Fillin's Proclamation - STORY

STM · #1 11-14-2009, 03:41 AM

To those of you that don't know, OWIFG (Now Fanwerkz) are in the process of making a game called Fillin's Proclmation. I am releasing the story for it in chapters, it will run as a story not a script so relax an enjoy!
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Chapter one - Offline

Fillin hit the green button on the drink vendor and cracked the can into his tentacles, gulping viciously, the stuff tasted foul but for strange reason he was hooked, probably because it was the safest stuff to drink in the Southlands. He wandered over to the control room, there was already a slig waiting for him by the control panel.
"Situation"? Asked the Slig
"Still...nothing...the truck hasn't...arrived yet...an entire skit and nothing, not even a letter...from the HQ"! Fillin replied.
You may be thinking at this point, Fillin pausing so much, he's obvioulsy hiding something? No, Southland sligs are poorly educated workers, a slig is sent to the Southlands as a sliglet and brought up by the sligs already there hence forth, all Southlands sligs have the same limited speech abilities.

"So what do...we do"? Asked the control slig. "We need orders"!
Fillin rubbed the grime from his type two visors and scratched his lobe,
"Ok, well we could iniciate order 12"? Fillin decided, he had speculated doing it since the outpost first went offline.
"No, we can't, we...donot have the skills...to trek back...it's hundreds of miles". The control slig replied immediatley.
"We could make it...if we stop along a route...We know that Soulstorm Brewery is still open, and Monsaic Outpost '21 we...could-" Fillin buzzed in desperation.
"NO, it is...out of the...question, we stay here...and get on with life."
"But paramites are already low, the scrab cages are in a state of disrepair, the meeches haven't been reported in in months...we have like 15...worker scrubs that haven't already...pissed off...we can't stay." Fillin screamed.
"Leave Fillin".
Fillin left in a state, he was sweating vile grease and his visors where steamed up again.

There was a mudokon on the walkway and Fillin's brain was still purge with anger, he walked up to it and battered it across the face with his rifle, it sprawled across the walkway and landed in a heap, blood dribbled from it's face and it raised a hand in an attempt to stop the ensalught.
Fillin brought the rifle butt down over the muds head, a awful cracking sound filled ricoched across the mountains.
"I reckon you...where going to leave as well yeh...or are you happy staying here? Dying here alone, we could get the hell outta here...I got maps...but no one listens to me...fuck"! Fillin shouted.
He dropped a bullet down the chamber and it clicked into the barrel, his trigger finger quivered and the dazed mudokon looked up through battered eyes putting on his best pityable face. At the moment before Fillin squeezed the tirgger he heard the sound of mechanical pants sprinting towards him.
Fillin dropped the gun and turned to face the control slig surrounded by other sligs all had there rifles pointed at him.

He was about to ease back when he felt seering pain and his visor cracked.

It went dark.
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End of chapter 1

MA · #2 11-14-2009, 07:44 AM

oh nice work, Scrabtrapman! i think this may be my favourite of yours so far. you've come a really long way since your first time here and its beginning to show in your writing style.

nice work! i will be keeping an eye on this.

STM · #3 11-14-2009, 08:16 AM

thanks MA! Much appreciated

EDIT: Oh what they hey i'll do chapter 2, I'm so bored now anyway.

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Fillin awoke and tried to move but it brought pain to his wrists so he stayed still, his visor was smashed and he could barely make out the figures around him.
"Fillin has been charged with assault and faces a firing squad, should he survive being riddled with bullets, he will be put in the stockade for six months". It was the control slig.
Fillin's tried to speak but his tentacles had wire wrapped around them that dug deep into the bone.
"Can...troll...Slig...graaaawr...no" Was all Fillin could get out.
He just made out the sound of rifles clicking under the ringing in his ears,
"Aim..." Shouted the control slig
Fillin whimpered in desperartion,
"Hold...wait sergeant wait"! A junior sliglet came crawling up towards the outpost pathway.
"SCRAB ATTACK"! He cried and just at that moment, a scrab foot came crushing down on the slig's head, the scrab howled and charged at a hapless slig guard.
"Fire". Screeched the control slig.

Fillin's ears where returning to normal and he could hear clearly the firing from the poorly made slig rifles, slowly the guns fell silent and all he could hear was the sound of not one but two moaning scrabs.
"This is it"! Fillin thought as he felt the hot and malodorous smelling breath of a scrab on his face, it nudged him and pushed up against the pole he wastied to, it fell with a thud and Fillin felt his bonds loosening.

Fillin stumbled about before tripping over a slig carcass, after a minutes repairs he changed his visors with the ones on the carcass, they where terrible but he could make out the scrab clearly, it was standing over him, the others where wandering about.

"What are you doing"? Asked Fillin.
The Scrab nudged him and then Fillin realised the little blue lights floating around the scrabs face.
"Oh shit" He said.

MA · #4 11-14-2009, 10:36 AM

really liking this whole concept; the slig limited speech abilities, the poorly made weaponry, and other details i wont catch again until i reread it. this is original, i know that. that may be the reason i became so strongly hooked in such little time; you just created your own piece of Oddworld. its yours now.

STM · #5 11-14-2009, 01:04 PM

Molluck's Assistant, your kind words are heartening, keep it up and i'll end up having to finished the story in a week! Believe me it's barely started. Hopefully the game we are making sticks to the story line.

AlexFili · #6 11-15-2009, 01:44 AM

Sounds pretty good so far

STM · #7 11-16-2009, 09:59 AM

Ok chapter 3
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The scrab wobbled and howled piercing Fillin's ear drums.
There was no need for Fillin to think about what to do next. Run.
He clambered up the ladder to the top floor of the outpost and wacked the boom machine, it made that terrible pop noise when there was no grenades left.
"Fuck me paramite style". Fillin shouted then, he had a magnificent idea.
If he could rech his locker room he could find the old hover pants and fly off to the station, the problem was how to ge there, it was down the ladder and 400 yds back where he came from.
"Ok Fillin, you can do it"! He said to himself quietly.
And with that he jumped the floor and landed with a skid, his pants grated across the metal bolts in the wooden floors and sent sparks flying in the scrabs face, it snorted and reeled back giving Fillin a few precious seconds to run.
His pants worked over time and exaust spewed our in short grunts of smoke but the scrab got closer and closer until it was on him then, Fillin had more luck, the scrab grabbed the pants instead of Fillin, the pants jarred and sent Fillin sprawling out of the pants and onto the floor, splinters dug into his goggles and the glass half shattered, Fillin re-controlled himself and begna crawling towards the locker room, he was not metres away when the scrab realised that Fillin, would be a tastier meal than the pants he was staring at.

It charged at the Fillin who was clawing at the door helplessly.
"OH GOD HELP"!

MA · #8 11-17-2009, 09:24 AM

very tense. hope to see more soon.

enchilado · #9 11-17-2009, 01:07 PM

I don't like the swearing, I don't understand why the scrabs are attacking, but it seems a good story nevertheless.

~more soon?
Enchilado

mr.odd · #10 11-17-2009, 01:18 PM

:

I don't like the swearing.

Well then, don't read it.

:

I don't understand why the scrabs are attacking.

They're Scrabs, they attack anyone. Other than that, they don't need a reason.

MA · #11 11-17-2009, 01:24 PM

:

Well then, don't read it.

They're Scrabs, they attack anyone. Other than that, they don't need a reason.

spot on.

i don't understand why everyone seems to be objected to any type of Oddworld inhabitant swearing in any way lately. i admit, mine was way out of moderation, but this has it in moderation, which makes more of an impact.

sligs have basic swear words in their vocabulary, MO proves this.

enchilado · #12 11-17-2009, 01:33 PM

~"Fuck me paramite style"?
Enchilado

mr.odd · #13 11-17-2009, 01:41 PM

Again, if you don't like, don't read it. no need to nitpick the little details.

enchilado · #14 11-17-2009, 02:03 PM

... YOUR MOM!

~wow, I always seem to come up with such great retorts.
Enchilado

mr.odd · #15 11-17-2009, 02:16 PM

You are begging to get trolled or banned, Maybe both. I would stop the spam if you don't want any of that to happen.

Conversation over, read the fanfic or don't, there is nothing wrong with the fanfic in my opinion.

enchilado · #16 11-17-2009, 02:26 PM

Read it! When's Chapter Four? And how will the game work around this plot?

~will you get to be a Flying Slig in it??
Enchilado

STM · #17 11-18-2009, 09:54 AM

Enhilado get the hell off my page if you don't like what you read, stop spamming or i'm hoping to get you infracted ok!

For those of you who I praise for reading! Chapter 4 in two days!

If you want to know how the story rolls with this then wait for the FMV demo's that right anyone i'm releasing FMV demos in about 1 month. Xmas prezies

enchilado · #18 11-18-2009, 03:00 PM

Aw geez, like I even care if I get banned. I get banned from forums all the time, I'm used to it. Anyway all I said was I didn't like the swearing, and suddenly everyone's yelling at me and telling me to fuck off and don't read it. It's a great story, but if you really don't want me to read it, I won't. Thanks anyway for what I have read

~two days! Can't wait.
Enchilado

MA · #19 11-18-2009, 03:58 PM

god i'm drunk but you still managed to piss me off.

no one told you to 'fuck off', so that's a blatant lie. you posted twice about reading it, meaning you spammed. you don't care if you're banned? then don't post here and spam in OT. you will get banned within 72 hours, i guarantee. you already stated you don't like swearing, in my thread also, i think we get the picture. to put it blatantly; be quiet, we're not here to amuse you and your needs, our work is for everyone to enjoy.

and finally; stop acting innocent; you posted twice stating you read it, then again after being told by the thread creator to pipe down, and tried to make out you were the victim. me and mr.odd (at least) have been here long enough to know when newbies are pulling stunts like this, and it isn't impressive.

i told you in your blog, but you ignored. post here again with something that could be classed as spam or breaking FC rules and you'll get the trolling of your life, my little friend.

also; -rep. behave.

STM · #20 11-20-2009, 07:51 AM

Ok thanks everyone.

Firstly, a note has been passed to me by well. anon. to you guys, that I sohul not reveal too much of the story lest I spoil it for you all, I agreed and will only submit two maybe three more chapters until further notice, if you want to see my other work...it's here somewhere!

Ok Enchilado to answer your pretty blatant question: You will be aflying Slig yes, I wouldn't add it otherwise.
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Chapter 4

The door slammed shut leaving Fillin in the dark room alone, for now. He breathed a sigh of relief and crawled to his locker, after a few minutes he had fitted new goggles again and clambered into the flypants.

Flypant harnases as you know, are noisy, gas guzzling engines that allow sligs to fly with relative ease. In the southlands, no new flypants have come in in years, leaving the sligs with backward flypants working around an elasticated mechanism that has to be woud almost constantly to keep the pilot suspended in the air. Of course this puts any extra weapons out of the question.

Fillin flipped the catch that started unlocked the mechanism and began cranking the handle, after about a minute the turbines began to spin the wings slowly sending clouds of dust into the air, minurets floating around in spasms, the room was thick with dirt and it clogged up the long-untouched cogs inside the pants making it harder to turn the handle however, eventually, Fillin gained enough thrust to hover over to the door and pull the handle.

he carefully nudged the sails straight and flew gently out of the back door then, he took the skies, dropping the large sail as he did so, now he had to fly to the station, a mile away.

The station was completley empty besides the guardian greeter that lay against one of the pillars, riddled with bullet holes, inactive, there was some more of that vile adictive drink in a vendo to the left so Fillin hovered over and hit the button, the can fell but it was old, of course this didn't stop Fillin and he slurped the can greedily, next he hovered over to the station ticket vendo, there was no guard so he shot a hole in the button and a ticket rolled out of the dispensor, there was no safety bar because the techology was so remedial at best.
The timetable was smeared with grime and slurg sh- err poop (happy now enchilado)
but he made out that the next train would arrive when the sun hit the central mountain.
Another hour of tedious waiting.

enchilado · #21 11-20-2009, 12:40 PM

Thanks, but it's more the fact that "fuck me Paramite style" is, apart from being totally sick and NOT the thing I'd imagine the inhabitants of Oddworld to say, not the kind of thing a Slig would think to say in the heat of battle when he's about to be eaten by Scrabs. Nice work on the story.

~will we have to play Fillin flying to the Station?
Enchilado

MA · #22 11-20-2009, 05:24 PM

very nice chapter.

:

The timetable was smeared with grime and slurg sh- err poop (happy now enchilado)

classic.
also; just -rep Enchilado if he annoys you people, don't pay him attention in this thread.

STM · #23 11-21-2009, 02:42 AM

I would have liked feed back for the last chapter but ok, back on track now.

Enchilado - It is undecided and the fact is I am not supposed to give anything else away yet. I've been hung drawn and quartered by the guys back ant Fanwerkz for releasing this. I'm on a fine thread. Is perhaps an answer? Sorry.

Also Besides SW, oddworld is pretty comic, maybe it was a bit rude but does it matter that much actuallt, don't answer, no more spamming, I don't swear much myself but it adds a comic feel.
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EDIT: Next chapter -

Chapter 5

The train ride was long and tedious but eventually the train slowed and Fillin stepped out on central southlands station - Matchstick Pines, he hammmered at the pants vendor and slipped back into walkers, it was desolate and similar in look to Paramoina, the trees however where far higher, it is said that in the Match Stick Pine forest, there are levels and in the canopy, a breed of slig survives that has not pants but a tail, thye swing from branch to branch, it's just legend but the thought sent shivers down Fillin's curved spine.

Dark, it was dark too, Fillin could barely make out the sign saying which way to go, the sunlight was fragmented by the trees foliage and barely any reached the floor. The sign did say however that MMPLI was south, it gave no distance which was anoyying but it did give a path, Fillin thought it best if he followed.
He looked about, it was a magnificent area, a shame that MMPLI would de-forest it in about 10 years, he would be one of the last sligs to ever see a matchstick pine tree within a 3500 mile radius. It was likely that there would be an outpost somewhere but after an hour, there was still no sign of other intelligent life, Fillin took his map from a compartment in his pants and to his dismay, realised that the map didnot specify where he was, it was uncharted territory, never touched by industrialists.

Fillin was scared half to death and began to panic, in a blind stumble he ran down the paths, sliding over walkways and at one point, nearly slipping down to his death. He was about to give up all hope when he saw something magnificent, in the distance a gentle light was shining, he wandered towards it to realise it was a small bulb attached to a little solar panel on the top of a vendor for soulstorm brew, it was amazing, it meant thta someone was here, even though the vendor was so old it was made from wood. There was also a soft trickling sound now as well, a tiny rivulet was carving it's way down the rock and trickling over the pathway in front of him, Fillin was parched and decided to clamber over the rocks to the source...he was in for a suprise.

STM · #24 12-06-2009, 03:04 AM

UPDATE - Due to tehnicaliies I am no longer submitting the story here, if you wish to view it, pop into tabbi desgin forums, the link is in my signature

Gretin · #25 12-06-2009, 10:46 AM

:

Enchilado - It is undecided and the fact is I am not supposed to give anything else away yet. I've been hung drawn and quartered by the guys back ant Fanwerkz for releasing this. I'm on a fine thread. Is perhaps an answer? Sorry.

I just wanted to respond to this comment in particular - no one at FanWerkz was angry at you for releasing this story. I merely said that seeing as it's a team project it would've been polite to run it by the team before showing it to everyone else.

But I also said that since you've already started posting it here you might as well continue, it's too late now to say you're cancelling it to avoid spoilers, that's just going to annoy the people who were originally interested in the story. And telling people to go to Tabbi Design forums to see it, apart from being a nuisance to people - I think most people would rather read it on one site than having to click on another website and find it - is not the greatest idea ever, because the storyline discussion is invisible to non-FanWerkz members

So in short, no offense, but don't be such a drama queen

You're making it sound like the rest of the team are evil tyrants.

STM · #26 12-06-2009, 11:02 AM

Hahaha I am well known to be a laurence ollivier! No seriously there all nice guys I was having a laugh. I'll keep posting here then I guess =D

Update in two days approx

STM · #27 12-14-2009, 10:42 AM

Christmas secret - not part of the story!!!

Fillin expected to find a poorly kept sanctuary full of ancient mudokon art work and scrabs and parmites crawling about the place so his jaw hit the floor when he stepped inside, firstly, there where no mudokons at all, there where sligs everywhere, all wearing funny little red hats with white fluffy baubles on the ends, they where on a production line and little items where falling along them, little stuffed mudokon heads and frozen packets of mudokon pops, in the middle of the production hall was a jolly looking glukkon, clearly overweight wearing red overalls.
"Ah Fillin, I hear you killed a little mudokon, what a good boy you are, come sit on my lap, what present have you always wanted"...

enchilado · #28 12-14-2009, 06:37 PM

Good Bad Ending!