with a deck of cards in his hands.
‘Yo 643 come and play some fuzzle poker’ ‘Nah ill pass’ ‘come on just a few chips’ ‘Nah I have to go find my pet slogger’ this obviously wasn’t true but it beats losing all my money ‘ok suit yourself’ so I got up and went to leave although I actually have been looking for slogger so I picked up one of the leads hanging on the wall and walked out the door.
I walked down the long hallways of rupture farms reading signs of paramite pies and scrab cakes, although I really missed meech munchies it used to be my favorite food.
I kept walking up the hallway and came across the cross road I pass every day on my daily work hours, well it isn’t really a crossroad since the left hallway was taped of by duck tape he continued right and kept walking…WOOF!!! I immediately turned around and waited for another sound… WOOF WOOF!!! ‘Its slogger’ I crawled under the duck tape hoping that no one would find out that I went into a restricted zone.
I slowly walked through the hallway, I’d never been up this hallway before and by the looks of it no ones probably been up this hallway in years, rusty meat grinders going up the sides of the hallway and empty rooms with leaking roofs was basically all you can see.
WOOF!!! Now the sound was incredibly close I pulled out my gun just in case of any nasty surprises, I slowly walked up the hallway like a scrab scuttling along on his four legs cautious of any danger.
I looked around a bit and saw something on a rusty old door that caught my attention it was a symbol of an hourglass with an O on the top and an R on the bottom, I opened the door slowly but what was behind the door I never would have guessed.
Inside was a small room with a Really deep pitch black pipe inside the ground and the same strange symbol all over the walls, also the words jump in were written on the wall in some red liquid, he looked deep into the pipe but it was pitch black so he couldn’t see anything.
He took a step back and was just about to set of on his expedition again when he heard the same noise… WOOF!!! He turned around and lying there was his pet slog slogger.
Slogger started running straight towards him which would be fine if he wasn’t standing in front of a REALLY DEEP PIT!!! WAIT I yelled but that only made him run faster, the little slog pushed off his back legs going airborne heading straight for me! Uh oh wait maybe if I hurry I can jump out of the wa-SMACK!!! To late, slogger smacked straight into me and we both went flying down the pipe HEEEELLLLPPP!!! I yelled…but no one heard… CRACK!!!

[GABBITS OWN]

Very good, looking forward to Chapter 2.

[STM]

Good but just a bit of help for you, when writing, it is more understandable if you press enter when conversation is happening ie:

Bob looked at the slig and cried "What have you done?"
"I say, I seemed to have killed that fuzzle," the slig grated in reply.
"Well that was bloody cold blooded of you," Bob shouted.
and so on and so forth

[Darkslog33]

thx for your replies and thx 4 the advice scrabtrapman chapter two will either come out today or tommorow

[Lord Stanley]

I think this is a good story. As STM says, add punctuation, and you'll really have something great here.

[Dynamithix]

Pretty good!

[ledsnipe]

I personaly think its an awsome idea.