It's a bit difficult explaining the presence of people who live far away when you only know them from the internet. It just feels......silly.

Of course, when you do meet, you already know them better than some of your in-person friends, particularly if in real life they are more introverted. Just get their personal mannerisms down in the awkward first moments and it's as if you've known them for years. You have, after all.

Oh, I know. It's just the explanations that are difficult.

I don't bother. I find that the looks on their faces makes the pains of the journey home melt away.

I remember that. Then you left without saying goodbye because you thought we were still asleep, and I thought you’d just gone down to the toilet or to get some water or something.

Really? Who asked you that? :p

Alcar...

How many times do I have to keep apologising for that? It was a total mind flub.

Last May:

"So who are you meeting?"
"Oh, just some friends"
"How do you have friends in London?"
"From a website"
"Oh. Are they gay?"
"Yes. No. Wait! It's not that kind of site! dang"

I love that.

You don’t have to apologize, just don’t expect me to forget. It was ever so cute, after all.

No one ever asked me who I was meeting.

‘I’m going to London for the weekend.’
‘Oh, O.K.’
‘To meet some friends.’
‘How much were the train tickets?’
‘Bye, Mum.’

Sneaking out the next morning without a word is considered cute? I'll keep that in mind.

But you left an adorable message.

My flatmates were oddly at ease with the fact I'd bought a girl I'd just met in person back to my flat to sleep with her after knowing her online for twelve months, but then again they are students.

In fact I think the conversation went something like this...

'Hey Joe, how long you been going out with your girl?'
'Just over a year now'
'Ahh cool, but wait, doesn't she live here in Scotland?'
'Met her on World of Warcraft'
'Ahh that's cool, want to bring her to the Iron Stomach competition down at the union?'
'...'

That is like the nerd's ultimate fantasy.

I have no idea what I wrote now. I really should have stayed, I got so fucking lost the moment I walked out the door.

I can’t find it right now, but you did address it to P+W.

At least I didn't use "Max & Alcar".


Wait, you kept it?

For a long while, yes. I may have thrown it away more recently, or I may just have left it at home when I moved back to uni.

I also have your sunglasses.

Seriously?

I've heard tell that he wears them at night. And then he cries.

Fuck.

No, I don’t have your sunglasses. Unless you hunt me down to reclaim them.

Awww!!! I wish I lived in Europe and could visit folks.

Well hey, if any-a yall's ever come over to New York... I'm the only Matt living in the city, so just yell my name real loud and eventually I'll find you.

I do live in Europe, even Britain, and nobody wants me to visit them....

Is it cause I'm straight or cause I'm only a college student and not a university student, so am not part of one of these mythical University Frat Societies you always hear about.

To get this topic back on track I have more news about my decaying body. I realized yesterday that a great deal of my hair is going grey.

I feared this might happen. Soon you'll shed your human flesh as your OANSTfly self emerges.

I knew it had to be something like that. I just couldn't figure out why I felt the urge to vomit on everything before eating it.

Don't let your daughter see you shed any extremities.

And, for the sake of humanity, stay away from procreation.

Edit: Probably vaginas in general.

Grey hair can be awesome. Grow it long Bill Nighy/Christopher Lee style. Long grey hair can look brilliant if done right.

Update: I have not had any pain from my kidneys in quite some time and my gout seems to be clearing up. Could this be the calm before the storm or are things looking up?