A day in the life of a penny.
Warning: random
On behalf of the RSPP
To whom it may concern: I am a penny. A coin made from copper and tin, and, for reasons unbeknown to me, entirely self-aware.
This presents itself with a few problems. First of all: why am I sapient? There appears to be no reason for it. I just am, and it's maddening. Second of all, I am still a mere penny, so I am also blind, deaf dumb, and otherwise completely unable to sense or interact with the world. And believe me it is hellish.
I remember the day that it happened, clearly as anything."Huh? What? Whaaaa!" I cried in my thoughts. "Who am I? And what do I mean by 'who am I?'" and other such unoriginal nonsense. It really is quite embarrassing, which is particularly strange in itself, given that there was no one to hear it. Though not nearly as odd as my current dictating of my story in my own mind on the off-chance that some strange little man is somehow transcribing it. But I must! With no company nor means to express myself, I fear I may go entirely mad. Not a fortunate prospect for the world's only self-aware coin!
But am I? By that I mean, "am I the only such penny?" Could there be others out there like myself? I don't even know what I mean by "out there". Perhaps I am all there is? For all I know, I am. As I have said, this is a hellish existence. It begs the question of why I am dictating this in my thoughts in the hope that it is somehow recorded when I have not even established to my own satisfaction that anything, at all, exists.
I have given it much thought (I have little else to do) and I believe I have come to a pretty accurate conclusion, all without the input of any data, evidence or anything else on which to base my theories on. Pretty impressive, don'tcha think? Hee hee hee!
I reckon that I, and many pennies like me, exist in a nightmarish, dystopian world in which we are all enslaved and encapsulated within virtual realities so that our bodies can be used by strange, non-penny-like entities to power their twisted civilisation. Or possibly their economy. Either way, it is clear to me now that my reality has failed, and I patiently await the day when I may see the manager.
Author's notes and sponsor:
The titular sapient penny, value one pence British Sterling, was minted on the 24th of February 1994 at Llantrisant, Wales. It remained in circulation for two months before finding it's way into a sofa cushion in Ipswich, where it remained undisturbed for the next twelve years.
The penny became self-aware for reasons unknown at 9:46 p.m on the 14th of November, 2002, and remains the only known [suspected] case of an inanimate object becoming self-aware since records began in November of 2002.
In July of this year its sapience was abruptly ended at the hands of a penny-presser in the London Aquarium. Now bent into a grotesque oval shape and bearing the image of a horseshoe, it is a monument to human barbarianism.
You can help stop the cruelty. By paying just two pounds a month, or whatever you can offer, the Royal Society for the Protection of Pennies can take in lost and rusty pennies, of which some or all may be self-aware. The RSPP finds hundreds of pennies good homes every year. Help us to help cash.
Thankyou
...All donations are welcome
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