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That was actually kind of cool. I'm not gonna give you any advice. Because that is what seperates you from other writers. I know this because I'm writing a fan-fic too.
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Thanks, after I did the chapter I didn't really like it, but hopefully I'll improve over time
and I look forward to your fanfic!
~Chapter 2~
Run
“Where am I? I can’t see anything!!”
Magnus Panicked, he could not feel anything, he could not smell anything, he saw just darkness, and all he could hear was his voice.
Then a blue light burst out of no where showing the remains of Mudoran.
Magnus got up, confused and dazed, it was still night, his vision was distorted, but then when his vision started going back to normal he wish that he was blind.
The entire village was gone, huts, trees, temples, everything scattered all over the land burnt or still with a bit of ember a lit.
“How….how did this happen!?”
Laughter came a few feet away, Glukkons laughter, it could not be mistaken. Magnus crept behind the rubble, in the shadows and is peeked through the rubble.
3 Great Yellow eyes glowed, and something that stuck out of there mouth looked like it was on fire.
Then Red eyes showed, with metal legs and a butt ugly face.
“Hah, and those Mudokons laughed at us when we threatened them, but now look where they are, all over the place now, as we stand on those green bastards”
The Glukkons seemed to be shouting as he spoke.
Magnus was full of rage, he wanted to kill the Glukkons, but he knew after destroying a entire village chances were that they had more weapons up there sleeve.
“Geez, can’t you put a mask on, you are really freaking me out!”
The red eyed creature didn’t look offended but it was hard to tell as Magnus couldn’t directly look at the creature due to how ugly it was.
“When will preparations for the factory begin?”
The other Glukkon shouted.
“As soon as possible, it seems Meeches somehow survived the attack, perfect to grind up, mash up, and make some fantastic food!”
Magnus had heard enough a started to creep away until he heard a croaked voice scream.
“FREEZE!”
Magnus turned around and saw the ugly creature pointing a piece of metal at it, then a million loud sounds ringed out along with tiny other pieces of metal, Magnus instantly sprinted away, he had left the ruins of he village and had entered the forest, frantically running to survive.
*SNAP*
Magnus tripped on a trees root and fell hard on the ground; the creature caught up with Magnus and pointed the metal at Magnus’s head. Magnus closed his eyes…
Then he heard a roar, a sacred scream, and then sounds of hooves.
A Scrab came leaping out of the bushes, Magnus gasped in awe, he had never seen one before, he had heard about them in stories his father would tell when travelling to the Scrabs Temple, and had seen pictures of them in the temples and in stories. But none of that compared to the real thing for Magnus.
The Scrab landed and speared its legs into the creatures chest, shooting out blood everywhere, the Scrab started feeding on the dead remains. Although Magnus wished to stay and watch the Scrab he knew that if he wasn’t careful the Scrab would kill him too, and that the Glukkons had most likely sent out more of those creatures.
Magnus got up and crept away from the Scrab, but still looking back at the majestic creature. When he had quite a far distance away from the Scrab he started running again, but was on full alert for ugly creatures and Scrabs.
Magnus had finally made it out of the forest, he felt safe for once, until the ground disappeared, and fell down a cliff, and smashed his head…
~ Whispers from the past, Odd Beginnings ~
I really like those smilies. I'm going to bed now.