Oddworld Forums > Zulag Three > Fan Corner


 
Thread Tools
 
  #31  
10-06-2001, 01:48 PM
Sl'askia's Avatar
Sl'askia
Outlaw Bomber
 
: Apr 2001
: No I am not telling you so :P
: 2,236
Rep Power: 25
Sl'askia  (10)

one more chap to go...

Chapter 20

"Under attack!? By who!?" Spider asked, his eyes wide with shock.
"The Cartel...who else!" Tilic replied, "They must have found out the true reason fer this place and sort ter wipe it out! There are soldiers inside killin' everyone and destroyin' everthin'! I was barely able ter get that much off the radio before it went dead! Yer need ter escape, NOW!"
"But what 'bout Steinix and the other Masters?" Kilk asked, his voice filled with panicked.
There was an awkward silence between them and another explosion, after that Spider spoke up:
"We'll have ter leave them behind..." he said, sorrow filling his voice.
"But...but!" Felth protested.
"We have no choice!" Spider snapped, "This project is brain child of my father and the result of all those that work here's hard work. They knew of the risks and they were willin' ter face them. If this project is ter have any chances of success now we must escape before those soldier's find us!"
"There is so much we still need to learn about surviving in the outside world though..." Invy muttered as another explosion rocked the ground under their handfeet.
"We'll have ter learn the rest on the fly. Tilic.." Spider turned toward the slig, "Is there a way out other then the double doors?"
"Yes...there is a large gate on the north side of the enclosure. It is what we used when we put the elums in here. I'll lead yer ter it."
"Dam that's clear on the opposite side!" Spider grumbled, "lead on! We got no time ter lose!"
Tilic nodded and ran off, Spider and the others following close behind. As they ran, firebombs started landing in the enclosure, setting the plant life on fire. Soon most of the enclosure was on fire and since most of the group had never seen fire before, they bulked.
"Don' stop!" Spider cried as he stopped and nudged them hard to get them moving again, "Keep yer heads low and don' let fear over take yer and keep movin'! And stay together!"
They continued to run, dodging falling burning tree limbs and pushing their bodies to the limit. Soon they reached the north gate and it was already open.
"Why is the gate open?" Tilic said, asking no one in particular, "It shouldn't be and there's no way ter open it from inside the compound!"
"Who knows, who cares lets just get out of here!" Delta said as they ran through. Just after they went through they found out why and they screeched to a halt, in shock.
In front of them and rapidly spreading out to surround them, was a very large group of sligs, Big Bros, and various armored vehicles, all armed to the teeth.
"Dam...they must have known we had no other way out..." Tilic said, whining slightly. Then his eyes went wide with shock as he saw a few familiar faces in the group surrounding them: members of his pack. "What the hell!? What are yer doin' helpin' THEM!?" Tilic cried.
"We found this line of work was much more rewarding then tracking Tilic. So we switched sides." one of his former pack mates side, venom in his voice.
"Yer...yer TRAITORS!" Tilic screeched hopping with fury.
"Fer helpin' with this 'project' yer are a traitor ter the Cartel. So..best surrender peacefully, or else." The group pointed their weapons at Tilic, Spider and the rest of the Drakkics.
"What are we going to do?" Invy whined.
"There's no way we can break though that without some of us getting killed..." Hoth muttered.
"So its surrender or all of us die?" Delta said, "That's just ****ed up."
"No..." Spider said quietly as he looked at the sky, "There is a chance..."
"What then?" Hoth asked.
Instead of answering, Spider raised his head high, pointing his snout to sky above, and let out a high-pitched sound they never heard before. It sounded more like a shrill then a howl and Spider tacked on a higher pitched version of the distress call at the end. He repeated it and Shriek joined him, knowing what he was doing. The rest of the group, while not knowing what Spider was doing, joined in as well; save for Tilic, who looked completely baffled and he noticed the group surrounding them was confused as well.
"Spider!" Tilic cried, "What the frack are yer doin'!? Other then bustin' my eardrums!"
He was about to find out...for right after he had asked a loud boom roar was heard...and it didn't come from anyone in the group....
__________________

My Site | My Board | My RolePlay

Reply With Quote
  #32  
10-06-2001, 04:45 PM
Danny's Avatar
Danny
Wolvark Sloghandler
 
: Apr 2001
: York, England
: 3,961
Rep Power: 26
Danny  (11)

chapter 19 was fairly poor and forced, but it was more than made up for by the quality of chapter 20 - very high, and suspenseful...
__________________

Guns don't kill people, People kill people! Using Guns.

Reply With Quote
  #33  
10-06-2001, 04:57 PM
Teal's Avatar
Teal
Outlaw Cutter
 
: Apr 2001
: no
: 1,193
Rep Power: 24
Teal  (10)

*can't do Constructive criti-thingies, so just sits here and makes it obvious she's reading it*
__________________
Now also known as "Keaalu".
"Among the remedies which it has pleased the Almighty to give man to relieve his suffering, none is so universal and so efficaceous as opium" ~ Sydenham, (circa 1680)
Windchaser's Earth | deviantART gallery | Journal of endless rambling and ficbits

Reply With Quote
  #34  
10-09-2001, 09:17 PM
Sl'askia's Avatar
Sl'askia
Outlaw Bomber
 
: Apr 2001
: No I am not telling you so :P
: 2,236
Rep Power: 25
Sl'askia  (10)

blah...this is the last chap for this one...and I don't really like how it came out. Oh well I like you guys judge that..

Chapter 21

"What the frag was that?" Tilic asked, gulping nervously.
Spider had stopped making the call and had lowered his head. He stared at the small army that was surrounding them with a smug - almost evil - grin on his face.
"Yer guys are in tttrrrrrooooouuuubbbblllleeeee." Spider said in a child-like manner. Shriek had a similar grin on her face and the others were looking around nervously, not knowing what was about to happen.
"What the frag are yer taking 'bout?" another one of Tilic's former pack mates asked, "Yer lot helpless, there's nothin' that yer can..."
Suddenly there were screams of pain and agony as something attacked them. Sligs and Big Bro's were cut in two and vehicles were sent flying as it they were nothing but small pebbles by an unseen assailant. The army went into panic and disarray as a lightning bolt came from nowhere and fried two more vehicles.
"What's going on?" Kilk asked as he flattened himself against the ground, "Who's attacking them? I don't see anything..."
"Friend of mine..." Spider said calmly as he wrapped his tail around his handfeet and a 'just chilling' manner, "who also happens ter be family."
"Who would that be?" Hoth asked.
He got his answer a moment later, when something huge landed not next to them...but around them and appeared out of thin air; enveloping them in its shadow. It was none other then Dragadon herself...and she was at her full size...a whopping 120 feet tall.
She shot another bolt of lightning at the now fleeing army, frying another vehicle, and roared to ensure that they would keep running.
"Nice work Drag!" Spider laughed as Dragadon carefully stepped away from them and shrunk down to her smallest size, "That should keep 'em runnin' until they reach the north pole!"
"And may they freeze when they get there." Dragadon added with a grin as she approached Spider and the rest of them, who all had shocked looked on their faces. "Hmmm...You and Shriek have been busy..." Dragadon added with mischievous grin, as she looked over the rest of the Drakkics.
"Ack! No Drag they are not our kids! It hasn't been THAT long!" Spider said, blushing slightly.
That snapped everyone out of their state of shock and everyone started laughing.
"I know that kin." Dragadon laughed, "Jus' pokin' some fun at ya. So...I take it intros are in order?"
"Um..yes...guys..and gals...this is Dragadon. My..no our half-sister."
"Half-sister?" Kilk said padding up to her, "How can that be?"
"She is one of the three creatures used ter create us." Spider explained, "That makes her family in a way."
"A rather...large and...powerful one." Lunic muttered, "Don' want...to get on....her...bad side."
"You better believe it." Dragadon smiled, "Now...who are the rest of you?"
The rest of the introductions were made and Dragadon explained that she had been away on business on her home world and had only just ported in when she heard his call.
"Perfect timing." Hoth commented.
"You could say that." Dragadon said with a nod, "However, I can't stay long...I am needed back on my home world and was only granted a temporary leave to check on how you were doing."
"Either way its good ter see yer again Drag." Spider said.
"Aye...it is good to see you again too kin and to meet your new pack."
"If it is true yer can't stay..." Tilic piped up, "Then Spider and the rest of them need ter get movin'"
"Why is that?" Charr asked.
"'Cause so or later the Cartel will gather their wits and send more soldiers after yer...so it would be best if yer kept movin' ter keep them off yer case."
"Good point." Spider said sadly, "and the thing is...we don' know if they want ter jus' catch us or kill us. So we better get movin' now."
"I will stay as long as I can..." Dragadon added, "Maybe I can get someone else to watch over you in my absence..."
"I would appreciate it Drag." Spider said as the group rose to their feet and prepared to leave.
"What about you Tilic?" Invy asked, "Are you coming with us?"
"Yer are welcome ter...if yer want ter." Spider added.
"No thanks..." Tilic said sadly, "After what jus' happened I need ter be alone fer a bit. Ter gather my thoughts and decide what ter der with my life. Maybe I'll had fer uncharted territory...and explore a bit."
"Whatever path in life you chose...may the Golden One protect you." Dragadon said as the group started to move.
"Uhh thanks...Good luck ter yer!" Tilic said with a wave as he walked off in a different direction.
"Good luck ter yer too Tilic!" Spider cried and the others repeated him. So the group headed out...away from the place most of them had been born and raised and onward to a new life. Ready or not they all knew they had to face the challenges that lay ahead...and conquer them...or die trying.…
__________________

My Site | My Board | My RolePlay

Reply With Quote
  #35  
10-09-2001, 09:56 PM
Danny's Avatar
Danny
Wolvark Sloghandler
 
: Apr 2001
: York, England
: 3,961
Rep Power: 26
Danny  (11)

well, i have to admit i thought it was kinda below your usual standard, but that is probably just a by-product of my instinctive dislike of Very Powerful Characters, of whom Dragadon is undeniably one. i think the problem with having Dragadon in this is that she is so strong and powerful that very little poses a threat to her, so there is never really any suspense when she's around. no offense, but if i were you i would try and use her as little as possible...

hmm... well, i seem to have the 'criticism' part all right, now i just need to work on the 'constructive'...
__________________

Guns don't kill people, People kill people! Using Guns.

Reply With Quote


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 








 
 
- Oddworld Forums - -