Oddworld Forums > Zulag Three > Fan Corner


 
Thread Tools
 
  #1  
04-28-2006, 05:49 PM
Zeikio's Avatar
Zeikio
Stingbee
 
: Apr 2006
: Some where over the rainbow
: 95
Rep Power: 20
Zeikio  (10)
Oddworld Zeikio And Company: Legacy Of The Mudokon Princess

Chapter One
The Start Of A Legacy

The Mudokon Queen is undoubtably reaching the end of her life span you know.

Yes I saw her she isn’t looking well...

So...

So what?

Where is her egg.

She has made many eggs you know.

Of course you idiot! Where is THE egg!

Oh, her...The next in line of Sam has already been born.

Really?

Yes...

She is under constant watch on a Vykkers Labs but she is also being treated as a slave.

Slave! Do you know what Sligs do to slaves! I know why you began to put slaves to work on the Vykkers ships! Not because of Abe because of...

No, No! I did put more slaves to work with the Vykkers because of Abe! The princess of the Mudokons is uneducated and hasn’t even seen anything beyond the walls of the ship! Do you know why the queens birth there daughters near there death? It is so that they can educate them of the world and there purpose of reproducing in it! When a princess next in line to become queen is born it is nearly impossible to tell them apart from any others of there species, when the queen dies the princess then grows into a queen herself and the organs that produce eggs form, until then they look like any normal creature on Oddworld.

I see...so then how did you find out that this Mudokon was the next to be the queen!

There are....physical traits you can observe....

I see someone’s been being a bad boy again.

Quite! There are also traits on the egg itself that indicate it is the queen! It also seems to have an odd aroma that only creatures of the species can smell! With the help of the Shrink taking care of Sam we discovered the egg was next in line to be queen! I sent the egg straight too Vykkers Labs-XD9 one of the most secure labs on Oddworld. Believe me, there is nothing to worry about....If the princess does end up dying the queen produces another egg almost minutes after there death but in order for are experiment to work we need an immature queen and a queen herself. Sam mustn’t die and we must make sure another queen egg is produced. The XD9 Shrink was there at the time of the princess birth and as one of the newest Shrink models out there I have good fath that we will be able to make the experiment work.

Good...tomorrow I will go visit XD9 and see how are new money making princess is doing.

Ziekio is her name...

I could really care less you know.

You can at least give Sam some happiness and call her daughter by her name.

What? Are you getting a soft spot for those Muds?

Don’t mess with me Olix...It could be unhealthy.

Don’t threaten me fool! I will have your head chopped clean off if I have to!

Then your little project will never see the light of day!

Then I will find another like you to do the job.

You will fail without me....you know it!

That’ll be the day...just keep up your job and I wont kill you...



Here’s the plot to the storyZeikio And Company: Legacy Of The Mudokon Princess

Zeikio was the only female Mudokon on Vykkers Labs XD9. She had never seen anything of the outside world and just went about thinking there were other female’s around just not on the ship. She soon finds that she may really be the next queen to the Mudokon’s and when she is forced to work with a Shrink on hatching a new shipment of Mudokon eggs she may find out more about the world called Oddworld more then ever. Thing change even more for her when Abe comes to halt XD9 for good. With Shrink and Zieg a lazy Slig that was saved by accident while XD9 was going down Zeikio may soon find that her and her disfunctional group may have a bigger impact on Oddworld then she ever thought. What’s a Queen-To-Be suppose to do? You’ll find out, with humor and drama all the way there!


Main Characters:

Zeikio
Age: 16
Zeikio can seem very stupid and absent minded at times but that’s mostly because she was born and grew up on a Vykkers ship never being taught anything except by a few Mudokon friends. Because of her adventurous nature she really doesn’t want to sit around making eggs the rest of her life so with the help of Shrink she is trying to find a way not to grow into a queen but also have Sam make another queen egg. She is kind by nature but hates how see seems to be a celebrity to the Mudokon’s and would rather explore what Oddworld has to offer.

Shrink
Age: 37
One of the newest Shrink built and has already spent 37 of his years taking care of Mudokon eggs that are shipped to XD9 until they hatch. To keep Zeikio safe after nearly being shot when getting in a fight with a Slig they sent her to work with the eggs too. It was only by shier dumb luck that Shrink was able to find a way to continue operating after XD9 was taken down by Abe. Not only has his life span been shortened from 500 years to 50 years now that he lives in the wilderness with the Mudokons he also was nearly destroyed by the Mudokons if it hadn’t been for Zeikio. Shrink is bitter and cynical about life and is cruel to everyone thanks to the 37 boring years of life he spent on XD9. He fits the ‘British Snob’ stereotype very well and is one of the few creatures on Oddworld that can speak with a British accent. Unlike most older Shrink he’s improved voice sounds like a normal creature and not machine like. Despite his hateful nature he is very kind to Zeikio (But wasn’t at first) and will do anything for her even if it means risking his own life. He doesn’t understand it at first but he soon he grows feelings for Zeikio and often try’s to make her see it but deep down he knows she can’t love a machine like him.

Zeig
Age:12
Zeig was rescued off of XD9 thanks to Zeikio and although he won’t her anyone because he owes his life to her he still carriers his gun around where ever he goes. He is your average lazy Slig and due to the fear him going off and telling the Glukkons of the whereabouts of the Mudokon rebels he is forced to stay with Zeikio and Shrink at all times. He hate’s never having any time to take naps without being disturbed by Zeikio or Shrink and hates being forced to go where ever they go. As time goes he soon finds out more about his ancestors and how Skillya’s greed changed everything for his kind. Shrink utterly hates him and they are constantly fighting, Shrink is just waiting for a chance to kill Zeig and make it look like an accident and unlike him Zeig could care less about what can happen to Zeikio....well at first at least....
Reply With Quote
  #2  
04-28-2006, 07:53 PM
Dave's Avatar
Dave
Clakker Relic Miner
 
: Aug 2003
: Location: Location.
: 814
Rep Power: 22
Dave  (10)

Lots and lots of character development right up front isn't my thing.
And yet ... I can't wait for this to start. You have my encouragement (whatever that may signify).
More!

Reply With Quote
  #3  
04-29-2006, 10:24 AM
Dancing Steef's Avatar
Dancing Steef
Clakker Relic Miner
 
: Mar 2005
: Sweden
: 843
Rep Power: 21
Dancing Steef  (10)

... More, more MORE!!!!!! Oh, sorry I jus' can't help... It's so exciting, please continue


~DS~

Reply With Quote
  #4  
05-03-2006, 11:44 AM
Zeikio's Avatar
Zeikio
Stingbee
 
: Apr 2006
: Some where over the rainbow
: 95
Rep Power: 20
Zeikio  (10)

Chapter Two
How It Started

Zeikio stared at the large iron door in front of her. She couldn’t read it but on the door in big letters read ‘XD-9: SLAVE LABOR EGG ROOM’

She couldn’t help but think “Great! Just how on Oddworld did I get myself into this!” She couldn’t believe they had already had her working again! She was angry, depressed, and any other negative emotion she could feel. They killed her only two friends and acted like it was no big deal!

Ah...Kikkil...Cel...she already missed them. It had hardly even been a day since she lost them forever...

She yelp as the Slig behind her prodded her forcefully to enter the room. She knew her way around XD-9 very well but this part the ship she did not know at all for all slave workers were prohibited to come into this area unless given the order from a Vykker and led to the area by a Slig or Intern.

She griped the cold metal door nob wondering what her new job was to be but even then she simply couldn’t forget what had happened only a little while ago and she couldn’t forget her anger.

She, Kikkil, and Cel had been working on cleaning up blood stains from the last failed Vykker experiment. Apparently Vykkers found Mudokons good for not only slave labor but also experiments and she had to suppress the urge to vomit the whole time. She could only guess that the poor Mudokon had exploded from whatever the Vykker had done for the whole room was caked in blood. She remembered it all to well, she remembered praying to Odd that the Mudokon was being treated wonderfully in the after life and she remembered Cel comforting her.

Zeikio had been working on the floor at the time trying to clean the dripped blood on the floor, Cel had volunteered to pick up the spattered organs that seemed to cling to the wall and despite everything he had begun to cry in terror and sadness, Kikkil had began to chant a prayer for the soul of the Mudokon and Zeikio couldn’t help but be reminded of why she loved her friends so much. Both Cel and Kikkil had been captured from a Mudokon village only a year before she had been born. They claimed that there village was destroyed and there brothers murdered, tortured, or turned into slaves. Cel was yong and was going to become a shaman when his training was to be complete. Kikkil had been the village leader and was strong and wise, he was muscular unlike most Mudokon she had seen. When they befriend her while she was very yong they secretly out of Vykkers prying eyes had taught her about the outside world and the ways of the Mudokons...and even they clammed they had never seen a female Mudokon before.

As Kikkil had been praying a Slig had entered the room and despite his attempts to look like he had been working the Slig had already seen. Finding a reason to shoot the Slig clammed later on that he had been trying to curse him....Zeikio could only scream in horror as Kikkil fell to the ground bullet piercing his chest. His last words were simple and left Zeikio puzzled, “I have seen a vision from the great Odd, we will meet again my queen...some day soon...do not weep for me for I am always there even in death to serve my queen...”

Cel had screamed in rage leaping onto the Slig. It had only taken two shots to get the enraged Mudokon off him and only one to the head to end his life. Too shocked to move Zeikio had watched in horror as the Slig turned his gun on her ready to take her life as well...he seemed almost crazed.

Seconds from pulling the trigger another Slig entered the room he had screamed out angrily at the other Slig and pushed his gun away. The other Slig who was attempting to kill her screamed “There trying to curse me Zeig! Don’t try and stop me!”

The other Slig named Zeig spoke up angrily “You know what the Vykkers said if we lay even a finger on her! Think of what they’ll do if we kill her!”

This had gotten through to the other Slig and he lowered the gun slowly. Zeikio only stood there unmoving for what felt like the longest time as the Sligs left the room and didn’t return. She remembered just standing there staring at the bodies of the only two Mudokons she had ever known since she was little. A Vykker soon entered the room with three more Mudokons to take care of the mess and with weak limbs was escorted by the Vykker to the slave labor cells and put into cell 77, the cell she had lived in her whole life, Cel on the right cell to it, Kikkil to the left. She momentarily heard a Slig run up to the Vykker clamming that the two Mudokon bodies had disappeared into thin air both he and the three Mudokons had seen it happen......the Vykker accused both the three Mudokons and Slig of cannibalism and were to be killed even though no remains of Cel or Kikkil were ever found.....

Ziekio had finally begun to cry and she cried all night for her two friends. She prayed to Abe that he’d come to save her and now she wanted nothing more then to see the outside of XD-9 to see the world Cel had always described to her before she fell asleep at night. She wanted to she the desert of Scrabania and see the sunset that Kikkil clammed was the most beautiful he had ever seen, Cel stated that it was where one of the trials to become a Shaman took place and that Kikkil had to travel through temple there and survive the Scrabs. She wanted to see Paramonia and it’s dense forest that also held a temple and a trial to be beat. She wanted to see Necrum and see why Cel had been afraid to return to it after he had heard a sound coming from deep in the forest in a place where none but he and Kikkil had been the only two living things there at the time.

Ziekio had finally fallen asleep and when she awoke she was met by the Slig named Zeig. He said she was to be taken to safer workplace where she would be watched upon until ‘the’ time came. Now here she was at her new job, her new slave labor job. “Please Abe I hope you come and kill them all! I want to be saved! My brothers too!” She whispered to herself and hoped Zeig hadn’t heard her. She entered the room and was shocked by what she saw.

Zeig left without even the slightest glance at the eggs but Ziekio was stunned. The room was huge branching off into a few other halls but in the middle was a huge nest like circle and with the circle were Mudokon eggs! A large light suspended in the middle of the room keeping the eggs warm. At each corner of the room were smaller circles also holding eggs but these had no lights over them she could only guess they were almost ready to hatch and didn’t need to be warmed anymore.

She had only taken a step forward as when a mechanical like noise filled the room and descending slowly down from the ceiling came a machine....she couldn’t help but gasp in terror at the awful Vykker made thing. The blank screen mounted on the sphere shaped body flashed on and on it was a ghost like Mudokon face, even worse it had the most disgusted look on it’s Mudokon face as it continued to descended toward her and right then and there she screamed like the world was ending....
Reply With Quote
  #5  
05-03-2006, 01:56 PM
Dave's Avatar
Dave
Clakker Relic Miner
 
: Aug 2003
: Location: Location.
: 814
Rep Power: 22
Dave  (10)

General statement of encouragement.

Really, though, this is a cool story. Don't let it die off.

Reply With Quote
  #6  
05-08-2006, 05:13 PM
Zeikio's Avatar
Zeikio
Stingbee
 
: Apr 2006
: Some where over the rainbow
: 95
Rep Power: 20
Zeikio  (10)

I need more feed back people or else I don't feel like anyones reading this!
Reply With Quote
  #7  
05-09-2006, 06:45 AM
Dave's Avatar
Dave
Clakker Relic Miner
 
: Aug 2003
: Location: Location.
: 814
Rep Power: 22
Dave  (10)

Instead of looking at the amount of replies, you should look at the times its been viewed. Considering you've gotten three posts from other people and your thread has been viewed 48 times, you can probably assume that you have around 15-20 readers each chapter. Maybe.
A lack of replies doesn't mean no ones reading it.

Now write another chapter!

Reply With Quote
  #8  
05-09-2006, 07:11 AM
Splat's Avatar
Splat
Chameleonic Lifeforms, No Thanks!
 
: Oct 2002
: Merrie olde Englande
: 4,539
Blog Entries: 62
Rep Power: 27
Splat  (2194)Splat  (2194)Splat  (2194)Splat  (2194)Splat  (2194)Splat  (2194)Splat  (2194)Splat  (2194)Splat  (2194)Splat  (2194)Splat  (2194)

I like it! Grammar isn't perfect but still ok, great story, I'm wanting more!

Very gripping. Also must congratulate you on the title, tis very intriguing.
__________________
Oddworld novel: The Despicable. Original fiction: Small Worlds.

Reply With Quote
  #9  
05-09-2006, 03:57 PM
Zeikio's Avatar
Zeikio
Stingbee
 
: Apr 2006
: Some where over the rainbow
: 95
Rep Power: 20
Zeikio  (10)

:
I like it! Grammar isn't perfect but still ok, great story, I'm wanting more!

Very gripping. Also must congratulate you on the title, tis very intriguing.
Couldn't think of a good title so I may change it when I think up a good one. (Which may never happen )

I'm very busy right now (It's the end of the school year what do you expect?) so I don't have a whole lot of time to work on chapters but I will hopfully have more time once summer vaction starts!
Reply With Quote
  #10  
05-10-2006, 05:35 AM
Dancing Steef's Avatar
Dancing Steef
Clakker Relic Miner
 
: Mar 2005
: Sweden
: 843
Rep Power: 21
Dancing Steef  (10)

Great chapter Ziekio! okay we'll wait for more


~DS~

Reply With Quote
  #11  
05-13-2006, 07:10 PM
Zeikio's Avatar
Zeikio
Stingbee
 
: Apr 2006
: Some where over the rainbow
: 95
Rep Power: 20
Zeikio  (10)

Chapter Three
Zeig Side

Zeig stared helplessly at friend as he rased his gun up to his friend’s mask. Dr. Zhel, the main exclusive Vykker of XD-9 smiled with satisfaction as he saw Meli, Zeig friend begin to shake at the rased gun.

“Zhel sir, that Mud was gonna curse me!” Meli almost screamed out.

“You know the rules.” Dr. Zhel spoke out quietly. “With Olix coming soon you know that Mudokon needs to be safe! We have the rule not to rase even a gun to her face for a reason! You not only killed two workers you nearly killed the soon to be queen Mudokon!”

“S..sir!” Meli whimpered.

“Zeig....do it...” Zhel spoke out.

Zeig shivered softly letting his finger touch the trigger.

“Zeig please!” Meli pleaded.

“S...sorry pal. So sorry....” And he pulled the trigger...

He watched his friend’s body hit the floor and Zhel smiled once more. “Good work Zeig I will be sure to tell Olix of how you saved the queen!”

“Y...yeah, whatever...” He spoke staring at the pool of blood forming under Meli.

“Where you able to escort the girl to the Shrink with no hassle?”

“Yes...” He spoke. He still couldn’t believe all the things that had happened in such a short time.

“And did you...” Zhel started but just then another Slig burst into the room.

“Sir! Sir! That Mud girl is screaming bloody murder in the egg room!” The Slig yelled.

“You didn’t tell her about the Shrink did you!” Zhel sighed placing one on his many hands to his head. “That grumpy piece of garbage would try to scare her! Come on Zeig! I’ve got a bone to pick that scrap metal!”

Since when did Zhel start calling him by his name and not ‘Slig’ like everyone else? Zeig ignored it and with a sad sigh for his dead partner Meli he pushed forward with the true murderer of his friend.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
05-14-2006, 02:54 AM
Splat's Avatar
Splat
Chameleonic Lifeforms, No Thanks!
 
: Oct 2002
: Merrie olde Englande
: 4,539
Blog Entries: 62
Rep Power: 27
Splat  (2194)Splat  (2194)Splat  (2194)Splat  (2194)Splat  (2194)Splat  (2194)Splat  (2194)Splat  (2194)Splat  (2194)Splat  (2194)Splat  (2194)

Like it!
As advice I'd say make the chapters longer. When I first started writing my chapters were generally rather short, but as I wrote more they got longer. It's a good idea when posting stories on the internet as it gives the fans more to read with each update, which keeps em happy and holds their attention if you don't post for a while.
__________________
Oddworld novel: The Despicable. Original fiction: Small Worlds.

Reply With Quote
  #13  
05-14-2006, 07:42 AM
Dave's Avatar
Dave
Clakker Relic Miner
 
: Aug 2003
: Location: Location.
: 814
Rep Power: 22
Dave  (10)

Nice bite-size chapter. Good work.
More soon, I hope.

Reply With Quote
  #14  
05-17-2006, 04:59 AM
T-nex's Avatar
T-nex
Frosties and Buttsex
 
: Aug 2003
: Denmark
: 4,811
Blog Entries: 80
Rep Power: 27
T-nex  (3441)T-nex  (3441)T-nex  (3441)T-nex  (3441)T-nex  (3441)T-nex  (3441)T-nex  (3441)T-nex  (3441)T-nex  (3441)T-nex  (3441)T-nex  (3441)

Ooooh... I like this

It's a really nice plot and all Please continue for I am very very excited ^_^
__________________
Wil siger (17:13):
Hey, I have massive nuts. :@

============


Reply With Quote
  #15  
05-19-2006, 12:14 PM
Zeikio's Avatar
Zeikio
Stingbee
 
: Apr 2006
: Some where over the rainbow
: 95
Rep Power: 20
Zeikio  (10)

I should have a new chapter up some time this weekend unless something comes up
Reply With Quote
  #16  
05-20-2006, 01:39 AM
T-nex's Avatar
T-nex
Frosties and Buttsex
 
: Aug 2003
: Denmark
: 4,811
Blog Entries: 80
Rep Power: 27
T-nex  (3441)T-nex  (3441)T-nex  (3441)T-nex  (3441)T-nex  (3441)T-nex  (3441)T-nex  (3441)T-nex  (3441)T-nex  (3441)T-nex  (3441)T-nex  (3441)

Yaaayyyy... *gives u encouriging power*

Now get writing!!!
__________________
Wil siger (17:13):
Hey, I have massive nuts. :@

============



Last edited by T-nex; 05-20-2006 at 01:41 AM..
Reply With Quote
  #17  
05-20-2006, 11:23 PM
Zeikio's Avatar
Zeikio
Stingbee
 
: Apr 2006
: Some where over the rainbow
: 95
Rep Power: 20
Zeikio  (10)
Mad

Sooo sorry, my efing parents are forcing us to clean the damned house this weekend so it may not be till next weekend. Two more weeks of school and half a week of exams then summer vacation so soon I'll have a whole lot of time to type. I'll see what I can do until school lets out
Reply With Quote
  #18  
05-26-2006, 08:50 AM
skillya_glowi's Avatar
skillya_glowi
Outlaw Shooter
 
: Dec 2005
: Behind your back
: 1,283
Blog Entries: 1
Rep Power: 20
skillya_glowi  (54)

Great work, Zeikio. Keep it up.
__________________
My Abe's Oddysee walkthrough

"Did you know I have a dart board with certain peoples pictures on it from OWF? I show my love for them in a special way."
-ILoveHammy

Reply With Quote
  #19  
08-22-2006, 01:52 PM
Zeikio's Avatar
Zeikio
Stingbee
 
: Apr 2006
: Some where over the rainbow
: 95
Rep Power: 20
Zeikio  (10)

I'll get a new chapter up hopefully today or tomorrow. I've been busy with other fan fiction on other sites so I haven't had time to work on this.
Reply With Quote


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 








 
 
- Oddworld Forums - -