Sligs Oddysee 2nd Edition, Chapter 1
Okay, this one isnt quite as well planned as the other one.
The first chapter basically serves as a way to get you aquinted with the character, without having to repeatedly go through his mind numbingly boring life. So its pretty sudden.
There was also supposed to be a big emotional parting between Eba and the Door Gaurd (and yes, his name/serial number is intentionally not mentioned) but I couldnt write it properly, so I made it more of a happy farewell.
Also, some words that should be stressed were in Italic, but when copying and pasting into the text box, they were lost. So nevermind.
CONSTRUCTIVE criticism please, if any. Enjoy:
Chapter 1: Traumatic Beginnings
-3 days after the destruction of Rupture Farms-
-Secure chamber, Secret Level, Slig Barracks-
Eba lay asleep, curled in ball on the floor of his small round metal chamber. It was a cramped room, only a metre or so in diameter, with a metal door harbouring a small hatch at the bottom through which Eba’s food was slid.
The walls were a sickly cream and were caked in rust, whereas the metal grating which served as the floor, and the heavy iron door, were both a dark brown in colour.
The room was originally designed for securing those who were mentally unstable, but had information of some confidentiality or importance locked within their troubled minds. To make sure this classified information was not passed on to anybody, the ‘Information Holder’ was locked in a chamber in the Secure Level until they returned to a state of sanity, or died. They always, for some reason, opted for the latter.
Because of this original purpose, the rooms were designed with the floor placed several feet below the door, where no Slig without his pants could possibly reach, and therefore could not escape. This had to be rectified for its current occupant, who was to be kept safe but within the reaches of the Slig Barracks commanding Officers. A grate was placed level with the bottom of the door to serve as a floor, and several dim lights were installed around the walls. The third, most important change to the room was the addition of the Well at the back.
Wells were originally used by Natives to travels from one place to the other within seconds. The user simply had to jump in, and the air pressure, coupled with gravity would either blow them down the tunnel to the other end, or up into the air and into another area. The Industrialists, knowing something efficient when they saw it, shamelessly stole this concept and created their own metal Wells, mostly used to transport garbage and waste, because neither Sligs nor Glukkons would dare take a leap of faith into one of them, which for a Slig was probably a wise choice, as their mechanical legs would likely cause them to simply plummet through the rush of air to their deaths.
The Well in this room had been sealed since its manufacture, and not yet been activated. Eba barely noticed it. To him it was simply the piece of metal, with a handle, on the floor.
This room was all Eba had ever known. He had never seen beyond the walls of his chamber, nor had he seen anything out of his food flap. In fact, if it weren’t for his regular conversations with his Door Guard, he would know nothing of anything. Of course, he had never seen his door guard, nor had he ever fully seen himself in a reflective surface.
His life was a rather boring one, but he had known nothing else, so assumed it was a normal one. From birth, he had been shipped straight here, where he wandered in circles, played on the Well Lid, and talked to the Door Guard. He did not know why he was here, only that he was special and needed to be kept safe.
He had spent possibly 2 decades in this singular room, not seeing another soul, and he had never even puzzled as to why this really was. This was a thought that just did not occur to him, although he could tell he wanted to think about something, he just did not know what.
His brain always seemed to be trying to find something, anything, to work on, but it had nothing to stimulate it, so failed to find anything of any value. The Guard said it was because Eba was ‘Made smart’. Eba, although an adult physically, was almost completely like a child mentally. An entire life of what could be considered a form of sensory deprivation had seen to that.
Eba was currently asleep not because he was tired, but because he had just returned from one of his ‘trips’.
Every week Eba was fed a special meal which consisted of some kind of purple translucent jelly. After Eba had eaten it he would fall unconscious within minutes, where he was taken off to the lab for ‘Stare-Oid Injekk-shons’ from the ‘Dok-Turz’. Well, that’s what the Door Guard said, anyway.
What those words could possibly mean was a puzzle to Eba, but the Door Guard said that ‘The Vykkers, right, basically, they put special…things…into your blood to make you big and strong’.
Eba didn’t know if this was true, but he did know that every time he awoke after a trip, he had a little stinging lump on his right forearm.
As with most things, Eba didn’t really understand, for he had not been properly informed, but he didn’t think about it. In fact, he didn’t think about much at all.
“Hey. Eba.” Eba raised his head groggily, and rubbed the lump on his arm.
“Whi..whu…What is it?” He lifted himself up and began dragging his body over to the door, still drowsy from his tranquilisers. “Whass going on?”
“Good news, buddy!” said the Door Guard “Today’s the day! You’re going to the Barracks!” This woke up Eba like a splash of freezing water.
Ever since he had learned to speak, to understand and to comprehend, the Door Guard had always talked about what was around them. The Slig Barracks. It was a great place, filled with hundreds upon hundreds of new recruits, training and living together, all of them waiting to help serve the mighty Magog Cartel to which they had been born into.
Eba longed to be with others, he especially longed to see others.
The one thing Eba had thought about was not ‘Why am I being kept inside, alone?’ but ‘Why am I not outside with others?’
He dreamed of holding a rifle, guarding a post with unwavering bravery, and helping the Glukkons keep the barbarous Natives at bay.
His information source was slightly biased.
“Eba, General Dripik himself has requested your presence.” To Eba this was astounding. The General Dripik, asking for him, personally. He was the owner of the illustrious Slig Barracks!
Eba’s eyes darted round, butterflies filled his stomach, and he started to shake. He started to crawl around; he needed to move, but where? He didn’t know. He just had to move, he had to use up his new found energy. This was so exciting.
“When will you take me there? Will it take long? How far is it?” So many questions spilled from his mouth, and he started to laugh for seemingly no reason. He continued to crawl round and round in circles as fast as he could. He could not do much else, after all. “Well? When will you take me there?” He stuttered again, the energy in his body building uncontrollably.
There was a silence, and a sigh from beyond the door. Eba slowed down, but continued to shake.
“Is there a problem? Are we not going anymore? What’s the problem? Is there a problem?” said Eba, a sick feeling slowly creeping into his butter-fly filled stomach. A chuckle came from beyond the door.
“Y’know, I’m gonna miss you, Eba.” Said the Door Guard quietly. Eba paused as he tried to register what this could mean.
“…you aren’t coming?” he said, with an unintentionally high pitch. The Door Guard laughed, but he still sounded sad.
“Where you’re going, Eba, you don’t need a Door Guard. You’re gonna be trained, all special like, so you’ll be able to Guard your own door. Know what I mean?” Eba was still in a frenzy, but was bewildered by this sudden change in mood.
“So…if you aren’t going to be guarding my door, whose door will you be guarding?” He asked. Another laugh came from beyond the door, this one seemed more amused.
“Well, Eba, after the new ‘developments’ at Rupture Farms…” oh which Eba new nothing about “…and due to my ‘outstanding work’ over the years, I’m being signed up to a new Anti Terrorist Force.”
“Oh…” Said Eba, disappointed that his only friend was not coming with him, as he had always expected. “…will I ever see you?”
“Hey man…” there was a thudding sound, metal on metal, from outside. The door flap creaked, as a yellow-green hand with black fingernails extended through the flap. “Course we’ll see each other, on the front line!” Eba grabbed the hand and shook it.
“Defending the Cartel!” he yelled.
“Right on!” yelled back his guard. They both let go, and laughed. “Wuh Oh, you’re gonna be late. Take the Well, little bro.” There was a crunching and cracking sound as the Well lid tore from the rust that held it in place, and cranked upwards until it was fully opened, with its top leaning against the back wall. From the mouth of the tunnel, a low moaning sound emanated. Eba didn’t like the sound of that. “Go ahead, Eba.” egged on the Door Guard.
Eba crawled across the floor towards the Well, and peered in. It was pitch black, and he couldn’t even see the first bend.
“I dunno…” he called back to the Guard nervously. He stopped mid-sentence as the moaning sound grew louder and louder. He pushed his head a little further into the well to see what it was, and he noticed a very quiet rustling sound accompanying the moan. He could hear it getting louder. If only he could stick his head in a little further, just to see what it was…
WHOOSH
A blast of hot stale air hit him in the face, and he was surrounded by a swarm of swirling rust flakes. He reeled backwards, waving his arms, coughing and choking, and would have fallen onto his back, and crawled away to safety if it wasn’t for one mistake; Flailing to wipe the rust from his eyes Eba had spun 180 degrees on the spot, but was too concerned with his breathing and his eyes to notice. He had continued to try back away while, still reeling from the shock, and had tripped on the Well rim, and toppled backwards into its gaping mouth. He yelped in confusion as he was plunged into darkness with a roar of air, and was sucked around the bend…
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I like the character development that you've used because you gave the characters many emotions and personalities, and that's how a fanfic should be written. 
Keep it going because it's very good. I like it. 