This is why I hate Wicca.
Right
Fucking
Here
First off, I want to say I am not some teenager looking for "dark" kicks in Vampirism. I don't think Vampires are one of the coolest "myth-beasties" in the world, nor do I want to be one in a lunatick-like extreme like many wannabes who think Twilight is the coolest thing ever and want to become vampires so they can meet guys like "Edward" [I'm not trying to be mean, I personally know girls who are in that mindset around me, same thing as when "Legolas was the so-called hottest guy in the world" among little girl crazes which included my older sister for some time, what a shock!]
I am honestly curious about whether I was meant to be something "else", but I especially wonder if I’m unintentionally dangerous in a way?
All my life I have been accused of being something “other-than-human”, mainly a cat, but I won’t go into that because that is from childish bullying. When I say “other-than-human” I mean something more dangerous. With the things people have said and fear me for, I wonder if by some odd chance, that some type of Vampirism runs in my blood.
Why I wonder this:
1) People suddenly grow cold, especially if I’m not in the cheeriest of moods.
2) People quiver and look at me funny when beside me sometimes.
3) People grow weak around me as if I’m sucking their energy and many classmates go to sleep from this.
4) Even among my friends they have always felt a strange tint of scariness about me even though I am probably one of the sweetest people they could ever know.
5) My teeth are like vampire bats, they have no enamel so anything they chew makes their teeth sharper. My teeth have no enamel and they are all jaggedly sharp like a shark’s mouth. (my cheeks and tongue are scarred because of this)
6) I have craved to drink of human blood ever since I can remember (I’m serious). I even grew hungered enough to try to drink from a lizard, but something made me stop with my conscious screaming, ”NO! It is not HUMAN!” [age: five]. I also grew hungered enough to bite one of my cats (who promptly ran away and never returned v_v…) But since it wasn’t human blood for some reason I leaped up hissing, picked up some granite and shoved them into my mouth to get rid of the taste of cat blood. I did all this without even acknowledging I was doing them till I began to spit the granite out. [age: thirteen]
7) Every time I get a taste of human blood I involuntarily pause delighting in its taste. (I’ve done that a few times in front of my friends on accident and it creeped them out really bad…)
8 ) Sunlight makes me feel sick.
9) Insomniac (since age five) so far, no cure but to exhaust myself before bedtime.
10) Stupid fortune cookie said “You are of the night…”
Holy heck, a freakin’ fortune cookie told me this! What could be more convincing?!
11) Very strong senses in scent, and hearing.
12) My mother dressed strangly as if she could have possibly by some small chance be a vampire. Her boyfriend in one of the pictures my adoptive mom gave me shows my biological mother with a very "Nos Feratu-Vampiric" looking "young(?)" man, not only that, she is wearing a scarf... My father's whereabouts were unknown.
I thought I could be an unintentional psychic vampire because I have an insane pent up energy that could be from sucking the energy of my close sitting classmates (some have been across the room!). It fills my stress gauge so much my body cries at least four times a day (used to be ten or more). I literally just start leaking for no reason whatsoever during the day and try to bawl most of it all out every night if I remember to do so.
But what about this strange “blood-lust” and “sun-sickness”… maybe I’m both?
I know I’m not much of a witch when it comes to powers (*pfft*- can’t even make energy work from my hand to the ground when touching the ground already… seriously, drop-dead honest… I really suck…). Though I have been able to chanal another type of energy towards other people through my hand and it seemed to hurt the person. This is why I have been wondering if I was actually meant to be something “else”…
I would consult my Tarot for this, but I never seem to do it right for myself. Nothing matches. I know some readings are like that, but the readings I’ve done are so farfetched I have to read over my written question over and over again to see if you just can’t ask the tarot that kind of question or something. Everyone else’s readings I’ve done all flow together sometimes “too” nicely, so why the “off-the-wall” readings for me every time?
I'm asking you guys for advice because I can't ask my parents, they always have this "brainwashing" way of telling me something isn't "real" or that "it didn't happen". They do that often and it's kind of hard for me to stay out of their worded "brain-traps". I once revealed to them a terrible truth of what someone did to me and they quickly denied it so I was never able to tell them the even worser thing that someone else did to me...
So yeah, any help or advice from someone else would be much appreciated.
Edit: I almost pissed myself when i read this one:
My sister (whose been practicing far longer than i have) and I were going to cleanse my attic since it was bothering our family.
When we went up there to evaluate the problem, two shadows were apparent on one side of the attic.
I sheilded immediately (just incase), and we isolated them.
Thinking that was it, we called out any dark entities.
There were more than we thought.
On the other side of the room, one jumped out at me and knocked me backwards.
But with proper sheilding I wasn't harmed at all, and the problem is taken care of.
__________________
My bowels hurt.
Last edited by OANST; 01-31-2009 at 11:00 AM..
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