Oddworld Dougs oddysee

Norozov · #1 12-11-2007, 05:39 AM

Dougs Oddysee

Doug was a Mercernary he had been practically every where killed practically one a every speceies . His left eye was white and scarred from a passed mision and his left arm was mechanical however this was as he was born with no arm . He was extremley aggressive for a mudoken due to his past , He became a Mercenary after he ran away from rupture farms being a child escape was easy except forthe lack of his his arm . about a year in the desert he was ambushed by some sligs which he killed and took ther weapons the glukkon who was in charge of the sligs offered him a job as he showed for more skill in combat than the sligs and and as payment his arm was built .
his arm had a built on smg but had fingers to grab hold.he had industrial body armour , wood camo pants and industrial combat boots. he had several guns about him like a bolt action sniper rifle which used to belong to a gabbit hunter and a pistol with a external clip which was custom built for him by his employer.

so what do think so far?????

Oddey · #2 12-11-2007, 05:58 AM

Erm... Why is there 2 threads with this exact same story in that are both created by you.

Norozov · #3 12-11-2007, 06:08 AM

i dont know how its happened some repled to to it and told me to move it here

Oddey · #4 12-11-2007, 07:07 AM

Actually he moved it. And he is Xavier. Xavier happens to be a moderater who has the ability to move a thread to another place.

Norozov · #5 12-11-2007, 08:13 AM

i thought i did lol anyway its moved

moxco · #6 12-11-2007, 11:16 AM

It dosn't seem to make sence.

:

Doug was a Mercernary he had been practically every where killed practically one a every speceies.

Norozov · #7 12-12-2007, 02:01 AM

Ok hope you wernt put off by the intro any way the story .

Part2

Doug walked into a small meat packing pant run by a glukkon chump the factory was no where near the size of rupturefarms, about the size about the size of a house. the chumps office was dark lit by a single light bulb , a grubby desk with mold festering on it and rusting filing cabinet in the corner. Doug knocked on the door then swiftly walked in the office. "Ya here about the job?" said the glukkon. "Yeh said Doug" his one good eye circling the room. "well heres the deal." said the glukkon"i want ya to go to rupture farms and get some files ill contact you when your there." "How will you know when im there asked Doug". The glukkon smiled his cigarette smoke going into his eye . "Ok said Doug and he left. As Doug left the plant a question he wanted to ask had just come to his head what did the meat packing plant make? he heard no Machinery or sligs or in fact anything he soon forget this and traveled towards the stockyards thinking about what he was going to do when he was there.

So should i continue with this story or start a new one?????

Oddey · #8 12-12-2007, 09:13 AM

Ok if you are going to write this story work on punctuation and grammer. Because it's quite hard to read. Capitals wouldn't hurt either. Overall: Has potentiol but edit first.

Norozov · #9 12-14-2007, 06:17 AM

Ok heres the third part of the story ,please let me Know about grammar and punctuation errors.

Part:3

About a day later Doug made to the outskirts of the stockyard's. He was slightly weary from his journey and was in no mood to travel any further,he sat down a rock and tuck a swig of water before he stared at the dead shell of Rupturefarms. The stars in the sky where disapearing as daylight crept over the horizon. Doug sat for five minutes thining about how he escaped from here when he was four " Better get movin " doug mumbled to himself. He stumbled to his feet then walked off the rock of the free fire zone on to the stockyards metal walkway , as Doug walked further a terrible smell attracted his attention,he stared into the scrab pens and saw there half eaten remains covered with slurgs . "Yuck!" said doug before returning to the walkway. He eventually made to a metal wall with a smashed barrell at the bottom,he looked to the left off him and stared at the metal pipe's there was a poster half falling off , Doug then straightened out the poster "Wanted Abe!" Laughed Doug . He stared at the wall for quite some time trin to whink of a way up when he found some cable which he managed to atach to some pipes and climb up to the barrell conveyor where the barrells where taken to be transported.the conveyer was dank, infested with mold and reeked of rotten meat . Doug readied his Smg as he walked further up the conveyer ,Out of the corner of his eye he saw a crawlspace , Doug entered it till he finally reached the end which took him inside Rupturefarms.

Oddey · #10 12-14-2007, 07:40 AM

Ok here is one more problem with this chapter (And the other 2). Capitals are for beginings of sentances and proper nouns only. You don't seem to have much grasp on that. I haven't read all of it but you appear to need a better eduacation on the english languge (and I've probrably spelt that wrong which is kind of stupid-looking.). I'm sorry but people prefer stories where capitals and good english are used. This may vary in various contries where the languge is different. Again I apologize but I'm just not interested in this story.

Edit: So sorry if I offended you. And if you make a mistake you can edit it by using the edit button. And I've just proved it as you can see.