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  #31  
07-08-2005, 09:09 AM
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Sorry I didn't post yesterday. Busy busy busy .... bleh.

Cpehatr 41

The cold struck me like a hammer. And, wonder of wonders, it began to snow. Chunks of it floated up from the pit rapidly, and then swirled through the air, like in a snow globe.
Know how they say the first step is the hardest? Well, maybe you don’t, but I’ve heard it said. And it’s a lie. Each step is harder than the one previous. Especially when faced by a wall of freezing air and blinding snow.
I trudged on, managing about one step every three or four minutes. The cold was beginning to distract me to a point where I couldn’t hold a comprehensible thought.
It got to a point where all I could differentiate between was motion and pain. The cold was cutting into my flesh, it seemed. It was like a hundred daggers, each honed to a fine point, were poking into my flesh, and each step drove them slightly deeper.
I felt myself shuddering harder and harder. I was shaking uncontrollably, and the bridge began to sway.

This is the point where, in any story, you might expect the hero to make some spiritual revelation, to find some kind of hidden inner strength that gives him the strength to conquer all challenges and rise to the occasion.
You might expect me to realize what sort of hope the mudokons in the factory and in Rotag have that I’ll save them.
You might expect me to realize that the people of Oblim revere me as a hero, and I can’t let them down so close to my goal.
You might expect me to realize that even if I don’t want to save my brothers, I still want revenge on the glukkons who enslaved me.
You might expect me to realize that glukkons can withstand intensely low temperatures -- which is bull, because they keep the factory at a constant 87 degrees Fahrenheit (or, for our metric using friends, about 31.6 degrees Celsius) because they complain loudly in cold rooms.

As you may have already guessed, I had no such epiphany. As I have said, I couldn’t hold coherent thought anymore, because my brain was entirely focused on keeping my body from freezing.
My body gave out with about one quarter of the bridge remaining.

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  #32  
07-08-2005, 09:23 AM
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Good chapter. You described Dante's feelings and thoughts on the brige expertly, and I liked the way you elaborated on a porfound thought that you'd expect Dante to have only to have him say stff it. Good chapter, how many are left? And could you give an approximate date (i.e year, month) that we'll see Dante's Exoddus begin?
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  #33  
07-09-2005, 07:09 AM
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Including today's chapter, there are three to go.
You might see Dante's Exoddus as early as next week, or, if I decide to write the entire thing before posting any of it, you might see it as late as September.
I haven't finished blocking out chapters yet for Exoddus. I want to plan what happens so I don't run headfirst into a writers block down the road.
Sorry this and the last few chapters have been on the short side. The upcoming, final two are a bit longer.

Chapter 42

With my body no longer focused on movement, I managed to recollect what had happened to me.
And I was again painfully aware of the blistering cold.
I prayed that I could stop feeling the pain ... if I were to die, if I were to be plucked away by a giant bird, if I were to fall into a coma ... whatever. Just ... stop the cold.
I sat and moaned in self pity and self loathing for a while, wishing I could move a little to generate some body heat. I felt my joints beginning to stiffen ... the little water in my nearly dehydrated body was freezing.
My joints ached, my vision blurred, even the sounds of the howling wind dimmed. I started to go numb, and even the eternal cold began to subside.
Instant understanding flowed through me, and I focused on my arm. Though I couldn’t feel it, I could see where it was, and force it to drag me along the bridge.
In response to the severe cold and my dwindling senses, my body gave up the function of touch to save my psyche from the cold and allow me to see and hear things around me.
A miracle? Hardly. I think it was just luck. My body was trying everything to keep from shutting down, and it stumbled on a solution that would both save me and allow me to keep moving.
And I carefully pulled myself across the shaky wooden bridge. I may have gotten splinters, but I didn’t notice or care. I needed to get out of the cold, and the back of the chamber was closer than the entrance.

I know how terribly cliche this sounds, but the seconds really dragged on like minutes, and the minutes felt like hours. Each was as painful and difficult as the last.

After an eternity, I grasped solid ground. My hand seemed to thaw out, and I could feel warmth just past the bridge’s end. For all my wrecked body could tell, the temperature may have been at water’s freezing point on the other end of the bridge ... but in comparison, that felt like a sunny, hot, and humid day at the beach during a heat wave.
I still couldn’t stand and run onto land. I hand to pull with every fiber in my body, and that was even a close call.
I lay on the ground, panting, slowly regaining the sensation in my body. After a few minutes, I managed to roll over and see what the totem was.
It was a mudokon.
All that, and I was at the mudokon totem.
Useless!
Forget it. I give up. I pulled the earring out of my ear with a rough yank (which by now didn’t bother me) and slammed it into the outstretched hand of the wooden mudokon.
There was the same familiar flash, as if not realizing I was returning the ring, not asking for the power.
And a small choir started up, soon accompanied by a gentle ripping sound... and three thuds.
“Dante!”
“You did it!”
“You’re the bestest!”
What the hell?

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  #34  
07-09-2005, 01:45 PM
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Good chapter! What's this mudokon totem? Hoew do these guys know Dante, whoever they are? What will happen next? I can't wait! Again great chapter, describing Dante's final trek over the bridge very well and giving an interesting end to the cdhapter. Also it is cool to know the next one will be soon, at least this year. Chapter length doesn't matter either, it's about how good it is. And this had plenty of writing quality. Can't wait for the final chapters! also where is odd chick, I thought she was reading this or am I now the only reader?
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  #35  
07-10-2005, 06:15 AM
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I think you are far from the only reader. Note how many views there are compared to the number of posts in the thread. You and odd chick are the only ones who have posted regularly since I revived this story.
Here's another chapter. But, since I'm leaving for college orientation this afternoon and won't be back for three days, you'll have to wait for the final chapter until Tuesday night. Ha ha.

Chapter 43

Three mudokons had tumbled out of the air ... not bird portals as I would have expected. They were identical. Each had bright blue skin, long red feathers tied together and reaching down their backs, roughly-woven loincloths, intricately designed tattoos... everything was the same.
I was instantly paranoid. Given my course of luck, these guys would soon turn on me and challenge me to a death match. If these three guys could just pop out into the ending of this big sacred quest, then what chance of defending myself did I have?
“What do you want?” I murmured, not quite looking at them.
The mudokon on the left answered: “We’re here to congratulate you!”
The one in the middle picked up here. “We were starting to think no one would come again!”
The one on the right finished. “But here you are!”
I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. Congratulate me? So ... did that mean they were waiting for my arrival? Did they live in this terrible place?
“What are you doing here?” I cried. “Waiting to greet and laugh at whatever miserable mudokon ruins himself to come here?”
The mudokons took on identical looks of distress.
“Of course not!”
“Don’t be silly!”
“Wouldn’t dream of it!”
I rubbed my forehead. These guys ... I was liking them less and less. “So what’s your story?”
“We’ve been here for centuries...”
“ ... since the totems were erected ...”
“ ... and stood to reward whoever had the courage to come all this way.”
I stared. Not impressed.
“It’s been decades since anyone made an attempt ...
“ ... no one seems to have the balls anymore ...”
“ ... so we’re gonna give you something cool!”
The three muds began the chant in a surprising three-part harmony. It was beautiful, and I smiled in spite of myself. I had forgotten how angry I had been up until now, and how much I despised these mudokons.
They stopped chanting and raised their arms above their heads in unison, and the backs of my hands erupted in a searing pain. I bit back a scream, and struggled it down.
The pain subsided, but my hands remained sore. I examined them ... and found two tattoos. One resembled a crude scrab, and the other, a roughly drawn paramite. These guys were no artists.
“Okay,” I coughed. “You’ve just scarred my hands. What good is that going to do me?”
The muds smiled. It was getting unnerving, seeing them perform all their actions in unison.
“Are you familiar with the story of Abe?”
“Do you know about the scars on his hands?”
“Do you know what having these scars means?”
I shrugged. I had a vague idea ... “The scars had something to do with Abe’s Shrykull ability,” I ventured.
They looked eagerly back at me, as if waiting for me to go on.
“But I didn’t complete the trials he did, so I have these scars for another reason.”
The mudokons looked ready to cheer their triumph, but I guess they realized what I had said. The three of them finally broke formation, and shared very non-identical looks of puzzlement and confusion.
“No, see ... these tattoos are the same ...”
“A mudokon with these tattoos is a Big Kahonee ...”
“Why doesn’t he get it?”
Now I knew they were yanking my chain. They wanted me to believe I could perform a Shrykull morph because they wanted me to feel like a fool when I tried to become one. Then, of course, they would laugh at my idiocy ...
“Look here!” I shouted at them, breaking up their chatter, and unleashing a mighty sneeze at the same time. Great. On top of these clowns insulting me, the cold trek on the bridge probably left me with the flu. “I’ll show you I can’t become a Shrykull!”
They shrugged and smiled. There it was -- proof that they were planning a crude joke at my expense.
I began to chant, and did so for a full minute without any change.
I stopped and glared at them, feeling an odd combination of proud triumph and crushed defeat. I had almost hoped, for just a glimmering moment, that I would prove myself wrong. But alas ...
“Dante, dude, you need to know something ...”
“The Shrykull can only be activated by liberating mudokons ...”
“The spiritual energy formed by cleansing the body and souls of freed mudokons ...”
They finished in unison, making me cringe: “ ... is channeled back into the body of the one who saved them!”
I gave them a suspicious look. I didn’t want to believe them, but the seed of hope had been planted.
“Prove it to me.”
They shrugged and crouched to the ground, produced rags, and began scrubbing the dirt.
What the ...? Then I heard a sudden fluttering sound to my left, and saw a small flock of birds flying in a peculiar formation: they were flying in such a way as to form a vertical ring of birds.
A bird portal ... I see.
I turned back to the mudokons, ready to at least try. “All o’ ya!”
The mudokons stood up.
“Hello.”
“Hi!”
“Hullo.”
I rolled my eyes. “Follow me.”
Three “Okay”s.
I led them nearer to the bird portal and began to chant. At first nothing happened, and then ... the birds drifted quickly towards each other. At the point where they met, a bright white-blue light flashed out, and I saw an opening in space. It resembled Oblim, the village I had brought color to near the beginning of my quest. The mudokons cheered and ran towards the opening, leaping happily into it.
As they leapt through, I felt ... something. Like my skin was crawling, but not with fear or disgust. It felt ... empowering. Like a mere movement of my hand could rend a mountain range flat.
But the feeling passed, and there I was, alone in the darkness at the end of my quest, with only the company of the mudokon totem.

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  #36  
07-10-2005, 11:02 AM
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Ooo, suspensy! These mudokons were funny and reminded me of the 3 weirdos but alive. Shrykull tattoos? I wonder why he has them, but his journey has been harder than Abe's? Will he get to keep the transforming earring? And what will happen now? Those 3 muds have just gone through that portal, but now Dante is alone, so how does he get back? I cannot wait for Dante's Exoddus!!! I want it now!
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  #37  
07-12-2005, 10:04 PM
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These three chapters were awesome!! Poor Dante having to trudge through the cold...you really have to feel kinda bad for him. I must admit that Dante is one of the most interesting characters that I've ever read about in a fanfic. Great work!
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  #38  
07-13-2005, 09:39 AM
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Thank you.
I have kept you waiting long enough, I think.
Time for the conclusion to Dante's Oddysee.

Chapter 44

So what to do? Try and see if the Shrykull power worked?
Before I could decide, I recieved a frantic message from Patch.
{Dante! The sligs are coming to Oblim! It’s terrible ... the colors are melting out of everything ... the mudokons are crying and getting depressed ... several have already killed themselves! Please! Help us!}
Oh, man ... way to pile on the guilt. These guys were counting on me, and here I’d been, cursing their names and wishing they’d died. It seemed I was getting my wish.
Ah, hell. Time to go back. I wasn’t going to walk, that’s for sure.
I thought about how Patch had always been able to send someone to where I was. I figured I had to think about someone on the outside and chant to get a bird portal open. But that was no good; Abe had never been on the outside when he started rescuing mudokons. So maybe there was just a Sacred Mudokon place that all rescued mudokons were unloaded into... But would I get sent there?
I didn’t know. I decided to try. I coughed, suppressed a sneeze, and began chanting, focusing intently on creating a bird portal that would take me to Oblim.
I heard fluttering almost instantly, and the birds that gathered opened into a portal shortly thereafter. The portal opened onto a place that had to have been Oblim: it looked, once more, like a black and white fotograph. I took a deep breath and leaped through.

FALLING!
FALLING!
FALLING!

Thud.
I wasn’t in Oblim. I was in a heavenly clearing. Trees surrounded the wide space, the grass was tall, spooce shrubs grew in wild clumps. Not far off, there was a river, a perfect water source. This place would’ve been an ideal place to begin a new settlement.
I new instinctively that this was where any mudokons I rescued would wind up.
Okay. Time to find Oblim. I looked up and judged the time to be late afternoon. I had traveled pretty much west from Oblim, and south from Dis, where I’d met the grubbs ... so if Oblim was anywhere, it would be probably be northeast.
After about a half hour walk, I spotted it.
It was in Oblim, no doubt. I snuck up to it, and peeked out from behind the first hut I reached. Three mudokons here were moaning and groaning. They lay in the shadows cast by the hut.
The unmistakable sound of mechanical pants filled the air. I heard a few gunshots, and was ready for action.
“Hi,” I whispered.
“Hi ...” the nearest mudokon sighed. Sounding very depressed. I noted with dismay that it was Boomer, and his wrists had scars that looked upsettingly fresh.
“Ohh ....” I put my hand on his shoulder. “Sorry,” I offered in feeble sympathy.
He looked up and recognition flashed in his eyes. Color flowed through him again, and he smiled. “Okay! Hi, Dante!”
I had to hush him, lest he attract attention. The other two mudokons looked up at me, and had much the same reaction.
I wanted to tell them to follow me, but I hadn’t figured out where to take them yet. “Wait here, I’ll come back.”
They shrugged. “Okay,” said Boomer.
I peeked around the hut and saw easily three dozen sligs building a gallows. If I knew sligs, they were building it to frighten the natives into doing as they were told.
I felt a tingling course through me, almost demanding me to go in headfirst. I tried to resist, but I had to prove something to myself.
Go time.
I didn’t run ... that would have caught the sligs’ attention too soon. Instead, I tiptoed as quietly as I could, right into the open space of the town square.
I stood ten feet away from the nearest slig.
“Hello,” I called. The slig spun quickly, and was frozen in place.
I guess he’d been forced to memorize my face, and as he placed it, he shouted “Freeze!”
I didn’t even have to react -- my body did it all on its own: I leapt forward, and in the second I was in the air, my body transformed.
My face erupted forward, jaw first, into the familiar shape of a scrab head. Five paramite fingers stretched out of the top of my skull. My tongue split and became a whip-thin, double-pronged thing that may well have dripped poison. My fingers stretched forward and melded together, and my arms became paramite-like legs. A second set of these arms worked their way out of the sides of my torso. My legs each split into two separate and muscular scrab legs. By the end of the transformation, I resembled a huge scrab with a paramite welded onto its back.
I touched the ground and heard shooting. I realized that I was being shot at. But I felt no pain.
That tingling sensation again ... but much stronger. It was almost an orgasmic shudder. I felt sensations similar to being shot (thinking back now, I realize it was accurate: I had the gunshot from my escape from Tastee Treets to compare the sensation to) all over my body ... but there was no pain. I realized these sensations were coming from me, not being fired into me. Bolts of searing blue fire were erupting from my body, seeking out prey and striking without fail.
The sligs, meanwhile, had turned when the first one had said “Freeze!” Many attempted to shoot at me ... foolish. When half of the gathering in the square had been vaporized, more sligs charged into the square. The shouting, shooting, and zap!ing sounds had drawn their attention.
Good! Let them come! I would fry them all!
The sligs, stupid beasts that they were, all came at me, each probably thinking that they would be the brave slig to take down this monster.
They all fell under my wrath.
The whole encounter lasted under thirty seconds, but it felt to last longer. I reflect now and realize that the past three days really did seem to have been a year ... but that’s besides the point.
The Shrykull sensed that the area had been cleansed and purged, and my body slowly reverted to normal. I took in my surroundings.
I hadn’t just destroyed sligs ... I had wrecked all the huts in the village.
Oh no.
Hoping I hadn’t harmed any mudokons, I began a frantic search, greeting all the mudokons I found with a quick “Hello, sorry about that, it’s okay, follow me,” and gaining the trust of many mudokons with little effort.
It took twenty minutes to round up all the mudokons in the village. Pale color was beginning to edge into the village again. Forty-three in all.
Luckily, Patch had been spared, and he came forward.
“Dante, are you alright? You look anxious.”
Panting, I hissed at him. “Me? I’m fine. I just wanted to know ... how many people were in this village before the sligs came?”
Patch thought a moment, and said, “Probably about seventy or so. But the sligs killed about twenty of us, and five or so went and killed themselves.”
Uh oh. That meant, if his numbers were right, that I had wasted three mudokons.
“Patch,” I grunted, “this is very important. Can the Shrykull hurt mudokons?”
Patch raised an eyebrow, and slowly shook his head. “Of course not. Especially if a mudokon was harnessing the power.”
I breathed a huge sigh of relief ... which brought on a series of body-wracking coughs. The flu I’d picked up was more serious than I’d thought. I fell to my knees, overcome by coughs.
Patch was there at once, and he shouted orders. Someone find some shade, someone rummage for a blanket, someone get some tea ....
With a mighty sneeze, I blacked out.



Hope you enjoyed the conclusion to Dante's harrowing quest. I promise that in the beginning of his Exoddus he'll get over his pneumonia and be back on his feet.
For now, I'll leave this open for anyone who might happen to have questions, comments, complaints, or confessions of any kind.
One last note:
I want to sincerely thank any and everyone who has read any of this story. Seeing the view count increase on my little writing project is the most effective form of encouragement, and I deeply appreciate it.

Thanks, Constant Readers.

Dave

EDIT: First time reader? Want to read more? Go on to Dante's Exoddus.

Last edited by Dave; 03-10-2006 at 07:36 AM..
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  #39  
07-13-2005, 11:20 AM
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*Applauds* Wooo! *Blows whistle and leads everyone in chanting "Fic of the year! Fic of the year!* Absoloutely fantastic work Dave! Great final chapter, with the Shrykull morph amazing as always, a great battle scene, nice stuff about getting back to Oblim and how to free the mudokons, and a good cliffhanger ending! I cannot wait for Dante's Exoddus! Star posting it now, or I will be forced to capture you and force-feed you maggots until you start it. Joking, but seriously, amazing fic and I cannot wait for the sequel. I hereby give my verdict of the fic: 10/10. Perfect, nothing i could fault about it, and I mean that. *Applauds again*
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  #40  
07-14-2005, 08:10 PM
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Awesome fanfic, Dave!! It had a great ending that is set up perfectly for a sequel as well. Yeah, I can't wait until Dante's Exoddus, either-I bet it'll be even better than this one. (and that's saying a lot because this one was excellent. ) If I were to rate it on content, character development, and tone, I'd give it a 10/10 in all areas as well. Great work!
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