Jahn's Oddysey

[jahn]

Hi everyone, im new here. I'm making a literature on oddworld.
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Jahn's Oddysee
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Prologue: When it begins
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When I start to work on Rupture Farms XXL, i was raised by sligs, and the sligs killed ma and pa, and made my fellow mudokons eat my parents as Mudokon Pops, so sickening. I cried every night and preyed that ma and pa were doing good up there at Mudokon Heaven or Necrum Burials. So, i worked and worked as a child up to an 16 year old and those damned foster sligs sent me to Seering Garage. Seering Garage is a place where you work and get some nasty treats, like can of gabbier. What if it was like to eat a glukkon. I really wanted to eat glukkons. Don't know the recipe of a glukkon, and don't know how to outsmart a glukkon, maybe i should get a giant oven and fry those glukkons and maybe, me and my new pissy mudokon buddies can eat.
That night, i was working in Seering Garage, was in a cellar, cleaning soulstorm brew bottles, i found out that i got knocked out by something steel. And in my dream, I saw those three wierd looking ghosts. They said to me a message. A message from the guy. The Abe Guy, it was my turn to free all the mudokons and risk their tormented, ruptured, miserable lives, and then. I found out that the Abe Guy, was the symbol, a GOOD symbol of the mudokons and i found it interesting that nature is on my side. Then, I woke up

[Taco]

Welcome to the forum Jahn. That looks like a promising start to your fanfic but you should revise your grammar a bit. I'm not criticising you or asking for perfect english, just try to structure your sentences a bit differently because some of them don't make a lot of sense.

Other than that, it sounds interesting and I'd like to see some more.

[Lord Stanley]

Hi! an enthralling beginning to a story; even though it was very short, I had a lot of images instantly popping in my head.

[jahn]

Welcome to the forum Jahn. That looks like a promising start to your fanfic but you should revise your grammar a bit. I'm not criticising you or asking for perfect english, just try to structure your sentences a bit differently because some of them don't make a lot of sense.

Other than that, it sounds interesting and I'd like to see some more.

thank you for the advices, and my story

[Crashpunk]

That was an amazing beginning Jahn.
can't wait to see more ^^

[jahn]

Hi Again, thank you the replies You're all the best
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Chapter One: Trial
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When I woke up, i was at a wierd place that i was not expecting, and i saw many glukkon audience, and slig guards, and one slig was pulling a lever for the glukkon teleporter, and poof, there was a very powerful glukkon. A red robed, three medals, and with glasses, not a glockstar but a big cheese. He was a judge of Seering Garage, "Hello everybody, welcome to the court of Seering Garage, this is Ryttoni the Glukkon, the judge of the court," The Judge introduced. Then the slig announces, "This, over there, is a Worthless piece of sh*t Mudokon named Jahn, who's on trial." I was abused at this moment and the judge asked me, "You know why you're here. Is because you have pissed off my, MY EMPLOYEES." "Wait," I said, and the judge paused. "I didn't do a damn thing to my buddies, my buddies were drunk, they weren't mad, they we're thinking stupidly and went down to the cellar and get back to my job," I told the Judge. The Judge replied to my question, " Hmm, well, i don't know that, and I don't care. This is going outragous. If you were right, then no sneaky bastard came and sneak bottles of Soulstorm Brew. I think you were drinking, and you ain't drunk." "Nope, not at all, i was cleaning," I said to Judge. "Well, if you say so, I'm bringing out my Mudokon Witness," Judge announced. "Hiccup, *Sympathy* Hiccup Hyey, ya wanna broo.... Hiccup," A Mudokon Witness was drunk, misclearifying the truth about me. "I guess you're right, send all those mudokons and slaughter them, except for Jahn, he can go to Rupture Farms XXL and work like slave," The Judge told me. So, this is my trip to Rupture Farms XXL
When i got to Rupture Farms XXL, I went and go see the MOM news and here it is. Magog on the March, News that won't confuse. The Vykkers has researched that the alien has arrived to Oddworld, the Vykkers has researched that their favorite food is, hmm.... Trying to think here..... Oh yeah, VodGlukka. It makes that alien enlarge twice as large as a galaxy. Help us. Thats all for MOM News. I felt wierd and then i found out that the alien was headed to that direction while i was heading there, and now RUPTURE FARMS!!!!!! Oh my guiness. What am i going to do. And then I fainted.
On my dream, i found the three wierdos again and said, "Jahn, help us, please, the alien is coming this way to eat us up. I hope they don't do that, but the alien eats glukkons, vykkers, slogs, and any type of mecha bullcrap." "What am i going to do," I talked. "I don't know, think, thats why you have a brain, think," Three Wierdos replied my question. And i woke up again.
I founded out that i was at a holocaust like camp. With all the other mudokons. And i found out that the alien was going to the camp, and the sligs with visor masks attacked. The alien was too powerful and i called all the mudokons and made a run, i saw a bird portal, and a sign says "CHANT HERE" so, i chanted and the bird portal transformed into a real portal and all the camped mudokons went in. And that alien killed all the sligs and the mudokons were burned into ashes. So i tried to go on to the bird portal, but it only fit for mudokons, not me. So i made a run for it. And that alien chased me. So, GET ME OUT OF HERE

[Lord Stanley]

Is there any way to hide Crashpunk's videos? I can't read the chapter with them hanging in front of the text!

[jahn]

Is there any way to hide Crashpunk's videos? I can't read the chapter with them hanging in front of the text!

I dont know, sorry but im new

[Taco]

Is there any way to hide Crashpunk's videos? I can't read the chapter with them hanging in front of the text!

Hanging in front of the text? what do you mean?

[jahn]

Hi everyone, long time no see, sorry that i kept you all waiting, i was busy with school, homework, and Youtube. Ok, well, let’s get on with the chapter.
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Chapter Two: Freedom or Slog Treats
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While I was escaping for freedom, I heard a snap, don't know what noise it came from. I was scared for the moment and kept walking until I heard a crack sound from the ground. The floor became sturdy and i noticed that the alien was near me. The floor cracked again, and I became more scared than what I thought. And what happened is that the floor broke down and I fall down. Which that is, the sign of bad things will happen. All I found is a light from the ceiling, which means it's daytime, totally tried jumping on top of it, but I failed. Then I heard a growling noise, and those fireflies from the alien rampage were here, so I chanted and the fireflies said, "GET OUT OF THE SLOG DEN, THOSE ARE SLOGS, THEY WILL EAT YOU UP LIKE SALAMI, and DIG ANOTHER HOLE." I started to dig another hole, until an alarm siren went off. I was scared, and started to dig another hole, and i found a mine, and a sign, the sign said, "WELCOME TO GOLD BLUFF MINE, WHERE MUDOKONS GET VODGLUKKA, MADE OUT OF MUDOKON, SPIT."
This is where Mudokons work, and get that refreshing bevarage. I heard a growl noise, and there was a pink slog, its jaw were huge, waiting for another Mudokon meal. I ran out of Gold Bluff Mine, and went back to the Uknown desert, a bird portal is awaiting; now it's my bird portal. I chanted quickly while the slog chased me and i ran to the bird portal and went to the Top point of Mosiac Lines, the fireflies again told me to jump off a cliff to the entrance, but I failed. I fell down a branch and it hits my head, and I went upside down, and went to the floor and cracked my head. And I died.
One random Mudokon named Bigface appeared in the dark and he told me that I have infinity lives under one condition, need to at least 50 Mudokons to order to be a savior of Mudo. I am alive again. Bigface told me to see, the Three Weirdoes, so I began my journey over to Necrum.

[bigface1]

hey nice dude!

[Lord Stanley]

Very quick change of scenery for the protagonist. Is Vodglukka like vodka?

[jahn]

i well tell you in the next chapter.

[OANST]

I CAN'T WAIT TO FIND OUT HOULY CRAP HURRRY UP!

[jahn]

Finally the fourth chapter, I know that it took forever. Why? Because I was at my families, and my computer broke down and got a laptop. And installed Microsoft Word, and thats why It took forever
Heres the new chapter
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Chapter Three: Meet the Mudokon Tribe
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When I woke up, I was going to Necrum, but I was halted by a tribe of Mudokons and they were very pissy at something. “So, you are the intruder that tolerate in this land. OUR LAND, you will go to prison and you will be executed by your nightmare,” said one of the Mudokon tomohawkers. “B-b-but I d-d-didn’t trespass your l-l-land,” I stuttered. “You know what side your on, eh. Be a man god damn it and be honest,” the Mudarcher told me sternly. I told the Mudokons, “Let me tell you the story, first I worked at RuptureFarms XXL or Infinity what ever it is.” “You mean RuptureFarms XXL, you are a worthless bastard, now you will pay the price,” said the Tomohawkers. “Please knock the bullcrap off.” A female Mudokon voice appeared. “So, you are the mudokon that escaped from Searing Garage, eh. Let me tell you my name, Jahn. My name is Nali, the step-daughter of Bigface. You are the troubled one from that dump,” Nali introduced and asked me. “Um, yes, I am Jahn, trying to escape the piece of crap. I was in a concentration camp, almost got eaten by a steef. And ran away and those bird portals were teleporting me in the wrong way,” I explained my story. Nali just said, “NO, don’t talk stuff about Mudokon’s magic.” “Okay,” I agreed.
Few days later, I went to Mudokon school, in Monsiac Lines and I got taught the right Mudokon way by a teacher named Alf. He also runs his buisiness, Alf’s tea and rehab. That’s where I went for checkings. That day, Alf checked my body, and told me “So, Jahn, you drank Vodglukka. Vodglukka is a strong alcohol beverage for mudokons, estimately a hundred more, you will be fat like a paramite brood mother. I recommend you don’t take that, or you will be dead meat.” “How can I be dead meat when I am already chubby,” I said. “You are already about to have fatness problems, need to trim down. How about this, you go to Scrabania and theres a running machine. In fact, theres a scrab awaitin for you. Scrabs are savages that kill in there sight, even though they do not have eyes to sight and nose to scent, but their senses are very sensative. They kill in sense and eat, even their own species they eat. Except for tamed scrabs, they don’t care about killing everything,” Alf explained to me. “I don’t want to get involved with danger,” I said to Alf in a scared way and a childish way. Alf told me, “Every Mudokon has to survive. You are the one unique Mudokon needs to survive. So heres your new pet scrab, Wolfy. He can be your losing weight pet.” I flinched at Wolfy, and Wolfy roared, and howled in happiness, but he was in a very big cage, not a crate, but in a wooden cage. And Alf opened the cage and told Wolfy, “It’s alright boy, this is your new playmate. Be gentle and nice, understood.” Wolfy shook his head and came to me and danced on two feet and stood on four this time and howled. This will be a rude awakining for me. Ughhh!!!!!