The Slig and the Slog

[Dark Lord]

Once in a Oddworld there lived a slig. Its name was Conroy,Conroy was a lonely slig he needed someone to live with. So he went down to the slog pound he bought a slog and named it Benny. He taught Benny lots of tricks. Until one day Conroy woke up and Benny ran away!!! He and his friend Joey the slig put up posters to let people know if they had seen Benny.Benny was white and had brown spots.Oh i forgot to tell you Conroy had a kinda mean boss and one day his boss found Benny!!! The next day Conroy went to work he was called to the office and his boss Mr.Smith was holding Benny!! But how would Mr.Smith know that beeny was conroys when conroy forgot to put a caller on benny!!!! So what do you think would happen? A.Will benny have a new own? B.Will benny jump into conroy's hands? or D.Mr.Smith will take benny back to the slog pound?!!!

[sliguy101]

1-Would it kill you to put two spaces in between sentences
2-How can slogs be white and have brown spots?
3-How in the world did you come up with this?

This story really needs work. But it's good in a few ways.
Whoopies! I didn't know that you were nine or eight SRY.
Overall, nice work.

[Dark Lord]

Mr. Smith asks is this rat yours? Conroy says yes it is. I never want to see that rat ever again do you understand? asks Mr. Smith? Yes says conroy in a sad voise and heads out the door gets back home and watches an R rated movie. Conroy hears something bust open the door its a cuple of sligs with guns that are pointing at his forhead the first one says hands up mouth shut. Conroy says what do you want!!! Your slog has been chosen to be in the sloter house just around the corner. Conroy takes out his gun and shoots the sligs and runs tord the sloter house. The gates are heavely garded so he shoots his hand held mirror so that the bulet hits the to turrets so now he can go inside there are many slaves but he has to destroy the place so he pulls one lever and two celler doors open then another and another soon every worker is allready out the door so now he heads tord the boss's office but to more turrets he does the same thing he did last time. But this time the door needed a card so he shot one of the sleeping gaurds and got the card swang it throw and entered the room it was very very big.Conroy wanted revenge badly!!So he had to ackt quickly there was an army of evil sligs so he started with the first row by picking up a bomb and put it in one of the sligs pocket and then a huge explosion happened seen rows one and three were gone. But then he fell on a huge bomb and every slig was gone now to the boss's room the boss had no defense so conroy put his gun to the boss's head and shot away!!! Now alls he had to do was blow the place up he got to the room where he could now blow the place up he pressed the button and ran out ond the sloter house and the place blew up El Fin

[Al the Vykker]

Your off to a good start as sliguy mentioned you might want to space your chapters or story into paragraphs so it's easier for people to read and give you feedback.

Also I merged your first thread together with the second part of your story so its easier for people to read and you to update your story with future installments. This also makes things less cluttered and organized. So for your future updates just post in this one and welcome to the forums! =)

Sincerley, Al

[Cyber-Slig]

Great story! *claps hands*

[odd chick]

This is definitely an interesting idea, but it could use some work. First of all, you need to work on your character development. I'm just not feeling the personality and the liveliness of these characters. Second, could you be a bit more descriptive? Overall, it's not a bad idea at all. This story will more than likely shape up to be a really cool one if you work on it just a bit more. Keep it going!