A Closing Prologue

***Wil*** · #1 05-01-2008, 05:50 PM

As some of you know, over the past few days a small number of prolific Oddworld Forums members met up in London for some love and merriment. Being that this is the third time more than three members have met, we have decided that this is OddTour 3, despite not actually being a tour. I’m sure the other participants would love to say their own things about the great time we had; I know I plan to put together a day-by-day retrospective of the event, and I’d like to start right now with a prologue I wrote on my way home.

A Closing Prologue

It’s the close of the day, the night has reached its blackest, and the train is inching its way out of London to take me home to Norwich. OddTour 3 is over, and now it’s back to semi-normal life for the five participants. Nathan, whose presence in London opened the gates for the get-together, is going back to Australia; it’s a two-stage flight, and I’m sure he’ll need some time to recover. Marcus is back in Southampton, but seems capable of getting to London quite readily. Charlie is back in Surrey, only needing to return for exams and to see Peter, who alone remains in the capital, and will do for a few months yet—and since I have an open return, I can come back to London any time in the next month, and I’m quite certain I will. More on this later!

There’s a freaky man standing in the space between this and the nearest adjacent coach. He appears to be doing naught but examining the wall of this small area, and occasionally looking into the coaches on either side. The ticket inspector has just spent a good while having a go at a couple who seemingly missed their rightful return journey by a couple of hours, and forcing them to buy tickets. The trouble is, even with a penalty fine (which is apparently something new to British rail journeys), he’s paying less than I did for this journey. I can only presume they’re getting off before Norwich.* True I paid for an open return, but it’s only £1 more expensive than the cheapest single I could have, and I was planning on revisiting Peter some time in May already.

Still, this is London. Everything’s expensive here. I just had a £10** ’phone conversation with Peter to pass the time until my train departed. True, that’s just mobile ’phone prices, not specifically London, but it still could have lasted longer. So expensive.

But then again, I have had free lodging for four nights (more if it’d’ve been necessary), including toilet and shower, some meals, plenty of booze, and a bed warmer for a couple of nights. For this I am very grateful to Peter, and would like to thank him for his generosity, and also for recently purchasing the three new domains that point toward the Oddworld Forums. A wise investment for a near future. I’d also like to thank the guys who coalesced in London for a few very fun, enjoyable days. We may have known each other for several years, but this is the first time most of us have met. Only Peter and Charlie have spent time together before this month. To those who asked how we knew each other, we could only reply ‘from a website,’ followed quickly by the slightly less worrying amendment, ‘it’s a videogame forum.’ Yes, you guys have been really super company, and I look forward to hearing your retrospective impressions, and possibly reading a self-serving write-up if you can muster the energy. I will be scripting my own report over the next few days, to be enjoyed by all.

To those who were invited but couldn’t make it, Rexy and Xav, you were missed and we really wish you could have shared the great time we had. But you are still invited, because there wil be that OddTour 3b in May, and we’re setting about planning it right away. No time to lose!

But to all, remember: be careful about meeting up with people you know only form the Internet. We were safe to do so because we’ve all known each other for some time—Peter and I have been chatting for about six years. I’ve also had prior experience having also met Xavier, Mojo, Havoc, Gluk Schmuck, and Mutual Friend.***

Now, warning/boasting over with, let the story of OddTour 3, a.k.a. NAZIDEST, be told!

* They did!
** Given I was topping my ’phone up on a voice-recognizing automated line in a train station with a tannoy with Tourette’s, I can’t be certain it was a full £10.
*** Peter was also on the original OddTour; I am not the only person not a stranger to meeting strangers.

Leto · #2 05-01-2008, 05:54 PM

Sounds cool! How was Mutual Friend when you met him? He hasn't been online recently myes.

Needs more drunk stories./Needs more Peter drunk stories.

Hobo · #3 05-02-2008, 01:32 AM

Peter likes spooning. TRUE

***Nate*** · #4 05-02-2008, 09:31 AM

*awaits a response to Leto's post*

:

To those who asked how we knew each other, we could only reply ‘from a website,’ followed quickly by the slightly less worrying amendment, ‘it’s a videogame forum.’

You stole that from me! Actual conversation I had with my mother. The expression on her face when she tried to work out what sort of website I'm meeting people from was priceless.

All I can add is how strangely similar everyone is to what I was expecting (with the exception of Peter being far too heterosexual). The rhythm and content of conversations was identical to the way we chat on MSN. On the other hand, it felt really odd to talk about Oddworld and the forums to someone in person, rather than textually.

***Wil*** · #5 05-02-2008, 02:12 PM

Yes, I did. Sorry, Nathan, but we all did. We were so impressed with the anecdote that we used exactly the same wording when anyone else asked us.

It was very strange meeting Mutual Friend, as I’d not been chatting with him anywhere near as long as with anyone else on my have-met list. But we had some good adventures, nonetheless. But these are not stories for this forum.

Bullet Magnet · #6 05-02-2008, 03:48 PM

My day began with my alarm waking me up at 7:00 am. I promptly muttered "fuck this" and set it forward another hour.

At 8:00, I awake with a feeling of utter dread as I have overslept a whole hour and am going to be late.

Both my shower and the communal one at my place are stuffed, and no one is going to let me in their rooms at eight o'clock on a Saturday morning. Showering in the sink is tricky and cold, but makes for excellent self-depreciation.

The milk is off. I gather my wallet and sunglasses and spy someone's mobile telephone half concealed beneath a musty t-shirt. I bring that with me too.

I arrive at the station near enough nine. I am surprised to see another house mate there already. He has not showered this morning. He tells me he is going with the anime club to London today. I tell him I'm going to meet people from a website. I refrain from subsequent (and much needed) clarification and catch an earlier train to London Victoria.

I haven't used the trains by myself before, having a dire phobia somehow related to Exeter and the wrong platform. With an uncharacteristic burst of confidence that would somehow get me through the entire day, I actually get on board the correct train. Woo.

The train is airtight and the air is recycled. It feels like a low-flying aeroplane with very bad suspension. I elect to sleep through the next eighteen stops before my destination, as it becomes increasingly apparent that this train is "going round the houses."

As it approaches twenty-to-eleven, I begin to suspect that I may not be meeting the others at the pre-determined time of 10am. I call Max to forewarn him of this inconvenience and hear his voice for the first time. It is deep and peculiar and I wonder if the advice I had ignored concerning meeting people you know from the internet might actually have some merit after all. Fortunately a well-placed tunnel cuts us off before I say something to this effect.

Anxious not to appear rude and to save my meagre phone credit, I text Max to apologise and to deliver the message I had originally intended and miserably failed to deliver vocally. After composing a veritable snippet of prose that I then edited back down to a single page, I inadvertently delete the whole thing and have to start over. Not having texted with this phone before, it takes quite a while. By the time I send it off, I'm almost at the end of the line anyway.

Max texts back, informing me that the others have not yet turned up anyway, so I am not delaying anyone but him. This, I am fine with. He also provides a Raisin-says extract polluted by a foreign language that I later discover to be directions and place names within London town. This amuses me, but I am mostly interested in the cake he mentions that apparently has him cornered beneath the Great Gherkin. I look out the window and see said enormous pickle jutting out above the ridiculous London skyline. This is fortunate because it is immediately obstructed by the inside of a train station.

I get outside. It is a glorious day in London, the sun is shining, the pigeons are crapping and the people- the less said about the people the better. Still, the sun is out and it is an amazing day. My eyes hurt from the brightness and my skin prickles and burns. I put on my sunglasses (aww, sunglasses) and look for the Gherkin, my only connection to Max's location.

I noticed that city skylines are not exactly visible when you are inside them. I saw no such Gherkin, or indeed any London landmark. I muster the best that my bearings can give me, remembering my orientation skills from my cub-scout days, pick a direction at random and sprint.

Ten minutes later and I still can't see anything. I have been taught by my parents to call regularly when I am trying to find them to keep them clued up as to current events. I call Max to tell him that I'm still on my way. Not being an imbecile, he already knows this and awaits more useful information. I have none. He does not sound impressed. I feel rather stupid and useless, trail off and hang up. I elect not to call again until I have soething to say, put the phone in my jacket pocket and take my jacket off to cool down. It would later be revealed that, when carried this way at speed through the streets of London, one cannot hear my phone ringing.

An eternity later I still can see nothing. I decide to head for the river where I know I can see stuff. I would never get there. I do, however, pass by every important London tourist attraction there is to offer. Westminster Abbey, Downing Street, St. Paul's Catherdral, Nelson's Column, many of these I have not seen before. This would not change today, as they are reduced to a blur in my peripheral vision. I quickly become adept at evading tourists and ducking camera shots on the move.

During a short breather I approach a police officer for directions. He tells me that it is a long walk (at his pace- I stifle a laugh, with desperate panting) to "Liverpool Street Station." I curse the wretched ingrate who named these streets with deliberate intent to confuse me here and now today. The policeman also suggests taking the Underground, even telling me where the station is, the line to ride and how many stops to wait. This blast of clear thinking and obvious problem-solving is interpreted as a personal insult as I stand there, exhausted, late and lost. Spying what might be the Gherkin peering hopefully over the cathedral I speed off for another ten minutes.

Before me, at last, is the station Max has been waiting at. Patting myself on the back for a job well drawn-out, I retrieve my phone to deliver the good news. I discover a missed call and a text from the man himself informing me that he and Nate had left already. I call them to tell them I had arrived cast my phone away in disgust and lay down on the concrete in the shade of a wonderfully positioned pillar and wait for them to come get me.

That's where you come come in, guys. Part 2 comes later, in similar excruciating detail (unless I have any well-intended objections).

Salamander · #7 05-02-2008, 11:10 PM

I curse this misnomer!

Mac Sirloin · #8 05-03-2008, 09:39 AM

We should Arrange for a north american Oddtour.

Too bad we're all minors.

'OKAY MOM I'M GOING TO SEE MY FRIENDS FROM THE INTERNET'

'BYE HONEY WHAT WHAT WHAT'

Laser · #9 05-03-2008, 10:13 AM

Very interesting read BM

I DEMAND PICTURES

Bullet Magnet · #10 05-03-2008, 10:20 AM

I lost my camera. And Max's batteries ran dry. Those that we did get were bizarre, irrelevant and incriminating.

Laser · #11 05-03-2008, 10:24 AM

ah...Please no pictures then for all our sanities

***Nate*** · #12 05-03-2008, 10:30 AM

I think I've got a photo from the London Eye. I'll post it as soon as I can be bothered dealing with my camera. Unfortunately, that's pretty low on my 'To Do' list.

mitsur · #13 05-03-2008, 10:46 AM

This makes me want to meet you in real life.

Unfortunately, between over-protective parents, a lack of cash money, and a loss of wit when in person, I'm afraid it will have to wait.

Bullet Magnet · #14 05-03-2008, 11:07 AM

We all have a loss of wit in person, but it didn't seem to manifest itself at all.

***Wil*** · #15 05-03-2008, 02:16 PM

Welcome to London: Please allow three hours to be picked up

It’s been a full week since I met Nathan, Marcus and Peter for the first time, and the details are fading all too quickly in my drainpipe memory. Must… convert… real life… into… diary format…

I’m used to travelling. I’m not the most proficient at it, but I’ve missed trains and left luggage. I’ve been separated from my possessions by as much as a continent, found myself stranded in unfamiliar cities with no where to stay, and paid heaps in emergency tickets to get me home in the very nick of time. So I know what’s at stake, and I wasn’t having any of it this time. I woke efficiently at 6 a.m., packed the last remaining items into my bags, got a lift to the station, and enjoyed a pleasant two-hour trip reading about how animals will never evolve biological radio communication, nor will plants ever become free-floating airborne. I will, after all, have to top Marcus’s verbal ready-essay on ‘Tidal mixing in an estuarine environment’ he’d warned me he had up his sleeve.

I landed in Liverpool Street Station with only two concerns: 1) I needed the toilet. This was quickly remedied despite the thirty-pence taxation on using the allocated receptacles. No wonder the rest of the station smelt like a free alternative. 2) I had no idea where to go. Peter lives in Elephant & Castle, which a quick Google Maps search had informed me was actually a shopping mall, but I feared getting there on my own and had agreed to call Peter as soon as I made footfall. However, just as I broke this agreement by first visiting the pay-as-you-pee, he failed to deliver his end of the bargain and answer his mobile. It turned out he was actually recovering from being incredibly drunk the night before. I called Nathan’s aunt, but got no answer. I went for a walk.

Five minutes up what I presumed was, being the entrance to Liverpool Street Station, Liverpool Street, I found myself on an empty road surrounded by nothing but tall office buildings. The shade was pleasant given the wholesome glare of the day’s sun, but there was clearly nothing interesting up here. I turned back—only to discover myself starring up at the most erotic gherkin I’ve ever seen; I’d been right beneath this glorious piece of architecture the whole time! I wondered if I could give away to Peter my exact location by describing which of the glass panels on the horny pickle building appeared brightest to me. I also considered seeking out the very tip of the tower’s shadow, but instead I found the real Liverpool Street, turned onto it, and waited outside the station’s more ornate entrance for a good while until I received a call from Nathan’s aunt.

I HAD NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT TO SAY. For several seconds I made do with a panicked yammering before I blurted out ‘Is Nathan there?’. I spoke to several people on the ’phone in several conversations, but what I said to whom does not come to mind readily, being as it was mostly London geography. I think I accidentally told Charlie I was at King’s Cross, but eventually Nathan elected to come and retrieve me. Also, Marcus called me, but I couldn’t make out anything he said before he was apparently cut off, or hung up in disgust at my confusion. I eventually found a falafel wrap and sat down for a long wait.

Half an hour later, Marcus texted asking where he could find me, so I told him ‘Find the Big Well, and then... And then... The Big Gherkin! I am near the Bishopsgate end of Liverpool Street Station, twixt Platform 11 and A Piece of Cake.’ Two hours after my disembarkation, and he told me he had ‘2 more stops 2 go.’ Another hour went by and Nathan arrived. I remember, upon seeing him, my first coherent thought was ‘Wow, he looks just like Nathan!’ A quick chat between Nathan and Peter informed my new Australian guide of where we should go, so I quickly informed Marcus that we were ditching him, and soon enough an exhausted, hot and sweaty boy who also looked very familiar could be found just outside the station. We set off to meet Peter.

Peter’s first verbal reaction to me was ‘You’re not as tall as I was expecting.’ I didn’t even need to think of my reply: ‘And yet you seem so small.’ This is probably not because of his revolting smoking habit, nor is it likely he was just hunched in pain because of recent digestive tract complications. We walked to Peter’s digs so I could drop off my luggage, and sat down to do some hardcore Oddworld Forums browsing/bitching!

DarkHoodness · #16 05-03-2008, 03:05 PM

Hehe, it all reminds me of the tiny OWF Veteran meet that me and Alector organised with Middlesboogie a while back.

Of course the Oddtour 3 piddles on it, 'cause you met up with many more people, and you really need to spend more than one day with your 'net buddies to get to know who they are IRL better.

Which is an idea, actaully. *plots*

Hmm, seems you had fun anyway. :P I'd of said "You should've told me about this Oddtour, too!" 'cause I live about 50 minutes away from London, but I actaully don't know any of you online very well, let alone IRL, so it'd be weird I suppose and none of you would get very much out of meeting me. :P

***Alcar*** · #17 05-03-2008, 03:21 PM

Ummm, DH, we're having another one within this month. You're welcome to join us

Ask Wil for the details.

Alcar...

***Nate*** · #18 05-03-2008, 04:42 PM

:

‘You’re not as tall as I was expecting.’

From memory, I think both me and Marcus said the same thing.

mudling · #19 05-03-2008, 05:09 PM

I'm surprized you guys had the courage to meet up.
I mean, I know you've known each other for a long time, but not in real life.
So, did Hobo turn out to be an overobsessed stalker or not?

Bullet Magnet · #20 05-03-2008, 05:14 PM

I love how the events depicted here gel perfectly with my own. I man, they would, of course, but it's so deliciously synchronised. Particularly the differing perspectives at the end of each phone line. It seems we both thought the other was unimpressed with us. I want to see the same from Nate and Alcar (though I suspect that Peter's would be pretty short).

***Alcar*** · #21 05-03-2008, 05:52 PM

I have never given impressions of me being tall... if anything it's the opposite.

Alcar...

DarkHoodness · #22 05-03-2008, 07:52 PM

:

Ummm, DH, we're having another one within this month. You're welcome to join us

Ask Wil for the details.

Alcar...

He's talked to me about it.

I'll see what's happening but most likely I'll be free for when you're planning to have it.

Maybe I'll drag Alector with me if she wants to come too. You know, have a specail fold-out portable version of her with wheels and shit. :P Porta-artist. Beautiful artwork, anywhere, any time.

Okay, I'm not funny. 5AM for teh win.

Bullet Magnet · #23 05-03-2008, 08:19 PM

:

So, did Hobo turn out to be an overobsessed stalker or not?

Hobo? How blasé.

Leto · #24 05-03-2008, 09:44 PM

I've waited two days, and read two lengthy (one excruciating) posts, and my unnatural interest still stays unanswered.

Needs moar drunken Peter, and the chronicles of Mullet Fragment's indoctrination into the chauvanist Arian moderating team.

dripik · #25 05-04-2008, 02:57 AM

I always prefered unconventional travelogs to ones in which everything goes OK. Great descriptions and parallels between the different perspectives. Keep it up!

The next step to greatness would be making short video captures of certain memorable situations on the next OddTour.

***Wil*** · #26 05-04-2008, 04:24 AM

I wanted to take more pictures, but I always feel like a jerk with a camera. “Hey guys! Smile at me for an unnatural length of time!” The ones I did get were mostly of Marcus. Ahem. Next time more pictures will be necessary, yes. And if someone wants to bring a video camera, so be it. Nate, send me your dictaphone so we can also do audio recordings over Lorne.

Hobo · #27 05-04-2008, 07:21 AM

:

I'm surprized you guys had the courage to meet up.
I mean, I know you've known each other for a long time, but not in real life.
So, did Hobo turn out to be an overobsessed stalker or not?

You know, your anti me crusade is really fucking boring now.

Why don't you channel that energy into learning how to paragraph?

mudling · #28 05-04-2008, 10:12 PM

Oh come on, it was hardly a pay out.

I wasn't aware of starting a crusade, I actually thought you were the one crusading, I just want you to be kicked out of MSI.

That's all.

***Nate*** · #29 05-05-2008, 12:30 AM

:

Nate, send me your dictaphone so we can also do audio recordings.

Okay, I'll send it just now. Let me just wipe what's on it to give you maximum recording time...

Whoops.

Hobo · #30 05-05-2008, 02:04 AM

:

Oh come on, it was hardly a pay out.

I wasn't aware of starting a crusade, I actually thought you were the one crusading, I just want you to be kicked out of MSI.

That's all.

Please, any time any mod does anything you disagree with you try to pin it on me!

On topic: Nate is MUCH louder and friendlier than you would expect.