the huge funny freakin' sweet fanfic mixy thingy
Right. A huge revision. In 'syren's story' , I was trying to mash together everything I liked and put myself in it in the form of a samus/sesshoumaru/demoness/humanhater type character, but that just didn't work. Plus, it only lasted one chapter before I gave it up (nobody comments my stories anymore, even to tell me they suck!). Well, now, a new and improved version of this story has me cramming together Planet Zebeth, Metroid, Halo, Red vs Blue, and Oddworld. This cramming together of such things was also inspired by that stupid little 'reunion special' I made in Cullen's oddworld bloopers thread. Bob & Steve might show up too. I'm nixing the inuyasha because noone really likes anime over here, and it will probably end up being a nasty lemon between me and sesshoumaru. The first ideas were in comic form, which I put in the bottom. The second really short one is the revised scene of the hacker's arrival, with lots of cursing, so tell me if I should put the whole thing in the story, K?
TO SKIP THE INTRO FOR THE STORY, GO DOWN HERE.
Chapter one: Oh, sweet spaghetti monster, I can see the color of pain!
Kabutroid sighed, resting his hands – um, arm blades – on the keyboard. “It took a long time, but it’s definitely worth it. Trying to de-frag the computer of those goddamned glitches sure works up a thirst. I wonder if Ridley is finished brewing that supa-booze he was talking about…” He stood up from his couch and poofed out of the room.
Meanwhile…
*Poof* a small cloud of blue glitch hovered next to a covenant elite dressed in green and purple armor. “Don’t give me that crap, cockbite. You made a bet and you have to follow. Now hand over those blargin’ pogs or it’s my size 24 hoof up your blarghole ya’ honk bag!” “Blorp.” The blob dropped several transparent flashing coins into the elite’s hand. “Thank you, don’t you have, y’know, non-glitchy money? Wait, stupid of me to ask. Where are we anyway? “ “Blorp.” “Oookaaaay. Well, what are you looking at? Get to work!” ‘I swear, why do I always get the ****tard?’ The glitch was rapidly infecting the area while the elite stalked off to make a few…’program arrangements’.
Meanwhile…again...
Kabutroid looked up from his glass of import zr388 booze and decided that this was the best time to bring on the news. “Good news guys!” Everyone looked up from their drinks, the same thought going through their minds: ‘C’mon, c’mon! Celebratory booze, Celebratory booze!’ Well, except for Ridley that is: ‘Celebratory booze money, celebratory booze money!’ “The glitches are completely gone!” Everyone let out a whoop. “Hey Ridley, are you finished making the super-booze?” Samus called from across the bar. She was sitting at a table across from Kabutroid, enjoying a serving of deep fried fake Kraid. The real Kraid was standing by the counter trying to enjoy his cheap booze (due to a lack of pogs from losing a bet with Samus), while Ridley was dragging out a deformed keg that had no label on it. “Yep, got it right here.” He said patting the keg. “Well, two rounds of supa-booze on me!” Samus said as she downed another glass. Ridley appeared from behind the counter with a tray of green and yellow swirling glasses with red ice cubes.
Kraid dropped his glass of cheap booze, letting it crash on the floor and snatched a glass from the tray, taking a long swig from the glass, and ended up choking.”*Cough* what’s in here anyway?” Ridley looked up from handing out drinks, “Strait ethanol, 400 proof vodka, paint thinner, and a secret ingredient.” *ka-click* Samus had Ridley at gun-*ahem* cannon - point. “I’m paying for the drinks, so I deserve to know what’s in em’”, she stated flatly as she calmly sipped away the rest of her regular booze. “Like I said, secret ingredient, mine to know and yours to find out-“ *ka-click* Samus’ gun had changed another color, as the cannon spread apart to reveal a good melon sized missile head. “Attention idiotic life form I have every intent on killing and stealing your booze: You have been upgraded to super missiles. Now, tell me what the secret ingredients are before I hike this thing up another notch.” Ridley raised a non-existent eyebrow at Samus, “Oh, really? And when can your weapons go past super missiles?” There was a sudden beeping noise from her suit, as the cannon started shaking and glowing violently. “When I combine it with charge beam and over charge it by 500%!”
Everyone within a one-zebbo mile radius could feel her evil smirk slowly forming behind her visor, as that familiar feeling of impending doom washed over everybody as it did every so often.
Ridley froze altogether, not because of an ice beam, but in cautious fear. At this point, if he so much as moved the wrong muscle or said the wrong thing, he would be dead. And then Kabutroid would have to re-load him, and he would be stuck in the text format ‘waiting room’ for several days, probably following the Crocomire Hunter, just because he was annoying and Samus would have killed him anyway in her drunken rampage.
The spazzed out cannon that was almost shaking Samus’ arm off was only inches away from Ridley’s blank face, as he tried to contemplate his way out of the menacing grip of the situation.
Just then, his mouth checked in such a ridiculously stupid comment that his brain just about packed up and left…he wished it took him along too.
“Y’know…” He started cautiously, “ if you use a weapon that big in such an enclosed space and on one single enemy in such close proximity, it could kill you too.” Samus had that evil grin on again as she straitened her cannon arm and (tried to) aim right between Ridley’s eyes. “Wrong answer. Let’s see if you’re right…” Just as she released the trigger on her charge beam, a metroid covered in a stinky leather shroud was floating around blindly, trying to find someone to take the damned thing off so he can see where the hell a bath was, cause it stinked worse than thoroughly ‘splorched’ metroid guts.
Samus moved her eyes over to the unidentified object at the last second, and her aim was thrown off.
Ridley felt the white-hot energy surge by, just barely missing a wing.
It flew across the bar in a streak of searing plasma heat, and hit the metroid with a mighty ‘kaka- SPAW!’ Sending the disintegrated fragments of that stinky pelt everywhere, while the metroid was splorched and seared into a fine crisp on the wall, which tasted like plasma, oddly enough. Everyone was in the same place that they were except for Samus, who –ironically- got hurt in every possible way that someone could be hurt without a two-week recovery. Samus painfully lifted her arm up in defeat, and meekly requested the one thing everybody needs after being through something that harsh and embarrassing. “Booze…please…”
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by the way, you'll find out what that stinky stuff was soon.
Last edited by scrab queen; 01-30-2007 at 05:47 PM..
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